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  2. Nivegnal

    Unknown but not not ok.

    It is a great job. The best I’ve ever had but availability is the same as anyone. Sadly I do not work on the campus or medical center there. I am a BioMed and work in four hospitals In Vermont and New Hampshire. Being the only BioMed in each so I’m busy. Though I do have access to a ton of info. it give me lots of commute time. Time I hope to practice.
  3. This is the one guaranteed item they don't talk about! As to electrolysis, I am just over four years and 240 hours. I told my electrologist (who's become a great friend) if I had known I would still be on the table four years later I would have cried. Oh wait! I did cry, but from the pain when she zapped hair on my lip. But everything gets easier and I am almost finished. With just a number of white hairs on the neck to go, I rarely wear makeup now unless I'm doing something special. I've achieved my goal of blending in and being one of the girls when I am out. TL:DR There is no easy road to success (or happiness). You gotta work for it!
  4. Well yeah, it's mostly out of familiarity. It's more the "database" I identify with as opposed to the CSV directly. I am yet to learn JSON or SQL but I intend to. But part of why I really like CSV is *because* it's so simple. It's data in its rawest form. Its most abstract, baseline form. It'd be difficult to express data any simpler than that. I could represent all this data graphically, couldn't I? And yes, while linear regression machine learning models *are* attractive in their own sense, they lack the poetry that a simple CSV holds. Through all that simplistic data being displayed comes a hidden pattern. The numbers hold the answers to questions we didn't even know we had. While JSON and SQL are objectively better data structures, there's simply something about how raw CSVs are that I love. All it is is just strings and numbers separated by commas. That's all it is on the surface... but the hidden, underlying structure behind those strings and numbers is what makes me swoon. So beautiful, and I feel it to my core. All databases really capture my attention, but it's the simplicity of CSV that really makes me love it. It's hard to explain why I consider myself a database. On one hand, it's a kin thing. I'm very, very kin with numbers, data, and data structures in a way I'm really incapable of putting into words. On the other hand, we're all data structures, in a way. We're all a database of the sum total of things we've learned in life. In many ways, the way I organize my mental structures are closer to a tree rather than a CSV (as is with most people), but I find if I mentally store parameter-based data in a mental csv, I'm able to remember things FAR better. More accurately, in a mental struct.
  5. Jackie C.

    Unknown but not not ok.

    Honestly, therapists are really easy to talk to. Part of the job and all. You'll be amazed how much better you feel talking to someone. SO jealous about the Medical University thing. I imagine that makes things ever so much easier. Most of what you need is just right there. Awesome news! Hugs!
  6. Jackie C.

    Female Voice

    Hrm. I tried three. Kathe S. Perez from 30-Day Crash Course Melanie Ann Phillips How to Develop a Female Voice and Nina who has a last name, but I'm completely not remembering it Female Voice Club First off, they all had good points and slightly different approaches. Cost wise How to Develop a Female Voice is the least expensive and provides about an hour of material. I personally didn't find her methods that useful, but she comes from an acting background and teaches like she would to other actors. If I was a more experienced actress, I might have gotten more out of it. 30-Day Crash Course had some advice that I'm still using. It's the next most expensive. Like I said, advice that I'm still using, but the instruction style didn't get me as far as I'd like. If I had a decent voice coach easily available I think it would have made great supplemental material. Female Voice Club made the most difference for me. Nina works on just one element at a time and goes in depth about what she's doing and why. You can also send her short voice clips for her to critique and she'll give you advice on what you should be working on. Unfortunately, it's the most expensive (and longest), but she's got options for a subscription to spread things out. You can, however, do the warm-up exercises in the car and she's got things you can do when you're alone at work at your desk. I practice for about an hour a day and I'll work in extra tuning sessions when I'm in the car or doing something mindless. I hope some of that helps! Hugs!
  7. Nivegnal

    Unknown but not not ok.

    Per the wise advice I have received here I have reached out to my company mental health benefits department I work for a Medical University, UVM. They are very pro transgender and serious about all sorts of tolerance. They just forwarded me a couple numbers for counseling with a gender specialist. I’m hoping from there I can be referred to a psychologist or equivalent. Maybe even get past all this fear. im just hoping my insurance covers this. (fingers crossed) This is a major step for me. Kinda scary admitting “things” to someone face to face. I suppose you have to start somewhere.
  8. Nivegnal

    Female Voice

    I have always been a car vocalist. From way back singing in the family car with my brothers and sister. I even can hit the high notes. But it has to be loud. I tend to blend my voice to mimic the artist but find it difficult to do so at lower music levels. I don’t have a very low voice and, to me, listening to myself on tape it’s a little on the nasally side. With the right pitch I think it might be cute. I look forward to practicing but I need to find the right program to use while driving. I am looking into the suggestions here.
  9. Charlize

    Halloween???

    I've always preferred the witch Hugs, Charlize
  10. Maid In Bedlam

    Halloween???

    You cannot beat a Bela lugosi Dracula Movie. He was the real mould . For me anyway. Not so good in plan Nine from outer space. I have no idea why i have posted this but it had to be said. That is all
  11. Maid In Bedlam

    Killer Thread

    Well they did pave paradise. and put up a parking lot Those meddling kids. Well i get me bike back anyway. With a working ding a ling to
  12. Jackie C.

    Unknown but not not ok.

    Tragically no, but my therapist is working on it. That means she's experienced and active in the LGBT+ community, but none of her three degrees are specifically for gender therapy. I'm not actually sure where the distinction is. Both Deena (my regular therapist) and my gender therapist, Sara are LMSWs. That's Licensed Master Social Workers. For gender therapists I had to go outside BetterHelp.com to the UofM Health System. I love Sara but I wasn't up to driving that far every week to talk to her (I love my car, but she's an old girl. I try not to stress her too much.) Also, she's always super put together and it's a little intimidating. Deena and I have had (online) sessions where we were both in sweatpants. So yeah, I went with Deena and BetterHelp for my regular therapy needs and went... well, go... to Sara at UofM for things that need that specific gender therapist seal of approval. She was the Letter of Recommendation I needed to get started on hormone therapy. For WPATH standards of care (If you're going for GRS anyway), you need two gender therapists from different programs, so I also saw... I'm blanking on her name now, but she's local to me so it doesn't matter at all for you. At least I don't THINK you want to come to Michigan for a therapist. Anyway, she was a full psychologist and wicked expensive. I liked talking to her and am forever grateful for her Letter of Recommendation but I'd go broke seeing her. Hugs!
  13. Steph1982

    Unknown but not not ok.

    Hey there! I just read your post and can relate to some of it. I too wish I could see the girl inside but that would take much more time and steps in the right direction to get there. The porn thing I totally get too, and after doing a lot of reading and people's kind words on here it's really not as uncommon as I thought it would be. The reasons behind all of it though can vary which is why seeing a licensed therapist is so important and will likely be my next step as well. Maybe start there? Jackie, does better help have licensed gender therapists? It was my understanding that they had licensed counseling and some have experience with gender issues but they are not specifically a gender therapist?
  14. Hi, hello and welcome ☺️ I have missed the start on this but you have good experiences given above. I have a link here which gives an overview: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/guidelines/ and https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/how-to-find-an-nhs-gender-identity-clinic/ plus there are support groups (probably variable / not regulated): https://www.transunite.co.uk/ In general, the NHS information seems to be good, although I have no real first hand experience. Waiting lists are long, as may be expected. Access via your Gp is the usual route but, if that is a problem, just push elsewhere. As mentioned, self referral may well be accepted. Don't hesitate to ask further here as there is much experience and guidance to options. Tracy
  15. What Jani said. Unfortunately there's no magic wand. I so wish, but wishing doesn't work either. Herbal products are a bad idea for a variety of reasons from, "It doesn't work and cost a mint," to "It doesn't work and gave me an exciting new health problem." The same goes for vacuum pumps. You do not want to throw a clot. Honestly all these products are looking to make a buck off of someone else's moment of desperation. Where you'll try ANYTHING to get just a little closer to your goal. The people who peddle such problems should be pecked by perturbed penguins until they repent. Breast massage along with hormone therapy (under the supervision of an endocrinologist) helps a little. Your mileage may vary. It's pain free though. I can't comment on hair removal though. I was "gifted" with alopecia universallis for my 39th birthday. I'm going to look on the bright side and say, "At least I don't have to shave anything." I have found that most SRS surgeons in the states won't touch you unless you've had electrolysis in the "target area" for at least a year though. Made scheduling my surgery a challenge. Hugs!
  16. Jackie C.

    Female Voice

    Putting my fingers over an ear never occurred to me. I usually practice in front of the computer and use audio playback along with a pitch register. I speak on a G sharp now and it sounds pretty good. My wife's natural voice is now a little darker than mine. It took a lot of practice to get here though. Hugs!
  17. Jackie C.

    Unknown but not not ok.

    What Jani and Vicky said. It sounds like you really need to talk to a therapist. I've been where you are. It was a dark, unpleasant, no-good place. You don't have to be there. The first step is finding help. Your medical insurance might even cover it. Find a therapist and talk. They're paid to listen and help. It's very refreshing. I went with BetterHelp.com because they're cheap and I don't have to leave the house. I know that as a guy of a certain age you were trained with "guys don't need help" and the stigma of finding help for mental issues. Those are terrible, terrible lies. Find someone. It can get better. Hugs!
  18. Jackie C.

    Exercise to feminise a biologically male body?

    I started in the home and moved to a gym later. My first exercises were a cardio-dance routine for women* that I alternated with an hour on the treadmill. I lost eighty pounds doing that before I sought out a personal trainer once a week at the gym. Part of that is because the treadmill broke... Hugs and best of luck! *That was fun. I still can't dance to save my life, but it was fun.
  19. VickySGV

    Unknown but not not ok.

    You are describing some serious depression in your post there. My recommendation is that you immediately if not sooner find a licensed therapist in your state who deals with Gender Dysphoria, or at least one who can help you really discover source of the depression first, actually though, Gender Therapists have all started out as the garden variety therapist who learned to treat depression. On a darker note, yes, there are people who become addicted to pornography as well, but the therapist I recommended above can also help people get that addiction onto the road to recovery. Attraction to porn does not exclude the possibility that you are Trans also. It will take a while in therapy to work all of that out, but in my experience you have a good chance of getting your life under control, even if it requires going in to full Gender Transition.
  20. Lilbitconfused97

    Exercise to feminise a biologically male body?

    Thank you everyone! I think you have given me the motivation to maybe join a gym or just start exercising in my home. I will be patient, and hopefully with counselling and taking care of my body I will begin to feel more like myself!
  21. NB Adult

    Good morning All. Coffees on.

    Probably the best plan right now!
  22. Josie Beth

    Good morning All. Coffees on.

    @Ellora best of luck this week and during festivities! And good morning all. Well, I survived the night at the new temp assignment. It was difficult to catch up since the last person was not doing a good job at all. I have mixed feelings about this job. On the one hand I don’t really have to worry about interacting with rude people, but on the other hand it’s a lot less than I need financially. I suppose it’s also good for my schedule because I’m finally off at times when I can get to the clinic but it’s still going to be difficult because I can’t afford to pay for counseling. So I’m basically back where I was as a food service manager without the high stress or level of income. Which makes getting my laptop setup even more important. Now I have to wait for a new ergonomic mouse to avoid nerve damage because I have to put a lot of time into graphic arts to get my side business going. That’s the only way I can get out of this quicksand. Anyway, I’m just trying to wake up slowly. Maybe I should relax my mind and try getting more sleep so I function better tonight. I can’t really afford to get back on the caffeine train.
  23. Timber Wolf

    Halloween???

    I'll be wearing a pointy hat, dancing around a bubbling cauldron chanting "bubble, bubble, toil and trouble..." Naw, not really. Though I might watch a bugs bunny witch hazel cartoon.LOL😆 HAPPY HALLOWEEN!🎃👻💀 Lots of love and a big BOO! Timber Wolf 🐾
  24. Jani

    Killer Thread

    Yikes!
  25. Jani

    Female Voice

    You don't want to do this while driving but cover one of your ears with a finger, like a singer would. You will hear your voice differently and this is closer to real I believe. As with anything we do to change be careful and you can hurt your vocal chords if you stress them too much. Achieving a falsetto voice is not desirable IMO but remember that many women have deeper voices. Its also about cadence and what you say. Men and women do tend to say things differently. You can sing or even repeat in a talking voice what you hear on the radio, or audio tape (i.e. book).
  26. Timber Wolf

    Coming out to classmates: should I?

    Ooow, this isn't an easily answered question. Altimately, you are the only one who can answer it well, as you know the people and situation best. All I can say is to try to determine if it would be safe. With my family, I was initially too terrified to come out. But it got to the point I could no longer live a dishonest life around them. And with them I at least knew I was pretty safe. I don't know if this is of any help whatsoever, but I do wish you the best no matter what you decide. Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾
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  • Posts

    • Nivegnal
      It is a great job. The best I’ve ever had but availability is the same as anyone.  Sadly I do not work on the campus or medical center there.  I am a BioMed and work in four hospitals In Vermont and New Hampshire.  Being the only BioMed in each so I’m busy.  Though I do have access to a ton of info.   it give me lots of commute time.  Time I hope to practice.    
    • Jani
      This is the one guaranteed item they don't talk about!    As to electrolysis, I am just over four years and 240 hours.  I told my electrologist (who's become a great friend) if I had known I would still be on the table four years later I would have cried.  Oh wait!  I did cry, but from the pain when she zapped hair on my lip.  But everything gets easier and I am almost finished.   With just a number of white hairs on the neck to go, I rarely wear makeup now unless I'm doing something special.  I've achieved my goal of blending in and being one of the girls when I am out.      TL:DR  There is no easy road to success (or happiness).  You gotta work for it! 
    • Tetris
      Well yeah, it's mostly out of familiarity. It's more the "database" I identify with as opposed to the CSV directly. I am yet to learn JSON or SQL but I intend to. But part of why I really like CSV is *because* it's so simple. It's data in its rawest form. Its most abstract, baseline form. It'd be difficult to express data any simpler than that. I could represent all this data graphically, couldn't I? And yes, while linear regression machine learning models *are* attractive in their own sense, they lack the poetry that a simple CSV holds. Through all that simplistic data being displayed comes a hidden pattern. The numbers hold the answers to questions we didn't even know we had. While JSON and SQL are objectively better data structures, there's simply something about how raw CSVs are that I love. All it is is just strings and numbers separated by commas. That's all it is on the surface... but the hidden, underlying structure behind those strings and numbers is what makes me swoon. So beautiful, and I feel it to my core. All databases really capture my attention, but it's the simplicity of CSV that really makes me love it.  It's hard to explain why I consider myself a database. On one hand, it's a kin thing. I'm very, very kin with numbers, data, and data structures in a way I'm really incapable of putting into words. On the other hand, we're all data structures, in a way. We're all a database of the sum total of things we've learned in life. In many ways, the way I organize my mental structures are closer to a tree rather than a CSV (as is with most people), but I find if I mentally store parameter-based data in a mental csv, I'm able to remember things FAR better. More accurately, in a mental struct.  
    • Jackie C.
      Honestly, therapists are really easy to talk to. Part of the job and all. You'll be amazed how much better you feel talking to someone.   SO jealous about the Medical University thing. I imagine that makes things ever so much easier. Most of what you need is just right there. Awesome news!   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Hrm. I tried three.   Kathe S. Perez from 30-Day Crash Course   Melanie Ann Phillips How to Develop a Female Voice   and Nina who has a last name, but I'm completely not remembering it Female Voice Club   First off, they all had good points and slightly different approaches. Cost wise How to Develop a Female Voice is the least expensive and provides about an hour of material. I personally didn't find her methods that useful, but she comes from an acting background and teaches like she would to other actors. If I was a more experienced actress, I might have gotten more out of it. 30-Day Crash Course had some advice that I'm still using. It's the next most expensive. Like I said, advice that I'm still using, but the instruction style didn't get me as far as I'd like. If I had a decent voice coach easily available I think it would have made great supplemental material. Female Voice Club made the most difference for me. Nina works on just one element at a time and goes in depth about what she's doing and why. You can also send her short voice clips for her to critique and she'll give you advice on what you should be working on. Unfortunately, it's the most expensive (and longest), but she's got options for a subscription to spread things out. You can, however, do the warm-up exercises in the car and she's got things you can do when you're alone at work at your desk.   I practice for about an hour a day and I'll work in extra tuning sessions when I'm in the car or doing something mindless.   I hope some of that helps!   Hugs!  
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