Jump to content

All Activity

This stream auto-updates     

  1. Past hour
  2. TheFirstEvan-Ger

    Trans without the "typical" childhood backstory

    Thanks Mary, that actually makes a whole lot of sense! I like looking at it that way!
  3. Today
  4. MaryMary

    Trans without the "typical" childhood backstory

    I often say that to me coming out and transitionning was never about rejecting masculine things to be a cliché on the other side. I'm only expending myself. I was stuck in 30% of myself before and now I can wander where a want in the whole 100% Some people can do a lot in that 30% but at some point it doesn't work anymore. At least, that's my way of seeing it. I think that there's common points in most of the stories but we all have unique life stories anyway.
  5. Ellora

    Good morning All. Coffees on.

    Good Morning! June gloom over here in the San Diego Bay area. The tea is about right, just finished my PB&J taco, and my Lady meds =). I hope everyone else has a great morning and a fabulous day! (For those of you that do not know what "June Gloom" is, it is what comes after "May Gray." The gloom and the gray are the morning clouds that hang out at the coastline predominantly in the months of May and June. In the afternoon the clouds are pushed back and loom over the ocean, until night time, the clouds greet the sunset and wait along the coastline all over again.)
  6. Hello! Coming out to my family and community, I feel a lot of pressure to be absolutely sure of my identity and never express my doubts, but lately I've been digging into the depths of youtube and seeing all kinds of trans people's stories of how they figured out they were trans and none of them sound quite like mine. I've always felt a little weird about my assigned gender, and especially about the fact that society asked me to do "feminine" things, even feminine things that I actually would have liked doing without gendered connotations. For example, when I was a kid my grandma used to invite me to do "women's work" in the kitchen, and while I would have 100% preferred baking to going out in the cold snow I would argue that I should go be with my male cousins just because I resented the idea of being forced into a female role. My male cousins would be taken on hunting trips and while I hated hunting I would ask to go just because I wanted to be one of the boys. I have always been more comfortable with being perceived as male and gotten excited when someone "mistook" me for a boy. I wanted to join the boy's choir instead of the girl's choir. I hated being called a girl (though if you asked what gender I was I would have said female). It all does seem like a pretty typical trans guy story when I write it down, but at the same time I was initially excited to get boobs around puberty (though as soon as they appeared I realized they disgusted me and wanted to give them back) and to get my period (though once it came I resented it and felt disgusting while I was having it). My favorite book and movie characters were always female (I loved Hermione more than Harry Potter, Jean Grey more than Wolverine). All of my best friends were girls because I didn't want to run around with the boys, I wanted to talk and make up fantasy adventures instead. I actually liked wearing dresses and never resisted being dolled up for a special occasion. Writing them down they seem like minor things, but they've been worrying me lately. I'm not quite sure what the point of this post was except that I wanted to get it out since I can't do that around friends and family here without them doubting that I'm really male. I guess deep down in my heart I kind of want someone to reassure me that I am really trans and that I'm not misinterpreting some internalized misogyny or some such. Thanks for reading if you read this far, I love you!
  7. Ellora

    Over Femenizing???

    I guess a shaved head with a goatee and law enforcement can be considered "over doing it" now that I think of it. Now that Ive taken T out of the loop, I can look back and see my manly man ways a bit more clearly, and How i would use my deep voice and manly man expressions. My friend has been surprised how much ive changed now that im out to her, and even more so after my Orchie. Ive even heard a couple of "Welcome to being a woman" (That actually makes me very happy when i hear that, every time.) A bit ago I expected to hear comments and questions about my shaved legs. Never, ever, lol. Not until my friend told her sister (her sister is totally ok with everything), did she say "Well that explains the shaved legs." LoL, we both laughed cause I know how she must have said it, she can be very funny, I love them both like they are sisters, always have, well, except for my friend, I dated her for 6yrs, but we have stayed great friends. anyhooo. I guess we do what we have to do at times. Especially if we are wingin' it. Im sure things would have been different for me if I was was born later in a more excepting time, but here we are now. Here I am now. We are all still learning, especially since things are changing almost daily, Ups and Downs. I hope that you can be yourself, I cant wait until we can all be ourselves. Enjoy every day when possible. I hope you can find your inner peace during the difficult times. Im feeling great with my changes, and Ive still have to go along ways in some areas.
  8. Ellora

    Anyone else use it/its pronouns?

    In my experience, calling anyone "It" is demeaning. Try calling a friend or hear someone call your friend "it" and you will get a quick corrective response, including a reprimand. Unless the person asks to be called "it" and even then, it would be awkward for me, expect an unfavorable response.
  9. tracy_j

    Father's Day card

    I love that card Jani! Tracy
  10. Ellora

    Hello Again

    Youre welcome! and Thank you! 💜
  11. Jani

    Reintroducing myself

    Hello Bobbisue and welcome back. I understand how health issues can set us back. I'm happy to see you back here again. Take care. Jani
  12. tracy_j

    Reintroducing myself

    Welcome back Bobbisue! Tracy
  13. tracy_j

    Over Femenizing???

    Perhaps the main thing I noticed was that when I was finally able (or confident enough) to go out female I had a tendency to overdo it. Nowadays I am mostly less concerned. I have never rejected my feminine side and, probably because I am somewhat a rebel, have never felt I should. In a similar way I am not against my male upbringing either although am not sure it was for the best. Tracy
  14. Charlize

    Over Femenizing???

    I lived as a male for 63 years because of pressure from family and friends. Over time i became quite "butch". In fact i was a tough dude. Working heavy construction, as a design builder and farmer certainly were heavily male activities. At this point i no longer regret that past. I'm an old woman now but still working the farm and enjoying the effort involved as i am able. I don't think of my past work as an attempt to reassure myself that i'm male . Instead it was a requirement of a society that didn't accept a non binary reality. Oddly it may be easier in this society to be female with strong male attributes than it is to be a "sissy" male. That word SISSY says so much! Our paths are interesting. Sharing here, reading about others and gender therapy has helped me find and accept my reality. Hugs, Charlize
  15. Charlize

    Toni's Tale

    I'm glad you have found such a welcoming sober environment. I am an alcoholic and also understand that feeling of loosing my best friend(booze). Between being new to sobriety, a new environment and transition for are going through major changes. If it helps please take a look at the Alcohol Abuse forum here. There is a link there to some great Zoom meetings as well as the Chat meeting tonight(Sunday) at 9 eastern. I have found AA meetings with other trans folks are great. In the meantime please don't hesitate to PM me if i can help. Hugs, Charlize
  16. Kirsten

    Toni's Tale

    I felt like this too. Heck I still do at times. Even with my close girlfriends. And I would even if I looked like a supermodel. It’s a mental block you’ll have to figure out how to get past. Ellora said it perfect. You do you. You act like you. Talk like you dress like you. BE you!! The rest will figure itself out. Yesterday I had a nephews birthday to go to. It was at a ninja gym. I spent half the time talking with the girls and the other half running around like an overgrown child in a jungle gym. Nobody thinks anything positive or negative about that. It’s just me. And it continued at the cookout after. I sat with the girls and talked kids, men, and all the rest all night. But when the time came to beat all the guys in cornhole, (it’s a yard game with bean bags not a creepy kink thing. Lmao) I was up and ready to go. 6-0 btw! Mph and I was misgendered accidentally 20 plus times yesterday. All accidental. But you know it just happens. Correct politely and move on. That’s all. Just a simple “it’s she” or “it’s her” and back to the convo. This all takes time. You’re trying to learn who you are right now. So don’t beat yourself up. Be you. Be proud of you. And be confident that you are awesome! Cause you are!!
  17. Timber Wolf

    Reintroducing myself

    Welcome back Bobbisue! Lots of love and a big welcome hug, Timber Wolf 🐾
  18. Charlize

    Anyone else use it/its pronouns?

    As a person who has had some surgery but not full GCS i sometimes feel i'm in the it category. That may also be because i'm not active sexually with no "preferred" gender. Gender pronouns seem to sometimes not fit but as i present female and feel comfortable it's only when depressed that IT comes to mind. I do see those pronouns used by haters so i would never give them the affirmation they might find by using that pronoun even on the rare occasions it comes to me. I hope you will go to a gender therapist. Therapy definitely helped me to accept the person i am. Hugs, Charlize
  19. Charlize

    Reintroducing myself

    Welcome back dear. I'm grateful the door was still open despite the changes we've been through. The site also went through some changes. Sorry to hear your health has issues. We keep going by placing one foot in front of the other. Hugs, Charlize
  20. Susan R

    Gender Revolution

    Thank you @mochi90 for this recommendation. I couldn't sleep so I just watched this documentary. It is very well done and I highly recommend this to everyone. I hope this reaches a large portion of or population. It does a very good job with very little if any predetermination or stereotyping. I have many people with which I plan on sharing this. Susan R🌷
  21. So for the past year I've been "out" as genderqueer. Meaning that I'm not allowed to talk about my dysphoria with my family, but I routinely bitch about it via social media and go by a male name. My family managed to convince me to go back to living as female, though, so 90% of the time I present as femme or gender neutral. I even started growing my hair out and bought a skirt (which I will never wear in public). I read online that it is common for eggs (closeted trans or questioning folk) to act overly feminine or masculine in order to reassure themselves that they are actually cis or that being trans is just a phase. I think that's what I've been doing. Anyone else do or go through a similar phase?
  22. Petra Jane

    Cannot type reply

    I use Grammerly myself and rarely have a problem, certainly not here as the "G" does not show up in the text box when I type. What I have found is that on some forum text boxes, is that Grammerly seems to require a few extra seconds to kick in before I can type, just need to click a second time in the text box to get the cursor to work and allow me to type away.
  23. VickySGV

    Anyone else use it/its pronouns?

    H8ers of the Trans community use the it/its pronouns as a form of dehumanization and except of rare individuals like yourself they will be taken as a verbal attack akin to physical violence so be very careful from both sides of the problem. Your using them could invite attack against you or others.
  24. VickySGV

    The Cosmetic Vaginoplasty

    No real difference on the overall risks are going to exist since both take place under general anesthesia. Where the difference will come in is in the healing process where the Cosmetic Vulvaplasty is involved it will be simpler and care somewhat easier since you will not be dilating a neo-vagina. There is a little less chance of granulation and it is a little easier to keep clean.
  25. Ellora

    The Cosmetic Vaginoplasty

    If you are asking about an Orchiectomy, I recently had one May 6th, and while every surgery has it's risks. this one is the "easiest/less risk" imo. I was on my feet in minutes of waking up. There will be soreness, and that has left as of yesterday. The soreness was always manageable with frozen peas, and Tylenol. Of course sitting and taking it easy is a must. Having an orchie, will give me time to heal and decide on my next step. I also what to see how my body feels, after the orchie, and ive only been on HRT for three months. You're doing the right thing, research, research research. Best of luck on your Journey!
  26. Kamarka

    Anyone else use it/its pronouns?

    I know that in languages where gender-neutral pronouns aren't as common (like in Spanish where everything has a gendered article before it) that using the equivalent of 'it' is more common, however, like in English, it takes on a dehumanizing tone, as you mentioned. But, no, in English I've never heard of someone going by it. You do you, you boxy robot
  27. Ellora

    Toni's Tale

    If youre happy, be happy and enjoy every moment. Congratulations on being sober. Day by Day, the stronger you get. Hang out and be yourself. If you dont feel like jumping in, dont. If youre feeling awkward, then others are as well. Im sure it took a while for everyone to find their groove. It will all get better in time. If you present as male, that might be throwing mixed signals. Im sure it will get better once they see you, as you want to be seen. Dress as you want to be seen, that will probably help, at least until they get to know you. I know I would be dressing the i want to if given a chance, well i do it here, but I would elsewhere if I could. Life should get better, especially now that you have the chance!
  1. Load more activity
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 132 Guests (See full list)

    • Willa
    • Charlize
    • Amy LeBlanc
    • MaryMary
    • TheFirstEvan-Ger
    • Sandra6sandy9sand
    • DeeDee
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      68,330
    • Total Posts
      618,170
  • Posts

    • TheFirstEvan-Ger
      Thanks Mary, that actually makes a whole lot of sense! I like looking at it that way!
    • MaryMary
      I often say that to me coming out and transitionning was never about rejecting masculine things to be a cliché on the other side. I'm only expending myself. I was stuck in 30% of myself before and now I can wander where a want in the whole 100% Some people can do a lot in that 30% but at some point it doesn't work anymore. At least, that's my way of seeing it. I think that there's common points in most of the stories but we all have unique life stories anyway.
    • Ellora
      Good Morning! June gloom over here in the San Diego Bay area. The tea is about right, just finished my PB&J taco, and my Lady meds =). I hope everyone else has a great morning and a fabulous day! (For those of you that do not know what "June Gloom" is, it is what comes after "May Gray." The gloom and the gray are the morning clouds that hang out at the coastline predominantly in the months of May and June. In the afternoon the clouds are pushed back and loom over the ocean, until night time, the clouds greet the sunset and wait along the coastline all over again.) 
    • TheFirstEvan-Ger
      Hello! Coming out to my family and community, I feel a lot of pressure to be absolutely sure of my identity and never express my doubts, but lately I've been digging into the depths of youtube and seeing all kinds of trans people's stories of how they figured out they were trans and none of them sound quite like mine. I've always felt a little weird about my assigned gender, and especially about the fact that society asked me to do "feminine" things, even feminine things that I actually would have liked doing without gendered connotations. For example, when I was a kid my grandma used to invite me to do "women's work" in the kitchen, and while I would have 100% preferred baking to going out in the cold snow I would argue that I should go be with my male cousins just because I resented the idea of being forced into a female role. My male cousins would be taken on hunting trips and while I hated hunting I would ask to go just because I wanted to be one of the boys. I have always been more comfortable with being perceived as male and gotten excited when someone "mistook" me for a boy. I wanted to join the boy's choir instead of the girl's choir. I hated being called a girl (though if you asked what gender I was I would have said female).   It all does seem like a pretty typical trans guy story when I write it down, but at the same time I was initially excited to get boobs around puberty (though as soon as they appeared I realized they disgusted me and wanted to give them back) and to get my period (though once it came I resented it and felt disgusting while I was having it). My favorite book and movie characters were always female (I loved Hermione more than Harry Potter, Jean Grey more than Wolverine). All of my best friends were girls because I didn't want to run around with the boys, I wanted to talk and make up fantasy adventures instead. I actually liked wearing dresses and never resisted being dolled up for a special occasion. Writing them down they seem like minor things, but they've been worrying me lately.   I'm not quite sure what the point of this post was except that I wanted to get it out since I can't do that around friends and family here without them doubting that I'm really male. I guess deep down in my heart I kind of want someone to reassure me that I am really trans and that I'm not misinterpreting some internalized misogyny or some such. Thanks for reading if you read this far, I love you!
    • Ellora
      I guess a shaved head with a goatee  and law enforcement can be considered "over doing it" now that I think of it.   Now that Ive taken T out of the loop, I can look back and see my manly man ways a bit more clearly, and How i would use my deep voice and manly man expressions.    My friend has been surprised how much ive changed now that im out to her, and even more so after my Orchie.  Ive even heard a couple of "Welcome to being a woman" (That actually makes me very happy when i hear that, every time.) A bit ago I expected to hear comments and questions about my shaved legs. Never, ever, lol. Not until my friend told her sister (her sister is totally ok with everything), did she say "Well that explains the shaved legs." LoL, we both laughed cause I know how she must have said it, she can be very funny, I love them both like they are sisters, always have, well, except for my friend, I dated her for 6yrs, but we have stayed great friends. anyhooo. I guess we do what we have to do at times. Especially if we are wingin' it.  Im sure things would have been different for me if I was was born later in a more excepting time, but here we are now. Here I am now.  We are all still learning, especially since things are changing almost daily, Ups and Downs. I hope that you can be yourself, I cant wait until we can all be ourselves. Enjoy every day when possible. I hope you can find your inner peace during the difficult times. Im feeling great with my changes, and Ive still have to go along ways in some areas. 
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
×
×
  • Create New...