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  1. Halp, I effed up...

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  2. Anyone work in the Culinary Arts?

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    • Jandi
      Sometimes they want a bit of protection.
    • CallMeKeira
      I will wipe my eyes now because that hit me hard, and extend a warm welcome to you, Emma. Welcome to this marvelous place!
    • Willow
      Well I was mowing and remowing a portion of my lawn to mulch up pine needles. Ok your are thinking what does that have to do with breasts?  Well, my shirt was rubbing my nipples, particularly the one I hit Saturday.  I had to stop and ask my wife if she had a sports bra I could wear.  That helped me finish.  Boy, I’ve got a lot to learn about these.  I wanted them so now they are telling me all about what I asked for.     Wow!   Willow
    • VickySGV
      Welcome Emma, your story dovetails nicely into the other stories told here and makes you a very real part of what we have here.  Every one of us on the site can empathize with the steps you have gone through so far and will be as helpful as we can to share our journeys of the steps you will be taking.
    • RadicalEmma
      (This isn't what I set out to write, but this is what emerged, so here's a friendly hello to start things off before I delve way too far into my entire self-history. Hello! Thank you for having this space and allowing me to have a place within it.)   So... I've lived nearly four decades on the planet with depression, anxiety, and this innate, nigh-unknowable feeling that something was off. I used to joke about having a highly developed feminine side as a teenager. I didn't realize at the time I may have been trying to push through my own barriers with that jest.   My late 20s and onward, I'd daydream about being "a woman born," not understanding that trans women were women and thus relegating any hope for self-femininity to a future/past life. My depression and anxiety sharpened, developing  panic disorder to add to the fun. Medications were sought for relief and resisted in the same breath, but ultimately surrendered to as an unwanted necessity.    When I turned 30, my birth father decided to take a photo of my mother and I and combine them in photoshop into an amalgam of the two of us. This photo irked me, mocking me with hair I had been losing since 18 and a self I'd denied since my inception. I laughed, good-naturedly at the time, but the murmurs of the tectonic shift coming within were present, had I been willing to pay attention.    Two years ago, I tried to broach the subject with my mother, but quickly dropped that idea when it became apparent that neither of us were in a good place for those sorts of revelations. I retreated and repressed the feelings again.    A month ago, I took a selfie. I played with the available filters and (by chance? Probably not) gender-swapped myself. I was so startled by the girl staring out of the void that I wept... because I had never ever previously liked a photo of or containing myself until that moment and it wasn't even a truly genuine picture, only an algorithm wiping away facial hair, smoothing skin, and adding the almost amber tresses I craved with such ease. Unlike other selfies, that one is still on my phone, my most genuine illusory self ever.    The walls I'd put up had cracked and let so much light in finally that my eyes were beginning to readjust to the possibility that I could still embrace the prisoner of my self, perhaps my truest self... and nourish her from the girl I'd locked up based on the unspoken advice of shame and society... into a powerful woman in her own right.    Last week, I began pulling down these Berlin walls within, fragment by fragment. My therapist. A group of lovely women who had walked the path before me, but who were otherwise unknown to me on Zoom. Some select and trusted friends. My mother. One coworker. Myself. I came out again and again, and I'll continue to come out.    My male self has not always been kind to me, but he has not done with any sort of malice in mind, only ignorance and fear, so I can forgive him and let him set these burdens down soon. He has done what he could in a poor situation with what was at hand, admittedly not much. Still, he acted admirably and hobbled toward his own undoing with as much grace and aplomb as I could hope for, laying down now that I have asked him to... to make way for her truth, her birth, as it were.   When she is strong enough to start walking into this transition, I hope to have the tools ready to allow her to learn to be what I could not on my own... herself... and that she is strong enough to be or become whomever she chooses on the long journey that remains.  
    • Susan R
      Hello @KellyMarie2020, Thank you for reaching out here. You are doing what’s best for your son. Grieving a change this substantial is normal and I think a healthy part of the whole process. Our dreams about who are children will become often change during the course of their growing up to adulthood but this is seemingly an abrupt change for you. For your son, it has likely been an series of ongoing mental changes and adjustments over a much longer period of time. It doesn’t change the fact that this is a real gender identity issue that needs addressing in a very supportive manner. Your child is vulnerable right now and may have no one else to turn to for real support. You obviously understand why reaching out is critical. Some children resort to other serious methods of dealing with the mental pain and it doesn’t often end well if a point of support is not found quickly. Communicating and reassurance will continue to be so important to him. You feel like you are overwhelmed and not sure what comes next. He is likely in a similar situation but must count on you for any of that support to happen. I would first recommend looking for a gender therapist which is a very long process where you are but you have some time to get that support since they are still very young. We have several members here that live in your area. They can give you much better support details as to where to go, who to call and a practical timeline for you and your son.   I hope for the best for your son. It’s not the end of the world but a new beginning for them. In time, you may see how happy he becomes in living as himself.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷    
    • Aurora
      Been rereading for my third time the old book TrueSelves.  It is such a good but.  This time I am using it to help me out to analyze me and highlight areas that I agree with to talk to my therapist on as well.   I have learned that the signs of how different I was were always there and just did not realize it.  Want to go over with my therapist on what I have figured out on my self-loathing and hating myself so much with how it comes from my childhood days and my up bringing.  My parents got a divorced when I was little and my dad was out of my life.  So my mom tried as hard as she could to raise 2 kids on her own.  Being a single parent is no easy task.  I know my mom has tried when I was putting on a mask pretending to be that boy that I was supposed to, my mom tried having my grandpa and uncle be there for me, but of course, it was not the same as I knew I was different.  Then there was the fact that I was in and out of speech therapy since I was 4 years old till graduating high school that it did not help me.  What helped me was finally reviling my deep dark secret and now my stutter is all but gone.   I know that from when I was a young age and still up to now how I was always looking for praise and positiveness and approval which I got very little of but not what a normal child growing up gets.   Then I was reading one of the patients sections in the Teenage years and it is totally 100% hands down me.  It was talking about being shy and introverted to self hatred and just being out of touch with myself and not letting anyone in or near me to never going on a date or having few friends.  Still to this day, I have like 3 true friends and the rest is acquaints and also still I have never ever dated in my whole life and I am now the real life 40 year old virgin.   There is so much that I agree with in the book about me and some stuff that is not me.  I loved how reading about the cross dressing phase and that it is not really cross dressing as that it was more I belong wearing the clothes and not boy clothes and can even remember waiting till I was alone and going into my sisters room and stealing her clothes and then hiding them in my room or being careful to put back the clothes just as I have found them.  Looking back to my growing up days back in the 80's and 90's, the signs were all there and I cannot believe it
    • Jackie C.
      You are most welcome.   Speaking from experience, while the world can be cruel, things are much less terrible when you're allowed to live as yourself. Also, your son, presuming he decides to transition, well be starting young and is FtM. He is going to be basically indistinguishable from a cis-male within a year of starting hormones. That's going to spare him a lot of hassling as an adult.   Dysphoria is a beast. If you can shield him from the worst of it, that will be much better for his long-term mental health than trying to ride it out.   Having supportive family members helps too. ❤️   Hugs!
    • Aidan5
      Pfff, thank you xD    I finished school for the day and now just brainstorming ideas for stickers, since my friend and I were going to sell some once I move. 
    • KellyMarie2020
      Thank you very much @Jackie C.for your wonderful reply ❤   We have had a really good chat tonight and spoke about pretty much everything and have reassured him that i will get in contact with our doctor and see where to go from there.   I just want him to be happy. He is such a beautiful soul and has so much to give the world, but the world terrifies me, I know how nasty people can be and I dont want him getting hurt 😢 Everything terrifies but I know that we can get all through this together.   Thank you so much!! Your advice means the world to me. As much as it hurts and it's a shock, I am excited for my child to finally be truly happy with himself.
    • Jackie C.
      Salutations @KellyMarie2020 and welcome to the site! It always gives me the warm fuzzies to see a parent who's supportive of their child. Good on you!   So yes. What you're going through is perfectly normal. The person you thought you knew wasn't exactly what you thought he was. Grieving for a time is also normal. On the plus side, now you get to meet your new son!   He's thirteen so there's not much to be done medically at this point. However, if you get him into the ... ah, I should know what it's called ... anyway, the program for trans people in the UK. You should be able to get him on puberty blockers to keep the worst of E from ravaging his body in ways that will cause him distress. If you chose to go outside the NHS, the procedure is basically the same. First there's going to be gender therapists who are going to want to talk to your son. If they give him a pass, he can get puberty blockers. These are safe and completely reversible if he changes his mind later. In a couple of years (18 in the US, depending on state, I'm less sure about the UK), you can worry about the things that are less reversible like testosterone (which we usually shorten to just T) and surgical interventions.   In the meantime, be supportive. Use his preferred name and pronouns and just be a good mom. Make sure that he knows that you love him no matter what.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      No idea. He's very much a Spider-Man riff, but he's only in like three skits and they rarely go into origins, they just poke fun at superhero tropes. I apologize for any productivity lost due to watching their channel archives. I want the next season in the worst possible way.   Hugs!
    • Shay
      Ain't Gonna Let Nobody Turn Me Around   Lovely song - thank you for sharing Vicky
    • KellyMarie2020
      Hello everybody,   So, my 13 year old daughter has openly just told me that she is trans and that she wants to go by a Male name and go by the him/he pronouns. This was a massive shock to me and I really have no idea how to feel or where to start.   A little background, my daughter has never been the "girly" type. She has her moments of being feminine but other then that, shes mainly been a tomboy.   I feel a little lost if I'm honest. She's my baby girl and i love her so very much. I will always no matter what support her, guide her and be there for her and I accept her for the way she is. I'm saying "She" at the moment because I am still trying to get my head around it all. I just want my child to be happy, that is all I have ever wanted and I had no idea how unhappy she truly was in herself   I am so very proud that she opened to me and was a 100% honest with me. She knows that me and my family are very accepting so maybe that helped with her opening up. We have always been so close. I just want to do the right thing by her. But where do I go from here? The doctors? School?   Also, is it normal to feel like I'm grieving? I know no matter what, she is my child regardless of sex, but I feel like ive lost my little girl and it hurts   Thank you so much for reading. Lots of love to you all.
    • Aidan5
      Yeah I would have to find a power that is borderline good and bad. So I will brainstorming,    ISN'T THAT LIKE SPIDER MAN- Oh maN  what is his story...
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