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Transgender Issues

A forum for discussion of general transgender issues.

789 topics in this forum

  1. Problematic Language

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  2. Today's Shopping Experience

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  3. A "Right" Reason to Transition?

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  4. Issues with feeling dysmorphia?

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  5. Split Personality

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  6. Dehumanized

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  7. Am I selfish

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  8. Resources for Trans Seniors

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  9. Having second thoughts now !

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  10. Thinking makes you sick

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  11. Gender Roles

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  12. Family: my threat

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  13. Pridefall and paranoia

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  14. A Unfortunate Situation

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  15. Denial, guilt

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  • Posts

    • ElizabethStar
      @Jackie C. Here ya go.   I just notice how much I've changed.
    • Shay
      @ElizabethStar - I understand and used to run constantly to get away from me and I remember asking God to just erase my existence (I was too chicken to kill myself - but running and getting down to 98 pounds on a 5' 10" frame is not a pretty site). When I realized how important feeling good about myself, the music eased back into my life and has been an important "Passion" and "Healer" in my life. And I too would absolutely love to see the jacket if you still have it. Shay
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.ocregister.com/2020/08/10/new-center-in-santa-ana-helps-hard-hit-transgender-people-during-coronavirus-pandemic/   Carolyn Marie
    • Jani
      Been listening to Steely Dan.  Today these two struck me.  The first with the melody and second with the story.  Plus they have awesome Bass lines.      
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.startribune.com/appeals-court-rules-for-transgender-man-in-bathroom-case/572068952/   Carolyn Marie
    • Jackie C.
      I really want to see a picture of that jacket now though...   Hugs!
    • Jani
      @ElizabethStar I can relate to what you're saying.  Sometimes we do things just to go through the motions as if that makes us feel better.  Sometimes it does but other times we're hiding behind the activity when we might prefer something else.  That you've done something for a long time doesn't mean you have to continue.  Life is about evolving and trying to reach the point where we are totally happy.  
    • Jackie C.
      Salutations Ka!   Mary's probably got his motivations down. After all, you didn't marry a man. The most terrifying million years in my life was that stretch between, "Sweetie, I'm trans," and "I think I'm OK with it." Granted, I didn't start E until six months later, but that was more plowing my way through the system than willingness to start taking my femme and m's. I didn't have a plan B. (Which was stupid, but I never claimed to be a genius.) I was terrified that she'd throw me out of the house.   That said, your partner should have communicated his desire to transition ahead of time. I'm sure he wanted to, it was absolutely killing me to keep it a secret from my spouse. Still, fear makes us do stupid things. Now that it's out there though, communication is key. I see that you and I are the same age, so you should know that relationships are built on communication. You both need to keep talking to each other, reassuring each other (I need just SO much reassurance and so does my spouse) and doing things together. It's your transition too and you're going to need time to get used to the changes. You both should be comfortable if your marriage is going to thrive.   Good luck and we're always here if either of you need to talk.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      I agree completely. It's why I always try to encourage people in a relationship to communicate. Successful relationships have compromises. Not doing things alone is kind of the whole point in being in a relationship, right?   Hugs! 
    • Ka
      I understand. My spouse just made the step to take T, and I was surprised by it. There were quite a few parts in his journey/thought process/decision that I wasn’t included in, and it caught me unaware. If I had been included, I feel that it would have been smoother for me. Or at least I could have been eased into it and gotten used to the idea of it before it actually happened. What I’m relating to with you is that it’s hard to be in a different place in the process than a spouse. It feels like my spouse is speeding along full speed ahead, but really I just didn’t know all the background work that he did to get him to this place. Now I feel behind in my process and like I have to catch up. 
    • KathyLauren
      Hi, Ka, and welcome.   I am sorry to hear that you are struggling, but glad that you are trying to be accepting.  It is a tough journey for the spouses of trans people.  I hope you are looking for support to help you cope, because you have a transition thrust upon you, and you are right that you can't hold it all in.   I do think it is uncool that your spouse didn't share with you his intention to start on T.  We have to include our spouses in our journey.  It is the price of support.  Keeping the relationship together through the stresses of a transition requires good communication both ways.  I know that my wife would never have forgiven me if I had started my transition without telling her.   Do talk with other spouses if you get the chance.  I know it helped my wife to understand what was going on with me and to accept it.   Regards, Kathy
    • Astrid
      Ka, you're post was heartfelt and difficult, emotionally, to read.  It took courage to write it.    I will say that the best thing I did was to involve my spouse immediately after coming out.  From the second session on of gender therapy, we attended all sessions together, which was as helpful for me as for her.    So, if further therapy is a possibility, then I would urge that it involve you both.   Hugs,   Astrid
    • MaryMary
      "the biggest trap is to think we are able to accept such news very quick. The second thing in my opnion is to have empathy" sorry for the mistakes
    • MaryMary
      It's a process. You have to give you time and space to "transition" so to speak. I noticed IRL and in my experience that someone near to transgender people go trough a period of mourning and transition themselves. I think that it's a healthy reflex to give yourself the right to process the news. It will not switch on/off overnight and you are not alone going trough that.   Often we think when we are about to make our coming out that we are alone in this. I know that I was thinking that myself when starting the process. It was actually a surprise to see the amount of support I had. It's a very personnal process a transition and also frought with fear, taboo and apprehension. I don't know him but my guess is that maybe it was emotions such as fear that made him do all of this without speaking about it with others that much.   I think it start with giving yourself the time, the biggest time is to think we are able to accept such news very quick. The second think in my opnion is to have empathy and show him you are here for him. Maybe it will reduce the fear and help and when he'll be ready then he will open up more.   anyway, I hope what I said was of some help. It's a huge thing you did just coming here and writing this. I think it's already an amazing thing you did. Keep it up    
    • Ka
      Two casuals shows that we enjoyed recently with trans characters are Tales of the City and Work in Progress. I say casual to mean that the whole show isn’t centered around the trans characters’ identities. 
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