Achieving a Female Voice
A discussion group about how to achieve a passing female voice.
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By ShawnaLeigh · Posted
My wife was about as positive and accepting as I could of hoped for. After a short while as it took getting past the shock of it first. Like Jackie said. Definitely have a plan B just in case it goes terribly wrong. I did not do this and was basically facing homelessness due to being almost completely dependent on my wife. My fear and anxiety was threw the roof over that. I was lucky she was understanding to what being trans meant. Having a good understanding of what’s going on with yourself helps too. I told my wife when I was basically clueless to what was really going on with me. i was scared and confused and I did not know I was what I ended up being. My coming out followed s significant mental break over my internal struggles and I was just trying to reach out for help. I had no answers for her questions and it was a very emotional and stressful thing for me to do. Therapy is key here. Knowing you are going will help ease her fears for you. Most will be glad to invite your wife in too to answer some things. There is also Transcouples therapy too if it’s needed. once my wifes initial shock had subsided she got very stoic and logical about it all. Which helped because I was a blubbering mess for three days. I truly was not prepared. be prepared ahead of time would of been so much better. Youalready sound to be getting yourself prepared and also getting resources lined up and this is excellent. Good Luck❤️ -
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By KathyLauren · Posted
I understand that my experience may not be typical, but it went about as well as one could imagine. We were walking the dog, which is a good time for us to talk. I said I had something I wanted to talk about and that it wasn't going to be easy. Then I said I was pretty sure I was transgender. She had some immediate questions like why thought so, why I hadn't told her before that, and what I planned to do. I was as honest as I could be in answering, and I caught the "trick questions" lurking in there, i.e. had I been hiding something from her, and was I going to leave her. It went well, and within a minute or two, she said, "Whatever you decide to do, I will support you." Wow! What could have gone wrong? I could have started seeing a therapist before talking to her. She would have seen that as a betrayal. She deserved to be the first to know. I could have missed the trick questions, i.e. "What are you going to do?" means "Are you going to leave me?" Fortunately, I anticipated them. Once I got set up with a support group, I brought her along to their "+1" sessions where significant others are welcome. That helped her a lot. -
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By Jackie C. · Posted
Honestly, I've had that fantasy. Generally female morphology, female gonads, but both sexual organs. It was a pre-transition thing though. I haven't been there... outside of a dream or two... in a while. I've heard other people talking about it though in less wholesome forums. Hugs! -
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By jayjeep · Posted
I had the same issue with my Top surgery. My surgeon gave me solace. Said to take them before surgery and after. They helped but it took about 5 days for them to work. Lots of water. High fiber fruits like Blueberries, Bananas, and apples. I was lucky I never had to take any pain meds. I was sick as a dog day 1 but that is because I got a migraine right after surgery. I only needed advil for about a week. I will be 3 months post op next week. -
By Carolyn Marie · Posted
Welcome to Trans Pulse, Devin. Big congrats on your progress so far. That's great for someone so young. Please have a look around and post in any thread that looks interesting, or start some threads of your own. We'll be here to provide whatever advice or info that we can. HUGS Carolyn Marie -
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By Jackie C. · Posted
Oh ouch. Sorry to hear that @TammyAnne. The finger thing, not the laser hair removal thing. I'm happy about the laser so long as it doesn't turn you into a crispy critter (I personally go up like a magnesium flare with lasers, but as you can see I'm about two shades darker than 'Albino.'). Hugs! -
By Devin · Posted
Hello everyone! My name is Devin. I am 19 years old and identify as non-binary. Sometimes I will also call myself transmasculine. As far as my romantic and sexual orientation goes, I mostly just call myself queer because I am unsure of how to identify. Also, most orientations assume you are a binary gender, which I am not. I have a younger sibling who is also trans/nb. I have been out as trans for about three years. I have a top surgery consult in March, and hopefully will have surgery in May or June. My parents are making me wait to start testosterone until after I have top surgery. My parents are my legal guardians, so even though I am over 18, I can not make medical decisions without their consent. I am fortunate to have had my name legally changed when I was under 18. I recently just got my gender marker on my driver's license to say "X". -
By DeeDee · Posted
Water, is definitely top of the list. Ice water is better than lukewarm water. Hydration is so important! Also things like grape/prune/pineapple juice and overripe bananas but definitely keep an eye on it. Also Hi -
By Jackie C. · Posted
Seriously, we're all different. The only label that matters is "You." You need to do whatever it is that makes you comfortable in your own body. Nothing else really matters. Hugs! -
By Jackie C. · Posted
OK, firstly yes there are support groups for families of transgender people. In our community, it's about twenty minutes from here. Susan went once, did not care for the vibe and never went back. Your mileage may, of course, vary. So as to the actual conversation. Have a plan B. What do you do if she takes it poorly? Spend some time thinking about that. I didn't and got lucky. There's no guarantee that you won't need someplace to crash afterwards. Now, I don't personally know anyone that's been immediately kicked out of the house (extreme example), plan for the worst, hope for the best, right? My therapist told me that I should walk my wife into this. I was supposed to start with cross dressing and say it was a purely sexual thing, then work my way up to coming out as trans. I didn't do that. I sat down on the bed and said I had something important to tell her. That immediately put her on the defensive, so you might want to ease into it a little more than I did. Next I opened with a joke. Not a great joke, but I thought, "Let's walk back the tension." That was an awful idea. Don't do that. I came straight out after that and said, "Well, I'm trans." That took her a minute to process. I let her have it. I sat beside her and waited. After a very long pause that felt like hours, she slowly nodded and decided that she was OK with it. In so many words she said, "I think I'm OK with this. I like boobs." Then we kissed. She had more questions afterwards. The first one was, "Have you been wearing my underwear?" Of course I wasn't. There was no possible way I'd even fit into her underwear. Besides, I'd bought my own. Then came a couple of ground rules. At first, she wasn't ready to see me dressed until she had some more time to process things. I was fine with that and asked that she give me a warning call when she was on her way home so I could change. She had more questions, so we came up with a system where she'd write down what she thought of during the week and on the weekends I'd answer all her questions to the best of my ability. During this time I reassured her often that while I was finally moving ahead with my life, I very much wanted to take her with me. To some extent we're still doing that and I'm coming up on GCS in ten days. She'll be accompanying me to the doctor and changing my catheter bag until the doctor takes it out a week later. The ground rules lasted about a month before she asked to see me how I wanted to be seen. She gave my (very fake) breasts a squeeze. I wasn't on HRT yet. Not that they're much to look at even with the hormones. I could really, really use a visit from the boob fairy. Then we hugged, kissed and that was the end of that. I could be Robyn full time. She still has questions sometimes and I always do my best to answer them, but it's not like we ever really finish turning into the person we're supposed to be until we lay down to die. I hope you find some of that useful. I value honesty too and it was killing me not to let Susan know. Hugs! -
By DeeDee · Posted
Tristantulaine, it can be really be disconcerting to open up and share the things that are bothering us, especially when we haven't told anyone else. One of the reasons this site is fantastic is because you can open up here and know that the worst thing that will happen is that people know and understand how you feel. Don't worry about finding the right label, they are handy to express what you are thinking and feeling but just get to that place where you are happy being you no matter where that is. -
By Jackie C. · Posted
Oh, derp. Also forgot water. Drink lots and lots of fluids. It helps immensely. Hugs!
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