WPATH Standards of Care

Got to agree with you on this one.   Ive said it somewhere in time before. "Sex is so overatated". The love you have for another person trumps all. Regardless of what you may think your attracted to in any sexual capacity. That feeling of someones always got your back is the best. Someone you want to spend the rest of your life with because you smile and you laugh together.   I could go on about the rules of engagement when it involves affairs of the heart. But do i really need to? We all have our own. Its what makes us tick       Just because mine changed it doesnt mean yours will. We are all wired diffrent. I dont have to understand it or anyone else for that matter. We are all unique. You love who you want to love. as time passes you will relise what is important to you in a relationship.   I have always been a firm believer in the Best love is unconditional

https://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/news/transgender-arizona-court-appeals-name-change-judge-kenworthy-11402618   Carolyn Marie

https://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/the-current-for-dec-4-2019-1.5382461/abby-stein-went-from-being-an-ultra-orthodox-rabbi-to-a-transgender-activist-her-new-book-tells-her-story-1.5382463     Carolyn Marie

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Andrea.  If you've been lurking for a while, I don't have to encourage you to look around; you've already done that.  What I will encourage you to do is post your thoughts and questions as often as you can, because that's the best way to learn, and also the best way to get to know us, and vice versa.   To answer a couple of your questions:  there is no litmus test for belonging, there is no bar to climb over or measure yourself against.  Everyone's journey is different, but it is a question we get a lot.  I knew what I wanted and who I wanted to be as far back as I can remember (which is pretty damn far).  Some folks don't have that realization until they're nearly an adult.  Most folks I know had terrible dysphoria, but I didn't.  That didn't mean I wasn't trans, but because I didn't I questioned my motives and my authenticity, just as you're doing.  So yes, it all makes sense to me.   As you'll hear often around here, what you probably need most is time with a gender therapist to help you sort through all those feelings, doubts, and experiences.  But that's for another day.  Today, just get a feel for this place, and know we'll be here to support you, and know we won't ever judge you.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie

CW: talk of anorexia, dysmorphia and dysphoria, questioning So... yeah. Hi and hello.   My name is Andrea (not really, not legally, but perhaps one day). I've been lurking for a while, debating whether or not to stick my foot in this forum's door—if I belong and if there's a place for me here. In other words, probably (like with most things in my life) overthinking, well, everything. But it's time.   I *think* I belong here. I'm pretty sure I do. Like... 95% positive, but still experiencing flashes of doubt—of "why do I feel this way, am I really thinking of potentially blowing up parts of my life to follow this through," and the like. I'm sure many of you know how it is. I hope so, anyway, because being the only one to feel this way would, well, suck.   For reference: I'm a 38-year-old asexual, white, male-bodied writer/editor, and, well, trans. I'm also nonbinary, and while that best describes how I feel and identify on the inside, I -desperately- wish I had a feminine body. As in, it's almost all I think about some days. But I've long struggled with identifying outright as trans for a number of reasons, and I'm curious how many, if any, of you can relate. First, because of the nonbinary angle. I feel, deep in my guts, that were I to transition tomorrow, I would still want to ID as enby. It feels *right* in terms of where my brain and heart are and have always been, but then I wonder: If that's the case, is it enough to simply crave a feminine body to also ID as trans? I've heard the refrain on Twitter, "If you want to just be a girl (or guy) you can be a girl (or guy)," but there's a needling part of my brain that wants to know if the wanting is enough. Because, of course, there are gatekeepers everywhere, especially with respect to levels of dysphoria.   And for the record, I do have some measure of gender dysphoria. It started when I was only five and has popped up here and there, but was never anything extreme or debilitating. The only time in my youth that I had an extreme situation in that respect is when in twelfth grade I succumbed to pretty severe body dysmorphia and anorexia, and damn near killed myself (not via a suicide attempt but from dropping to a dangerously low weight). That was twenty years ago, and only just now have I started to really overcome the eating disorder's stranglehold. How? By starting to look at the body I have as *not* what I want or wish for. Because the things I'm most critical of in a male body, or at least in mine, are some of the things I appreciate most in a feminine body, and find myself even wishing I had. But I don't know if that sort of dysmorphia falls under gender dysphoria as well or if it's something different.   The uncertainty has popped up in other ways, too. I've struggled with adopting trans full-stop because, to be blunt, parts of my body have always felt wrong or alien, but not the whole. Like, I have spent a lifetime wishing for a different lower half, even going so far as to wish something horrible would happen to my genitalia to *force* doctors to have to just, you know, give me the opposite (I know, a silly fantasy, but still), but have never found myself wishing I had breasts beyond how much better they might fill out a dress or offset my wider-than-I'd-like shoulders.   But over the past six months or so, I've started to accept more and more that this is or might be enough—that I am, in fact, maybe, possibly, trans. And every bit of makeup, every bit of non-male-coded clothing I've brought into my life thus far (and yes, I fully know it's so, so much more than just what you put on) has felt just... right. Like, deep-in-the-core-of-me right. I've told a handful of trusted friends and chosen family, most of whom either saw something like this coming from a mile away and claim they were just waiting for the day (apparently I give off a lot of femme energy, which I'm not complaining about at all but is... interesting, when you've never been aware of it yourself), but some who, upon hearing, said they didn't see it coming per se but that it actually brings into focus a lot of disparate aspects of myself and how I move through the world.   And yet.   I still find myself asking: Is it enough? To be even more blunt about it, am I trans enough? Is there such a thing? Have I written far too much and lost most of you by this point? Is it enough to have spent a not-small portion of your childhood and early adulthood imagining how if your life went to hell and you had to leave it all behind, that you would disappear to some northern European nation where nobody knows you and simply start living as a woman? Is that compulsion enough, or do I have to have been coming apart at the seams, aching to be seen as I want to be, in a body not of my birth gender?   *sigh* Hopefully some of this makes sense. Thank you, anyone who's read this far. I'd love to get to know some of you, and hear from you.

If at all possible, make sure that you find a qualified, experienced gender therapist, not a marriage counselor. After all, this stemmed from your perception of your gender, not your perception of yiur .marriage.    Courage!   Astrid

You are all so helpful and understanding. I'm really glad I found this place.   Tonight I came home and my wife started out with "I don't want to talk about it with you any more until we're in counseling." Then she proceeded to tell me how wrong I am and how her mind isn't going to change. I just kept my mouth shut as she wished.    It wouldn't have been helpful anyway to tell her how today for a while I was actually able to fully embrace that I am a woman and ignore all the doubts from others. When I did that the anguish and pain in my chest (anxiety) released. It's back now but it's a sign I'm headed in the right direction from a mental health standpoint.   Love you all, beauties! Belle

Not everything is as binary as it may seem.  A primary example are people born with Intersex characteristics. (Wikipedia has a thorough, dispassionate explanation of the variants that are seen of this.)  It's not a "decision of God" whether an intersex person is labeled as M or F -- it's usually doctors who decide shortly after birth, often on purely visual inspection, sometimes with surgery involved.  Thankfully, that practice is slowly beginning to change, with the recommendation to let the individual decide (or change) their designated sex at a later, appropriate time.    In my case, coming out wasn't initially easy for me or my spouse, as she is a Christian pastor (!), but we're progressive rather than evangelical, which provides a much different perspective.  We both found it valuable to work with a qualified gender therapist -- together -- and she provided a lot of third-party insight (explaining things that I took for granted, but were entirely new concepts for my spouse).   So, finding a gender therapist for you both could be a way to start moving forward, together.   Hugs and best wishes,   Astrid

My husband and I becoming part owners of a trucking company.Know the owner very well and it was in October we started talking,Was put in writing and we read it well.Signed papers today.

Hi and welcome Kitty! I cannot add anything to excellent advice given above, except to say talking with a counselor can make a huge difference - at least it has for me.

Hello Belle,    Welcome and all my best to you.  I've been married 44 years so it can work out.    Jani

I believe in doing what makes you feel good.  More power to you! 

These things happen (as you know).  The good news is we're here to stay.  Even under our old name and management we slogged through these days.  

First I’d like to say very well done preplanning this ahead of time via emails.  Telling all your teachers was a huge step!  That was incredibly brave.   it’s not your fault her email was not working either.   You did well telling her your preferred name too.  Telling her you are trans sounds easy enough.  Just try emailing her again and explain the difficulties in coming out to folks and this was the best way.  At least for you.  (Me as well to be honest.).  You sound pretty tough so you got this.  

Ok thats a good idea