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Victims of Hate Crimes and Violence

This is a forum to discuss hate and violent crimes against transgender people. It is also a place for victims to talk about what happened to them and gain help and support. Nearly 95% of crimes against us are never reported. If you are a victim, please report it here.

111 topics in this forum

    • 61 replies
  1. Threatened on the street

    • 10 replies
  2. RIP Muhlasia Booker

    • 2 replies
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  3. I cut my hair to avoid cutting and I may be abused for it

    • 2 replies
  4. Tg,Cd,Ts etc. Living life in the shadows

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    • 43 replies
  5. Concerning Violence Survival &TDOR

    • 2 replies
  6. (trigger warning) Spiralling...

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  7. Non reported incidents of my life in dallas

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  8. One bad apple

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  9. An Old Familiar Bully.

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  10. Domestic abuse help...

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  11. Need to Vent

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  12. Hate crime affecting you?

    • 23 replies
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  13. The Trans Panic Defense

    • 14 replies
  14. Why men kill transwomen

    • 18 replies
  15. I fill i don't belong on earth?

    • 5 replies
  16. Moving

    • 3 replies
  17. I don't know what to do!

    • 3 replies
  18. The history of today?

    • 2 replies
    • 3 replies
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  • Posts

    • Jackie C.
      Well you aren't a man in any way now except your physicality and some bits of your man-shell you haven't shed yet. You never really were. Of course she fell in love with the man-shell... man-armor? I like the image of hiding inside man-armor while dealing with the world. Man-suit? No, armor is better. We grow it to protect ourselves from the less tolerant parts of society. Kind of like a hairier version of Iron-Man. Only it's Man-Man. So in a way, she fell in love with a superhero, but doesn't feel quite the same way about the mild-mannered Shawna underneath the mask.   By the goddess, I am SUCH a geek. Where was I going with this...   Oh, right. I still think she protests too much. Sexuality doesn't work like that. It's vanishingly rare to find people that are only ever attracted to the opposite gender. Same with people that are only attracted to the same gender or equally attracted to both genders. It works more on a bell curve with the 0, 3 and 6 values being the outliers. Sorry about getting technical, but I find the science behind psychology absolutely fascinating.   So yeah, i get where she's coming from. I'm just sorry her bond with you isn't strong enough to get past her cultural bias. At the end of the day, we're all just people. People are allowed to love people. Once we're edging into middle age, well, very few of us are supermodels anymore. Not that I ever was, I was more "Clearance, 80% off."   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      I practiced a lot in the beginning. For me it was more about relaxing all the rules I'd learned about acting like a guy and just being myself. Over the last year and a half, all those old reflexes to "fit in" with a group of guys are gone and I can relax around people. I walk with my legs closer together, no real movement in my upper body, I just let my hips carry me. I've got less range than a natural woman, but I do well enough. I've got a girl walk, but not a SEXY girl walk. I think I'm mostly OK with that. My mannerisms are already pretty female. I dance my way through conversations. My hands go where they're supposed to when I'm reacting to something someone else said. I balance things I'm carrying on my hip or in the crux of my arm. I used to force myself to carry books like a dude in High School. I still kept catching myself holding them like I was cradling a baby.   I had about half the female voice markers anyway. There are several voice lessons that were super-easy for me because I already did the mannerism that Nina was trying to teach. Some were harder and I still practice. Right now my singing voice is a little flat. I'd like to improve that. I also don't project as much as I probably should. If I'm being honest, I could work on my enunciation more to. Still, I'm very happy with my voice. My therapist put me in the top 5% of trans women voices she's heard. She's part of a LGBT+ choir with about two dozen trans women (and others naturally), so she's heard a few. Honestly, I think she's more active in the community than I am. Of course she's also closer. I still say your resonance is more important than pitch when you're speaking in your female voice. That and all the little feminine markers.    I think I'm down to small refinements. I'm still finding the occasional splinter of guy mannerisms here and there. I'm embarrassed when one slips out and I correct. Every day is just a little better than the day before. It's like emerging from a cocoon. Well, emerging from a cocoon, but much, much slower.   Hugs!    
    • emily the wolf
      Uwu I hope it goes fine, it has sucked so far
    • Jackie C.
      Yikes. Maybe I AM too trusting. My brain doesn't work like this at all. I can't even imagine what kind of person would even do something like that to a partner. That's just awful @ShawnaLeigh. I'm so very sorry that happened to you.   Hugs!
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I totally agree with achieving the organic self as being a women.  Just being natural without having to think about all this all the time.  This is why I am being so proactive now to try and teach my brain and train my body how to move and sound.  Some things you may never change from how you were before.  I know this.  That's ok too.  Just basic skeletal build and muscle grouping of a man with dictate most movement when you are not fully concentrating on changing them.   Old habits die hard too.  I slouch sitting and standing.  I have fought this my entire life.  I want it gone but I fear I will always do it when I am not making an effort to not do so.
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Well I'm not getting this feeling from my wife but more that she is "not a lesbian".  Once I am not a man anymore we will not be married.  Who knows what exactly this means to her?  Physically?  Mentally?  Both? So maybe the "not enough for me" one. But she definitely has told me she still loves me still.  That she understands what and why I am doing this and is supporting me in certains ways with my transition.  Though she did tell me last weekend, starting with a, "I don't mean this to hurt your feelings but..." Then she told me she is not as attracted to me the more feminine I get.  Which I can understand if she is attracted only to men.  Which she is adamant about.   I too feel a gender therapist can explain all this better to them then we can.  For me, I am still learning a lot about myself and this community.  How am I suppose to explain it all to someone else?
    • MiraM
      The only thing I consciously work on is my voice, and I am at the point that I don't concentrate as much on it any more either.  I have been working with a speech therapist for over a year, and do have a more forward resonance, and the pitch is consistently in the 'female' range.  Intonation needs work, but the more I speak the better it gets without having to really concentrate on it.   As far as how I walk, I have stopped trying to change that.  My normal way of walking is best described as the stereotypical "prance" of a very effeminate Gay man.  I spent my whole life trying to change that so I walked like a 'normal' guy.  Now I don't try to cover that up.  I just let it flow.    I also don't try to change the amount of hand gestures when I speak any more.  I have always tried to tone that down as well.  It's much easier when I just let that be natural as well.   I've never done the man-spreading thing when sitting, so nothing to report there.   So I guess my 'practicing' is mainly just being aware of when I am trying to change the way I would naturally move, sit  or walk to try and make it into a more 'normal' male fashion, and just doing it the way that is most natural for me.  But hey, I'm not a male, so why do I have to change the way I am?
    • TammyAnne
      "A source other than me..." I think this is a key point. If we say it, our partners hear something entirely different coming out of our mouths: "you're not enough for me. You're a failure. I don't love you anymore. You're not enough (partner) for me, etc." The therapist can be heard from a more detached place 
    • Charlize
      I saw that good news on Facebook.  988 is something i can learn easily.  It would be lovely if they would give The Trevor Project (866 488 7365) and or the Trans Lifeline ( 877 565 8860) a short memorable number.  I would think many trans folks would be more able to share with a person who is sure to understand our issues.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • MaryMary
      I definitively have the reflex to look at what other woman do and try to emulate but I actually I'm trying to brake this habit and I'm intensely just trying to be myself. That include some of what you said but not completely either. I'm so far from myself it feels like. These days I am just trying to stop doing stuff just because others want me to do it (or I think they do). I spent all my life trying to be more feminine and/or more masculine but, might be the age, I'm over it. I totally understand what you say and it sounds like fun too I'm a chaotic person by nature and I'm trying to be more spontaneous and authentic in my day to day.   That being said I will stop being slightly off topic and mention that you can buy a "posture corrector" that will help greatly with upper body stuff. Just search for this on google and you'll find
    • KymmieL
      I do as well. I'd be walking and then I think crap dummy your a girl walk like one. So I slow down some taking smaller steps putting the glide in my walk. Same with sitting. Then somethings are starting to come naturally. My speech therapist says that my normal talking voice has a softer more feminine tone to it.   Kymmie    
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone, 🦄   Happy Birthday Debra Michelle!🎂 Happy Birthday Jayson!🎂 Hope you have a wonderful day!   Lots of love,  Timber Wolf 🐾
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I am sorry this has happened to you Tammy.  It goes to prove once again to me that you need to find a therapist specialized in the issues you are wanting to learn and correct or move on with.  This includes couples therapy.  Most couples do not have a transgender aspect to their marital/couples issues.  A gender therapist can help with this much better with a complete understanding of trans issues but they too may not be so good with couples.   I was recommended a trans couples therapist for use in this matter sometime soon.  We have yet to do this as we really have no real issue between us other then her "line" she will not cross eventually.  Its my hope that with time and love and more education on transgender she will blur that line. He has also offered to have my wife attend my sessions if she wants to.  To ask what she about wants to learn about or to get a better understanding of.  How to deal with certain things and to learn that what she feels is not wrong or bad.  Maybe slip some trans education in there too from a source other then me.  I told him to not have her attend to just sit there and watch him shrink my head.  LOL
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I have been doing this.  All day long.  Everyday. At work, in public, and at home.  In everyway possible.  I'm talking about the over all presentation. (Less the clothing or make up as I am not completely out yet.) (Sigh) Of course there are things you only do a little bit at a time. Some more often. So I am so hyper-focused on all these things now.  "How would a women do this or that", I ask myself several times a day.  My thought is to do everything I can, all the time, and make it become a part of who I am, physically speaking.  Make them automatic/subconscious actions eventually. So things like the way I walk.  I practice "the glide" and keeping my steps not as spaced out as before.  Keeping my knees together or closer together vs. that cave man step guys tend to display.  Straight posture and chest out slightly.  Elbows not only in closer but slightly back too.  Even the way I hold my arms and hand positions while walking. Wrists and hands/fingers have more flow then looking like I am gripping a wooden club.  Even women who are walking in a hurry seem to keep the top of their heads level or from bobbing up and down like men do when they are walking fast.  I definitely do not over do any of this either as that would clock me very fast.  I definitely do not try to swing my hips or butt.  Rather I try to keep my foot prints one in front of the other but not to an extreme.  I try to emit and more feminine air to my gait.   I am always trying to interject my female voice, especially on the phone, but like @VickySGV had mentioned in another posts.  Not just the physical production of the voice, but trying for a softer sound and higher pitch.  Vicky mentions the choices of the words, sentence structure and inflection and pronunciation of those words.  Even the way I write I try to come across as female.  I am not sure if I am doing a good job or not as no one really comments on writing structure.  My hand writing is terrible and definitely not female looking to me.  This I need to work on a lot.   Eye contacts is different too.  Which this one is strange to me.  I seem to be more submissive around men then I do women now.  I am not sure where this is coming from honestly but it seems and feels right.     The way I sit.  Even when alone.  I try desperately to keep my knees together as much as possible sitting.  Trying to get away from that manly wide spread leg and slouch sit.  Crossing my legs in a more female fashion even.  Even though I see men crossing their legs in this fashion too sometimes.  It seems to be a more female way of sitting.  I could never do it before, but I can now with my weight loss. Eating much smaller bites and very slowly as compared to how I ate before.  Though this is recommended for everyone.   I find women do not power eat like men.  I have no choice but to eat a certain diet and portion size and its extremely healthy.  Developed by my doctors for my bariatric surgery.  But I also notice food choices are vastly different from men to women.  I'm not just talking salads either.  LOL   I still watch other women doing certain things.  (Without trying to be creepy.)  I have noticed there is no one "way" to act like a women.  They are all different. Being CIS they are all correct.   I listen to their voices and some have lower voices then me talking like a guy.  So I suppose its not good to hyper-focus on these things.  Being organic or natural is probably best.   However being born male and living as one for 52 years, it is hard to just change every male aspect over night.  Even your mind set keeps you leaning towards male actions when you are not paying attention to it..   Its hard to feel feminine when you display many traits of your male self.   Even if they are subconscious. Like my friend @Jackie C. has said a few time in past postings.  "I feel like I have to Girl Harder then ciswomen".  LOL (I love this quote) Like anything in transition.  It will come, I know.  Slowly.  But I am so impatient.  LOL   Is there anything I missed or that you do differently?
    • TammyAnne
      Sadly I'm afraid it's human nature for 3 people to split into a pair (us) and an outcast (them). It seems to work like that at a very deep level. Couples therapy for me, regardless of the therapist's gender, always turned into me being the isolated target. My gender therapist has already suggested having some sessions including my female partner to help explain - and to get the wording right, if that makes sense. If your gender therapist can help you and wants to explain things to your wife, it may be very useful in getting through the rough spots.
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