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  • Posts

    • Jackie C.
      Yeah, that happens to FtM's, but once you've grown out your voice box, that's it. Fortunately, resonance is more important than pitch (see Cher) and you can train yourself to speak with both a higher pitch and feminine resonance. It's hard work, but it totally pays off. Well worth every second I spent doing it.   Alternately, voice surgery is a thing but it only helps with pitch. You still need to train to speak from the right part of your throat.     I get that too. I'm 5'11". My new favorite person at the gym is this lovely woman who is taller than me. I just like standing next to her. But hey, remember that there's a 7' cis-female model out there. Tall girls can be pretty too. It's harder to find clothes, but we can be pretty.   I'm not sure about being alone. Alone time is important, but being around friends can be very affirming. Especially if they know, and use your correct name/pronouns. Or even if they don't know and use the correct name and pronouns. Being around people who know and that you trust is incredibly affirming for me.     I took that approach too. It was scary... so, so scary... but I did it, and it worked out for the best. @Susan R is right though, therapists have seen, heard (and/or done) everything. You can't shock them. I think it's more likely that she'll be happy to finally get through that last bit of armor and get to meet the real you. OK, my therapist described it more as storming a castle. After two years she's past the moat... and I came to her as trans... but I prefer an armor metaphor. To me, coming out felt more like dropping heavy armor I'd been wearing to protect me from the world.   Seriously though. Deep breath and talk to your therapist. She's there to help and she can't help you if you keep things from her. Open and honest communication about what's bothering you is always the best way for the two of you to interact.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      That sounds like fun! The first place my spouse and I went together was the beach... well, technically it was the garage, but that was a "two friends" thing and where I asked her out. I think he'd really enjoy it, especially since he dropped hints. Also, he constantly wants to hold your hand. In my experience, that's not what you get from a guy who isn't in to you.   The two of you sound so cute together! I hope everything works out just how you hope!   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Ugh. That should have been a huge red flag. Who DOES that? Those were private. We do not snoop through our partner's private things without permission. I'm so very sorry you had to endure that breach of trust @TammyAnne.     I love voice training! Resonance is more important than pitch though. Testosterone will help you with pitch, resonance is more about speaking low through your chest. Girls speak more from the upper middle parts of their throat and project through their mask (face). Guys talk out of the lower part of their throat and resonate in their chests. Well worth every second I put into it.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      I completely get this. I've got a pretty androgynous face too. I look like a cross between my paternal grandmother and my maternal grandfather. Dimples. Megawatt smile. I have an entirely different area I'm not comfortable with, but I get it. That part is just "wrong" or "other." I would trade you in a heartbeat. 😅   I was "enjoying" a breakdown about it just yesterday. Although I don't think about it so much on the HRT. Mostly because everything goes "quiet" down there. It makes it much easier to ignore. I'm sorry you don't have that option without surgery.   Same thing growing up, (well, no skirts) until grade school in the 70's dropped the, "boys don't play with girls" hammer on me and I started trying to pretend so I would fit in. I'm a gamer though, so I still fight dragons.   Hugs!
    • Tristantulaine
      I totally get it! I have an hour glass figure and so many of my MtF friends joke they would snag my hips and or a cup size or two if I didnt want them.  I laughed about it while secretly wishing they really could because that would make us both so happy.  Top surgery while I have friends wearing padding feels unfair.  
    • ShawnaLeigh
      This is truly an awful thing for someone to do.  I’m so sorry you had to go threw that.  😢   I have wanted to do this all my life but something always holds me back from doing it. Perhaps my ingrained sense of need to hide everything about the person I was inside was so strong that I just couldn’t “confess” this even in written words.   Then there was the ever present fear of having someone read it, or worse, like what happened to TammyAnne.  I honestly do not know how much of a negative impact that would of had on me.   These days I’m out.  Not to the world but to most everyone I care about so these fears don’t control me any longer.   Why do I still resist?
    • Belle
      That is so awful @TammyAnne... I'm so sorry you have gone through such trauma. I hope one day you will be able to heal enough to stay a journal again.   Belle ❤😥
    • Belle
      Like DeeDee I blog about mine. It's not necessarily a journal but it's an outlet to express my journey in words.   https://medium.com/@qtcbelle   Belle ❤
    • Carolyn Marie
      "Meanwhile, my regular male life carried on.  I eventually met and married my wife.  Of course, the women's clothes had to go.  I was "fixed", and whatever was "wrong" with me was gone.  (or so I thought, hopefully.)  However, the urge to dress remained very strong, and gradually got stronger."   Yes, this sounds a lot like me; always hoping something would "cure" me.  If it wasn't falling in love and getting married, it was growing a mustache and doing something macho and dangerous.  But it never worked, and didn't for you, either.  We have all come to realize that being trans can't be cured, but there is a sure fire way of beating the dysphoria, and its name was transition!   Thanks for taking the time to tell us about yourself, KathyLauren.  I know that it can be a difficult thing to do.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      As someone who took insulin shots for 20 years, I have some familiarity with the problem.  The "good spot-bad spot" theory is pretty "spot" on 😜.  There are thousands of nerve endings in all your extremities, and hitting one by accident is fairly easy to do.  On top of that, hitting a capillary or blood vessel can also be painful.  I'm not entirely sure how to guarantee it won't happen (if that's even possible), but your best best is to talk with a nurse about it.  He or she should be able to give you some tips.  I would also suggest marking (with a marker pen or piece of tape) the spots that gave you pain so you can try and avoid them the next time.   Carolyn Marie
    • MetaLicious
      That's where my fantasy takes me.  I'd love to keep "my" body, but just with XX chromosomes, and an appropriate puberty.   When I find my jealous of some ot the women in media, I have to remind myself that 99% of ciswomen are jealous of those women for the same reason!
    • Tristantulaine
      I have recently begun the process of speaking out what I have been struggling with for a good many years internally without knowing how to put it into words.  In part this is due to transgender friends telling me their stories and hearing bits of myself in them. Last night I had a good cry with my wonderful spouse who told me that he doesnt see me any differently.   So now I feel my experiences can be discussed so much more openly.  First some background.   There is a joke in our family that the force is strong with my dads genetics and on my is it ever.  All three of my dads biological children look like him, and I have a different mom then the other two.  My birth grandfather and dad look alike and his half brother is the same.   In essence I look...like...my dad.  I was born female but have always had this face that could pass for male.  Once as a teen in the hospital I was told by staff that I looked like a cute boy with my hair slicked back.  Now...that is unsettling for a whole host of reasons that I really dont want to get into here but suffice it to say I thought for the first time, what if i was a boy?  Am i cute as a boy?    I didnt experience dysphoria as a child, I just ran around and played in the mud with boys and girls and made up elaborate stories where I fought dragons in skirts and everyone cheered for me, the victorious  knight. Then they showed up.  And they just kept growing and growing till they are large enough that my doctor has spoken to me about top surgery without gender entering the question.  I hate them. Literally I have so much anger towards them I sometimes want to lock myself up in my room and cry.  I look at my androgynous face that looks like my dads and think of the times people have seen just a head shot and thought I could be male or female,  a boy in skirts or a girl in armor or something in between.  Then I look at this silhouette that no amount of binding can reduce.     I am happy with the in betweeness of my face and I am not particularly distressed with any other part of my anatomy, but the thought of caring the things around on my chest for the rest of my life and always looking like I am smuggling watermelons out of a grocery store makes me sick.     So this is where I am now.  I suppose it is as good a place as any to be in as far as my identity is concerned.  I think I am somewhere in between and I want to make my body look the way I feel. And I am in this moment now with acceptance and love for that.
    • Tristantulaine
      I think since it seems there is an interest there that it would be a really great idea!  My adult friends and I took my adult friend to one for her birthday once because she had never gone before and it was absolutely the most fun we have ever had.  I think you see things from a different perspective as you get older and aquariums are a great place to recapture some of the fun and innocence of childhood. Also someone who has always been supportive and willing to listen is probably the kind of person who would enjoy doing something more unique. And you can always get a plushy from the gift shop to snuggle.    I hope all works out for you! 
    • A. Dillon
      Yes, I actually do! I don't write in it daily, but whenever something important happens, I always add to my voice diary of my laptop. That way, I will also be able to hear the progression of my voice over time. For now, I can gladly say that months of training my voice has definitely lowered it quite a bit, and while it might not be exactly what I want, you can't knock progress! It is also more helpful than writing because you just set a time limit and say whatever comes to mind. Hearing your own voice really gives you a better feeling of exactly what you were going through in that moment, and a clearer picture in the whole. I have started crying before, and that raw emotion while you are talking with just yourself and the microphone is something that you can really look back on. It can be a tad more stressful, sure, but I find that there is much less pressure as you are just doing and saying whatever you want.
    • ToniTone
      I'm sorry she compelled you to do that. It's not fair... 
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