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By Erikka · Posted
Great news from the Superior Court of California. I just got the decree from the court making Erikka Rakel Ingebretsen my legal name! The sad part is that a friend of 60 years has written me off. When I told her this is who I am, she asked me why I had to change name. I explained why my dead brought such sad, painful memories (a violent, physically abusive father who didn't want to father a third and made it quite plain how unwanted I was). After explaining she didn't respond. That was a week ago and she has removed me from her friends list. I know that not everyone can accept who wen are. But the ones that are still there for us are the best. Velsignelser Erikka -
By ElizabethStar · Posted
@BerniYou got mis-gendered looking like that? Seriously?!? WTH? I have a feeling the next month or so is going to be filled with firsts. I was sent a message to call a customer that I had worked with last week but wasn't told he asked for me by my dead-name. I called him as Elizabeth. I had talk about myself in 3rd person. "yeah, sorry he's not available, I'm happy to help" I was so worried I was going to accidentally out myself trying to explain how I know so much about the problem. I ended up using the "I overheard him (me) working on this last week" excuse. I was able to get through solving the issue. Of course, then he tells me to thank dead-name-me for getting the answers for him. I'm sure it will happen again and I will just calmly work through it. -
By KathyLauren · Posted
@Jacqui and @QuestioningAmber It takes time. Early on, I had a hard time saying to my therapist that I was a woman, because, at the time, I didn't feel it. We look for some switch to flip from "I feel like a man" to "I feel like a woman" and get worried if we don't feel it flip. But that's not how it is. Man and woman aren't feelings. And we don't switch our identity anyway. We are born and have always been this way, so there is nothing to switch. So what changed in me that let me finally say "I am a woman"? I started to realize how much easier it was to present as a woman. I spent 60 years worrying whether I was male enough to pass. I didn't call it "passing", but that's what it was. Now, I don't have to worry about it. I don't mean that I always pass as a woman. My presentation is not bad, but I'm sure most people can figure out my identity. What I mean is that I don't worry about it. I am enjoying being me too much. (TW: brief suicidal ideation...) My recovery from surgery has been problematic, so of course, the thought arises that I might have been better off not transitioning. The thought doesn't last long though! When I think about what it would be like to go back, I shudder in horror. I literally couldn't do it. If the blue meanies told me that I had to de-transition, I think I would kill myself, that's how stong the horror is. I can never go back. Being a woman is so much easier, so much better, so much lighter than trying to pretend that I was a man that I can confidently say that I am and always have been a woman. That realization didn't suddenly happen. It arose organically with the accumulated experience of being myself. I would turn around Rachel Williams' quote and say, "It was when I realized that I had rejected my history of male-identification that I accepted myself totally as a woman." -
By Erikka · Posted
My endro order a genetics test. Instead of being standard 46,XY male I am a 47,XXY. She called it Mosaic Klinefelter syndrome. It means that many of my cells have and extra X and some don't. It explains so many things, like delayed puberty, gynecomastia, dental problems, delay in walking. One in 500 boy babies are born with 47, XXY. It is on a spectrum from barely to completely. I fall somewhere in the middle. So a bit more girl than I thought. -
By Jani · Posted
I have two StarCastle albums! They were given to me years ago. Blues Image and Red Rider, great songs by these bands! -
By QuestioningAmber · Posted
@Jacqui I still have a hard time with the statement "I am a woman". I have been working with my therapist on this for about a year now, and I don't know when it will be simple to say "I am a woman". I want to say it is a magical journey, but I think it is just shifting your identity in simple ways. One thing I have done is started adopting they/them pronouns as a starting point. I prefer those over he/him and she/her doesn't feel quite right yet. These have all been baby steps I have taken. I hope that is a starting point, and I am also curious what others will have to say. -
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By Jacqui · Posted
I waltzed into this week fairly stoked by the work my therapist and I did at our last session, in which she helped me through a doorway I was hesitant to cross (having her address me exclusively as "Jacqui"). She also gave me an exercise that immerses me in thinking of myself as "Jacqui" so that I can see how this makes me feel. I was feeling confident and optimistic, but now that I'm a few days into the week, I'm feeling terrible anxiety and doubt. In her blog on wordpress in a segment documenting her transition, Rachel Williams says, "I had to learn to accept myself totally as a woman in order to reject my history of male-identification." When I read those words, my immediate thought was, "How in the world will I ever be able to do that? Do I have the capability within me?" Rachel adds that this definitely didn't happen overnight, but still . . . for me right now it feels daunting. As I said in a response to my very first post, "If this takes me down a certain path, what a jarring displacement it will be to the person that the world and I are accustomed to seeing as 'me'." When I wrote that, I wasn't so worried about what the world was accustomed to seeing; it was what I was accustomed to seeing that was paramount in my concerns. I will of course discuss this with my gender therapist at my next session, but if any of you have words of wisdom or encouragement from your own experiences, I would be grateful to receive them. -
By Berni · Posted
"Good morning sir .. " Honestly, some days this is absolutely exhausting! Having my morning coffee at the local mall. Despite the misgendering, I refuse to feel anything but radiant today. Hope everyone has a great one. -
By DeeDee · Posted
Hi Kestrel, pleased to meet you. 🙂 I think your personality just bubbles through in your outfit (I love the green dress!) and your posts. I'm afraid if I tried to put together a boho look it would just look like I fell in a laundry basket. I seem to alternate between geek chic and smart casual depending on my mood, flared asymmetrical skirts are just gorgeous, but I don't really have a style yet. Who knows. Hope to hear more from you. -
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By HollyNoel · Posted
@Jeanette West Hugs for you girl. I have to wait until next Monday to see my therapist to talk about this and several other things. I wish you luck, I'm finding this step to be harder than I thought.. lol. -
By Victoria_ · Posted
Thank you girls for your support! Yes, I’m experiencing more freedom, Rome is very different from my little town where everybody knows everybody. Sad to say, my university has a lot of connections with the Catholic Church (everything in Rome has a connection with priests! ) and this isn’t very good for me. But I hope that my friends will support me anyway, you are helping me a lot, reading your stories is a big relief, if you made it, I can do it. I just discovered that one of the support groups in the list is still active, and, surprise, it’s very close to my house! Hugs and thank you 😊 -
By Shay · Posted
@Reverie_Star there is a 2003 movie called Normal with Tom Wilkerson and Jessica Lange. Tom transitions and is definitely not the prettiest woman BUT when his wife (lange) finally accepts him changing she helps with wardrobe and tells Wilkerson... "You have to use what you've been given" and helped with clothes to compliment her male size and weight. That made an impression on me. Be real. Accent what attributes you've got and we emphasize less attractive features. I have broad ( wrong broad) shoulders so I find clothes that don't broadcast my shoulders. I have a wide jaw so I use makeup to tone it down. Thin hair - wig helps. You get the idea. Reality is reality including the money available to make changes. It is hard to do but it leads to a happier you. You are unique and no one else has your unique beauty. -
By Jeanette West · Posted
Thank you Holly, that makes perfect sense, which is prolly why it flew right over my head. I know the exact time....
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