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By Jackie C. · Posted
Yikes. Maybe I AM too trusting. My brain doesn't work like this at all. I can't even imagine what kind of person would even do something like that to a partner. That's just awful @ShawnaLeigh. I'm so very sorry that happened to you. Hugs! -
By ShawnaLeigh · Posted
I totally agree with achieving the organic self as being a women. Just being natural without having to think about all this all the time. This is why I am being so proactive now to try and teach my brain and train my body how to move and sound. Some things you may never change from how you were before. I know this. That's ok too. Just basic skeletal build and muscle grouping of a man with dictate most movement when you are not fully concentrating on changing them. Old habits die hard too. I slouch sitting and standing. I have fought this my entire life. I want it gone but I fear I will always do it when I am not making an effort to not do so. -
By ShawnaLeigh · Posted
Well I'm not getting this feeling from my wife but more that she is "not a lesbian". Once I am not a man anymore we will not be married. Who knows what exactly this means to her? Physically? Mentally? Both? So maybe the "not enough for me" one. But she definitely has told me she still loves me still. That she understands what and why I am doing this and is supporting me in certains ways with my transition. Though she did tell me last weekend, starting with a, "I don't mean this to hurt your feelings but..." Then she told me she is not as attracted to me the more feminine I get. Which I can understand if she is attracted only to men. Which she is adamant about. I too feel a gender therapist can explain all this better to them then we can. For me, I am still learning a lot about myself and this community. How am I suppose to explain it all to someone else? -
By MiraM · Posted
The only thing I consciously work on is my voice, and I am at the point that I don't concentrate as much on it any more either. I have been working with a speech therapist for over a year, and do have a more forward resonance, and the pitch is consistently in the 'female' range. Intonation needs work, but the more I speak the better it gets without having to really concentrate on it. As far as how I walk, I have stopped trying to change that. My normal way of walking is best described as the stereotypical "prance" of a very effeminate Gay man. I spent my whole life trying to change that so I walked like a 'normal' guy. Now I don't try to cover that up. I just let it flow. I also don't try to change the amount of hand gestures when I speak any more. I have always tried to tone that down as well. It's much easier when I just let that be natural as well. I've never done the man-spreading thing when sitting, so nothing to report there. So I guess my 'practicing' is mainly just being aware of when I am trying to change the way I would naturally move, sit or walk to try and make it into a more 'normal' male fashion, and just doing it the way that is most natural for me. But hey, I'm not a male, so why do I have to change the way I am? -
By TammyAnne · Posted
"A source other than me..." I think this is a key point. If we say it, our partners hear something entirely different coming out of our mouths: "you're not enough for me. You're a failure. I don't love you anymore. You're not enough (partner) for me, etc." The therapist can be heard from a more detached place -
By Charlize · Posted
I saw that good news on Facebook. 988 is something i can learn easily. It would be lovely if they would give The Trevor Project (866 488 7365) and or the Trans Lifeline ( 877 565 8860) a short memorable number. I would think many trans folks would be more able to share with a person who is sure to understand our issues. Hugs, Charlize -
By MaryMary · Posted
I definitively have the reflex to look at what other woman do and try to emulate but I actually I'm trying to brake this habit and I'm intensely just trying to be myself. That include some of what you said but not completely either. I'm so far from myself it feels like. These days I am just trying to stop doing stuff just because others want me to do it (or I think they do). I spent all my life trying to be more feminine and/or more masculine but, might be the age, I'm over it. I totally understand what you say and it sounds like fun too I'm a chaotic person by nature and I'm trying to be more spontaneous and authentic in my day to day. That being said I will stop being slightly off topic and mention that you can buy a "posture corrector" that will help greatly with upper body stuff. Just search for this on google and you'll find -
By KymmieL · Posted
I do as well. I'd be walking and then I think crap dummy your a girl walk like one. So I slow down some taking smaller steps putting the glide in my walk. Same with sitting. Then somethings are starting to come naturally. My speech therapist says that my normal talking voice has a softer more feminine tone to it. Kymmie -
By Timber Wolf · Posted
Good morning everyone, 🦄 Happy Birthday Debra Michelle!🎂 Happy Birthday Jayson!🎂 Hope you have a wonderful day! Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾 -
By ShawnaLeigh · Posted
I am sorry this has happened to you Tammy. It goes to prove once again to me that you need to find a therapist specialized in the issues you are wanting to learn and correct or move on with. This includes couples therapy. Most couples do not have a transgender aspect to their marital/couples issues. A gender therapist can help with this much better with a complete understanding of trans issues but they too may not be so good with couples. I was recommended a trans couples therapist for use in this matter sometime soon. We have yet to do this as we really have no real issue between us other then her "line" she will not cross eventually. Its my hope that with time and love and more education on transgender she will blur that line. He has also offered to have my wife attend my sessions if she wants to. To ask what she about wants to learn about or to get a better understanding of. How to deal with certain things and to learn that what she feels is not wrong or bad. Maybe slip some trans education in there too from a source other then me. I told him to not have her attend to just sit there and watch him shrink my head. LOL -
By ShawnaLeigh · Posted
I have been doing this. All day long. Everyday. At work, in public, and at home. In everyway possible. I'm talking about the over all presentation. (Less the clothing or make up as I am not completely out yet.) (Sigh) Of course there are things you only do a little bit at a time. Some more often. So I am so hyper-focused on all these things now. "How would a women do this or that", I ask myself several times a day. My thought is to do everything I can, all the time, and make it become a part of who I am, physically speaking. Make them automatic/subconscious actions eventually. So things like the way I walk. I practice "the glide" and keeping my steps not as spaced out as before. Keeping my knees together or closer together vs. that cave man step guys tend to display. Straight posture and chest out slightly. Elbows not only in closer but slightly back too. Even the way I hold my arms and hand positions while walking. Wrists and hands/fingers have more flow then looking like I am gripping a wooden club. Even women who are walking in a hurry seem to keep the top of their heads level or from bobbing up and down like men do when they are walking fast. I definitely do not over do any of this either as that would clock me very fast. I definitely do not try to swing my hips or butt. Rather I try to keep my foot prints one in front of the other but not to an extreme. I try to emit and more feminine air to my gait. I am always trying to interject my female voice, especially on the phone, but like @VickySGV had mentioned in another posts. Not just the physical production of the voice, but trying for a softer sound and higher pitch. Vicky mentions the choices of the words, sentence structure and inflection and pronunciation of those words. Even the way I write I try to come across as female. I am not sure if I am doing a good job or not as no one really comments on writing structure. My hand writing is terrible and definitely not female looking to me. This I need to work on a lot. Eye contacts is different too. Which this one is strange to me. I seem to be more submissive around men then I do women now. I am not sure where this is coming from honestly but it seems and feels right. The way I sit. Even when alone. I try desperately to keep my knees together as much as possible sitting. Trying to get away from that manly wide spread leg and slouch sit. Crossing my legs in a more female fashion even. Even though I see men crossing their legs in this fashion too sometimes. It seems to be a more female way of sitting. I could never do it before, but I can now with my weight loss. Eating much smaller bites and very slowly as compared to how I ate before. Though this is recommended for everyone. I find women do not power eat like men. I have no choice but to eat a certain diet and portion size and its extremely healthy. Developed by my doctors for my bariatric surgery. But I also notice food choices are vastly different from men to women. I'm not just talking salads either. LOL I still watch other women doing certain things. (Without trying to be creepy.) I have noticed there is no one "way" to act like a women. They are all different. Being CIS they are all correct. I listen to their voices and some have lower voices then me talking like a guy. So I suppose its not good to hyper-focus on these things. Being organic or natural is probably best. However being born male and living as one for 52 years, it is hard to just change every male aspect over night. Even your mind set keeps you leaning towards male actions when you are not paying attention to it.. Its hard to feel feminine when you display many traits of your male self. Even if they are subconscious. Like my friend @Jackie C. has said a few time in past postings. "I feel like I have to Girl Harder then ciswomen". LOL (I love this quote) Like anything in transition. It will come, I know. Slowly. But I am so impatient. LOL Is there anything I missed or that you do differently? -
By TammyAnne · Posted
Sadly I'm afraid it's human nature for 3 people to split into a pair (us) and an outcast (them). It seems to work like that at a very deep level. Couples therapy for me, regardless of the therapist's gender, always turned into me being the isolated target. My gender therapist has already suggested having some sessions including my female partner to help explain - and to get the wording right, if that makes sense. If your gender therapist can help you and wants to explain things to your wife, it may be very useful in getting through the rough spots. -
By TammyAnne · Posted
Yes, the VA can be surprisingly wonderful. In my last therapy session, my therapist asked me what pronouns I wanted to use during the transition (for now we're going with male ones since that is what I appear to be) and what was my preferred name. I told her "Tommie" (in Gaelic, Tammie and Tommie are each variant spellings of the same name) then as I was leaving she called me Tommie and I had the strangest warm feeling. It's nice that they seem to go out of their way to be sweet to us. Congratulations on your step forward Kymmie! -
By TammyAnne · Posted
Happy birthday Debra! I'm on my 3rd sip of coffee (maybe it's more like a slurp). With the holidays and family looming, I'm feeling very uneasy. Wish I were in a better place, I'm certainly feeling less settled in life than i expected to be by this age. But I guess managing expectations is what it's all about. But I don't know whether to expect the best or the worst. TA -
By TammyAnne · Posted
Some really great thoughts shared with you here, Laura. I'm not sure I could add much to those except to state my belief that we are not on this earth to be unhappy. Each and every one of us deserves happiness. Time is so limited in life that it's not worth trying to sacrifice your own happiness in the (probably in vain) hopes of making someone else happy - especially if they seem to be shifting the goal posts. Let me offer you a big hug and a thank you for sharing this. I logged in this morning feeling very isolated and alone. You've reminded me that I am not alone.
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