Good morning everyone,😃   Happy birthday blackcatkitycat!🎂 Happy birthday Charlize!🎂 Happy birthday GamerGirlEmily!🎂 Happy birthday Madelyn!🎂 Happy birthday Michelle F!🎂 Hope you have a terrific day!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf🐾

Thank you both for welcoming me back  

Ok, so this is something I've wondered about in the back of my mind for...literally decades, and I don't know why it never occurred to me to just ask...   To everyone out there who's ever gone through any testosterone-driven development...(So like, both AMABs like me who went through testosterone puberty as a teenager, but also transmascs who have been on T for awhile, regardless of whether or not you ever went through an estrogen-puberty)...   Did you ever get any nipple soreness/discomfort during your testosterone-based development? (regardless of whether it was initial puberty or HRT)   The reason I wonder is: While I've always heard about nipple soreness being a common symptom of estrogen-based development, I've never heard anything about whether or not it's ever a thing in testosterone-based development too, and if so, how common it might be.   As for me (an AMAB, post-T-puberty, trans gal), I did get nipple soreness during my original testosterone puberty as a teenager (probably no huge surprise considering my question!)

Just a random for anyone interested.    Today probably marks a milestone in my transition. I'll probably forget as it was fairly ordinary day.   Wasn't able to make a trip up north to see some friends as 3 hours driving in rain and unknown conditions meant staying at home. Well nearly.   Ended up going out in a rush to catchup with my mum, my sister and brother-in-law for lunch and pickup a purchase off our version of Craigslist.  Why is this a milestone  ? No makeup, no real effort or look girly/womany. Only person to misgender me was my brother-in-law. Go figure, politely corrected and no further problems.   It really does boost the confidence going out and being gendered correctly.    So now home with our purchase and some random Op-shop stuff ... lol   Sleep well, be kind and stay safe.   Hugs Robyn

A bit late, but this is explained in our How Do I? section, specifically, How Do I Change My Profile Photo.

I can definitely relate to this. It's a rather apt description of much of my teens, 20's and 30's. But fingers tightly crossed for this new decade I've started, now that I'm really working on my self...

@Lydia_R Yes! These are tough choices that only you can make. The relative postponement of the debt vs. living as yourself earlier can’t be weighed on the same scale. If the cost of HRT would permanently end any possibility of repaying of the debt, well… that would be serious factor to consider. If not, then it’s just about when the debt will be paid off not if it will get paid off. As important as money can be for some in this life, IMHO, it pales in comparison to being true to yourself.   Here’s another way to think about this for me. Would I go $10k-$20k in debt to start my transition a decade sooner than I did. Without question, Yes…assuming I had the knowledge and understanding about my life that I have today. So I guess if the monetary amount of that debt became too great of a burden and I determined it would outweigh my gender dysphoria, it’s possible I would’ve opted to postpone my transition.   But it will be interesting to see what you decide to do.

@LearningWhoIAm…I first want to say how very sorry I am that the news wasn’t received well. It’s always an unknown and all one can do is hope for the best possible outcome. The bravery you had to be able to work up to this point is amazing. It’s possible things may settle down a bit after this initial reaction. He may see that your acknowledgment of who you really are doesn’t mean an end to your relationship. Marriages evolve as do most relationships. This is one of those points where “for better for worse” might apply. Let’s hope your husband can withstand this evolution in the marriage. It may not be as bad as he thinks. Some people can adapt to the new paradigm that comes with gender change within a relationship and some can not. It changes both partners and right now your husband can’t see anything outside his own understanding of it. Don’t let his statement about his lack of growth cause you to lose hope. I have to assume he loves you very much and strong love can sometimes withstand even the most devastating news.   I love what you said here and I know you mean it with all your heart. The reason IMHO he believes you will become a complete stranger is because of the unknown. There will undoubtedly be changes but if you work through those changes with him, there is a chance that he will always see the same person he fell in love with initially. I believe this is key to keeping the marriage together. Staying on the same page with good communication and with understanding your partners needs at any moment goes along way to keeping your bond strong.   There is a freedom that you’re feeling by revealing this secret. That stays with you forever but in your moment of doubt of whether you did the right thing, try to think back about what life was like keeping this deeply kept secret hidden from those that you love. Try to always remember how life was before this freedom was yours. The thought of dying and never having revealed my true self to my spouse absolutely killed me every time I thought about it.   You're certainly no monster. If things had initially went well and your husband at this very moment was 100% affirming, would you still think yourself to be a monster?  ‘No’. So you can’t be something (like being a monster) based on someone else’s acceptance of your life….especially when that person couldn’t possible know your whole story at this point in time. You did what you needed to do to make your life finally the life you needed it to be—and one worth living to its fullest potential.   *Big Hugs* Susan R🌷

Is it me or does makeup for gingers have its own set of rules?   I am so lost and overwhelmed with the whole makeup thing. 

Hi @Mx.Drago, Thank you for your reply! Thank you for sharing some of your journey with me, as well. I've done a lot more looking into the androgyne identity, and bigender, as well, and I think I can say because of the specifics, I don't think either is really a fit for me, although others have said otherwise, but only because I asked for their thoughts. I'm just kind of going with trans nonbinary right now, because I know I'm trans and nonbinary, so it works and it's easier than getting into so many details online.  I'm only out online, although I'm sure my kids know, one of them anyway, because I've been experimenting with my presentation a lot. Unfortunately, I'm living in probably the most unsafe state in the US right now, and I won't be out to anyone here, anytime soon, thanks to the worst governor I've ever witnessed in my life time. As much as I'm enjoying my presentation, I've got me and my kids' safety to think about. It's now become impossible to trust anyone here I don't already know, and maybe even some people I do know. I very much appreciate your response, though, and hope you are able to stay safe, as well.

@Davie and @Vidanjali, Thank you both! I'm definitely running into some bumps, but feeling more and more like I'm understanding myself better, with a lot of introspection. I don't necessarily feel like I need to go into all the details with everyone, but like you said, @Vidanjali , examining different labels is allowing me to put some different pieces together, both past and present, which is ultimately helping me to better see myself as a whole person and giving me an idea of the bigger picture that I'm looking at, too.   I'm sure once I get to know myself better, I'll settle down with all this hunting for labels, and I'll be more content. I guess I'm still kind of riding this high of actually getting to be me for the first time in my life. Circumstances in my life just never allowed for that before, even though I identified in other ways before, like identifying as bi in my teens (which I don't anymore..something else now. We just didn't have the language back then), but going back into the closet for years, just to survive, because my family threw me out, and where I was living I wouldn't have made it without others' help. And many of those "others" were, unfortunately, homophobic. (So I did a lot of "fake it to make it".)   I still went through most of my life in a dissociative state, not even realizing (until I ended up with a proper diagnosis after being hospitalized) I had developed DP/DR. Which is another reason it's really important for me to find my identity, because living in an alternate reality did nothing good for my mental health.

Omg!  Thank you!  I haven't had a haircut in years (I literally have split ends with split ends that have spit ends) and I've been worried about trying to explain my needs.  There are option in my area and I couldn't be more pleased!  Thanks again!

Thank you.

Another update:    I think I have one of the worst coming out stories of all time. My husband cried, yelled, slammed doors. It was a mess. He stormed out leaving me in tears. About 20 minutes later he came back. He yelled at me " What did you think would happen? That I'd say no problem sweetie I love you? I'm not gay!" He then started crying in a way that I've never seen him cry. He motioned for me to go over by the couch by him and we hugged and cried for a solid 15 minutes. We then sat next to each other and talked. I said that I didn't want to lose him, that we could grow together. He said he didn't think he could grow that much.    We talked for a while after that and he said he wants to be with me "for as long as we've got." I told him I'm not going anywhere, that I'm still me. But he firmly believes that I'm going to turn into a complete stranger.    Things have returned to more normal. He's cooled off now and even cooked dinner for us.    I don't know what to say or think. On one hand I'm relieved that this secret is gone. On the other hand I'm heartbroken because I think once I start to medically transition my husband will leave.    I feel like a monster. I feel like I've destroyed my family and my marriage. I'm so lost and I feel so alone. 

Smooth as glass, well done!  Love the color too but sadly, it would clash with my hair.