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A place to discuss transition: legal, workplace, name change, driver's license issues, and more. Tips and tricks on getting through a year or two as another gender.


783 topics in this forum

  1. Workplace experience

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  2. Out of State Gender and Name Change

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  3. Legally speaking.......

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  4. Request to see my ID

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  5. Deed and birth certificate

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  6. Facebook name change

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  7. Found An Old Diary Type Thing I Wrote

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  8. Forbes Tutorial: Burying the Dead Name

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  9. A Great Start For Pride Month

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  10. Passing hmm over rated. 1 2

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  11. Mammogram

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  12. Humans come is all shapes

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  13. Passing experiences on the farm

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  14. hard time passing

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  15. How hard is passing?

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  16. Official name and gender change

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  17. Changing Gender Marker

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  18. Off to see my primary doctor

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  19. Passing

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  20. Being FTM without transitioning

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  21. IRS Name Change?

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    • Vanessa Michelle
      @KimmieElise Hi and welcome to the group!!! So glad you joined us!! I'm middle-aged myself. I trust you will find this a great place to get to know people with much in common. Wow, that's nuts about your company too. That would definitely be hard.  ❤️
    • KimmieElise
      Hi all.  I have been lurking off and on for some time.  More just a time thing than any reluctance to post.   I am in my 50's single, and two years into my transition.  I am told by family and friends I pass, but I really have my doubts.  I don't seem to attract a lot of odd looks in public, and people treat me as a woman, but I still have my doubts.  It is probably as much people not paying attention to the others than anything else.   I am having trouble right now.  I have been out of work for a couple of months, and signed up to drive for a ride sharing company to make money to get through.  I have not legally changed my name, and my driver's license still shows the old me.  The profile picture I submit is the new me, and the company I am trying to sign up with keeps saying they suspect fraud.  It is like impossible to talk to a real person at this company.  I have never seen a company so removed from its customers and "contractors."  I am not the type to pull the "intersectionality" card.  I don't like being a -Naughty word-  I just want to live my life.  You know?  Anyway, I ended up going on their facebook page and posting.  I got the whole "We will look into this" thing, but I don't know now.  For all the noise this company makes about being LGBT inclusive and making a big deal about Pride, they make it super hard to sign up.  I don't have a couple weeks to get a new license to get my picture on my license, and I don't have the time and money to change my name yet.  I was going to do that after the first of the year, before I got laid off.  I really need to start getting some money coming in.   Has anyone else had this kind of problem?
    • Vanessa Michelle
      Hey y'all, if it's ok to ask, I'd love to know how many of us our located in IL. Feel free to PM me if you don't want that info on this thread. While I know a few of you are, I personally find it comforting to know there are others in the state, even if not that close to me. Maybe I'm weird Lol. I am not sure if any of our posts can be read by people without signing up for an account, so if a Moderator could weigh in on that it would be helpful, as I wouldn't want any of us to post anything here that would help in outing us or putting us at risk. On that note, if you'd like to PM me for safety, your IL city then I will reply with mine as well. Mods, take this down if it's inappropriate to post here please. Thank you all ❤️
    • Vanessa Michelle
      Dang @Abi I'm sorry you had such an experience with your ex! It sounds like your commitment to her was great, as it should be, but she wasn't able or wiling to reciprocate. So sorry. You will see better days too girl, don't give up on that. Now may suck, but things won't always ❤️ On a lighter note, it's always great to see another one of us lives in Illinois. It feels good knowing I am not alone here every time I see the state flag under somebody's name. ❤️
    • Abi
      My ex called me an embarrassment to talk about at all. We never even talked about anything relating to coming out. I had worked two jobs and been doing all the housework for years while I helped her get two degrees. My efforts were all to her benefit and whenever I asked for anything at all..." It's not a good time, right now." I had taken years of that kind of stuff and worse before I decided there was no path for us to walk together any longer. I am forever heartbroken and jaded by my experience. I put up with waiting for it to be a good time to be happy and never getting that for so long that I feel like I'll never have anything to offer to a relationship again. I hope none of you with spouse's ever have to feel like I do about relationships. I encourage all attempts to make that work. My loneliness tears me apart daily and the few connections I have with people that care about me as much as I care about them are fading.    I hope you're able to see better days together. I wouldn't wish the feelings of self doubt or loneliness on anyone. I have no answer that will help. If anything, I would say don't let anyone beat you down for who you are. Sorry for ranting and being no help.
    • ElizabethStar
      Cat dealer? Intriguing, tell me more.😆   I was beginning think today wasn't going to end. I had to run and pick up a script for my wife. On the way home I stopped off to pick up some spanx. I thought I would give them a try to help conceal things and open up more clothing options for me. They do help quit a bit but I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thong thing. Exposed! That's how I feel wearing a thong. While I was shopping I knew what I was looking for but couldn't find 'em. Luckily there was actually someone working in that department so I asked her for help. I must look better than my mirror says I do. She didn't bat-an-eye, give a second look or anything. Just one of the girls. It felt so nice. The young guy at the resister on the other hand.... He didn't say anything or look at me weird either but did start turning a little red as he was trying to find the bar code to scan. Making things worse for him, that 2 pack of thong spanx was all I bought. I feel like I have a mini-mission now. Embarrass a cashier with my purchase.   When I got home there was more furniture, in boxes, wait to be assembled at the end of my driveway. When I was about halfway done with one piece another package showed up. It was the missing pieces for Our water filter. That causes a home depot run for some supplies to get it installed. I've concluded that if I'm out shopping at a boys-club place and a guy asks to help....take it. It makes guy feel special when you do.   I managed to get the filter installed and working. Wife cannot complain  the water stinks anymore. Then off to assemble flat packed furniture. I got two 5 drawer chest and a night sand. I have more to do on the flat pack Furniture but It's going to wait.   Have a good night everyone.                                                 
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @WillowWow, I am sorry you battle those feelings. That had got to be super difficult! As you know, God most certainly doe not want your wife to die, and that does not need to happen in order for you to fully live as your authentic self. God made you and her and you are both exactly what he wanted you to be. This situation doesn't change that. I am praying for you both through this, that he will take the pain and feeling that she is what's stopping you away and replace it with his amazing love and acceptance for her. Also, for you to experience his love like never before. I honor you for your bravery in posting those feelings and struggles here today. That must have taken a lot of strength and trust to do so. You are an amazing woman. Thank you for trusting us and allowing yourself to be so vulnerable. God bless you sister ❤️❤️❤️❤️
    • Red_Lauren.
      I have Irish blood, and a lot of it. As far as I know I'm of 100% European descent. My mom who the Irish comes from. Has or had kenny g type curls, and about the same color. I haven't seen her since 2014, so I'm not sure what her hair is like now.    My dad was mostly English, and Scottish. Dark brown thin wavy hair.    If I didn't look so munch like my old man. I would have thought that I swapped at the hospital. I have thin wavy/curly/straight auburn hair. In the summer it gets really curly. Like I can cut off 3 inches before summer, and not look like I need hair cut till November.    Once winter hits. My hair gos almost straight, and I have 6-8in more inches of growth, and will stay wavy/straight to June.    Not sure whats going to happen to it this summer, as this will be first summer on hormones, but I do know. I will get another relaxer like I did last summer. To help with the knots, and curls.
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @AudreyI'll take the 🤗  any day with our without the mask ❤️
    • Vanessa Michelle
      Holy wow I missed a lot by not logging in until now! 😲
    • Audrey
      Walked by the diner that inspired this song earlier today.     Love, ~Audrey.
    • JustineM
      I hope I can, I’ve been on some kind of stomach meds for darn near 20 years.    I suggested 2 that I found on Amazon to her, Transgender 101 by Nicholas Teich and Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Trans by Brynn Tannehill. 
    • Audrey
      Dear Willow, Mindy, and all... thank you for your compassion and inclusion. I am a Gen X'er myself. I constantly strive to understand the experiences of those both older and younger than me. My job challenges me to do this on a daily basis. I consider cross-generational understanding essential to my coming out and journey forward, because people like my parents and coworkers are will see me and the concept of being transgender and transitioning through a different generational lens.   So I needed to understand why what was shared today affected me so much. Had a good long cry if I'm being truthful...  I know this hiding place all too well. I lived in it for most of my life, really forever, until only recently. The idea that what I was feeling could be minimized into a disorder, a paraphilia, or a perversion even, meant that no one could ever know. Punishment did come, quite literally, when I came out of hiding and got caught. Survival meant repressing and denying this to anyone, including myself. This brings an intense pain I believe we all can relate to. As a result, the worst punishment was always in my head. The endless negative self-talk drove me to the darkest depths of depression and to the brink of suicide. Which brings me to...   I share your deep concern about your wife. This must undoubtedly be weighing heavily on both of your hearts and minds and causing so much anguish. That said, I think it's wonderful that you're so attuned to your wife's needs and adapt yourself to meet them when her need is greatest. I imagine she feels this from you. In a sense I think she is attuned to your own needs too, it's just that her way of expressing that via altruistic suicidal ideation and self-sacrifice is deeply troubling. I'm hopeful that you and she can have open conversations about those feelings, whether with a therapist as you hope, or with other supportive people in your lives, or just the two of you together. I can sense the strength of your love and marriage from your writing!   The other thing that this conversation brought up for me today was my deep-rooted fear that my partner could decide to end our relationship at any point. Whatever the expressed reason, I would assume it was because I'm transgender. I'm working hard to overcome this insecurity but it does overwhelm my emotions at times (like today).   These are pretty heavy thoughts and feelings for the coffee thread. Can I offer everyone a (masked) supportive group hug? 🤗   Love, ~Audrey.  
    • ElizabethStar
      Hey Jamie, I'm sorry to hear it's becoming a thing trying to find a place. Have you considered straight out asking your insurance provider? Maybe they can point you in the right direction.
    • Jocelyn
      Thank you Mindy, I agree that we need to stick together and support each other. We need to openly share our hardships so that maybe someone else will not feel so alone. thank you for your support. Unfortunately I have not come out to my fire fighting family and have had little contact due to COVID-19 happening shortly after I retired. working towards living life in the open. stay safe everyone hugs Jocelyn
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