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Passing As Your Target Gender

A discussion forum about passing as your true gender.

653 topics in this forum

  1. do i pass?

    • 10 replies
  2. Can you gender me in this photo?

    • 7 replies
  3. Liz's progress (wait, what progress?!)

    • 16 replies
  4. Advice on passing

    • 4 replies
  5. What are the passing nessesities?

    • 8 replies
  6. Passing Thoughts

    • 2 replies
  7. The need for Acceptable Speech

    • 4 replies
  8. The Out And About Time Warp --

    • 10 replies
  9. Life simply continues

    • 3 replies
  10. Hands ! 1 2

    • 25 replies
  11. Still updating IDs...

    • 5 replies
  12. Chuck's wife

    • 5 replies
  13. Passing too well

    • 18 replies
  14. Janet Mock on "Passing"

    • 21 replies
  15. My life log.

    • 1 reply
  16. Is passing necessary?

    • 20 replies
  17. Self-Perception

    • 1 reply
  18. prosthetic vaginas

    • 7 replies
  19. Passing? 1 2

    • 28 replies
  20. Will i ever pass?

    • 5 replies
  21. Very Strange

    • 6 replies
  22. New Hair Style - Passing?

    • 11 replies
  23. Starting a photo log of my transition. 1 2 3 4

    • 90 replies
  24. A hospital visit

    • 6 replies
  25. New pictures

    • 11 replies
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    • Carolyn Marie
      A couple of issues here, Vanessa.  It is forbidden by our rules to post identifying information beyond city, state and legal name, and we don't encourage the posting of legal names (but it's not forbidden to do so).  We don't advise posting even the town or city if its a small town, because details in posts might give away your identity.  That said, those things are permitted to be shared in PM's, but even then we discourage giving contact info to others, unless you know the person pretty well.  It is also forbidden by our rules to seek the legal name or contact info from minors, or to give your contact info to a minor.   To answer your second question, non-members can read every public post, but they cannot access anything from personal profile pages or galleries.  That's why we prefer members post pics of themselves in the galleries rather than forum posts.    Our first priority is the safety of members, and we take that responsibility very seriously.  One last thing; we don't have statistics on membership by city but possibly  we do by state.  I'd have to look that up.   Carolyn Marie
    • Ellie Jean
      Omg did this site genuinely just censor the frigging "R word" lmao. Now that sentence doesn't make any sense for me. 🙄
    • Ellie Jean
      That's a big part of the same reason that I quit. Part of me kinda hates myself for that. I saw a lot of messed up stuff over the years. Still have nightmares occasionally. Full of charred corpses, some of them human, some of them animal. Some of them children; vehicle extrications were the worst part for me; a lot of the time it was just cutting a dead body out of a car, usually because of a drunk driver. I was a firefighter in the middle of Alaska though; I've only lived in the Lower 48 for a few years now. Back in Alaska the DOF did a little bit of everything; wildland, structural, search and rescue; especially where I lived because there was no one else around for hundreds of miles except for us. A lot of us were just alcoholic, pothead grunts trying to get a good paycheck; it always kinda annoyed me for some reason when people thanked me for my service, like I was some kind of hero or something when I was just a guy trying to make a buck like the rest of them. I dropped out of high school and started working for the government at the age of seventeen lmao; I was a dumb ass; I just got sick and tired of being stuck in Special Ed classes and treated like I was -dimwitted- because I was autistic. I ended up quitting when I was 23, for a multitude of reasons. The first being that I was getting complacent to the point my Incident Commanders started becoming worried; one of them taking me aside one day on the fire line to give me a little pep talk and warned me against getting stuck fighting fires all my life. I was pretty shut-off and desensitized at that point and I think it kinda freaked them out. I'd literally started walking away from explosions in slow motion without even bothering to turn around and look at it to see if I was in danger lmao. But being on the spectrum, I've always been kinda...flat-affect. Robotic even. It was kind of a double edged-sword; on the one hand I was super smart and super calm under pressure; on the other hand, I was kinda zoned out and stuck in my own head with walls built up between me and the rest of the world. It just got worse over time. Super long days; we'd get stuck fighting wildfires into the early morning long past midnight. Not a lot of time to sleep and eat before we had to get up and do it all again. After a while I think everything just sorta got too much. My brain is still programmed to find hazards though; sometimes I'll even think I see smoke coming up from the floor boards out of the corner of my eyes and have to do a double-take. =P
    • Abi
      I never yelled or said mean things ever. I was happy being a homemaker as long as the hurtful comments weren't coming but, they grew as the years went by. I just shut off when the feelings of being worthless were amplified through screaming and manipulation. I am better than when I first got out a bit but, it haunts me so.   Illinois is not the worst place to be trans and maybe it will get better everywhere in quick fashion. Biden's first day seems promising in that regard.   Thanks for your kindness, Abi
    • Willow
      Hi, I know it’s late but like some others I can’t sleep.  Partly because I can’t do anything but sit around right now  partly because this huge wrap around my foot is uncomfortable to say the least.   thanks for all the thoughts of concern for my wife and I. You know something I have learned through my ordeal is sharing or unloading your concerns makes the load lighter.  I do wish I’d understood myself much younger and been brave enough to tell at least my mother.  I don’t know how different things would be today but they would be different.     yes, I am sure we are both concerned about the other. I don’t want to be an embarrassment for my wife or myself.  I do believe there is something I am to do.  I realize most people don’t share my beliefs, but I KNOW God or his Angel has spoken directly to me several times.  Our minister believes me but admits he has never been spoken to directly.  My wife studies her Bible everyday and she has never been spoken to, so why me?  Al I can say is there is something I have to do still, he told me last year during lent.   my wife does her level best to accept me and allow me to be me.  And similarly I do my best not to push her or anything that would cause her to withdraw.  We are both relatively shy people, except Willow is not shy. Dead me wore dark blue, black or brown.  Willow wears bold colors. Yellow, pink, baby blue .  So Willow is a very different person than I was.  Willow likes wearing makeup but not outlandish eyes.  I used to not like being kissed with lipstick not I like wearing it.  Strange.   anyway. I have to figure out how to convince my wife that no one wants or needs her to die.  And can’t just ask god to tell me something it doesn’t work that way.   good night   Willow
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @KimmieElise Hi and welcome to the group!!! So glad you joined us!! I'm middle-aged myself. I trust you will find this a great place to get to know people with much in common. Wow, that's nuts about your company too. That would definitely be hard.  ❤️
    • KimmieElise
      Hi all.  I have been lurking off and on for some time.  More just a time thing than any reluctance to post.   I am in my 50's single, and two years into my transition.  I am told by family and friends I pass, but I really have my doubts.  I don't seem to attract a lot of odd looks in public, and people treat me as a woman, but I still have my doubts.  It is probably as much people not paying attention to the others than anything else.   I am having trouble right now.  I have been out of work for a couple of months, and signed up to drive for a ride sharing company to make money to get through.  I have not legally changed my name, and my driver's license still shows the old me.  The profile picture I submit is the new me, and the company I am trying to sign up with keeps saying they suspect fraud.  It is like impossible to talk to a real person at this company.  I have never seen a company so removed from its customers and "contractors."  I am not the type to pull the "intersectionality" card.  I don't like being a -Naughty word-  I just want to live my life.  You know?  Anyway, I ended up going on their facebook page and posting.  I got the whole "We will look into this" thing, but I don't know now.  For all the noise this company makes about being LGBT inclusive and making a big deal about Pride, they make it super hard to sign up.  I don't have a couple weeks to get a new license to get my picture on my license, and I don't have the time and money to change my name yet.  I was going to do that after the first of the year, before I got laid off.  I really need to start getting some money coming in.   Has anyone else had this kind of problem?
    • Vanessa Michelle
      Hey y'all, if it's ok to ask, I'd love to know how many of us our located in IL. Feel free to PM me if you don't want that info on this thread. While I know a few of you are, I personally find it comforting to know there are others in the state, even if not that close to me. Maybe I'm weird Lol. I am not sure if any of our posts can be read by people without signing up for an account, so if a Moderator could weigh in on that it would be helpful, as I wouldn't want any of us to post anything here that would help in outing us or putting us at risk. On that note, if you'd like to PM me for safety, your IL city then I will reply with mine as well. Mods, take this down if it's inappropriate to post here please. Thank you all ❤️
    • Vanessa Michelle
      Dang @Abi I'm sorry you had such an experience with your ex! It sounds like your commitment to her was great, as it should be, but she wasn't able or wiling to reciprocate. So sorry. You will see better days too girl, don't give up on that. Now may suck, but things won't always ❤️ On a lighter note, it's always great to see another one of us lives in Illinois. It feels good knowing I am not alone here every time I see the state flag under somebody's name. ❤️
    • Abi
      My ex called me an embarrassment to talk about at all. We never even talked about anything relating to coming out. I had worked two jobs and been doing all the housework for years while I helped her get two degrees. My efforts were all to her benefit and whenever I asked for anything at all..." It's not a good time, right now." I had taken years of that kind of stuff and worse before I decided there was no path for us to walk together any longer. I am forever heartbroken and jaded by my experience. I put up with waiting for it to be a good time to be happy and never getting that for so long that I feel like I'll never have anything to offer to a relationship again. I hope none of you with spouse's ever have to feel like I do about relationships. I encourage all attempts to make that work. My loneliness tears me apart daily and the few connections I have with people that care about me as much as I care about them are fading.    I hope you're able to see better days together. I wouldn't wish the feelings of self doubt or loneliness on anyone. I have no answer that will help. If anything, I would say don't let anyone beat you down for who you are. Sorry for ranting and being no help.
    • ElizabethStar
      Cat dealer? Intriguing, tell me more.😆   I was beginning think today wasn't going to end. I had to run and pick up a script for my wife. On the way home I stopped off to pick up some spanx. I thought I would give them a try to help conceal things and open up more clothing options for me. They do help quit a bit but I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thong thing. Exposed! That's how I feel wearing a thong. While I was shopping I knew what I was looking for but couldn't find 'em. Luckily there was actually someone working in that department so I asked her for help. I must look better than my mirror says I do. She didn't bat-an-eye, give a second look or anything. Just one of the girls. It felt so nice. The young guy at the resister on the other hand.... He didn't say anything or look at me weird either but did start turning a little red as he was trying to find the bar code to scan. Making things worse for him, that 2 pack of thong spanx was all I bought. I feel like I have a mini-mission now. Embarrass a cashier with my purchase.   When I got home there was more furniture, in boxes, wait to be assembled at the end of my driveway. When I was about halfway done with one piece another package showed up. It was the missing pieces for Our water filter. That causes a home depot run for some supplies to get it installed. I've concluded that if I'm out shopping at a boys-club place and a guy asks to help....take it. It makes guy feel special when you do.   I managed to get the filter installed and working. Wife cannot complain  the water stinks anymore. Then off to assemble flat packed furniture. I got two 5 drawer chest and a night sand. I have more to do on the flat pack Furniture but It's going to wait.   Have a good night everyone.                                                 
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @WillowWow, I am sorry you battle those feelings. That had got to be super difficult! As you know, God most certainly doe not want your wife to die, and that does not need to happen in order for you to fully live as your authentic self. God made you and her and you are both exactly what he wanted you to be. This situation doesn't change that. I am praying for you both through this, that he will take the pain and feeling that she is what's stopping you away and replace it with his amazing love and acceptance for her. Also, for you to experience his love like never before. I honor you for your bravery in posting those feelings and struggles here today. That must have taken a lot of strength and trust to do so. You are an amazing woman. Thank you for trusting us and allowing yourself to be so vulnerable. God bless you sister ❤️❤️❤️❤️
    • Red_Lauren.
      I have Irish blood, and a lot of it. As far as I know I'm of 100% European descent. My mom who the Irish comes from. Has or had kenny g type curls, and about the same color. I haven't seen her since 2014, so I'm not sure what her hair is like now.    My dad was mostly English, and Scottish. Dark brown thin wavy hair.    If I didn't look so munch like my old man. I would have thought that I swapped at the hospital. I have thin wavy/curly/straight auburn hair. In the summer it gets really curly. Like I can cut off 3 inches before summer, and not look like I need hair cut till November.    Once winter hits. My hair gos almost straight, and I have 6-8in more inches of growth, and will stay wavy/straight to June.    Not sure whats going to happen to it this summer, as this will be first summer on hormones, but I do know. I will get another relaxer like I did last summer. To help with the knots, and curls.
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @AudreyI'll take the 🤗  any day with our without the mask ❤️
    • Vanessa Michelle
      Holy wow I missed a lot by not logging in until now! 😲
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