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Achieving a Female Voice
A discussion group about how to achieve a passing female voice.
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By MaeBe · Posted
I started watching it the first night in our new house, on an air mattress, on my laptop propped on a step ladder. I was staying over because we had our pod being delivered first thing the next day. So I was alone, in an empty house, with a liter of Oktoberfest lager and started to watch at like 11PM. I fell asleep before they left DC. :D I didn't finish it, because my wife said she'd wanted to watch it and the next time I put it on was starting it over with her. We made it maybe 10 minutes before my wife told me to turn it off. It was obviously too much for her at the time. I finished it last night, three months after I'd started it. I too, was concerned about Harper's safety with her forthrightness in almost all regards to any audience. There was likely some safety with cameras following her and even more with Will around. She stated as much multiple times, that it was a "soft landing" but it still had to have been hard. I am pretty open with people, but I don't think I'd walk into a bar in OK and announce my gender identity so broadly. The fact that Harper had been watching social media the whole time and never said anything to Will until she did was what probably every one of us has done; metabolize the hate we see and keep mostly quiet, because we didn't want to make others feel uncomfortable or concerned. But It's the twisted mind that treats the movie purely as a publicity stunt, like some of the Xitter posts did, thinking it a "woke agenda psyop" (my translation). I'm sure there was some amount of money made, but I have to think that neither of them would be so crass as to jeopardize their friendship or safety for Netflix peanuts. I have to think there was a small amount of altruistic intent behind it because of the way it was approached. The most telling thing was Will's naive openness to Harper after decades of friendship and how tentative he was for most of it. He was uncomfortable. He asked the questions you'd expect any one of your cis friends to ask. He let his ego drive a little too much, sometimes thinking he was taking the heat off, but eventually saw his error and it affected him greatly (OK, maybe not that greatly... :P). Generally though, he was way more invested in the person of Harper than her identity or presentation and that's pretty much what any of us wants from society. Harper wasn't tricking him. She wasn't trying to do anything but live her best life, one Will learned very acutely had been plagued by resistance from the public, the people she turned to for help, and the shadows of fear and doubt. Were there flaws in the film? Surely. Ultimately, it was a very vulnerable window into one trans woman's soul and that's what people need to see to make this a better spinning ball in the sky for us all. Well, those without rocks for brains and/or steel hearts... Personally, I think the credits are what got me the most: the theme that never was. Wiig did Harper, the movie, and herself such amazing credit by hitting all the "required parameters" with witty honesty and a heartfelt message. I'm kind of getting emotional just thinking about it. Perhaps I'm giving her too much credit and it really is just a joke and a paycheck, but I'd like to think she was being earnest. -
By KayC · Posted
Congratulations, Joanne! It's such a benefit to have a family member in your corner. It's never easy to Come Out, but it does get easier. Wishing you all the Best! -
By KayC · Posted
Welcome, Heather! and nice to meet you. I was in my 60's when I finally figured out what had followed me through my entire life. I am the happiest I have ever been. But, it has also come with a cost (marriage and other family issues) but I would never consider going backwards. I am sure you will find a welcome Community here ... Deep breaths ... One step at a time -
By KayC · Posted
Only when I leave the house, Sally I can understand we all go through the 'swells and troughs' in life. "Winter Blues' probably doesn't help. And that can apply to all aspects of our gender presentation. I do find that I feel a 'need' to present as feminine as I can. It helps with not being mis-gendered regularly (but that still happens) and sometimes it's a bit of a burden when I just want to run to the store to get some eggs or something. But I haven't forgotten what it's like to not be able to Out full-time. I will take the 'keep up the appearances' over that ... Plus, I LIKE fashion -
By KayC · Posted
My sense of the film was the same as yours. I found it very profound in many ways but also so connected with my own gender Journey. Happy you liked it, and I hoping the best for your cousin. Maybe they can join this Forum? -
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By LC · Posted
Welcome! You will find acceptance, and non judgmental people on this forum. They will answer your questions and give you advice from their perspective. All of which have been where you are now. This is a wonderful place to be. -
By Bri_Cheeze · Posted
I would say i am feeling very euphoric. <: I got ma'amed today! ((: -
By SilasG · Posted
Hi Everyone I just like to give status update. I’ve been dealing with a lot of negativity since 10/24 and especially the end of December after I legally changed my name. It’s been a trying time for me and had nothing but obstacle after obstacle. I lost my ability to get food and my insurance. Though with a positive attitude and perseverance i have got my insurance back and am able to get food as well as received my first letter of approval for my gender dysphoria for facial feminization surgery along with a follow up with Planned Parenthood for my HRT. I’m really excited about the progress I’ve made as well as being very proud of myself for handling all the situations trying to stop me positively and following through until the end. I’m also getting other health issues addressed and will be recovering from physical conditions and progressing right along through my journey to transition. Silas -
By Bri_Cheeze · Posted
I am very pessimistic. My belief is that if something goes well, SOMETHING has to go wrong. Doesn't matter what. -
By Troi · Posted
Yeah I thought of all that. I don't want to trivialize my transition and I don't want them thinking it's some kinda LARP, but I know two things for sure. 1: If I tell them I'm trans, they'll believe me. 2: Most of them would be accepting. Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel. No matter what, it's gonna come out. One of my brothers already knows what's going on. He's super accepting and supportive. Another two things I do know FOR SURE 1: If my mom ever finds out, everyone will know within 24 hours. 2: She'll love me no matter what. She's one of the first and few people to accept my FtM (I think second) cousin. Mom's pretty progressive. If I don't "rip the bandaid off" she'll be the second person I come out to, she'll take care of the rest of the family via the grapevine lol! -
By Ivy · Posted
Welcome, CairennTairisiu -
By Timi · Posted
Oh and to clarify, I did not come out to anyone at the game night. The trans topic never came up. -
By Timi · Posted
Hi Troi! And welcome to the forums. I think KathyLauren has some good reflections. I'll add my reflection. I joined here a little more than a year ago. I had just recently accepted that I was trans and that, after some 60 years of trying and hoping, my feminine nature was not just a phase or a passing fancy that I would outgrow. I found this place by googling "Pink Fog" because I had a fairly serious case of that kind of euphoria, I think. I wanted to tell everyone, "Hey! Have you heard the good news? I'm really a girl!!!" A very close lesbian friend of mine shared some of her coming out story and advised me to be careful and to take it slow. Once it's out, you lose control of the narrative. I think those were wise words. A year later, I am in quite a different space as far as the euphoria goes. I am starting to come out to more people, but I am very selective. My style not particularly girly feminine, so people are left having to draw their own conclusions unless I let them in. Just last night though, I went to a social game night gathering with some long time friends from work dressed pretty much like my profile pic here. Two of the people knew I'm trans, the other four did not. Two of those people I did not know at all, they are recent boyfriends of my friends. One of them was very masculine, I'd say, and I could tell that he didn't quite know what to make of me. I felt self conscious over my appearance all the way from my earrings down to my Pride sneakers. But I held my head high, socialized well, was happy and laughing, and in the end, the manly man said he had fun playing the card game I taught them. Anyway. I'm babbling. The Pink Fog/Pink Cloud is a real thing ... my advice is to just keep that in mind, and no matter what you choose to do, be kind to yourself! -Timi -
By KathyLauren · Posted
You know your own style best, and you know your friends best, so only you can say what will work for you. Me, personally, I would not do that. I don't think that shocking my friends is a good way to communicate, although I admit it would make the experience memorable. I think it runs the risk of trivializing your transition and making them think it is a game or an act. And I don't think it is respectful to my friends. But, like I said, that is me and my friends. What I did was to tell them in person or by email, depending on which group of friends it was. In person, I was in boy mode when I told them. On email, I still had my old name on the account. I didn't show up in girl mode or change the name on my account until the next time I communicated with them. Good luck with the announcement, however you decide to do it. I hope your friends are accepting.
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