Events, Conferences, and Gatherings
Events and conferences of interest to the trans community.
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By Jamie68 · Posted
I'm in the same boat as you. In 9th grade I didn't even know what gay meant. I had a neighbor girl ask me if I was gay because I just wanted a friend, not sex. I had no idea what she was talking about. -
By Kelly2509 · Posted
I go through all this before you wake up.... one of my favorite tunes ever. -
By Shay · Posted
Sorry you suffered these pains. Glad you are facing and dealing and adding great poetry as well. -
By Kelly2509 · Posted
I'm pretty scared too and surgery is not high on my "want to do" list Honestly I am hoping to just let everything atrophy and that'll get it close to nothing, not sure if that's even a possibility though. -
By KathyLauren · Posted
I went with a "no cavity" vaginoplasty, a.k.a. "zero depth", a.k.a. vulvoplasty, etc. It is not actually zero depth: I have a dimple about 3/4 of an inch deep where a vagina would be, so it doesn't look too weird on a quick glance. I knew that there was no chance that I would ever want a penis anywhere near me (I find them, and often their owners, repulsive), so I had no need for a vagina. Yes, girls sometimes play with toys, but my wife and I don't have much libido left, and she was never into toys. With no compelling reason to have a vagina, I could not see any reason to put up with months of full-time dilation, years of daily dilation, and a lifetime of ongoing dilation. I have no regrets about that decision. What the surgeon gave me looks quite realistic. It would require a very close inspection to see that it was not a cisgender vulva. I have other issues with ongoing pain and discomfort that make me question the wisdom of having GCS at all. But that is not related to the full-depth versus shallow-depth decision. On the whole, I am glad I had it, and I am very happy with my decision on the type of surgery. Mine is just a b***h to live with. So be sure you really want it before going ahead. -
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By neo3000 · Posted
my favorite artist ever. Bjork. She calms me down when I'm feeling unwell. -
By Davie · Posted
I'm feeling this song today—it takes me into the heavens. The Jimi Hendrix Experience - 1983... (A Merman I Should Turn to Be) -
By Kelly2509 · Posted
@Ahsoka23 Sometimes you just need to have those conversations, even if they seem impossible. If everyone keeps their mouth shut things will just fester and turn into resentment. Last year I came out to my wife and gave her way too much information all at once and it made everything way harder than it needed to be. Here's my best advice for an early discussion from having to go through a very similar things with my wife, kids and close family within the last year: First, Sit down and figure out what needs to be said right now. Don't look way into the future at things like possible surgeries, or anything like that. What do you need right now and maybe in the next couple months. Write it down, read it and revise it as you wrap your head around it. This will help you get your points clear in your head and allow you to not get off into the weeds later. This becomes something resembling an agenda for when you actually talk. It's not a script, it's just a list of talking points to help you stay on task. Second, schedule a time to talk about it. Don't ambush her in the kitchen or on the couch, don't spring it on her after dinner. Tell her you need to talk about this and would like to set a specific day and time to discuss it. Maybe even say I need you for 1 hour or 30 minutes or whatever. Keep the time limit reasonable, you can always talk again later. You might even suggest she put together a short list of things she needs to talk about as well so it is more of a 2 way street. Third, when you do get together stick to your "agenda" and try not to get off into the weeds. During those early conversations keep things simple and don't get into heavy details. Do your best not to get defensive, stay calm and let her speak if she has things to say (this is hard, but hang in there). If either of you starts getting really upset, find a way to wrap things up and revisit topics later. You don't want either of you to be upset during one of these conversations because people can lash out when upset in ways that are hard to take back later. In my case, eventually we had a weekly conversation scheduled for the first few months so we could stay on top of things. Before taking these steps most of our "conversations" were really just fights and things were said that I think both of us regretted eventually. I gave her way too much information about certain things way too soon and that got her worried about a lot of stuff that honestly are still way in the future if they even happen at all. Plus despite all the evidence of my gender issues "leaking through" that I presented during those initial conversations she was surprised by the whole thing and felt blindsided by it, much like how you described your wife. Eventually I learned to read the room a bit better so when I finally came out to my parents for example, I knew better than to give them too many details all at once so even though I was telling them I was trans and generally what that meant, I waited to worry about things like pronouns, preferred name, etc. until they had time to let the first big picture stuff sink in. None of this is to say things are perfect with my partner, but things have gotten better because we took the time to talk. Communication is key, but sometimes you have to have those difficult conversations and it can help to plan those conversations out rather than drop it on someone unexpectedly. -
By DeeDee · Posted
Honestly Ahsoka, your best bet is to get in touch with your closest GIC as soon as possible and/or look for a counsellor who has training dealing with the LGBT+ community. (when I started questioning I chose someone who offered online meetings) That way you can be heard and discuss your thoughts and feelings and then possibly find a way to move forwards with your partner too. The NHS is free but incredibly slow, so you will be waiting for a long time regardless of what happens in the next few years. -
By Shay · Posted
@MiraM I can relate to running on auto-pilot. For some reason I found something I like to do and that helped. I just wanted to be blanked out and did anything I could just to fill in time before sleeping and doing it all over again. Finally facing my frankness and doing something about it has helped me and deciding to be as active on TP has given me purpose. I know that just being you've accepted yourself and have made progress with self shows. I learned I got to love myself first and then I have love to give. I wish you well and wish I could give you a big hug in person. Heather -
By Kelly2509 · Posted
you voiced a lot of my issues that I wish I had the language to describe! Your definition of intimacy is very much how mine has become post-coming out/HRT and it's what I hope my partner comes around to (again, she has her own baggage to work through) because those are the kinds of things I need now (and why it's not something to handle on my own). Intimacy does not have to equal sex, which is something i know my partner struggles to separate. Anyway, that description was beautiful and I hope your partner comes to appreciate those moments as much as you do. -
By Bri2020 · Posted
congrats on a successful trip! Funny how we come back from vacations totally toast. lol. Rest up. -
By Ahsoka23 · Posted
That's a great idea, thank you Unfortunately leaving is probably not possible. My wife has several mental and physical issues and I am basically her carer. I don't think she would last long if there wasn't someone here to check on her. The other reason is we have a young son who would be devastated if we spilt up. And on top of all that there's the fact that I love her very much and don't see my life without her. I also reckon our 4 cats wouldnt be too happy either lol -
By Nora · Posted
I'd suggest writing a couple of letters to her. In the first letter, explain as eloquently and professionally as you can that there's been something weighing on your mind for a long time, and you feel it's important for the two of you to have a calm, serious discussion about it, but that you aren't quite ready to yet; you just wanted to let her know that something has been up with you that's difficult to talk about. Let her mull some things over in her head for a couple of days; assure her that it isn't anything illegal or immoral; just uncomfortable to talk about, but that you still love her and feel she deserves to know. (Or whatever lol.) Then write her the second letter. In the second letter, explain to her how exactly you are feeling, and the journey you've taken to the conclusions that you have reached, what you feel you need to do about it, and things she could do to help support you if she could find it in her heart to accept and hopefully understand you. ....And if she reacts negatively to THAT approach, then you deserve SO MUCH better than her, and you should totally make a run for it, leaving her alone to stir her cauldron while cackling wickedly before flying around on her broomstick lmao. -
By Nora · Posted
Oh, and are there different kinds of partials? Ideally, I'd rather have a vaginal canal, but from what all I've read online about current methods, I'd be too terrified of the increased risks and complications and daily dilation. I'm currently asexual; I'm not interested in sex of any kind with anybody. But I also know that I haven't always been asexual, and I might not be in the future either, so I'd really LIKE a vaginal canal, so if there's like some new technique being done that mitigates the risks and doesn't require dilation, I'd definitely wanna go with that. Part of me wants to wait for whatever magical technology needs to be discovered before that can happen...but at the same time, I really don't want to wait until I'm middle-aged, so I'm really leaning towards partial vaginoplasty sooner rather than later and crossing my fingers in hopes that perhaps in the future they can construct a vaginal canal that doesn't have any risk of sealing itself shut. That really terrifies me lmao. And I SUCK at self-management enough as it is; I'd TOTALLY find a way to screw it up somehow LOL. 😂
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