Two years ago, after I came out to my wife, she asked my how I envisioned life after transition, particularly regarding our relationship. (Transition, to her, meant divorce - she "didn't marry a woman.") I told her that we could hopefully be friends, get together now and then, if only for the kids' sakes, that sort of stuff. That's not what she envisioned. She saw splitting holiday and birthday time, not doing it together. (That is what the divorce agreement basically now stipulates.) She has her own circle of friends, as she always has had - I just can't be included within that circle. I get that.   Anyway, I asked her earlier yesterday if she still had an address for my friend from Boston. I assumed so, since she had the Christmas card mailing list. Now, over the past 20+ years, I have written the annual family Christmas card, using "The Night Before Christmas" as a template. I even did so last year, even though we were already separated. So when she dug out the list yesterday, she remarked that we should still do the card together. Uh, we will be divorced in a matter of weeks. I'm confused, as that seems a bit contrary to what her expressed expectations have been - and she has been told that I will be changing my name soon. So, again, I'm confused.

I had no desire for children, and fortunately wasn't able to father any in my first 3 marriages. Things changed when I remarried 25 years ago. Like @Heather Nicolesaid, hit me out of nowhere. Tried for a while to no avail. Then 20 years ago, a teenage mom in North Carolina placed her 2-week-old baby boy in my arms, and it was love at first touch. (He's a frequent PITA these days, but they/we are all at that age.) Same response for the next 3. Don't know if I would have been a good mom, and frequently enough I haven't been a good dad. But those kids are every bit a part of me as if they were biological.

Well got a message from our realtor. the current owner has signed a contract on another house. Yea, now just have to wait till the closing date. Come on July 29th.   I am wondering if I will have my own bathroom in our new house. the master bath has a shower. and the other bathroom has the tub and shower. Being my wife and youngest most of the time take a bath. I wonder if I will have the master bath to myself. Just after I got the good news I texted my wife. It was before noon. I had to ask her while out at dinner if she got it. over 6 hours later. I don't know what is going on with her. Does she want to move or not? She has complained about this place for over 5 yrs especially when recertification time comes. I just wonder what she has on her mind, about the house.  She doesn't seem to thrilled at the idea of getting one. Is she expecting me to pay all the housing bills. like I do now. while she seems to always have money to burn. While I don't know bit I think she has about 4-5k in her savings. I know she has her retirement from her other job, and the reissued xmas check from her father I never saw. She calls it her Lincoln fund. She actually took 500 out of it to help pay the ernist money.   I'll tell you that if the SHTF with us. I have no qualms of just up and leaving her the house.    Well I hope everyone has a good weekend. Of course I have to work.   I'll be checking in.   Kymmie

This is a thing that's bothered me quite a bit over the years. I don't have any children of my own or in my life anywhere. I feel like I really missed out and may have been a good mother. Now that I'm in my late 40's I just try to push those thoughts out of my mind.

Aww, thanks Teri ❤️

That is more than irritating.  It is…  I don't even want to go there.  It is at the least infuriating to me just hearing about it.  It is dehumanizing.   I'm sorry you have to hear this from family.  It must hurt.

Its most deff you  Liz. Looking great btw.  

Yes.  We're all unique in some ways, but especially so for non-binary folks. For one, being fully masculine or feminine doesn't seem to fit, so the things that cis people take for granted and that MtF and FtM people often strive for (like passing) don't apply.  That can be a significant difference!    Finding out what makes me happy is important, and probably is for all who are gender non-conforming.  But the look(s) I present in public as a non-binary person are unique, in the sense that while I'm skewed more feminine, that doesn't mean I sport a hyper-feminine style.  So, I may raise (a few) eyebrows at times, but I've long since learned that interacting with strangers need not be (and now, isn't) as stressful as it was early on.  The folks in my immediately circle know and accept me, and that's the important thing to me.   I wish you the very best as you explore more about your identity.  Don't be surprised if your "label" changes -- several times.  Many of us adjust them as we grow and learn and experience and evolve.   Astrid

I assure you, you are not alone there.  We are here for you.  

I finally found an outfit that makes me feel like myself.            

Wow,  @Mmindy get well soon.   @Hannah Renee congratulations on the name news.   @Bri2020  the Myrtle Beach market still appears to be pretty hot.  Fastest growing area.  We just moved in and the theoretical value is up about $40k.   three more buildings and they are done.  They have barely started on the next building.  It’s on the other side of the parking lot from ours.   I did not go to group this evening.  Traffic is bad and roads are wet so not a good travel day.   willow 

Sorry, @Vidanjaliif I triggered you. Too soon. Life in Florida, I see. Understandable. I'm in a good gay state here in Mass. although those laws affect everyone in a general way. I use humor to deflect the bad news. Things will swing the other way eventually, I hope. Socially, nation-wide LGBT issues are being accepted more and more Pride is almost a national holiday itself now (if you count the flags next to corporate logos.) I can dig a day like: national chocolate with almonds. Let's do that.as long as reality is more absurd than funny. cheers, Davie 

I feel what you're saying.  I haven't even figured out pronouns yet.  My husband's mother calls me "it" which is really irritating.    I think you'll find that hair is pretty easy, depending on your style.  My husband actually cuts mine these days.  He's a real wizard with a pair of scissors and a $25 clipper from Walmart.  He cuts his own hair with two mirrors.  The shorter you cut it, the easier it seems to be to manage.  Once you're more confident, you might give it a try.  If you mess up, you can always adjust it shorter since it grows back 😉     

I tried AA and didn't find it "horrible" or anything and I also didn't feel pressured into christianity. And it was clear to me that your own "higher power" didn't even have to be any "God" or deity or anything like that if that isn't what works for you. I did get the impression that AA seemed (at least to me) to be modeled very closely after christianity, or at least drew a lot of inspiration from it. Ultimately, for both that, and a variety of other reasons, I felt that AA just wasn't the best match for me, personally. (Although I can definitely see how it's certainly very good for a lot of people.)   I've actually joined in several of Moderation Management's Zoom meetings (albeit in guy mode) and was very happy with it. For me, at least, it's been a very good fit. And they do have an abstinence group too, if you're going for that rather than just trying to moderate.  

That looks interesting.  I might show it to my partners.  I've got a couple of current/former/struggling alcohol users in my bunch.  Abstinence was a total no-go, which is AA's only method.