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What Is Crossdressing, Really?


Guest Leigh T

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Guest CarolynM

The previous responses have all been excellent.

The one thing I would like to add is that for me, and for many of the CDer's I've met

here, crossdressing is a crucial element in the expression of our feminine side - a side

of our personality that we normally keep hidden or surpressed.

Crossdressers don't typically feel that they are women "trapped" in the wrong body. They feel that have a duality in their nature that needs to be expressed from time to time in order to feel

like a "whole" or complete person. The need to express that feminine side is often referred

to as the "pink fog."

It is also true that many CDer's, myself included, crossdressed for years, many for a

lifetime, before realizing that we were in fact transsexual.

Hope that helps, Leigh.

I agree almost totally with Leigh. I am sure she would also agree it is a label but only with an intention to help other in clarification and to help with awareness. We are ALL our own person and unique to ourselves. I am sure Leigh did NOT want to put a label or any other title except to help. I must admit I have never thought of myself as transsexual but that may be very accurate. Are we putting a label on ourselves unintentionally to try to answer questions? I believe in most cases we are. Are we trying to be something that we would have loved to have been? Maybe. However most of all we are ALL human beings with beliefs, loves and passions. Some say we are like ice cream and come in many flavours. Same thing except I looked at it as being like a cup of tea. Many flavours and colours and with many additives. Be proud of who you are and walk with your head held high.

Cee

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Guest CarolynM

Leigh

Crossdressing is very important to me. When I dress as myself, I feel relaxed and wonderful. I am not satisfied that I am biologically male, but I express my true self everyday in everyway that I can depending upon context. At work, I present mostly as male due to the dynamics of the workplace saw me asmale when I joined. Even there, I am very femme and everyone picks up on that. They all think that I am the gay guy. At his point in time, I let them think what they want to think because it allows me to continue to be employed without any hassle, and yet, I can express myself smile.gif

When I am home, I dress completely smile.gif

Love

Brenda

To right Brenda.

Cee

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  • 1 month later...
Guest eccentric

"We cry at weddings"

Mia, you've brought up something I've wondered about, which is sort of in line with what Leigh is curious about.

I often get emotional (that is - cry) with different experiences. Some weddings, I guess, where I more familar with the people involved. But more so then that, I also do at moments I find empathy with, such as the movie, 'It's a Wonderful Life'. But of course there's lots more. Jay Unger has said that he cried the first however many times he played 'Ashokan Farewell' on the violin - and he WROTE it! I still do when I listen to it.

And in many other instances, I'm get all teared up. Now some guys would look at me and say, 'What?...Well, yeah, it does get to you, but cry? Come on.'

You've suggested that it's part of embracing the duality of our gender and accepting the feminine. Is that true of the opposite side?

How about any FTM cross-dressers out there, or other ftm transgender? Are those emotions still with you, or is suppressing that, part of an embracement of the male side?

Chloë

I don't consider myself FTM because I don't plan on transitioning. I'm still a man inside.

So when do I cry? I cry when I mourn or when I feel completely trapped. I only hold it in until I find an appropriate place and then I let it out. I cry very quetly.

If I see someone else crying, I might offer an arm around the shoulders, or a hug, or just offer some tissues. It depends on what the person wants. I wouldn't put them down for it. If somebody uses tears to play head games, I will say something, because that makes me mad.

Mind you, there's a time for the old stiff upper lip. For me, if it gets to the point of deep sorrow, the man code doesn't apply.

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  • 2 months later...
Guest PauletteX

I teach biology and medical courses at the college level and am a crossdresser. We are all exposed to hundreds of synthetic organic compounds in the air we breathe, water we drink and food we eat. Some of these are what they call endocrine disruptors, which tend to feminize males, more than the other way around. We are all inherently female, it is just that the Y chromosome has little else on it other than genes for male characteristics. If those traits are not expressed at the right time, then we become more female.

As another example, it is a fact that smoking exposes a person to several hundred cancer-causing substances on a regular basis. However, based on statistics, only 13% of smokers ever get lung cancer. What about the other 87%? That is where genetics comes in. The 13% have the wrong combination of genes that leave them open to cancer development.

So, crossdressing may be due to natural processes alone or be increased by pollution of the environment. There may be a scientific basis for it. However, I know that when I crossdress, I feel at peace, at home, relaxed, and know I have found a good place to be.

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  • Forum Moderator

In the old days (60,70, 80's) cross dressing was a way for me to express myself, I felt I had to wear female clothes in secret back then, I would always return to male mode in public life, I would underdress in female clothes often, that was just the way it was. More recently cross dressing for me equates to my male mode outings, as I transition. I need to cross dress as male as to not out myself in certain scenarios. I still have life circumstances that a male presentation works best for, cross dressing as male allows me to fly under the radar and keep a low profile(down girls). That is cross dressing today as I know it however this may not go on too much longer.

I have heard others see it this direction.

Cindy -

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Maria22222

That one's easy for me to answer, Leigh. I was born this way, I had dreams of being dressed as a girl at six. I started dressing at nine. It's a natural part of me just like having two arms. It's just the way I am. So why was I born this way. That's another question. Ha ha. And I don't have the answer to it.

This was definitely not a learned behavior. There was no external stimuli in the 1950's in small town middle America that would have influenced this six year old to dream about crossdressing. The only answer is that I was born this way.

:P :P :P :P

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Prettypolly1389

The previous responses have all been excellent.

The one thing I would like to add is that for me, and for many of the CDer's I've met

here, crossdressing is a crucial element in the expression of our feminine side - a side

of our personality that we normally keep hidden or surpressed.

Crossdressers don't typically feel that they are women "trapped" in the wrong body. They feel that have a duality in their nature that needs to be expressed from time to time in order to feel

like a "whole" or complete person. The need to express that feminine side is often referred

to as the "pink fog."

It is also true that many CDer's, myself included, crossdressed for years, many for a

lifetime, before realizing that we were in fact transsexual.

Hope that helps, Leigh.

And that is the icing on the cake. I could not have said that better. Well done you.

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Guest Prettypolly1389

This has got to be the best site ever. I love you Laura! xxx any way.

I went to the site posted and was very excited. But how do you choose?.. I don't want to be to lucky if you know what I mean!!! But want some thing which is feminine. I am happy to save. some of the nipples don't look natural. I would love some help. xxx

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest gg_br_alex

Hi Leigh,

A simple question but the answer is a lot more complicated. The gender spectrum is pretty varied and crossdressers come in different shapes and sizes

From what I've read around the internet in foruns and stuff, that couldn't be more truthful.

For me, it's a sexual thrill.

I am perfectly happy and comfortable with my male body and personality, I really like being a man, and I have never felt any desire or urge to have a "second" female persona, neither to walk in public, or live like a "woman".

For me it is a sexual and private thing. I am heterossexual and I just plain love everything that is feminine, and clothing, included. When I dress up I do it so I can be the closest it gets to what excites me. So, underwear, clothing, breast forms, everything is sort of an "emulation" of the feminine body. If I could I would actually dress up more, but unfortunately I haven't got my own place.

Maybe I'd go out in public, like in another town, to check it out how it feels, but at least so far, It isn't something that really excites me or that I really look forward to. Like I said, it's a private thing, like a sexual position, that I don't think concerns anyone but me (and my girlfriend).

I don't remember reading a description like mine of what crossdressing is. Does anyone else share the way I feel about it ?

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Guest gg_br_alex

Hi alex,

Welcome to Laura's. Why don't you say hello in the introductions forum and let others greet yoj.

Brenda

Hello Brenda! Thank you for welcoming me! I was very excited to reply to this thread, so I jumped that part hahaha but I have done it already. Sorry if I might have been rude for not doing so.

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Guest Allie Bye

@alex - CD is whatever it is and do what ever makes you feel good, there's no right or wrong or hard definition of CD in the strictest sense. like we are are all different and individual, and so is the reasons why we dress.

it's just clothes after all!

personally I dress for fun or the challenge, and the fun is giving me options or looking different that what I see everyday in the mirror. I love my guy appearance, and love my self image. so it's not a self loathe or wish I was someone else.

I know people who would rather get their thrills in being out in femme mode, while others just enjoy it in the privacy of their own home. while others don't get a "thrill" but just enjoy the sensual side certain clothes affords them.

for me, crossdressing is like Halloween, it's fun dressing up, however unlike Halloween that you can do it only once a year, crossdressing can be done anytime and everyday.

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  • 5 weeks later...
Guest KatyDesire

This thread is really interesting, given all the subtleties and variations we are hearing.

I am a neuroscientist, and so have the background to understand all the scientific stuff which has been written about this in various journals - a lot of which, by the way, is not very good.

I have long had the feeling, and a thread like this supports it (I think), that humans are not restricted to 2 poles in anything at all. Everything, in my opinion, runs across a spectrum. If there is a spectrum of, lets say, abilities to play basketball, or to develop a depression, why should there not be a spectrum in relation to gender expression?

In fact, to me, there are a number of different spectra overlapping here:

1. the physical manifestation, that is the primary and secondary sexual characteristics. Variations from the accepted norms are a lot more frequent than one would think, with all degrees of intersex (physical) appearances. (I see that recently there have been suggestions that men who have "man-boobs" should wear bras to give them some support! Three cheers for that!)

2. sexual preference. We all accept the variations - from pure heterosexual, along a wide bisexual and even asexual spectrum, to pure homosexual.

3. gender expression. For me, this is the desire to express one's self in gender-defined terms, such as wearing clothes, crying, and so on.

4. gender identification. Whether one experiences or perceives oneself to be 100% male, 100% female, or some degree of combination of the two.

I am sure, if one were to look carefully, there are probably other areas which could also be identified.

For me, this really explains all the differences in experiences and feelings we are reading about here.

It also means, to me, that how you are is how you are. If you have a tendency to be good in languages, math, art, or whatever, then that is you. Ultimately, that is just who you are. So one has to actually just accept it.

The problem is that "just accepting it" is a lot harder than it sounds, especially in the society in which we live. Which is why gender therapists are such important people to most of us.

To me, this is just about how our brains are wired - everyone is different, and you can't change it. Nor should you.

I just have one appeal to those who (correctly) point out the great variation in clothing expression available to women as opposed to men. I am old enough to remember the discrimination, abuse and ridicule women suffered in the 70s for wearing trousers, (in this country, at least) or anything perceived as male. When I was at university - admittedly a very conservative one - a woman would be thrown out of class if she arrived in slacks! At that stage, I took great delight in letting my hair grow into a really obnoxious afro. The people there did not quite know how to deal with it - in my male persona I was not above giving someone a good thumping if they looked for trouble! So they let it pass.

My point here is that women fought very hard for the right to wear what they want. If we stay too deep in the closet, we are never going to get the change we all want, which is to be able to wear whatever we feel like, without being thought strange, or being attacked, or worse. So at some point we are going to have to follow the lead of the GLB community, and fight for our own rights. Happily, GLB has become GLBT, so we have a large group who will support us. But we are ultimately going to have to do a lot of the hard work.

Sorry if this sounded like a lecture, but I would be keen to hear other people's take on this.

Love and hugs to all.

Katy.

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  • 1 month later...

I am an extremely stereotypical heterosexual male when I am not CD. My child hood was screwed up and I have turned into a man that does not need love or approval from anyone. In many ways I am an emotionally harsh person. When I CD and be a woman my brain allow's myself to feel positive good emotions that are very stereotypical of woman, for me its therapy! It's my way to escape for a while my harsher male personality.

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  • 5 months later...
Guest MichellePetite

I really want to tell about what cross dressing is to me, I was pretty sure until I started to write this. But the problem is that in part it had some of it's origins in a dark place for me as an abused child. I shall have to re order my thoughts and come back to this but to the moderator is it ok to talk of such things in this forum?. I am new to this environment so am feeling my way. If u could advise me I'd be grateful.

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Guest Robin Winter

I really want to tell about what cross dressing is to me, I was pretty sure until I started to write this. But the problem is that in part it had some of it's origins in a dark place for me as an abused child. I shall have to re order my thoughts and come back to this but to the moderator is it ok to talk of such things in this forum?. I am new to this environment so am feeling my way. If u could advise me I'd be grateful.

As long as you keep within the rules you're free to talk about your past, of course. If you haven't already read them, the rules are here.

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Guest Paulette B

A wonderful collection of thoughts on "why CD."

I suggest there is no single answer, and there can never be. To begin with, it's not a spectrum, it's a matrix. A profile of many elements of varying strength and importance, some genetic or physiological, some social, some developmental, some neurological, some cultural, some contrarian, some political, some spiritual, some confused, some "just because."

The polar opposites of male and female simply aren't, and never have been, the absolutes that culture and society says they are. And finally, finally, we are beginning to recognize it. And eventually the rest of society will recognize it too.

Today, I think of myself as one who occasionally embodies the goddess, and celebrates it with my wife, in our bed. This is new to me, but feels more comfortable than any other self-perceptions I've had over the last 73 years. Is it true? I have no idea. But it feels right, and good.

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Guest Jocelyn

I have been CD'ing for years as young as age 9. It has mostly been a personal sensual experience for me. It has just been within the last year that I shared it with my SO or anyone else. Since I have embraced my fem side I have discovered that I enjoy being both male and female. I wish that society was at a place where it did not matter what I wear as I would wear a mix of male and female cloths everyday. For now I dress at home the way I feel sometimes it's fully dressed with wig and make-up, and at time a combination of male and female.

Cheers

Jocelyn

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Jocelyn, I think your wish falls into my thought of:

I have a dream. That one day we shall all be accepted, regardless of our Gender Identity.

Huggs, :wub:

Joann

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Guest silkygirl69

Hi Im simone, a crossdresser maybe transsexual, I find cross dressing extremely relaxing and normal.I am myself when I cross dress.

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  • 1 month later...
Guest molly124

Hi Leigh,

A simple question but the answer is a lot more complicated. The gender spectrum is pretty varied and crossdressers come in different shapes and sizes

From what I've read around the internet in foruns and stuff, that couldn't be more truthful.

For me, it's a sexual thrill.

I am perfectly happy and comfortable with my male body and personality, I really like being a man, and I have never felt any desire or urge to have a "second" female persona, neither to walk in public, or live like a "woman".

For me it is a sexual and private thing. I am heterossexual and I just plain love everything that is feminine, and clothing, included. When I dress up I do it so I can be the closest it gets to what excites me. So, underwear, clothing, breast forms, everything is sort of an "emulation" of the feminine body. If I could I would actually dress up more, but unfortunately I haven't got my own place.

Maybe I'd go out in public, like in another town, to check it out how it feels, but at least so far, It isn't something that really excites me or that I really look forward to. Like I said, it's a private thing, like a sexual position, that I don't think concerns anyone but me (and my girlfriend).

I don't remember reading a description like mine of what crossdressing is. Does anyone else share the way I feel about it ?

Wow. Alex, i just got the courage to join this site, spent a few minutes in a chat room and someone suggested i check out the forums. This one was at the top and the initial post was interesting, but quite old, so i went to the last page to see if anyone was still posting on this, and came upon yours. and i totally share the way you feel about it! it's a sexual thrill for me, as well. i'm heterosexual and never been attracted to any man at all. i love women and everything about them and, like you, when i dress up, i wear what i would like to see attractive women wear, and what i've asked them to wear for me when we have sex. having always been a "leg man," though, for me it all starts with nylons and tights. i don't get to do it as much as i would like, either. :( it has been a private thing for me, as well. but, i did go out in public once, though. driving after dark, and i actually got out of the car at a few places, but i went completely undetected by others. i must say, it was very arousing!

anyway, i thought it was pretty great that i stumbled on to your post within minutes of starting to explore this new world and finding that someone else sees it the way i do. Thanks!

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