What's Wrong With Me?

[Guest Michelle M]

So I made some photos...

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...um&album=77

How do I look?

Urgh, I don't know. Part of me thinks I'm pretty, and part of me thinks I'm hideous. Sometimes I ask myself why I even did this. I have some self loathing and feel like a freak. Like, what normal boy would go into the bathroom for 2 hours with makeup and have fun with it. All I know is that I did have fun, and I enjoyed it, and it felt right but I don't know where the compulsion came from. I'm also wondering where the self doubt and loathing comes from. Is this what some people call denial? Will my self acceptance get any easier as time goes on? Or maybe I just think too much..

[Guest Rika-chama]

You are not hideous. Never think that because you know you aren't. If you had fun then that's all that matters and not what "normal" people would do. Normal is boring. Personally though I think you would be cuter with a lighter hair color, like brown or something.

Ni-paa~

[Guest Jamiee]

Hey girl,

Dont ever think that you are hideous cause you know you are not. You look very beautiful and as far as spending 2 hours in the bathroom trying on make-up you just needed the time to perfect your look.

One time before i got married I had a whole outfit (that i absolutely loved ) I spent about an hour in the bathroom perfecting my look. I put on my jeans and boots and wig and shirt and i looked in the mirror and saw the woman i wanted to be but that is a totally different subject. and that night i actually ventured out into the world as i thought nobody would be able to see me. But i did not go that far i walked around the block and back to my apartment as i was scared to be outed. All in all it is totally NORMAL for your desire to want to bring out the woman inside you.

The self doubt and loathing came from the way the world has made you perceive how traditional males are supposed to be, not being in there bathroom for 2 hours putting on make-up like a traditional female would do. But we are not traditional in anyways and we do what we feel is right to us.

So in conclusion dont ever get discouraged about who you are. No matter what you do you know that we are here for you to fall back and we will always be here for you and support you in every way.

Love

Miss Marine

Jamiee

[Guest Diva D]

Sometimes I ask myself why I even did this. I have some self loathing and feel like a freak. Like, what normal boy would go into the bathroom for 2 hours with makeup and have fun with it. All I know is that I did have fun, and I enjoyed it, and it felt right but I don't know where the compulsion came from. I'm also wondering where the self doubt and loathing comes from. Is this what some people call denial? Will my self acceptance get any easier as time goes on? Or maybe I just think too much..

If it makes you feel right, what's wrong with it?

(Hope this helps, I tend to ramble and make little sense)

I have very similar problems every day. Dealing with many delivery drivers at work each morning I always wind up questioning who I am when I finish work. Usually along the lines of feeling like 2 different people inside. But once I realise that what I do at work is simply to survive (earning the cash is important), and that what I do once I leave is who I am. I can sort of feel better once I'm home.

Accepting yourself for who you are is the first most important step towards being yourself. Whether your "Normal", Gay, Trans or whatever!

p.s. Thinking too much is never a curse, it may feel like it, but just imagine how dull your life'd be if you were "Normal" like most troglodytes.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I'm invading the forum - girls, watch out! Ha ha, just kidding.

I think you look pretty cool for your first big shot at makeup. I mean, I wouldn't personally know, but it looks good to me! It's not all freakishly overdone like clown makeup.

And you're not ugly. You're actually really pretty, IMO.

Hey, the first time I went out in masculine clothes I spent around two hours making my hair look messy... so don't feel bad.

[Guest Mr. Fox]

GoldenKirbachu, I am going to laugh at you in a kindhearted manner.

Michelle, do I need to quote Tubby the Tuba again for you? "Just be yourself, just . . ." Okay, I'll spare everyone. But everyone should be able to like what they want. Wear makeup if you want, Michelle. You are a woman. Ignoring your natal sex, you are not even defying the status quo. You're not a weirdo like me, who likes makeup despite being male (yay! It's pretty!)

[Guest silverpetals]

i think you look great, don't worry

that's honesty.

x

[Guest Michelle M]

Thanks for the kind replies, I love you all. I'm feeling *much* better. I'm so happy to have reassurance. Oh and Rika, the lighter hair thing was a great idea, I'm really glad you suggested it. I'm going to try it. I only bought wigs of my natural raven hair color, I don't know why.

I'm going to have to grow my own hair out for a year or more though if I want to use it. Only been growing it 3 months, bangs are down to my chin, but the back goes nowhere, it just grows out, kind of like an afro. A friend of mine told me once that for hair like mine, I'd have to grow it a long time, and it'd grow out and out, then eventually down because of the weight. Kind of dreading that my hair might not be long enough to be feminine, but maybe I could do something short that's cute, I was thinking of like the 'page boy' style that's sported by Jonah Jameson's secretary in the Spiderman movie. =)

[Guest Rika-chama]

If you're worried about having short hair then try a girly short hair style. I know plently of girls that have femenine short hair and maybe that look is for you. And when I said lighter I was thinking of maybe a brown or something. Whatever you like the best is the important thing

Ni-paa~