Stories Of Coming Out

[Guest o0tg0o]

Just wondering how everybody's coming out was like.

So far, I only told two people. Of course, the first two people I approached were people who I thought would be the most understanding...

I basically was planning to eat lunch with a long time platonic girl friend and I always in the mindset that I'm going to tell her. I suggested to her, she probably should go home to pick up her things, and I know no one's home at her house at that time. Once we got to her house and she gathered her stuff, I basically just asked her if she can keep a secret. Then she grinned and said "What? What is it?" I think it took about 5 minutes from there before I told her that I always wanted to be a girl. By the time I finally told her what I was hiding all these years, I was red and about to collapse. Then after going off, she tells me that she always wanted to be a boy too, but she knows her parents won't approve that at all... and she told me that it's a great thing I told her. I think I was asking if it was weird or not a lot and she kept on saying that it's not, and the only time she'd feel weirded out is if she finds out I'm a serial killer ^^. So, since she's quite a tomboy herself, and since she needs to start wearing dresses and make up for the professional job she might get soon, she suggested I learn it with her. I remember feeling like fireworks going through my head as I told her I would love to. That was pretty much it, besides her asking me the when, how, where kinda questions as we spent the rest of the day eating lunch. ^^

The guy I told was a little different. I basically was in the car with him after a long walk on the beach, which we did because he wanted to show me an area. (literally) The day was already interesting since we were walking along the beach at the middle of the night, we saw a monk seal along the beach, and we saw a car that was basically glowing blue. During that long walk, I just built my courage to tell him what I'll be going through soon. The only way I finally did it was when we were in the car, and while looking the other way, I did the same thing where I asked him if he can keep a secret. He said "of course. what is it?" and I told him that i'm going to see a gender therapist this wednesday, which he unenthusiastically just said "oh, okay"...haha. So, after a talk with him, he told me that he is not suprised at all. He assured me that no one should feel weird, and if they are, then they're jerks and that's all. It was great, I suppose besides asking me a lot of questiions, he wasn't weirded out at all and we just went onto taco bell like normal, and he told me that "if there's anything i can do, let me know, even though I won't know much about it."

I currently feel blessed that I have them as friends...and I was just wondering if anybody else wants to share their experiences...

[Guest Michelle M]

First I came out to a female friend I've known for 11 years. I knew she'd be easy because she has crossdresser friends. It was still hard for me to do though. She said she understands me and sometimes wonders herself if she'd better off be a man because she has strong male traits. She told me she's excited to share this secret with me, and it brought us much closer together.

Second, I came out to a very conservative christian male friend. I'm surprised he didn't run for the hills! He's taking it well though, even though he doesn't approve. When I asked why he didn't end our friendship, he said I thought you knew me better than that. I told him not to tell anyone and he said he won't because he wouldn't even know where to begin.

Still haven't told my parents... going to be hard. =/ They live like 300 miles away though and don't see me too often, though.

I think the best way to come out is to tell them things in the right order, and most of all, let them know how happy you are that you found yourself. I think when you can describe how happy you are, they accept it easier, than maybe thinking it's some fetish or whim.

[Guest Jordan]

Hey o0tg0o,

I'd have to say that most of the times I've come out to people, I've been met with mainly positive reactions. I think part of that, however, comes from the fact that I started coming out at a fairly liberal college.

At college, I first came out to two of my friends while we were on the way back from our local comic shop. My then girlfriend (whom I was not out to.) and I had just broken up and I figured it was as good a time as any to start being honest. Besides, the comic shop owner was a family member of one of the friends and she had gained me access into the store room, a holy of holies if you will, to see the owner's fabled pet chicken, so I figured I should reciprocate. Anyway, we were on the way back we had to go in different directions for class and work and I pulled them both aside, fidgeting, and told them. I was immediately smothered with hugs and giggles and asked if I minded coming over to their dorm for girl's night. Most of my other friends have reacted with everything from puzzled acceptance to "Huh, really? Roll for initiative . . ."

I've tried to be careful and gauge who I should and shouldn't tell, which I think is the reason I've only had one not-so-great coming out experience. In retrospect, however, a lot of the blame for that should probably be on me as I handled it fairly badly. The first time I had come out to somebody was to my mom. I had just moved home from the west coast so I could start college and I was staying with my parents for a bit to help cut costs. I had just started accepting myself and dropping a lot of baggage and guilt, so I was quite exuberant about it all. I had planned for months to tell my mom, so I collected all the information I could find from websites, support groups, medical studies, etc. and put it all into a binder, along with some of my drawings, poems and a long letter explaining to her how I had felt like this all my life and struggled with it for as long as I could remember. I then dropped it all in front of her and asked her to read it while I went to the library. When I got back we had a talk about it, where she related that she had always known that there was something not right and that I had answered a lot of questions she had. Shortly after this, however, she started questioning her original reaction and settled on it possibly being "just a phase." Over the 9 years since then, she's gone back and forth from accepting me and struggling with the correct pronouns to plain denial. It's been so frustrating for me that we generally don't talk about it anymore.

I'd love to be out to my dad, as he seems like he'd be receptive, but that's another issue all together with and this is turning into a wall of text as it is.

[Guest Diva D]

I must admit I actually had a friend whom I speak to only on occasions as the key to me finally accepting myself.

He contacted me for the first time in about a year, to see if I'd be interested in meeting his house mates, one of whom is FTM, and the other MTF. He contacted me while I was struggling with my own mind. So I put off saying yes, but did say I'd talk to him about things later. So, after about a week, I spoke with him and told him most of what had been going on, and he just said "Thought so". He'd taken a guess after having known me for a few years. That was the day I basically had the eureka, the moment were I no longer thought of feeling this way as being fundamentally wrong.

I have also told a select number of friends, and all of them have been understanding. I guess I'm lucky in that I'd done such a poor job over the years of pretending to be 100% testosterone, that it wasn't an imagination stretch!

Only person I'm close to I haven't told is my mother. She's away for Xmas at the moment, so I decided to wait to talk to her about everything till she gets back in the new year. It scares the hell out of me, especially since I still live with my mother. But I have the feeling it'll be alright, and go reasonably well. As for my father, haven't seen him in about 6 years, and haven't spoken with him for even longer.

[Guest Michelle M]

So tonight my parents were in town, and I got to have dinner alone with them. (Without my brothers being there, which is rare.)

Mom: So, anything else big in your life? Meeting any girls?

Me: I don't like girls.

Mom: C'mon, be serious.

Me: I am serious.

Mom: Well you can't...no...no... I know you're straight, I've always known you're straight, don't lie to me, you don't want that, you don't, a boy thing isn't meant to go into your rear, that's not how God made us to be...no, that's not you, it's not.

Me: Not exactly.

Then we argued about how I don't want to be in the christmas pictures with my 2 brothers. This was hard. I just kept telling them I don't want to, it's not me. I finally just gave in and fine I'll be in the pictures but you owe me...

Followed by 45 minutes of silence. If they can't even accept me being gay, god help me convince them I'm a woman. At the end of the night, I asked them "Would you love me and accept me no matter what my lifestyle choice is?" And they said yes, so I told them I'd hold them to that, with a smile. I know it was low of me, but now I can tell them "You said you'd accept me no matter what." Ah, the technical power of words with vague meaning. This is the best I could do for now, this is so difficult for me.

[Guest o0tg0o]

So tonight my parents were in town, and I got to have dinner alone with them. (Without my brothers being there, which is rare.)

Mom: So, anything else big in your life? Meeting any girls?

Me: I don't like girls.

Mom: C'mon, be serious.

Me: I am serious.

Mom: Well you can't...no...no... I know you're straight, I've always known you're straight, don't lie to me, you don't want that, you don't, a boy thing isn't meant to go into your rear, that's not how God made us to be...no, that's not you, it's not.

Me: Not exactly.

Then we argued about how I don't want to be in the christmas pictures with my 2 brothers. This was hard. I just kept telling them I don't want to, it's not me. I finally just gave in and fine I'll be in the pictures but you owe me...

Followed by 45 minutes of silence. If they can't even accept me being gay, god help me convince them I'm a woman. At the end of the night, I asked them "Would you love me and accept me no matter what my lifestyle choice is?" And they said yes, so I told them I'd hold them to that, with a smile. I know it was low of me, but now I can tell them "You said you'd accept me no matter what." Ah, the technical power of words with vague meaning. This is the best I could do for now, this is so difficult for me.

*high fives* good job. Is your family very religious? That must be hard... I'm having a hard time with my liberal athiestic mother already...

Test the waters after they get a little more comfortable with you having preference with males would be my suggestion...hard to say since I never experienced what you're going through yet

I suppose there musta been difficult things you two must have argued besides that too...

Grr, I wish I was there to hug u .

Stay strong girl! Look forward to the goal! Play dirty and hold them against it!

Jordan.... so to this...

At college, I first came out to two of my friends while we were on the way back from our local comic shop. My then girlfriend (whom I was not out to.) and I had just broken up and I figured it was as good a time as any to start being honest. Besides, the comic shop owner was a family member of one of the friends and she had gained me access into the store room, a holy of holies if you will, to see the owner's fabled pet chicken, so I figured I should reciprocate. Anyway, we were on the way back we had to go in different directions for class and work and I pulled them both aside, fidgeting, and told them. I was immediately smothered with hugs and giggles and asked if I minded coming over to their dorm for girl's night. Most of my other friends have reacted with everything from puzzled acceptance to "Huh, really? Roll for initiative . . ."

ROFLMAO...I'm into gaming too (more card games then the board kinds) and that's basically what my guy friend was like. "Oh. really. Well, what are you playing for Extended?"

Actually, I work at a gaming store for a long time and they're more like family to me. I'm having a hard time breaking it to my boss more than my real father (if he was around). I tried today since it was the Christmas dinner party but I just froze there and I didn't build the courage I mean, it took me a 30 min. long walk on the beach with my guy friend...and i only told him only when we were back in the car.

Sigh, then again, I do come from the rainbow state where diversity is celebrated. I'll try again later this week....or maybe one by one.