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Almost Made An Oops...


Guest Robin Winter

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Guest Robin Winter

Last night after the office closed, my wife and I were still in there with our boss, in the back office. I was in a really rocky headspace, and on the verge of tears the whole time. And of course they kept talking about things that triggered me further, "girl stuff", hormones etc. I nearly broke down, and I was so close to spilling everything right there, I just don't know how much longer I can deal with this.

I don't even want to think about how things would have progressed if I had just come out unprepared like that...blah.

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Guest Donna Jean

OH MY!

I know that you and your wife work as a team....

So, what are your plans for coming out? I mean, like, when and how?

I want to finish coming out so badly and work is the last thing that I need..But, my therapist wants me to wait and let everyone at work watch me slowly change on HRT...he says I'll be better accepted....I hope so, cause this waiting sux!

Careful, Shi....if you have a plan , just try to stick to it, but things happen..and if you did break down and tell all, you don't know if it would be any better/worse than waiting....

This stuff ain't easy....

LOVE

Donna Jean

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Guest Robin Winter
OH MY!

I know that you and your wife work as a team....

So, what are your plans for coming out? I mean, like, when and how?

I want to finish coming out so badly and work is the last thing that I need..But, my therapist wants me to wait and let everyone at work watch me slowly change on HRT...he says I'll be better accepted....I hope so, cause this waiting sux!

Careful, Shi....if you have a plan , just try to stick to it, but things happen..and if you did break down and tell all, you don't know if it would be any better/worse than waiting....

This stuff ain't easy....

LOVE

Donna Jean

I don't have an exact plan, but I at least want to try and find out if the company even has a policy in this regard. I just want to make sure I'm as prepared as I can be, I guess, and I'm definitely not yet.

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Guest i is Sam :-)

Having to keep the secret can be so painful sometimes. Honestly I can't think of any advice to offer. Do you have a plan for coming out? sometimes when we can't do something yet, at least just planning it helps keep us sane.

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Guest Robin Winter
Having to keep the secret can be so painful sometimes. Honestly I can't think of any advice to offer. Do you have a plan for coming out? sometimes when we can't do something yet, at least just planning it helps keep us sane.

I'm working on it :(

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Guest julia_d

Now then.. I remember this situation.

Remember that bloke learned skill.. the one about being emotionally a rock and not apparently giving a toss about other peoples feelings?

Time to turn it back inwards and apply it to yourself.. it works wonders, just don't end up like me a bitter and twisted hard as nails woman (just like my mother hehehehe)

When you come out it should be from the platform that you actually don't care what they think or say or do.. it's not their decision.. it's yours.

I know it gets harder every day to pull the act.. but until you are at the point that it doesn't matter any more and you don't care then unfortunately it has to be done. Learning not to care is the hardest thing.. it takes a while to get hard enough to throw it all at the wall.

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Guest ~Brenda~

Shilo hon,

I know how you feel, but try to refrain from coming out in a fit of passion. Coming out when under emotional distress is not usually a good way to come out.

Also, I would recommend that you come out to your wife first (if you have not done so already), then to your boss at the appropriate time. Additionally, I would recommend that you slowly evolve to be more and more the woman that you are, and let those around you get used to your subtle changes before you come out to them. The time is ideal when some questions start to emerge.

Coming out with a cool, confident head is the best because everyone who you come out to know and understand that you are serious.

HUGS babe

Brenda

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Dear Shilo,

I am hardly the one to give advice on the how tos of coming out to your wife - my track record is 0 for 1, and coming out to others I am sort of 0 for 2* - they are trying to talk me out of it so take that into account.

As far as to my wife I planned a candlelit dinner, bought her roses and proceeded to get so sick to my stomach that I never prepared dinner at all.

Instead of talking calmly over a nice Italian dinner I sat on the side of my bed crying uncontrollably while she stood in front of me asking if I was alright.

Not the best way I would have to say.

So even with wonderful plans sometimes it just has to come out on its own.

I sent my sister a letter and explained everything and told here to call me when we could talk - we talked about it twice and that was the end of that.

I told my mother in person and her first response was that I could make it in either gender and proceeded to tell me how she knew that I wasn't trans at all - what does my therapist know anyway.

How to tell your boss is a very difficult one - have you seen the company's HR profile to know where the official line is drawn?

See if you can sort of appear more like yourself little by little and she may ask you - then the door is open.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Robin Winter

I came out to my wife ages ago ladies :) She was right after my doctor and therapist. BUT, I'll be applying that advice to my stepson, I really ought to come out to him first, for sure. In fact, I'm supposed to come out to him before Tuesday...it was my therapy homework. I'm still too much of a coward to do it....ugh.

Good advice though, everyone.

Julia, I know you're absolutely right, and I hope when the time comes I am able to pull it off. Not so much with my immediate bosses, they're ok with the whole emotions thing, and we're pretty close as far as employer/employee relations go. But I'll definitely need to be a rock when it comes to my co-workers and the upper management that I don't usually deal with.

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