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Dealing With Post-op Depression


Guest Balista

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Guest Balista

A FEW THINGS BEFORE I START:

1. Out of respect, if you're not post-op, I'm seriously disinterested in hearing your

opinion on this subject. I'm not trying to be mean, I just genuinely want to hear from

other women who've had SRS. Having a place to pose this question was my primary

reason for joining this site.

2. This isn't a "I regret my surgery" post. SRS was maybe one of the singlemost

impotant events in my life.

This is a pretty personal topic to talk about for me, so it is a little longwinded. It is

potentially a little triggery for some people so be forewarned. Let it be known that

I'm not one of those unrealistic people who expected SRS to be a magic fairy wand

that would fix all my problems and deficiencies. That said, here's a little of my

background, which leads into my primary question:

Me:

I was early transitioner. After years of dealing with a crossdressing son who insisted she

was a girl, and years of shopping around to various therapists, I was formally diagnosed

at the age of 14. My parents were not especially thrilled, and went out of their way to try

and discourage/bully/embaress/beat the thought of transitioning out of me. To get them

off my back I started overcompensating my maleness. I was a skinhead punk. I got in

fights, I was a pain in the donkey. I didn't want to be trans. I was overwhelmed by a sense

of WRONGNESS that I couldn't put into words.

I graduated from an all boys highschool. I went to art college. I hit a breaking point at 18

and had a nervous breakdown, came out to my family, & started hormones. I was full-time

by the age of 19. My family was completely non-repsonsive to the idea of their only son

becoming their 2nd daughter. My dad threw me out, and severed all ties with me.

Much of my early transition felt like pretty desperate times, a slow spiral toward inevitable

doom. I was pretty sure that I wouldn't live to see my 21st birthday.

I recconected with my family at age 24. I went back to school, but the underlying pain was

still there. The prosepct of surgery weighed heavily on my brain, but it was so overwhelming

I didn't know how to deal with it. My grades suffered, work suffered. I was pretty much at

another breaking point. I couldn't avoid dealign with it anymore. I needed to act. So 6 months l

ater I had SRS at the age of 26.

I didn't go into surgery thinking it was a magic wand that would solve all my problems. All

I really wanted from surgery was to just get this stuff done and over with and get on with

my life, focus my energies on something else. And it was good. it was really good. It's possibly

the best thing that's ever happened to me, it made that big of a difference.

However, My SRS experience wasn't ideal. I had serious healing complications due to too

much scar tissue around the opening to my vaginal canal, and issues with tissue granulation

forming under and around my clitoris. in 2007, 11 months after my initial surgery, I returned

for a revision. The revision solved most of the major problems, but between the two surgeries

and the complication left me pretty much out of comission for almost a year and a half. I was

left with alot of residual nerve pain, fatigue, and a general lack of energy.

During this time alot of things in my life passed me by. I lost touch with alot of friends, I became

much more of a homebody. I fel out of touch with the things which made me happy, and felll into

a deep depression.

Don't get me wrong, I've definitely grown drastically from both a physical and emotional standpoint

since I had SRS. The physical changes alone were pretty dramatic. But since then everything's kind

of been... muted. It's like you spend so much time, effort, and energy just to get to this point.

Transition felt like an all encompassing effort, you know? And now that you're here, you don't

know what the intercourse to do. The feeling is like: "so... yeah... what now?

So my question is, after your surgery, did any of you go through a period of depression/grieving/

whathaveyou similar to what i described above, and if you did, how did you eventually deal with it?

Are you still dealing with it?

I would like to hear your thoughts.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Michelle Hayden

Most of my depression was due to having to go off hormones (estradiol) for a wk b4 surgery (each surgery) i had to go off for a wk, and i made me crash, not only going off, but when going back on homones as well. Being on hormones then stopping cold turkey can bring on depression and is not uncommon, but funning thing with me is that i did not have a problem with the vaginoplasy, but it started after i had the labiaplasty. I knew i was totally done. I could never go back to being "male" so it and being off hormones set off a huge depression after labiaplasty. Btw, I had FFS done first, then SRS, then BA, then labiaplasy. While having the labiaplasty done i also had eye lid work and rino tip revision done. My FFS was a 10'1/2 hr operation in it self, but getting back to the post labiaplasty, i had re-occurrences of past male times. I am married, so i was also grieved by the fact that i would no longer be intimate with my spouse (she is hetro), and so with all of this going on in my mind, plus the lack of hormones, then going back on, i was having major depression. I would cry about 7 or more times a day, thinking about different things in the past and wondering what had i done. I was a very attractive male, so i never had a prob getting hetro women, but in my mind i was always having bi sex with them, even tho they didnt know it. I played the male game very well. Now, no one would every recognize me, the changes are so drastic. With the face alone, i look nothing like i used to. Im totally different person on the outside and that can play mind games on you initially. I am better now of course, but sometimes i do wonder..what happened to the person that i was and how he will never be again. Alot, has to do with hormones tho truthfully. I tell anyone that is married and plan on staying together, to really think hard about it before having SRS. Go over every option and scenario and really communicate with your spouse. If everything is gone over first, there wont be as much drama later. As for single ppl, seek a very good therapist. One that know and has alot of experience with TG, not just textbook knowledge. He/she can help direct you as to research, drs, what to expect post op etc. Finding and doing alot of research on your SRS dr is most important, even tho there are never any guarantees. Every ones body is different and you have to factor in all the variables, like age, health, does the person exercise regularly pre op, weight in proportion to height, genetics etc. Anyway, sorry for the novel, but there are many thing that can offset depression. Ones own life experiences are dif from others as well. Good luck to you!

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Anna_Banana
Most of my depression was due to having to go off hormones (estradiol) for a wk b4 surgery (each surgery) i had to go off for a wk, and i made me crash, not only going off, but when going back on homones as well. Being on hormones then stopping cold turkey can bring on depression and is not uncommon, but funning thing with me is that i did not have a problem with the vaginoplasy, but it started after i had the labiaplasty. I knew i was totally done. I could never go back to being "male" so it and being off hormones set off a huge depression after labiaplasty. Btw, I had FFS done first, then SRS, then BA, then labiaplasy. While having the labiaplasty done i also had eye lid work and rino tip revision done. My FFS was a 10'1/2 hr operation in it self, but getting back to the post labiaplasty, i had re-occurrences of past male times. I am married, so i was also grieved by the fact that i would no longer be intimate with my spouse (she is hetro), and so with all of this going on in my mind, plus the lack of hormones, then going back on, i was having major depression. I would cry about 7 or more times a day, thinking about different things in the past and wondering what had i done. I was a very attractive male, so i never had a prob getting hetro women, but in my mind i was always having bi sex with them, even tho they didnt know it. I played the male game very well. Now, no one would every recognize me, the changes are so drastic. With the face alone, i look nothing like i used to. Im totally different person on the outside and that can play mind games on you initially. I am better now of course, but sometimes i do wonder..what happened to the person that i was and how he will never be again. Alot, has to do with hormones tho truthfully. I tell anyone that is married and plan on staying together, to really think hard about it before having SRS. Go over every option and scenario and really communicate with your spouse. If everything is gone over first, there wont be as much drama later. As for single ppl, seek a very good therapist. One that know and has alot of experience with TG, not just textbook knowledge. He/she can help direct you as to research, drs, what to expect post op etc. Finding and doing alot of research on your SRS dr is most important, even tho there are never any guarantees. Every ones body is different and you have to factor in all the variables, like age, health, does the person exercise regularly pre op, weight in proportion to height, genetics etc. Anyway, sorry for the novel, but there are many thing that can offset depression. Ones own life experiences are dif from others as well. Good luck to you!

I don't mean to be rude Michelle, but I don't think you read a single word that the topic creator wrote. Ballista has long since had SRS and has created a topic on the subject of depression that occurs after having the surgery. While I'm sure your comments would be helpful to someone pre-SRS, you didn't address the topic at all.

Again, I don't mean to offend, I'm just making you aware how important a response probably is to Ballista. If you don't take the time to read over her opening statements, you can end up causing more harm than good with your response.

And I apologize, Ballista. I've been watching this topic carefully since you posted it, hoping that you would find someone who could share their feelings of similarity with you. I can't comment because I am not post-op and can't grasp what you are going through. But I understand pain, and for that, I feel for you.

.Anna

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Elizabeth K

I am a year away - but I have three very good friends that are post op. If you want a contact PM me and I will see if they will talk with you - none are on Laura's as this is more of a suicide prevention and information site. Also Beginning Life is another site - it is for MTF in transition or post op only. It addresses the hard core issues we don't. I will send the site address to you if you wish.

Hope this helps - wish we had more post-op people here!

Lizzy

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Guest angie

It took my best friend one year after SRS to get depression.

She finally had to admit it was debilating her,so she asked for

help.She was assigned a therapist and a psychiatrist(for anti

depressants) and has told me she is feeling better with someone

to talk to.She walked ,no ran away,from her whole past life and

thought there would be no consquences.How wrong she was.

And she is finding that being a middle age woman,unemployed,

in a depressed economy,is not the easiest thing to remedy.

Angelique

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  • 1 month later...

I think you touch at a number of things the trans community doesn't like to consider or would like to paint as regrets. I do not think your experience is abnormal.

From my own experience and obversations and shared experiences of others, it is clear that there is a good deal of development that occurs post-op. A few of your statements really stand out in my mind. Let me comment on the thoughts those generate.

I didn't go into surgery thinking it was a magic wand that would solve all my problems. All

I really wanted from surgery was to just get this stuff done and over with and get on with

my life, focus my energies on something else.

During transition (and I use the term to describe the key transitional aspects through SRS as transition in one form or another can continue for a lifetime), one tends to get focused on SRS as some sort of end point or goal. Even if one is quite aware that it isn't a goal in itself there is this sense that getting past SRS is the point where one can start to get on with life. While there is some truth to that, while one can move on, how is one supposed to go about it? I think that is something easier said than done.

Don't get me wrong, I've definitely grown drastically from both a physical and emotional standpoint

since I had SRS. The physical changes alone were pretty dramatic. But since then everything's kind

of been... muted. It's like you spend so much time, effort, and energy just to get to this point.

That time, effort and energy during transition translates into a great deal of focus. Often that can be a huge distraction from boader issues that need resolving which will tend to come back post transition. The growth you describe can be the key to opening those broader issues however as at the time one is too distracted to pay them much attention.

Transition felt like an all encompassing effort, you know? And now that you're here, you don't

know what the intercourse to do. The feeling is like: "so... yeah... what now?

And it becomes obvious really quick that for all the work there is no award or kudos anyone is going to give you. Oh some in the trans community may tell you how great it must be but after some time that gets pertty old and hollow. Getting on with life means moving away from the trans community and on into a world with new challenges and a world that doesn't care what kind of achievement that was personally.

Moving on as I said before is easier said than done. The past remains and there are new complications are faced. Also, all those unresolved issues come home to roost. Too often the "therapy" that trans folk get really isn't therapy. Often it is nothing more than transition guidence where one sees a therapist once every few weeks or months, some referral letters, etc. This assumes one hasn't bypassed therapy entirely. Even if one gets honest weekly therapy at the time, often one is so focused on "transition" that they aren't really prepared to delve into the other issues such as self esteem, guilt, shame, anger, etc.

I think one goes through a period of euphoria after SRS that lasts somewhere between 2 and 5 years. During this time things are generally "great". Often they will dissapear from the trans community to "move on". In time, eventually the pressures of life, and often those unresolved issues of the past start to come home to roost. This seems to be a period of risk where many can be depressed (some do experience depressing right after surgery as well). If not depressed, at least reflect upon the realities of life and start questioning.

It sounds to me like this may be the place you find yourself.

I personally think therapy is great to have post-op. One has matured quite a bit in their new gender role and is more open to dealing with issues not direclty related to transiton. It can be very instrumental for truely moving on and provide guidence to achieve that. If one is feeling depressed I think it would be doubly important.

I seen so many post-op who haven't delt with issues such as anger, who get to this point, and then don't find help. They remain angry at the world or they turn back to transition to solve their problems such as deciding some additional cosmetic surgery to help their passability, their voice, or whatever, will magically solve their problems. In my opinion, the problems are internal in these cases, not external.

I think one goes through different levels of maturing as one gets years and years after SRS. The realities of living in the new gender role and post SRS for years is much like leaving your parents house and starting out on your own life. As a teen your head was full of knowledge and belief about how the world worked but it hadn't been tempered by reality. I think the maturation process post SRS is similar to that of teens turning into adults. I spent a good bit of searching to understand myself better during this time as well as where I fit in the world. I also come to understand that many of the "truths" I believed during transition were more beliefs than they were truths.

I have learned to be able to honest with myself about those things and to laugh at my own sillyness. I understand that most people would think that I have done is pretty darn weird and I am okay with that.

Again this is much the way teens seem to know everything but as adults recognize just how little they really knew back then. The processes do seem similar.

There is more I could say but I think I will leave off with what I have said so far. Don't know if your still watching the topic.

Drea

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Half_Jill

You said it, Drea. I don't know where to begin thanking you for saying what you said here. I'm so glad I found this thread, others should be so fortunate.

Mia

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Guest Half_Jill

To add:

I feel like this issue is so commonly glazed over by trans people that it is easy for us to get wrapped up in our own world and feel like we're the only ones dealing with feelings of insecurity and depression. Speaking for myself here, I began to feel depressed little by little over the last couple of years since my surgery. I had a hard time even just admitting to myself that I had some latent anxiety and insecurity even three years post op. I kept pushing the feelings away because I was afraid that they were linked to regret. I spent a lot of time talking with my god mother, who is also trans and post op, about this issue and she brought up the "so now what" state of being. She is older (in many ways) than I and is extremely involved in the trans community in the SF Bay Area, so it was especially relieving for me to hear her tell me that the feelings I was having were both common and valid. That didn't, however, change the fact that I was and am still quite honestly having feelings of anxiety and occasional depression. It has been very hard for me to pinpoint exactly what is causing those feelings because they seem to come up in strange circumstances around all sorts of different people.

The anxiety is especially bad because it hits me as a surprise every time. I keep thinking "Why am I feeling like this? I thought I was past this!" but it comes in unstoppable waves and all I can do is wait for it to run its course. No matter how irrational it seems even at the time, it's still difficult to deal with and understand. I have recently begun to explore my place on the gender spectrum as well. I definitely cannot deny my male side some times as it comes out anyway and it is a fundamental part of what made me who I am. It is kind of weird, but I've been entertaining the idea lately that I might in fact be both trans and gender queer. It's difficult to really wrap my brain around and I am absolutely dying for some one local or a group or something that I can just spill all of this out on and see who gets it.

The core issue that I feel like I (as well as a large portion of the post-op trans community) am tip toeing around is the horrifying fear that I have made a terrible mistake. That is a very real and very scary thing to think about. But there it is. I find it hard to believe that I would have made the decision to go through therapy, HRT, living full time as a woman for almost four years, dealing with loss of relationships, friendships, family tension and emotional abandonment on a path that ended up with me getting what I always dreamed I would have, only to find myself full of regret. I mean it is possible for a person to reach that end, but I like to think I know myself better than that. I know that I am impressionable and pick up on others very easily, yet even that quality (which my family constantly used as a means of caution during my transition) became somewhat of a strength for me during transition. I challenged myself constantly and looked at both sides. I asked my therapist multiples times over the course of those four years if she felt that what I was doing was right for me. I asked life long friends as well as people who barely knew me. I cross referenced and second guessed until I felt confident in my decision.

How could my early childhood memories of wishing I was a girl be wrong?

And let me be clear about this: I enjoy my female anatomy. I feel more comfortable living my life as a woman, identifying as female, and having had the experience of transitioning from male to female than I ever felt as a male. My body may not be perfect, but it is mine and I am satisfied with my new self on many levels.

That being said, there are still some feelings that have come up for me now that I have settled into myself three years post op. The excitement of the transition has calmed, and I am now focusing on myself. I now am finding myself dealing with some deep inner issues that I simply didn't see during the tempest that was my transition. I am loosely paraphrasing what Drea said in her post about that particular stage in post-op life. I have always been a chronic worrier. I even worry about worrying. It's a vicious cycle. My anxiety runs deep and always has. I'm now discovering that it was probably there all along ON TOP of gender dysphoria. I have been reading a lot about mood disorders lately, especially generalized anxiety and depression. Those things are symptoms of gender dysphoria but they are also, as I now know, a large part of what still rests deeply seated within my psyche.

When I first felt those things again, it was extremely terrifying. Thoughts swam through my head that I dared not speak out loud, even to myself. I wondered if my brother was right and it was all a mistake. After all, wasn't this whole thing supposed to "cure" my anxiety? Cure my depression? I realistically know, too, that GRS/SRS is not a "magic wand" as Balista put it. I knew then and I know now that it's not something that will take all of my mental problems and brush them into the garbage to be thrown out. That would be nice, but it's unrealistic. Still, knowing in my rational mind that I had made the right decision, one that I had wished while laying in bed so many nights as a child would be possible, I find myself irrationally afraid.

Any thoughts from whoever is still watching this? I'm all ears.

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Of course it gets glazed over. Being post-op is supposed to be all roses and fluffy bunnies and that for anyone who doesn't experience that they must be the tiny minority who made a mistake.

No matter how well fantasy can trump reality in the short term, reality has a habit of asserting itself and will eventually win out. During transition it is easy to dismiss the negative and is a time andmany grasp onto comforting ideas. In the long run, when one is post-op the realities come home to roost.

Just as was stated that GRS/SRS is no magic wand I will also add that neither is transition.

There are many of other issues that tend to come part and parcel with being trans. These are typically things such as guilt, social anxiety, insecurity, low self esteem and the list goes on and on. Just because those sort of things may have their roots in being trans, transitioning doesn't make those go away.

It is quite common for issues that developed while growing up as a result of ones parents to continue to plague a person for decades after they have moved out of the house, gotten married and even after their parents have passed. Its silly to expect transition to resolve all the issues.

As I stated in my previous post, during transition, even though one may have a therapist, and maybe that therapist will focus on the issues, often the trans person is too focused on other things. Jill said "I now am finding myself dealing with some deep inner issues that I simply didn't see during the tempest that was my transition". This is exactly what I mean.

Even though one has therapy during transition, it is not until a few years after SRS, when one gets on with life and the post-op euphoria wears off, that one is really open to deal with "deep inner issues" as Jill put it. Thus getting back into therapy can be value.

One thing to also keep in mind is that if something like anxiety is very severe, perhaps some medication is needed.

Many who have transitionned, and especially if they have had SRS, find it hard to admit any difficulties or even associated difficulties. After so much energy had been invested, and often having to assure others that this was going to be the right thing, to admit any negative at all often gets interpreted as some validation of those who questioned. There is also the element of emotional investment which tends to make one reluctant to think in that direction at all.

Yet there are many examples of long term trans people who have had SRS deciding after 20 or 30 years that they were wrong. It makes one wonder.

Last comment I would like to make has to do with a change in perception. Post transition one isn't dealing with the day to day stress. That makes it much easier to question. Its not suprising, that when not under the stress that one experienced pre-transition, one can focus day to day complications or difficulties that transitioning has caused. The question however is, if one were to step back, how do those present day stresses compare to the pre-transition stresses?

If someone had to transition, the answer is probably fairly clear.

For someone which had options, where it was more fo a want, the balance may not be as obvious.

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Guest ~Brenda~

At all points of transitioning, each step must be carefully taken. Remember, who you are reamains at all times.

After reading this topic a few times, I have concluded that SRS was too hastily taken without proper consultation.

Reading this topic, I see no evidence of following the wpath SOC which is established to help prevent misguided transitioning paths.

SRS is very serious and demands years of consultation and therapy. Failure to carefully follow the wpath SOC can result in tragic outcomes. Never, ever underestimate the impact that SRS will have on your life.

SRS, if properly handled in terms of being part of the therapy of realizing who you are will be rewarding and joyous.

SRS, if not handled properly (in terms of true understanding if SRS is appropriate for you) is an uneccessary surgery with permanent results.

The probability of having to re-undergo surgery is very low. With the right procedures in place pre and post op there should never be the necessity of "fixing" the surgery.

For the record Balista... when and where did you get your SRS done? What was your consultation to recommend SRS?

I need to know, since I am on the path for SRS.

Brenda

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With all due respect Brenda, I think your conclusion that one of the posters here did not adhere to WPATH and that SRS was undertaken too hastily is unfair. It is also the kind of statement which makes it hard for someone post-op to honestly and openly discuss their feelings.

I know some of this discussion can be threatening to those who are planning SRS. One wants to believe life will be great after SRS, that having SRS will be wonderful and joyuous to use your own words. I think, that all those in the discussion here, barring annoying surgical complications, have found it both dramatic and positive. That of course is easy to focus on for the first few years. I believe the discussion here has focused on the effects after that feeling wears off and other of life's complications start to reassert themselves.

Just because someone does not feel the need to express their bonafides, and explain how they did everything doesn't mean they did or did not follow standards. In fact, I consider it a sign of maturity and security for one to not feel the need to explain themselves.

I do agree with you however, that if one does bypass the standards, there is a much higher probability of having issues or of one making some huge mistake. I have met more than a few individuals online who have openly admitted bypassing therapy and running off to Thiland to have SRS. They almost always declare how great having SRS was for them. I can not judge on that point. They do also tend share another common trait which is that they usually have some major social issues that are fairly obvious to others. Issues which would typically be well served by having the counseling they are so vocally against. That is not what I been hearing in this thread.

On the other hand, no amount of therapy pre-op is proof against depression post-op. I have outlined in my posts some reasons why I think that happens. There is also a fair amount of professional literature that explains the value of therapy post-op and roots of post-op depression.

The probability of having to re-undergo surgery is very low. With the right procedures in place pre and post op there should never be the necessity of "fixing" the surgery.

I do not understand the reason for this statement. It almost seems to suggest that the complications were a result of the person not being properly prepared or incorrect post-op care.

Surgical complications are a fact of life and often unavoidable. Happens with all surgeons though some are much worse than others. The single step SRS procedures are highly succeptable for need of revision as the swelling makes maintaining the smaller details difficult. Of course a revision of a cosmetic issue is completely optional and many decide not to opt for that.

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  • 8 months later...
Guest Caroline Anne

All,

This thread has helped me more than 6 months of therapy. I really appreciate the honest discussion that goes on here at LP. I am reading "Whipping Girl" and am viewing who I am, and why in a brighter light, if you will. It hasn't changed what I want, just re-inforced and legitmized to me, what I feel. I should be better able to describe this to others as well.

Then this thread. This thread addresses issues that my two therapist haven't a clue of. I've been driving them instead of the other way around. It's time to get a qualified therapist. I will certainly put these issues raised on my internal radar and on one of my many external lists.

Thanks so much for your gracious hospitality to me in this thread,

Best Regards,

Caroline

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest valeriedances

A FEW THINGS BEFORE I START:

1. Out of respect, if you're not post-op, I'm seriously disinterested in hearing your

opinion on this subject. I'm not trying to be mean, I just genuinely want to hear from

other women who've had SRS. Having a place to pose this question was my primary

reason for joining this site.

2. This isn't a "I regret my surgery" post. SRS was maybe one of the singlemost

impotant events in my life.

This is a pretty personal topic to talk about for me, so it is a little longwinded. It is

potentially a little triggery for some people so be forewarned. Let it be known that

I'm not one of those unrealistic people who expected SRS to be a magic fairy wand

that would fix all my problems and deficiencies. That said, here's a little of my

background, which leads into my primary question:

Me:

I was early transitioner. After years of dealing with a crossdressing son who insisted she

was a girl, and years of shopping around to various therapists, I was formally diagnosed

at the age of 14. My parents were not especially thrilled, and went out of their way to try

and discourage/bully/embaress/beat the thought of transitioning out of me. To get them

off my back I started overcompensating my maleness. I was a skinhead punk. I got in

fights, I was a pain in the donkey. I didn't want to be trans. I was overwhelmed by a sense

of WRONGNESS that I couldn't put into words.

I graduated from an all boys highschool. I went to art college. I hit a breaking point at 18

and had a nervous breakdown, came out to my family, & started hormones. I was full-time

by the age of 19. My family was completely non-repsonsive to the idea of their only son

becoming their 2nd daughter. My dad threw me out, and severed all ties with me.

Much of my early transition felt like pretty desperate times, a slow spiral toward inevitable

doom. I was pretty sure that I wouldn't live to see my 21st birthday.

I recconected with my family at age 24. I went back to school, but the underlying pain was

still there. The prosepct of surgery weighed heavily on my brain, but it was so overwhelming

I didn't know how to deal with it. My grades suffered, work suffered. I was pretty much at

another breaking point. I couldn't avoid dealign with it anymore. I needed to act. So 6 months l

ater I had SRS at the age of 26.

I didn't go into surgery thinking it was a magic wand that would solve all my problems. All

I really wanted from surgery was to just get this stuff done and over with and get on with

my life, focus my energies on something else. And it was good. it was really good. It's possibly

the best thing that's ever happened to me, it made that big of a difference.

However, My SRS experience wasn't ideal. I had serious healing complications due to too

much scar tissue around the opening to my vaginal canal, and issues with tissue granulation

forming under and around my clitoris. in 2007, 11 months after my initial surgery, I returned

for a revision. The revision solved most of the major problems, but between the two surgeries

and the complication left me pretty much out of comission for almost a year and a half. I was

left with alot of residual nerve pain, fatigue, and a general lack of energy.

During this time alot of things in my life passed me by. I lost touch with alot of friends, I became

much more of a homebody. I fel out of touch with the things which made me happy, and felll into

a deep depression.

Don't get me wrong, I've definitely grown drastically from both a physical and emotional standpoint

since I had SRS. The physical changes alone were pretty dramatic. But since then everything's kind

of been... muted. It's like you spend so much time, effort, and energy just to get to this point.

Transition felt like an all encompassing effort, you know? And now that you're here, you don't

know what the intercourse to do. The feeling is like: "so... yeah... what now?

So my question is, after your surgery, did any of you go through a period of depression/grieving/

whathaveyou similar to what i described above, and if you did, how did you eventually deal with it?

Are you still dealing with it?

I would like to hear your thoughts.

Hi Balista,

Yes, I experienced severe depression following SRS, it lasted about 8 months. I had complications also that slowed the healing process and increased the depression. It went way on its own eventually. Now at 1 year, my body is healed and I am more open, outgoing and happy.

I did begin taking an anti-deppressant at 8 months to deal with rejection from guys who didnt handle disclosure well. It has helped alot.I'm sure the prescription has helped.

Best of luck to you. Hope your recovery is going well and you feel more at peace.

-Valerie

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Guest Lacey Lynne

@ Valeriedances:

Hi, hon! Glad you are here at The Playground now too! You will add so much to this forum! I believe I know you from another transforum. You will make a wonderful addition here too!

@ Everybody:

Sorry, I'm still preop and will respond to a thread like this if and when my time comes. Just wanted to say "Hi!" to Valerie.

:rolleyes: Lacey

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest valeriedances

Hi Lacey!

It's nice to be here, thank you for the warm welcome...

I'm still trying to figure out how the site works. I cant understand how to edit my posts. I wanted to make some corrections and add more writing, and I just couldnt find any way.

with love,

-Valerie

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