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Coming Out To Parents This Sunday!

Guest SouthernBelle

By Guest SouthernBelle,
in Coming Out

Recommended Posts

Guest SouthernBelle

Guest SouthernBelle

Posted
Posted

OK, so I've decided to come out to my parents. I don't really know how it's going to go, but I read a lot of tips all over the web on coming out and I even bought a book ("True Selves") and put little notes in it, relating parts of the book to my own life, so I can leave it with them when it's all over.

And like I know my parents will love me and show, at least, SOME compassion, but like I'm totally scared. I'm not really scared to the point that I don't want to do this, because I feel that this is going to be a positive venture, whether it appears that way at first or not.

I figure that my main point of focus, at least at the beginning should be to explain to them that pretending to be something I'm not (a boy) was the true cause behind all the anger (and lots of it!) and negativity in my life, then answer any questions they might have. I think the first part should be easy for them to get, because the difference in the way I carry myself and handle my emotions is completely different than the way it has seemed over the past million years. I don't really know how to explain that to all of you, but it's like I was already 100% ready to just give myself in to therapy at the start, but once I told our therapist about my transsexualism, and then actually started loving myself, all the bad things that I thought would be a part of me forever just like completely melted away. I guess that goes to show it was never a part of me, after all :D

On top of that, I am SUCH a cry baby, so I know that they will feel for me. They're kind of prejudice against EVERYTHING, but they really are compassionate and understanding when it comes to their kids. On the other hand, this IS big. hmm...

Well, one way or the other, I'm doing it. It will be freeing.

Got some advice?

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Guest miss kindheart

Guest miss kindheart

Posted
Posted

hi Belle,

<<hug>>

I was 48 when I finally told my mom , and she left with fire in her eyes.

I started at the beginning, things like do you remember when you caught me wearing my sisters dress?

Every thing I tried to get her to remember she seemed to have forgotten, or deny.

Anyway having your parents accept you isn't all that easy for most or us.

Parents think that it is all somehow their fault, even though it is not.

I think their feeling of guilt makes it hard to accept.

The other thing that seems to happen is that the better people think they know you, the more they tend to judge who they think you should be. Our parents do tend to know the most about all of us, and so it seems to be the hardest for them.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Just be honest, and speak from your heart.

:wub: vanna

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Milly Germanium Member

Milly

Posted
Posted

Granted this may sound a bit off topic but... It's nice to see that I'm not the only crybaby here. I have been fired a couple of times and each time was like this huge blow, it took everything in my soul not to burst out in tears. At least we know why we're prone to tears lol.

Back on topic. My mom is fairly bigoted, she didn't trust the GLBT community. However when I told her this, it seemed to just disappear from her. I don't know if it just went away or she just stopped out of respect for me. I guess my point is if they love you they will accept you. This is still a road I am traveling though and I can't say for sure how this will turn out. I hope it turns out well for you. However I have a feeling it will! =)

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Guest Donna Jean

Guest Donna Jean

Posted
Posted

Well, Honey......

I do wish you the very best of luck....I'll not go into any details of what to do and not to do....

There are so many ways and circumstances....

Here is something that may be useful, though....

It's our "Coming out" forum....

You might want to read through there and see if there is anything that you can use.....OK?

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...hp?showforum=57

Best of luck, Honey....

Huggs

Donna Jean

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Guest SouthernBelle

Guest SouthernBelle

Posted
Posted
hi Belle,

<<hug>>

I was 48 when I finally told my mom , and she left with fire in her eyes.

I started at the beginning, things like do you remember when you caught me wearing my sisters dress?

Every thing I tried to get her to remember she seemed to have forgotten, or deny.

Anyway having your parents accept you isn't all that easy for most or us.

Parents think that it is all somehow their fault, even though it is not.

I think their feeling of guilt makes it hard to accept.

The other thing that seems to happen is that the better people think they know you, the more they tend to judge who they think you should be. Our parents do tend to know the most about all of us, and so it seems to be the hardest for them.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Just be honest, and speak from your heart.

:wub: vanna

Those are all good points. Gee, I hope my parents remember all the things I was going to mention. Like all the girls underwear they've found in my room as I was growing up. Or the time they caught me in a dress, sneaking in the fridge at 4 in the morning (i was so brave/stupid!) Or how I used to play Barbies with a little girl I grew up with. Or the time when I was three years old and they found that I snuck a bra home from preschool (we were playing dress up) Or my aversion to playing team sports. Or.... everything all throughout my entire life...

And I don't know what to say about the whole "fault" issue. I plan on explaining that noone can really agree on what causes it. And to cite a studies that show placing kids in certain activities does not change a thing about which gender they identify with. I hope that will be enough, but, who knows?

And as far as the whole thing about them knowing me, I don't really know what to think about that. My hope is that they have always known there was something different about me. I'm hoping that I can convince them that all of this really does make sense, and that this really has been me all along.

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Guest SouthernBelle

Guest SouthernBelle

Posted
Posted
Granted this may sound a bit off topic but... It's nice to see that I'm not the only crybaby here. I have been fired a couple of times and each time was like this huge blow, it took everything in my soul not to burst out in tears. At least we know why we're prone to tears lol.

Back on topic. My mom is fairly bigoted, she didn't trust the GLBT community. However when I told her this, it seemed to just disappear from her. I don't know if it just went away or she just stopped out of respect for me. I guess my point is if they love you they will accept you. This is still a road I am traveling though and I can't say for sure how this will turn out. I hope it turns out well for you. However I have a feeling it will! =)

Yes, at least we know why we're prone to tears, but even if we didn't, I don't see anything wrong with it. NOT ANYMORE, that is. It used to plague me. Being very sensitive and having to live in a masculine world was never easy on me. I learned to turn my tears into anger (big time). But anyway, my point is this: there is nothing wrong with a good cry. Crying is good for us. And while it may be nice to know that there's a "reason," I think the WHOLE WORLD could benefit from a bit more sensitivity: masculine, feminine, or otherwise :P

And THANKS for your support diaaloii. Good luck to you too!

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