Coming Out Letters

[Guest ZenRoots]

My own coming out letter.

Dear dad,

There is something I've been wanting to tell you. And I wasn't sure on how to tell you, so I'll just tell you in this e-mail. To be completely honest, as I'm writing this, I'm nervous as all hell. I have little knowledge of how you will react to this. I'm hoping it for the better, rather than all the fears I have on how you will react.

I'm transgender. I'm a girl, or at least, that's how I feel deep on the inside, on the outside I'm still a boy, for now. I am completely serious, and am in no way joking. Inside, I'm a girl, and wish to be such on the outside. I have felt this way about myself for a pretty long time, but I hid it as best as I can. I hid myself behind this veil of lies, because I didn't know how to tell you. And to be fair, I was terrified to tell you, as well as anyone else.

In January of this year, I finally came out to my friends. Just to see what would happen and how they would react, and all went better than I expected to. I may have lost a few friends, but I gained quite a few as well, and that's okay with me. These last two months, February and March, have been quite a living hell for me. I've been wanting to come out to you, and Mom, but it never happened. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, or even so much as begin to think of a way to tell you.

In the future, when I find a job, I hope to start on female hormones. Estrogen, Antiandrogens, and if I need to, progestogens. But before all that happens, I will have to go through multiple therapy sessions. Though, I'm still undecided if I will go full-operation. In the future, I will be changing my name to Cassandra. As I've already asked my friends to call me this, and refer to me with female pronouns.

I really hope this doesn't change anything between us. I'm willing to answer questions, if you have them, or care enough.

Love your daughter,

Cassandra (Brandon.)

It seems rather short, but it did do the trick. I came out in March of this year, and I've felt tons better not having to hide my true self.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

To whom it might concern (yeah - you snake-breath!)

I am trans - I am transitioning - GET OVER IT!

Love and Kisses

xxxxxxxxxxxx

P.S. Strong letter to follow

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

A letter to the leader of a theatre group used to go to and am going to start going to again

Hi *****,

There's something I wanted to talk to you about before I start coming to ********* on wednesdays.

I was born with a condition created by an imbalance of the hormones before I was born. The hormones are supposed to make a baby form as male or female but they didn't happen in the right amounts so I was born physically appearing female but with a male brain.

Because I appeared female I was brought up as a girl. It's a really tough way to live and caused a lot of problems including depression and self harm. I ended up feeling that I couldn't go on living like that.

Then recently I found out that I can get treatment for this condition. I'm beginning the treatment which includes starting to live as the male I should have always been. I know I don't look very male yet but as the treatment continues my body will hopefully gradually begin to appear more like the man I am inside. For the first time I'm beginning to be truly happy as the person I should have been and a lot of the problems caused by the condition are solving themselves in the process.

I know it's difficult and will probably feel strange while I still look more female than male but in line with the treatment I'm asking if you and others at ********* could please now call me 'Gabe' which I've chosen to be my new male name (I'd look really silly being a man called ***** lol) and refer to me with male pronouns. I know I've been known as ***** at ********* in the past but I hope that the change wont be TOO confusing.

My mum and **** are finding the process very difficult to cope with as they have been used to seeing me as female but they are used to hearing me referred to in this way even though they still use female terms when talking about me. I'm giving them the grace to change this gradually as they are ready but most other people in my life have now been calling me Gabe and using male terms for me for some time now.

I'm very nervous to say all this but I know you're a very accepting person so I hope you'll understand.

Please let me know that you've got this message and if it's ok.

Gabe ****** (previously ***** ******)

Gabe

[Guest Nancy232]

Here is what I plan to send

After many years of soul-searching and reflection, I have decided to undergo gender transition and live as a woman. I have felt like a girl inside all my life but never felt the world would let me live this way. With the growing (if still intermittent and incomplete) tolerance of trans people and of the LGBT community, I feel brave enough to acknowledge my identity and live in the way that seems most natural and free to me. Being Nancy will enable me to build on the positive aspects of my life as (old name) without having my time drained by the constant struggle to function in a gender role and identity that is not right for me.

I understand this might be a shock to many of you but please be assured it is what I need to do in order to be happy.

I will be gradually shifting names etc over the next few months. If you want you can write me at (new email with my female name)

With gratitude for your support,

Old name (soon to be Nancy)

[Guest Jeaulm]

Hello all! this is going to be my first post ever!

I did it through Facebook, because I didn't think I would have been able to get through the entire thing if I had to say it outloud. I would have probably broken down about halfway through it.

My letter was actually pretty small compared to others, as I had something I needed to get up early for, and had already stayed up way past the alotted time I gave myself. Granted it seemed very long at the time. Nevertheless, here it is.

"This is going to be very hard to post.

This will only be viewable by certain people. It is announcing who I am, and why I'm this way.

There are a few people i'm worried about seeing this, but I feel that I should atleast put it somewhere.

I'm not <name deleted>. I do not see myself as male, instead, I am Heather, a female. I know that most people are going to find this odd, ...

but my skin feels as though it is not my own.

<Here I linked to this sight, I hope that's okay, as I hadn't even signed up yet.>

Let's get this out of the way. I'm not gay. I'm transexual. That is, I am a female trapped in a male body. I believe that this sight in general will help <Mothers name> understand more about what that means.

I have always been more feminine than most others my age, I experimented with makeup at the age of eight, and whenever I played 'house' with my sisters, I was always either the sister or the mother, I did this as my own little way of expressing who I was. I have also taken to occasionally wearing dresses around the house when no one is home. Last year, I even went to school for a week dressed like a female.

I'm fairly certain that my family knows, as I would think it had been pretty obvious, but just in case, I plan on telling them tommorow, and showing them some sights, explaining that this is not just 'some phase' but a part of who I am, and that it couldn't have been helped, this is just to let others know, people who might not be 'okay' with it, as I am fairly certain I have one or two 'friends' who would not be supportive of this.

It is important to know that nothing about my interests are going to change, I'm still going to be 'me', I'm just going to be acknowledging that I am female, and not male.

Yours truly,

~Heather"

[Guest angels wings]

Hello Jeaulm Welcome to Laura's

There is a forum called introductions if u like you can make a small introduction of yourself . This allows others to see you are new to the Forums and Welcome you also .

Angel

[Guest Melissa~]

I have release condidate letter version 5.0 ready:

This is for extended family

Dear Aunt P and Uncle W,

I hope this letter finds you both well. The last time I saw you was at your <-removed-> party. I think of you often and consider my relationship with you to be very important. Because you are so special to me, there is something I want to tell you about myself.

There is something I have struggled with that most people never have to struggle with. It’s caused me great anxiety, pain and depression. <-removed-> Kid’s parents thought I would be a bad influence and didn’t want their kids hanging around me. I started drinking and other self destructive behavior, which I have now stopped. It has taken me quite a long time to come to terms with myself and who I am.

What it is that I have struggled with is my gender identity. That is, I identify as female. I want to explain a little bit about gender identity. Gender Identity is biological, hard-wired in the brain. It is not psychological in origin or caused by one’s parenting. It is also different than sexual orientation. Gender identity is the gender with which one identifies. Whereas sexual orientation is the gender one is attracted to (the opposite, the same, or both).

I have been struggling with this for 27+ years, but only recently have I acquired the knowledge and tools to handle it and to move forward with my life. I had considered seeing a psychologist who specializes in gender identity for several years, and now I finally am. After much soul-searching, I have come to realize that for my well-being, I must transition to living full time as a woman. We are following the Standards of Care of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health and are proceeding in a wise and thoughtful way.

I know this has to be a lot to digest. It has sure taken me a while. If you have any questions I would be happy to answer them at any time. There are also good books available that can help explain this, such as “True Selves,” by Mildred L Brown. In addition, if you like, I will keep you posted each step I take along the way.

As my aunt and uncle, you are very important to me and always will be. It feels like a burden is off of me in telling you what is going on, though of course, it’s scary. Please know, I will always love you regardless of my gender. I would love to hear back from you.

Love,

Original name

[Guest Melissa~]

About hundred small changes later, v5.2 RC is ready. This is getting close to my mailing , I swear, if anyone is interested I can post it up. I could alternatively post a link to the a suitable MS word file.

[VickySGV]

Post it in your Blog area here!! Not too many people use that feature.

[Guest Melissa~]

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?app=blog&blogid=658&showentry=2666

A link to a blog entry, hmm is this what you meant Vicky? I'm really not familiar with blogging tools I've never been into that. Direct hosting or futzing on my own web servers no problem. prepackaged blogging tools, too scary for me.

[Guest NoxNocturnus]

Here is the letter I just finished writing to my parents to tell them.

Dear mom and dad,

First off, probably haven't said this enough in the past, but it's true non the less. I love you guys *hugs*

Writing this and telling you these things are not easy for me to do. So please, understand if I am slow at this. It's nothing bad I promise Just please read the whole thing, then if you have any questions or wish to say anything, please do *hugs*

I'm not great at the whole talking thing, so I am going to be a little blunt in this message, I do apologize for that :")

First, the easy one. Let me say I am a polyamorist. That means I believe and live as someone who has a loving and committed relationship with more then one other person. No it doesn't mean I sleep around, nor am I a swinger, the major difference between swinging and polyamory is that swinging is all about sex, poly is all about love.

Second, this one is a little harder for me. I am pansexual (bisexual if you will). You might have thought this before, and yes it was true (although I denied the hell out of it for many years to everyone, myself included). I like both men and women and everything inbetween (if you understand gender variance then you'll understand what I mean by using pansexual over bisexual). It doesn't change whom I am, nor does it play any factor in my third revelation to you.

Third, and the hardest for me to admit and tell. Okay, I have talked about love and sexuality so far, two big parts of my life. Now for the third big part of my life, and the one that may be the hardest for you to accept. Gender.

I'm transgendered, I was born with a mostly male body but with a mostly female personality. No, I am not telling you this to hurt you. Trust me, it took over 20 years to come to terms with it myself. It does not change my personality, who I am or anything of the sort, I am still me. No, I can't change this, accepting this truth is the healthiest option I have available to me. No it is not going to change what I like to do or don't do, or things I don't like or do like.

I'm still me, that has not changed nor will it.

I am starting HRT (Hormone Reassignment Therapy) on the 9th of December, that will help my hormone levels adjust to where they should be. That will change some of my physical characteristics.

There will be other changes, yes I am still seeing councilors, both for this and for mental issues I have. That's not going to change anytime soon. Thankfully I have good support from the Gender Health Center here in Sacramento as well as from my friends.

I am considering (depends on insurance coverage and money, surgery is not cheap) FFS (Facial Feminization Surgery) and Vocal Surgery seriously. GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) I'm not sure on, this will be something I will be continuing to talk to my doctors about. I don't know yet if it is for me or not.

When you see me at times in the future, you may think I am 'cross-dressing'. I'm not, yes I will be wearing feminine clothing, yes I wear dresses (not skirts anymore, have you seen my legs lol). I still wear pants and t-shirts when I feel like it. But i am just dressing as me.

Eventually when all the treatments are done, my legal documentation will have been changed to show me as a female (from ID to SSA to Birth Certificate). There will be a legal name change required (I'll talk more about that with you if you like).

No, there wasn't anything anyone could have done to cause this or change this. I was born this way. It's no ones fault, it just is a fact. If you would like me to give you some or point you towards some information, resources or support groups, let me know, there are a few good ones out there. I hope we can work through this and you can find acceptance and peace with it.

*hugs* I love you, but I am what I am.

I'm here to talk if you like as well as answer any questions you may have *hugs*

[Guest]

Thanks NoxNoctumus for finding this thread and your addition that bumps it to the top. I really needed this right now, to help me collect my thoughts on how to tell my sister. I now have about six pages in Word saved to use as a thinking launch pad. I feel for everyone that came before me on this issue, thank you for empowering me. Hug. Jody

[Guest NoxNocturnus]

@JodyT Your very welcome, I am glad that bumping this up to the top has helped you I wish you the best with telling your sister, word is great for scratchpad work on writing letters *hug* Best wishes and let us know how things worked out for you

[Guest nomnomnom]

As difficult as it was, I chose to come out to my partner (at the time), parents and other significant people in my life either face to face or over the phone. It was not easy and a lot of crying happened. Coming out has still not confirmed anything as to whether I do end up completely transition, as life is extremely complicated.

Sometimes I regret saying anything at all, but at the same time, it can act as a way to weed out all those you really don't want in your life.

Below is the post I made on facebook last Tuesday. Some of the things I said in it actually contradict what my feelings are now, as my mind is in a state of constant flux and has been for a very long time... I don't really know what I am most of the time. But anyway, here it is;

I've lived with this from my earliest memories. There was something wrong, something that just didn't feel right. No matter how much I tried to block it out, it would still remain in the back of my head.

Sometimes I would day dream, of being born different. But alas, I felt I could not do anything about it because I was an only child, because I was an IVF child; the pressure was always on. But also because I honestly didn't know there were easy ways to change things.

But now I'm no longer suppressing it. I'm going ahead and changing myself for the better. This hasn't been easy and still isn't. I feel terrible for having to do this, for my daughter and for the woman I still love so, so much. The woman I know more than any other person in the world. Maybe things will be better in the future, I don't know but can at least hope for it.

I'm transgender.

From now on (or at least, very soon) I'm going to live as a woman, become a woman, and never look back.

So far I've had positive reactions. But if not the case, just de-friend me... Don't talk to me any more, because obviously we weren't very good friends in the first place.

From what I've learned so far, from my own mistakes, my advice to everyone is to be open. Be truthful. Accept yourself and be yourself. Sooner rather than later. Having this attitude will save bigger, more damaging and hurtful heartaches later down the track. If there's something 'different' about you, know that you can't fool yourself forever in pretending that there's not.

[Guest Mia J]

Thanks for posting Alicia.

I would be curios to see how your friends react on Facebook.

I only have like 40 some friends on Facebook and they either all know because I have known them a long time or they just know me as Mia.

Mia

[Guest nomnomnom]

I have about 120 'friends' on there. I received about 10 comments, a few more likes and several messages from family / friends, although the friends who messaged me were generally more distant.

Nothing has changed though. I still have not had a catch up with anyone other than my ex... lol. so called friends, ha!

[Guest Mia J]

Thanks Alicia I had been wondering. So you got around a 10% response.

When I came out at the zoo I sent an e-mail to about 30 people who had been in my docent class and only got back 4 replies so the ratio is about the same.

Mia

[Guest JazzySmurf]

Hi, I'll share mine too :-) This is my work letter, but I've etched out lots of things which may give too much information about me...

"

Dear ---------------------------,

My name, as originally listed, is -----------. I am a ---------------------- working with/on ---------------------------------------------------.

The reason why I am asking for your time is to inform you that I am transgender. In my case, it means that I was born considered male, but I identify female. I have known since I was a young child that I was incredibly different and I am in the process of transitioning. To help me feel more comfortable in -------------------, I'd like to ask you to:

(1) Please call me Sam. It was my nickname when I was a child (and considered male) but it is also a name that I still identify with and find suitable.

(2) Please refer to me with feminine gender specifications (e.g., her, she, girl, woman, etc). It may not seem like much of a difference for you personally, but it means a great deal to me (and to other transpeople in general). In my case, it is quite hurtful for me to be given the wrong gender specifications, hurtful in a way that gets worse as it happens more. So, I would really appreciate it if you could make the effort. You will definitely spare another human being a great deal of suffering.

That's it. I do not wish to trouble you with transgender related issues any further, just focus on my work. I'd still like to be considered one of your friends, and ---------------------

For further information about transgender people and how to be trans-inclusive, please see the following material:

Understanding Transgender - http://transequality.org/Resources/NCTE_UnderstandingTrans.pdf

How to Be a Trans Ally - http://www.umass.edu/stonewall/uploads/listWidget/8751/How%20to%20Be%20a%20Trans%20Ally.pdf

In ending, I hope you have a wonderful day, and have a happy and ------------------. Thank you for reading this email.

Yours,

Sam ----------------------

"

[Guest Mia J]

Good links to share Sam

Mia

[Guest Gerilynn]

Here is my letter sent to my family and friends. Hope it helps others to make thiers.

Hello friends,

I hope this letter finds you well and enjoying the beginning of summer. XXXX and I are approaching our 18th anniversary of our big wedding and decided it was high time for a letter.

To begin with we are settled in XXXXX finally and both working at the XXXXXX Maritime Museum. It has been a long couple of years with growth and challenges since I left the Coast Guard.

Now I am going to challenge you too. We have decided that now is the time to come out and tell our friends and family a secret that I have kept for far too long. Allow me to give you a little context.

Last year was a rough year for me. I was working in Puget Sound about three hours drive from home and only seeing XXXX on weekends. My parents both have significant health issues that made me feel I had to make more money to help. Along the line a friend of mine was lost during hurricane Sandy. Lets just say I was a mess. I went to a therapist for some help.

The thing about therapy is it does not work unless you are honest. One thing has been a constant my entire life. It has been my feeling of discomfort with myself. I can remember as far back as age 5 or 6 and this has been part of my life. I had been working through these feelings by myself and reaching out to learn more through some dear friends. It is amazing how these things rise like a wave to become a breaker on the beach.

Enough beating around the bush. The wave crashed last fall when I felt compelled to tell XXXX about my real self. I have never been comfortable in masculine roles. I have felt a deep sense of terror that I would be found out as not a man. I have tried to prove my manhood to myself and have just been frustrated and moody. Some of this was no surprise to Misty she had known I was withdrawn and unable to communicate but she has been caring and supportive through everything.

My therapist and I diagnosed me as having Gender identity Dysphoria. That is a fancy way of saying I have always been transgendered. I am uncomfortable with my assigned gender because my head does not relate to the body I was born with, or, at least not well. Some people say they are a woman born in a man’s body. There is research and theories that it comes from genetics, possibly hormones before we are born or some other reasons. That really means nothing now, I am who I am.

I say I have never felt male and been scared as hell everyone would find out. Well, now, I am telling everyone because it is a Huge part of who I am. I feel like I can’t continue pretending to be someone I am not.

You might ask “what the hell does that mean?” It means I am embracing myself and the love of my wife and being strong enough to make a change. I have begun hormone replacement therapy and I am allowing myself to be me. We are exploring what it means for us to be transgendered. The hormones make a huge difference in me. It is like suddenly finding calm during a storm. Lastly it means I am going to ask your patience and understanding as we, Misty and I, go through these changes together.

Let me insert here that there has been quite a bit news coverage about Kristin Beck the Navy Seal who is transitioning from male to female. What I have seen has been very good and is an excellent place to start if you want to learn more. The American Psychological Association has an excellent pamphlet at http://www.apa.org/topics/sexuality/transgender.aspx

I know this might be a little much to take. I have been told I was a good actor and I played the part well enough. Let me say that I have not changed so much, as I have stopped lying about myself. I still have the knowledge, love, and respect for you that I have always had. Please remember that, if nothing else. If you feel this is all a bit too much to take we will understand. We will always have an open door to our friends even if has been a while since we visited. We would love to talk and help you understand.

A last note. You will hear XXXX call me Dee now. That is the name we decided we liked. We hope it is easy enough to use for you and you will feel comfortable using it. I am not hung up on pronouns or propriety but I do enjoy when people use feminine pronouns for me.

We do appreciate you our family and friends.

Dee

[Guest Ace22]

I am just so scared to tell my mother.

So maybe I should write a letter, but I find it very hard to do so because each time I try to write, my hand starts shaking like crazy and I get teary-eyed so I can't even see what I am trying to write down.

Or each time I try to tell my mum personally, I chicken out and end up not telling her.

I just don't know what to do. I am a female by birth, and I always felt trapped, stuck in the wrong body.

I hate EVERYTHING there is about being a female.

My mum knows I like girls since the age of 14, she doesn't have a problem with me being gay. but I don't know if I come out as wanting to be a guy, if that doesn't push even her boundaries of acceptance.

I will be 17 in less than a month, so by the time I'm 18 I can start transitioning even without parental consent.

But I don't want to keep this a secret from my mother, I want to be honest with her. I want her to know how I feel, how I truly feel. She is not the most loving person on this planet but still...I feel like this is something she needs to know about.

I feel like I deserve to be happy after all these years of feeling trapped and not being able to get out of my own body.

[VickySGV]

Ace -- Part of the reason we have this forum is for you to see what others have been able to do. If it is hard to write your own letter, go ahead and borrow what someone like you has written, and then find a way to make it your own. I am old enough that both of my parents are dead of old age and I cannot and could not come out to them when I was your age. I am a parent though, and knowing that even my adult children are hurting is terrible for me. All the more terrible if they are hurting alone and I find out too late.

[Guest Ace22]

Thank you so much Vicky, you have no idea how much your reply even meant to me.

Today, I joined shopping with my lil sister and my big brother and they were getting all these clothes and shoes, while I didn't get a single thing because my mum kept telling me to choose girly clothes and shoes and I almost started crying, I just couldn't do it.

I got so frustrated and jealous because my brother was getting all these awesome clothes!

So my mum said I have to shop with her tomorrow for clothes and I am sooo scared and sad because I just....it's one of the last things I wanna do...because I feel like I'll have a mental breakdown in the stores right there if I have to put on all those clothes for girls.

So yeah, I feel the urgency to tell her now even more than before because it's just not working out..my life as a girl, I mean.

[VickySGV]

You will make it, you WILL make it!! Clothing helps, but is not the real transition, the real one is inside of you!! Letting mom know that you NEED the less girly clothing for now, even if you do not come out fully to her is important to both of you. You will make it.

[Guest Ace22]

Thank you soo much for your encouragment.

I wish I had friends like you that could understand what I'm going through, but I live in an extremely non-accepting place to the lgbt community.

For today, I somehow managed to get out of shopping i don't know how I did it, I just basically slept late and then started cleaning the house to distract her from bringing me to the mall.

I rember once before we were shopping and I had the same issue and i wanted more boy-ish clothing and she was like "You're not a boy, you'll never be one, so stop trying to." and there were other instances. i remember being in the hospital because i have problems with my ovaries(see?even nature thinks i should be a guy lol) and they gave me morphine to ease the pain so obviously I felt more at ease to talk to her too because i was high off of it and while i was in the hospital bed i looked at my mum, started kinda crying and i said "Mum, i wanna be a guy. If i was a guy, this woulda never happened" so she didn't say anything.

The next morning she talked to me about what i said and she basically said transgenders are never going to be happy cuz id never really be a guy...so yeah..i mean she didn't bash trans people she just said she feels kinda sorry for them because they'd never be happy no matter what.

So then i lied to her and said "Well, i didn't really, really wanna be a guy i was just mad because i was in pain."

so yeah...the conversation ended right there...because she basically wouldn't listen to a thing I said or how I felt.