Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Having Trouble Stepping Into The Woman's Section.


Guest Zoe_Ikeda

Recommended Posts

Guest Madison_Always

I too get irrarionally nervous sometimes when shopping. After many purchases though, I have come to the conclusion that no one really cares. My advice is just take a deep breath and go for it. Everyone else will be so wraped up in their own lives they will likely take no notice of what someoe else is doing. Good luck.

Link to comment
  • Replies 89
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Michelle 2010

    5

  • JenniferB

    2

  • Carolyn Marie

    1

  • MackenzieB

    1

Guest nurseling

I believe it all comes down to self confidence. If you walk in feeling like you belong there, no one will question. Know what you want so if a salesperson asks, you can tell them, be led to it, and not worry about wondering around looking lost. Remember, if a salesperson is not helping you, they are doing something they hate because the manager said to. That or trying to hide from said manager. The large majority of salespeople and cashiers could really care a less what you buy. The nicest and most helpful I have found, believe it or not, are in aerie (personal favorite) and victoria secrets. Smile, be yourself, and enjoy shopping. And if they have a problem, tough tampons. So go forth and fill your closet with shoes, most of the salespeople are on commission so they don't care as long as you buy.

nurseling

Link to comment
  • 4 months later...
Guest KatyDesire

Haven't yet plucked up the courage. Whenever I approach the women's section my cheeks go a bright purple and I feel mlike they are flashing like neon lights! Goos to know I'm not the only one, and that one gets over it eventually.

Link to comment
Guest Chrissy6455

I used to have the same problem, I used ot make my wife get what I wanted becasue i was too scared of being Judged, then After I came out to myself, and my first shopping trip still presenting as male went to store and bought some stuff and tried some stuff on and really I don't think anyone actually even seemed to care less what I was doing, not even the lady who was watching the changing rooms.

I think this is the same fear or at least a portion of it that makes alot of us at one point repress who we really are.

Link to comment
Guest MrMxyzptlk

I prefer using second hand stores. There is one in a nearby town that I love. They call it "The Free Store" because they don't have prices on the stuff, you just drop some cash in the jar as you leave. So I grab a bag and walk through the womens section until I find what I want. I got a skirt, shirt and two pairs of shoes today. Real cute stuff.

I hate to say "man up" when talking about shopping for bras and panties but really don't think most people give a hoot.

Oh, when I need to get something very specific sized, like lingere, I go to Walmart. They have a self checkout. I grab a pack of soda and then hit the womens section tossing in what I want. Then I hit the self checkout. no strange looks or questions you don't want to answer.

Rochelle/Scott

Link to comment

Two more ideas that might help. Consignment shops and goodwill are great to start. There is no womens undies in these places so you can be shopping for your wife a surprise for her.

The other is one I used when I was in my early teens I would ask a sales lady if she could help me. I knew my size so I wrote the things I wanted on a list. I would tell the sales lady I was uncomfortable doing this but my Mom was inlured last year and I am trying to shop for her. WOW lots of sympathy and praise for a wonderful son "your mother must be very proud of you " It is a bit Cheeky as the Brits would say, but after a few visits I felt comfortable shopping for me.

Candy Kane

Link to comment
Guest alexiaannalise

i have a problem shopping in my home town cuz my family is real well known here so if i dont have my girlfriend with me then i cant really cant do it unless its around christmas time and then i can do it as long as they think its for her but its kind of a hassle and a pain so i would much rather have her there with me

Love

Alexia Annalise

Link to comment

i didnt have troubles with the clothing so much, but similar situations, ;like restrooms. its easier to do if you had a freind or two with you who is that gender too. male restrooms? id walk in with a male freind or two, makes it safe, keeps people from wondering if im one of the boys or not. i figure it would work the same for a MTF at a clothing store. nobody really notices or anything if youre picking out clothes so much, you could be buying them for someone else after all..as for the dressing rooms, like i said, have a friend there with you, it might help,even if theyre not actually IN the space with you, but by the door.

Link to comment
Guest MrMxyzptlk

Today I stopped at a discount store and poked around for stuff, I found 25 cent a pack pantyhose so I snagged a couple. When I got to the counter the smart alek cashier girl said "do you think those are your color?" I told her "the catfish will think they are fabulous" and I explained that I will be using them as a method of baiting hooks for catfish to hold the more loose baits togather while letting the "flavor" soak out through the fabric. The look on her face was priceless.

I may actualy use them for that as I think they are too sheer for my blemished and hairy legs.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Two more ideas that might help. Consignment shops and goodwill are great to start. There is no womens undies in these places so you can be shopping for your wife a surprise for her.

The other is one I used when I was in my early teens I would ask a sales lady if she could help me. I knew my size so I wrote the things I wanted on a list. I would tell the sales lady I was uncomfortable doing this but my Mom was inlured last year and I am trying to shop for her. WOW lots of sympathy and praise for a wonderful son "your mother must be very proud of you " It is a bit Cheeky as the Brits would say, but after a few visits I felt comfortable shopping for me.

Candy Kane

OK Girlfriends,

now here's another update on how to settle in to being your true feminine girly, girly, yes, go ahead and say it out loud......"girly self"..... I have posted before that "new to me " shops are great in my town. If you live in a blighted area, maybe go to the next town over where your sisters have class and money ok? You want to pick through other ladies treasures not trash right? So find a niiice "new to me" shop... Save Kohl's or Macy's for later... When you exude the lady like confidence that is waiting to blossom.

Now, having selected the store worthy of your time, you go in feeling like the lady you are, not a timid rabbit... "But Michelle...", you say, "Michelle, how do I do this if I really feel like the rabbit????"

I'm glad you asked... The secret is... (whisper),,,people leave you alone...

Even as you work your way down the row looking at all the wonderful options you get to coordinate and later accessorize as a woman, people leave you alone... If a woman is working the same aisle, be polite and smile :) Say something nice (not clever) and smile.... Never, never, never, fight a woman for a garment! It is bad form....

Oh, and don't waste time making eye contact with men in the store, they aren't worth you effort and energy. Remember, you aren't there to impress men. You are there to purchase garments that make you feel feminine and hopefully make other women jealous of how goood you look.

You may ask, "Michelle, what if the counter girl is a smart alec mall rat, waiting to pounce and smirk???" I'm glad you asked.

This just happened to me. I went into a boutique new to me store (yes ladies have money and class here) and the counter lady was not the usual... In fact, she looked suspiciously like a mall rat... I had to make an instant decision! Stake my claim as a shopper with class and dignity, or flee like the above mentioned timid rabbit. So, since I was shopping pants for the first time and was confused on sizing, I met her gaze and smiled. When she asked "May I help you?" I walked over to her and said, "Yes, I am shopping for myself for pants appropriate for church (true), and don't understand the sizing..." Now here's the really really important thing... I said, "Can you help me?" She was immediately taken out of any perceived problem and into finding a solution. I had immediately removed conjecture as to my motives by simply stating I was buying pants for me... and I needed help. Ultimately, we talked about what college she was going to go to and we were great friends by the time i left.

Lastly, (for now), you may ask, "Michelle honey, how do I acquire the confidence that you have to perform so flawlessly????" Well, the answer is..."ya just gotta get going and start doing it" :) After all, remember, there are no mistakes, only lessons.

Hugs

Michelle

Link to comment
Guest Prettypolly1389

I have had similar experiences as most of you. I almost had a panic attack the first time I shopped. I also have to see who is around me when I am browsing. If there seem to be several big men about, I chicken out. If I have chosen and picked an item, I always look for a short queue. Once at the check out, I also ask for a receipt.

But it is worth all the hassle. I then cannot wait to get home and try the time on.

Link to comment
Guest MsGsptlsnz

'Twas the day of my outing to my beloved spouse

We weren't really speaking, not even to grouse.

My clothing was hidden in boxes with care,

In hopes they'd be safe from my wife on a tear.

Our son was oblivious to wifely dread,

While visions of Pokeman danced in his head.

So with cash in my pocket and pain in my heart,

I set out for Goodwill my hurt with to part.

Away to their aisles I sprang like a flash

Holding back anger and feeling quite brash

When what to my wandering eye should appear

but a pink spanedex dress in a size I am near!

With a neckline and sleaves at the right fit

I knew in a moment I had to get it!

More shopping uncovered a new strapless bra

And stockings of white just my size, oh la la!

New shoes for this outfit elude me the did

So to the chekout I rushed like a candy store kid.

To the next little shop! To the the next little mall!

I dashed away, dashed away all!

As the next little shop of consigned goods went I

To look all around for shoes that caught eye.

So downstairs and up I wandered anew

To find the perfect high heel platform shoe.

And then with a twinkling I saw on display

For prancing and dancing the shoe of the day!

As I drew in sharp breath and Iooked all around

Size 11 they said and my frown turned upside down!

They were covered in silver form open toe to back strap

And the heel was stilletto with five inches, no cra....

The color, the style, they all were my fave

They looked like what angels would wear to a rave.

With a glimer in eye and twist of my head

I grabed up those pumps and I'll buy these I said.

The clerk and I spoke a few words without jest

Then I spoted some earings that I loved best.

So laying my finges on a few of my bills

I paid for the lot and headed for the hills.

The dress it fit and in I I did revel,

Showing off curves of foam and gel

The shoes I did walk in and they felt so right

So Happy Shopping to all and to all a good night!

Link to comment

WOW ditto to everything above! Ooh I want to tell my tales. I found a pair of shoes I dearly loved, slipped them on, they felt like a dream. Quickly back in the box. A week later my ex-wife stayed with me. In an intimate moment I excused my self went to the walk-in closet and slipped on my favorite dress. I peeked out the door and said there is someone i want you to meet. Wow what a wonderful romantic night. The next day we went to the shoe store, her as my decoy and she bought me the shoes! I still wear them out regularly as raggedy as they are getting. I want to have them bronzed. Giggle. We then went to the Goodwill. At first I was worried about the looks. I did a "Helen Keller" and shopped with my mate as girl friends. The stares turned to smiles as they watched us shop. I didn't make any bones that they were for me. Isle by isle the clothes piled up. The highlight was my ex would put each up to me and say "what do you think about these?" Some I liked, others I said " I don't like the color, I don't like the cut, I don't like the style. That's just not me." and picked up the ones I wanted. She whispered in my ear, "You know your a picky (B-word)!" I died laughing because it.s true! Alas, our romance ended for the finale time soon after, though we always share girl stuff together.

A few months later I was in Wal-Mart. I asked the young girl in the woman's department for help. With a funny look she politely tried to direct me to man's. I said "Oh no honey, I seldom wear man's clothes they are too baggy and have all the style of a tea bag! Men fashions are simply horrible. Yuck!" She showed me around and we laughed and gabbed together for quite a while.

Fast forward to today; I shop and know most every one that works in the Goodwill stores on my end of the city and many other shops, Every time I shop it's "Jody's back... where have you been?" I feel loved and spend money, what more could a girl want? Mostly female strangers clue in quickly I'm female brained and are comfortable shopping with me like any other female, no matter what gender I'm dressed as. The exception is when her hubby is around then she has to play the indignant wife role for him. I just smile knowingly and shop on.

It's all a learned behavior so don't let the fears slow you down on your education, The rewards are awesome! Jody

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Aw this thread brings back so many memories! My first shopping experience was something I'd wanted to do for months but I kept bottling it. Then one day during midweek I ventured into one of the department stores for the third time that day and I saw a pay point with just the female cashier there. She was young as I recall but I judged that she looked friendly. Suddenly found myself grabbing a skirt and a blouse that I wanted. I wasn't entirely sure of the sizes but I steeled myself to go for the the till, went over there quickly before I could bottle it, and paid for it. I think I just said something like it was a present for my mother or something. But once I'd done it once it got easier and easier. As it turned out the skirt was the right size and the blouse was a size larger than I really needed but hey, I'd done it :o)

After a year or so it got to the point where I just didn't worry and brazenly went up and paid for clothes without a care in the world. I'm sure that some of the shop assistants in town had clocked me but I didn't care by then and they were always great. They probably see many guys buying female clothes and are possibly even trained to deal with it. Funny thing is though, I always avoided being served by the male cashiers and always made sure a woman served me.

Buying make-up is hard in guy mode and I never did get over that one though :o(

Link to comment
Guest MsGsptlsnz
Buying make-up is hard in guy mode and I never did get over that one though

That one is still hard for me. I don't know why. I will walk up to the counter with an armload of heels, skirts, tops and stockings and not blink an eye. But into the cosmetics section and I am sure my mommy is going to come around the corner and paddle my little behind...

Very weird.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 175 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • Breezy Victor
    • AllieJ
    • Ivy
    • April Marie
    • SamC
    • Betty K
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,023
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Delaney
    Newest Member
    Delaney
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Dillon
      Dillon
    2. Kaylee888
      Kaylee888
    3. lily100
      lily100
      (39 years old)
    4. Luce
      Luce
      (44 years old)
    5. Luke.S
      Luke.S
  • Posts

    • violet r
      I use my  chosen name online and when ever I can. I play some online game and only go by that name. That is how everyone there know me. Yes it does feel great to be called the name you prefer. 
    • Breezy Victor
      I was ten years old when my mom walked in on me frolicking around my room dressed up in her bra, panties, and some pantyhose. I had been doing this in the privacy of my bedroom for a little while now so I had my own little stash box I kept full of different panties, bras, etc ... of hers. My mom's underwear was so easy for me to come by and she was a very attractive woman, classy, elegant. Well when she walked in on me, she looked at me with disgust and said to me... "If I wanted to run around like mommy's little girl instead of mommy's little boy, then she was going to treat me like mommy's little girl."  She left my bedroom after telling me NOT to change or get dressed or anything and returned with a few of her work skirts and blouses and such. She made me model off her outfits for her and I have to admit ... I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. I felt so sexy, and feminine. And she knew I loved it.  She told me we can do this every weekend if I'd like. It would be OUR little secret. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      The usual social ways, of course.  Taking care of my partners and stepkids, being involved in my community.  That makes me feel good about my role.   As for physical validation and gender... probably the most euphoric experience is sex.  I grew up with my mother telling me that my flat and boyish body was strange, that my intersex anatomy was shameful, that no man would want me. So experiencing what I was told I could never have is physical proof that I'm actually worth something.  
    • KathyLauren
      <Moderator hat on>  I think that, at this point we need to get the thread back onto the topic, which is the judge's ruling on the ballot proposition.  If there is more to be said on the general principles of gendered spaces etc., please discuss them, carefully and respectfully, in separate threads. <Moderator hat off>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      People who have no understanding of transgender conditions should not be making policy for people dealing with it. Since it is such a small percentage of the population, and each individual is unique, and their circumstances are also unique, each situation needs to be worked with individually to see that the best possible solution is implemented for those involved. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No.  You are getting stuck on one statement and pulling it out of context.   Trans kids have rights, but so do non-trans kids.  That conflict is best worked out in the individual situation. 
    • MaeBe
      I get the concept, I believe. You're trying to state that trans kids need to or should be excluded from binary gender spaces and that you acknowledge that answers to accommodate those kids may not be found through policy. I disagree with the capability of "penetration" as being the operative delimiter in the statement, however. I contest this statement is poorly chosen at best and smacks of prejudice at worst. That it perpetuates certain stereotypes, whether that was the intent or not.   Frankly, all kids should have the right to privacy in locker rooms, regardless of gender, sexuality, or anatomy. They should also have access to exercise and activities that other kids do and allow them to socialize in those activities. The more kids are othered, extracted, or barred from the typical school day the more isolated and stigmatized they become. That's not healthy for anyone, the excluded for obvious reasons and the included for others--namely they get to be the "haves" and all that entails.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Context.  Read the context.  Good grief.
    • MaeBe
      Please don't expect people to read manifold pages of fiction to understand a post.   There was a pointed statement made, and I responded to it. The statement used the term penetration, not "dissimilar anatomy causing social discomfiture", or some other reason. It was extended as a "rule" across very different social situations as well, locker and girl's bedrooms. How that term is used in most situations is to infer sexual contact, so most readers would read that and think the statement is that we "need to keep trans girl's penises out of cis girls", which reads very closely to the idea that trans people are often portrayed as sexual predators.   I understand we can't always get all of our thoughts onto the page, but this doesn't read like an under-cooked idea or a lingual short cut.
    • Ashley0616
      I shopped online in the beginning of transition. I had great success with SHEIN and Torrid!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Have you read the rest of what I wrote?   Please read between the lines of what I said about high school.  Go over and read my Taylor story.  Put two and two together.   That is all I will say about that.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I feel like I lost my husband," Lois told the therapist,"I want the man I married." Dr. Smith looked at Odie, sitting there in his men's clothing, looking awkward and embarrassed. "You have him.  This is just a part of him you did not know about. Or did not face." She turned to Odie,"Did you tear my wedding dress on our wedding night?" He admitted it.  She had a whole catalog of did-you and how-could you.  Dr. Smith encouraged her to let it all out. Thirty years of marriage.  Strange makeup in the bathroom.  The kids finding women's laundry in the laundry room. There was reconciliation. "What do we do now?" Dr. Smith said they had to work that out.  Odie began wearing women's clothing when not at work.  They visited a cross-dressers' social club but it did not appeal to them.  The bed was off limits to cross dressing.  She had limits and he could respect her limits.  Visits to relatives would be with him in men's clothing.    "You have nail polish residue," a co-worker pointed out.  Sure enough, the bottom of his left pinky nail was bright pink  His boss asked him to go home and fix it.  He did.   People were talking, he was sure, because he doubted he was anywhere as thorough as he wanted to be.  It was like something in him wanted to tell everyone what he was doing, and he was sloppy.   His boss dropped off some needed paperwork on a Saturday unexpectedly and found Odie dressed in a house dress and wig.  "What?" the boss said, shook his head, and left.  None of his business.   "People are talking," Lois said. "They are asking about this," she pointed to his denim skirt. "This seems to go past or deeper than cross dressing."   "Yes.  I guess we need some counseling."  And they went.
    • April Marie
      You look wonderful!!! A rose among the roses.
    • Ashley0616
      Mine would be SHEIN as much as I have bought from them lol.
    • MaeBe
      This is the persistence in thinking of trans girls as predators and, as if, they are the only kind of predation that happens in locker rooms. This is strikingly close to the dangerous myth that anatomy corresponds with sexuality and equates to gender.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...