Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Just Another Day


Guest therisa

Recommended Posts

Guest therisa

November is

Fast approaching it’s end

As the flooding of ads

Has started.

Yet for me

The coming holiday season

Means only

Isolation and rejection

From my family.

Oh I know

My mom will try

To phone me

On my cellphone.

Not realizing the charges

I will face

If I answer her call

Even though

I have told her

Repeatedly so.

Although friends

Have made offers

It’s not the same

As sharing it

Surrounded by family.

Yet

I refuse to

Stay in a place

Where I am treated

As a non-entity.

Unable to leave

Because

Her house is

In a rural town

Without any access to

Bus or train routes

Should I need to.

Come December 25th

Venus Squeak and I

Will silently celebrate

Together.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Many of us feel the pain of losses in this season for many reasons. I was ambushed and grieving yesterday by a wave of homesickness for my home and family at the holidays. But my parents are dead; my home is inhabited by strangers and I am not strong enough to ever look on it again when it is no longer home.

BUT I will fight to retain the spirit of the season -so like the spirit of love and generosity here-and share my day with those I do have. It's hard-I usually sneak away for a brief cry -but I will not surrender to it or let it lessen the beauty of a season when in addition to all the commercial stuff people do try to bring a little more love and generosity into a world that so badly needs it.

Hugs

John

Link to comment
Guest therisa

Christmas used to mean gathering around my Opa and Oma place. Everybody tried to be there, even the family members living out-of-province and country, too. I am talking about 24 other first cousins and my uncles and aunts. There was always food left over from the huge feast assembled there. Sadly, those days are now distant memories for me. I understand, what you are telling me, John, but the ghosts of Christmas Past come bearing too memories for me. As it must for you, John.

therisa

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Have to thought about answering her call, and then calling her right back on a regular phone with a calling card, or something like Skype ?

<<<< hug >>>>

:wub: vanna

Link to comment
Guest therisa

Vanna, my mom doesn't get or want to understand, I am her daughter. To her, I am her eldest son. Besides, talking to her, is very stressful for me. I don't need more stress in my life, it's stressful enough.

therisa

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Vanna, my mom doesn't get or want to understand, I am her daughter. To her, I am her eldest son. Besides, talking to her, is very stressful for me. I don't need more stress in my life, it's stressful enough.

therisa

I am sorry to hear that therisa,

<<<< hug >>>>

It seems like it is always hardest for parents to accept us.

Probably because they think they have known us for most all of our life.

The more people think they know you, the more they tend to judge you, and think they know what you are or should be.

:wub: vanna

Link to comment
Guest therisa

Sadly, that's life for some of us, who are members of the Transcommunity. You don't realize how much I envy you and your wife, having that special bond together.

therisa

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Sadly, that's life for some of us, who are members of the Transcommunity. You don't realize how much I envy you and your wife, having that special bond together.

therisa

I wish i could tell you it is all puppies and ice cream :huh:

But it isn't :(

Most of the time i wonder where we are headed :unsure:

<<<<< hug >>>>>

:wub: vanna

Link to comment
Guest therisa

But you have that bond, which counts more than you know. You will find a way to make things work out. Have faith in yourself, Vanna. Marriage is, an union of compromises on both sides. Ok, will have to hide Miss "Sunshine", before she ruins my "dark" rep, for writing gloomy poetry. :)

therisa

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

I do love her so, and i know she still loves me.

When your married you have to learn about boundaries.

She is what is holding me back.

I am stuck in the middle, and to continue forward will cost me her :(

I don't think i can pay that price

<<<< hug >>>>>

:wub: vanna

Link to comment
Guest therisa

Vanna, there is no right or wrong way, in how you transition. Only that you feel comfortable with the changes, to your body. I don't think any less of you, if you never get SRS. For its not for everybody. Dang Vanna, you're starting to rub off on me. :)

therisa

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Dang Vanna, you're starting to rub off on me. :)

therisa

I hope that is a good thing :lol:

of course i want SRS , I want the whole dream :D

<<<< hug >>>>>

:wub: vanna

Link to comment
Guest therisa

Vanna, in the very best way, possible. :) As for the other part in your life, I have faith you will make the right decision, both for your heart and body. Only wish, things were easier for you, a kind-hearted woman, not matter what.

therisa

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Vanna, in the very best way, possible. :) As for the other part in your life, I have faith you will make the right decision, both for your heart and body. Only wish, things were easier for you, a kind-hearted woman, not matter what.

therisa

Thank you

<<<< hug >>>>

I have till i die to get it done B)

:wub: miss kindheart

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   0 Members, 0 Anonymous, 150 Guests (See full list)

    • There are no registered users currently online
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Willow
      Good morning,   I over slept yesterday was a couple minutes late clocking in.  But no breakfast or coffee.  Got caught up but it was go go go all morning.  I had to ask for a refresher on how I was to enter something but once I got a quick answer it came back to me.    @KymmieL sorry Ford didn’t work out.  We are always looking for good reliable people, I could get you a job here but the commute would be rough.  Today I have three audits to get done, plus other things during my shift on top of the regular things.  Since I am opening that puts me in the drivers seat.  The Asst Mgr comes in part way throuh my shift but she will have to handle customers while I do the work she would be doing if she opened. Tail wagging the dog.  Guess she’s getting punished for not following the Mgr’s requests.  They do tend to butt heads a lot.     Butting heads with people is a thing the Asst is known for.   @awkward-yet-sweet do you think just maybe this new graphics request was in the offing?  And why you were asked to go to work with your husband?  Obviously, he cares about you a lot and is trying to do things to help you.   speaking of meeting people @Adrianna Danielle we have a youngish customer who comes in frequently, I’d like to approach her but I’m just not certain yet.  She still dresses male but has long hair and early chest development.  My approach, if I ever decided I should would just be supportive but I really can’t be sure that is what is going on here or what and I would not want to make a big blunder if that’s not what he is doing.  A male with early teen boobs doesn’t want to be noticed.   well, I can’t be late again, I’ve got to leave now.  See you again later for afternoon tea and crumpets or scones. Mmm scones!   lol   Willow
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-health-and-wellness/scotland-pauses-prescriptions-puberty-blockers-transgender-minors-rcna148366     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.huffpost.com/entry/a-second-trump-presidency-would-be-a-nightmare-scenario-for-transgender-people_n_661ff9a9e4b07db21fd5d59b     Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, HIPAA is basically useless for keeping government out of your medical stuff.  It doesn't seem to prevent employers from making workplace medical demands either.  About the only thing it seems to do is keep somebody's sister or spouse from having the tools necessary to help you when you're in trouble.  As usual, government made things worse and added unhelpful red tape.  I really doubt HIPAA will be any use in the area of trans rights either.    Honestly, I don't see anything good will come of this no matter how it goes.  If some state AG's win on this, it will cause issues for trans folks.  If the Feds win on this, it'll be a precedent to stomp on states' rights even more than has already been done.  And I'm not sure which way things go will make a difference when it comes to officials from one state trying to do nasty things to people who have left that state and gone elsewhere.    What a crap sandwich... and no matter which plate it gets served on, "We The People" get to eat it. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      At least you tried!  Something equivalent or better may come up, and the waiting could be worth it.  Just keep trying and you'll eventually get what you need and want.      For me, having somebody to love was the most important.  Everything else follows after that.  I waited a long time to find somebody...and she ended up leading me to more than I ever thought possible.    Actually, I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I have something work-like outside of my home responsibilities to do for the first time in about 18 months.  Nobody seems to mind the real me.  And this evening, my husband said something that just really made me feel special.  He was rubbing my back, shoulders, and chest while we talked, helping me relax.  He told me that he thought I was really cute in my girl form, but that he thinks my boy form might even be cuter.  And that he's proud of his "smart little Pocket Fox."    For me, the combination of those sweet words and the physical affection was exactly what I needed. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Hi!   That was probably hard to write and then read and say, did I really write that?  Been there.   I'm glad you call it a journey.  It is.  One step at a time, and sometimes two steps forward, one back.    Abby
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Violet! We glad you found us! No one here will judge you. Each of us is unique yet we all share some similarities. And many of us are in the relative early stages of self-discovery.   Take time to wander the sections of the forums. You’ll find lots of information and ideas.   Ask questions if you feel comfortable. You will find lots of people willing to share their experiences.   Is it possible for you to possibly work with a gender therapist? Many of us have found that to be extremely helpful in finding our identity and out true selves.   Just jump in. We don’t bite! We’ve all been in some version of where you are.
    • April Marie
      Literally. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Shameless plug for my "Taylor" story down in Stories You Write.  I am not Taylor and the experiences she goes through are not what has happened to me, but there is an emotional expression that I think is the best way to say some things that I don't know how to say otherwise.  I am not Bob, either.  But you might find out some things about me by reading it.  And I hope it is a good read and you enjoy it.  I am not done with it.  If you would like to comment on it, I would appreciate it.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Tuesday night.  They had a quick supper together at a fast food place.  Bob went off to teach karate and Taylor locked herself inside her apartment and worked on her hiring plan.   First the web site problem.  The two guys who ran it were self-taught and knew little.  It currently had three pages, the Home page, the About page and the Contact page,  She asked them to work with Karen in terms of redesigning it and she needed three designs to show Gibbs tomorrow.  The problem was three fold: the two guys and Karen.  Millville was a small town and all three were relatives of members of the Board.  Millville, Millvale. She was doing it.  People here called it either way, sometimes in the space of a few seconds.  She thought it was Millville.  All three had complained about the work, because the two boys regarded it as done and untouchable, even though they actually had not worked on it at all for months.  Like a number of people, they showed up and collected generous pay checks and did nothing.  She had looked at a number of websites and she had been told the company wanted one both internal and external customers could log into.  Her chief difficulty at the moment there was that there was very little content.  She decided to send the three complainers out tomorrow to take numerous pictures of the thirty acres  Or was it forty?  No one seemed to care. She cared, because she needed to get it right.  She debated outsourcing the website to a company, but first she needed something to outsource, and before then she needed to decide whether to keep these people.  She didn't need to mess with them.  So she decided to recommend they hire an experienced website developer with management skills. Would such a person come to Millville?  The schools were good, because the company had poured money into them, and the streets were well paved.  The company had bought all the abandoned houses and maintained them, hoping someday they would be filled again. Millville was crime-free.  People did not lock their doors. Neighborly. Very conservative, but in a good way.  Hard working, ethical, honest. Maybe the Chinese money was corrupting the town?  Not sure.  So she thought they would hire someone, even if it were a remote position.  She would rather have them here, but she would take what she would get.  That would move the website out of her hair. Secondly, she needed an effective presenter.  She could not do all these presentations herself.  She had natural talent but a lot could be passed on. She needed another Mary and another Brenda, or their understudies, effective hardworking people.   Bob. Was he okay with this?  He said she was Management.  Was that a problem?  And she was now earning a ridiculous salary, which she put down to company dysfunction more than anything she had done.  Was that a problem? She was not sure.  He was highly competitive and he had that male ego.  She did not.  A feeling of guilt rose.   Her therapist had brought up her feelings of guilt about not making Dad's expectations, never being the man Dad wanted her to be.  She never could, and this physical evidence backed that up.  What would the doctor say?  She thought about it, and that her therapist said she needed to find a sexual assault survivor's group more than a transgender group right now. Was there one here?  She thought about serving in a women's shelter.  There was one here, oddly enough connected to the church they had visited.  That F on her drivers' license would help.  She was waiting until after she talked to the doctor again to move on that stuff.   Was Bob really buying 160 acres near the old air strip on speculation?  Much of the land around Millville had been for sale for a long time.  That land was being offered at a dollar an acre, the owners having inherited it and now living out of state. Common knowledge.  They would take the first offer, and it had been for sale since the airstrip closed twenty years ago. Airstrip.  That would help.  Not tonight. Focus, girl, she told herself, and read over her notes to do so, which were making less sense the further down she went. It was eleven, and she gave up and went to bed.
    • violet r
      .my name is violet. I'm new here and thus is my first try at forums. I'm 45 and just recently having came to terms of who I really am. Thought a lot of self discovery since I stopped drinking. Drinking was my coping mechanism to hide a lot of thing. There were plenty of signs though the years. As I look back. That i hid inside. Now really sure what made all of this bubble to the surface at this time in my life.  Mabye it was waiting for me to be open minded and ready to accept that I am trans. I have a very unhealthy environment at home that is anti trans. I really don't know what else to say but hi. I hope everyone here will be accepting of me and me work through my journey of finding the real me. I know that since I accepted it I have been much happier than I can remember. Being to real me makes me happy. I hate having to hide this all the the time at home. I work retail management and have no idea if I could even stay in this business if I am to fully come out. Wow that was scary saying all that. It's a first for me
    • Ivy
      It is a lifesaver for a lot of us.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  What I do as a man is what a woman would do if she were a man.  There is just something feminine about the way I act as a man.  It's not that being a woman is actually better, or something to aspire to, but it is just that I am one, while not being one.   If beating my head bloody to get rid off this stupid dysphoria would fix it I would find the nearest wall, but I know that if I did that, when I woke up, it would still be there.   If I did not have this struggle I would be someone else and I would be less of a person than I am.  They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.   This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm sorry! :( Hopefully something better will come up
    • Ashley0616
      Thank you! Did great with the kids

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...