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Any Older Ftms? (40+)


Guest Linus Thomas

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Guest Erwynn

My partner pointed out to me that I'm turning 40 this year (thanks, hon). Anyway, I'm here, too. Have kids, stepkids, dogs, a house, aging parents at home, and all the trappings of my age and family status. Everything feels so slow and fast at the same time with transitioning. I keep having nightmares that my roof is leaking (it might be, in fact), and that I'll have to postpone top surgery in order to replace the roof. It's a strange mix of life places all at once.

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I often feel somewhat alone one many of the boards and in the one group I used to attend. The average age seems to be somewhere between 18-25 and so transitioning at age 37 (I'm turning 41 this month) seemed a challenge. When you start transitioning at a later age, things feel somewhat different: you've likely established yourself in a job, you have set friends, perhaps even a few kids. So I figured a thread where we can talk about the challenges that we face when starting this journey at this age.

Hi Linus,

I'm Alex [aka AJ] and I just came out as FTM at age 48, I know what you mean and I feel the same way. I've been on Laura's PLayground for about a week now and everyone is so kind and very helpful. I've learned so much and yes, I still have lots of questions, but I will have to wait until my next appointment with my mental health worker. I only get to see her once/mo. and my last visit is when I told her [Dec. 14/11] so now I have to wait before finding out what I do next.

Thanks to people like, ranse, JJ, Alex Six and a few others, I feel like I'm not as alone as I thought I was and I now know what questions to ask my worker/doctor. I hope you and others find this Thread helpful and we all can start posting our stories and help each other. Once I see a gender specialist and start T, I will be making videos on YT and will keep you all informed here as well to how my transition goes.

If I can help just one person, then that would make me feel like I've accomplished something good in my life. You are not alone my friend.

*Peace*

....AJ

I will be doing that too AJ, I am 47.

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My partner pointed out to me that I'm turning 40 this year (thanks, hon). Anyway, I'm here, too. Have kids, stepkids, dogs, a house, aging parents at home, and all the trappings of my age and family status. Everything feels so slow and fast at the same time with transitioning. I keep having nightmares that my roof is leaking (it might be, in fact), and that I'll have to postpone top surgery in order to replace the roof. It's a strange mix of life places all at once.

Holy cow, we could be living parallel lives.

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Guest alexjean1963

@ NyB,

Hello NyB, Yes that sounds good, because all the 100's of videos I've watched of top surgery is all teenagers or very young adults and I believe we need more videos on us older FTM's, so when the new FTM's come here or watch our videos, we can then help them. I see my family doctor today, I really hope she can hook me up with a gender specialist in this tiny town of ours, wish me luck.

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  • Forum Moderator

Hey AJ,

Welcome brother. I read your post over on CB's board and I noticed that no one had bothered to reply in your quest for help and info. I was going to register over there and suggest that come come over to this part of town.

You will find that the brothers and sisters over here are all family. They do not pre-judge new members. We are here to listen and help you in any way that we can while you begin your journey into manhood.

Have you posted on the general forum yet. The ladies are just dying to make you cookies and hot chocolate.

Mike

Thanks Mike,

What is CB's board-lol? Anyway, right now JJ has been helping me a lot with my 101 questions, he's so patient with me and I really need that right now. These past few days since my last post have been hard, I've been second guessing myself and wondering if I should bother to transition. It all just seems so damn scary and I have no male role modal to help me with passing. I'm so scared I can't sleep any more and a pace my living room floor sometimes until 5 in the morning. I just wish I had someone I could talk to in person, face to face.

Thank you for welcoming me into your family. Oh ya, and where do I find this "general forum"?

*Peace*

....AJ

AJ, CB's board is Chaz Bono's board. You did post on it, didn't you? The general forum is here on Laura's. When you pull up the entire menu section, you will it. Could also post on the introduction board.

And, yes you are right. There is a definite need for over 40 guys to post videos on utube. Most of Tube's videos are of younger guys. But, older guys need role models also. I'm glad that you've been talking to Johnny, he's a good man to talk too.

I hope that your drs appt went well and he/she was able to help you with the hormone request. If not, I'm sure that your dr. could track down via the internet medical info and resources enough to administer and monitor your hormone levels and that is very important as you and your dr must try to attain just the correct level to avoid liver and other possible damages.

Listen man, everyone who is about to begin the transitioning process is usually afraid as they walk into their "unknown". But, with therpathy and proper hormone levels and the plus of having other trans guys avaible here can be a great comfort. Remember, that you are not alone anymore. Maybe in your small town you are, but via the Net- you are not. Count yourself lucky that the net is available and ready to help. Just a few years back you would have been left isolated with very few if any resources availabe to help you. Laura's here also has a top notch sucide prevention program. No, I'm not saying that that would ever enter your mind. But, it's always a good thing to have ready just in case you might become overwhelmed sometime. That could come from within yourself or peer pressure from your town; one never knows.

So take care and remember we're just a whistle and click away. Best of luck in your transition

Mike [ 64 in April] geesh I'm getting ole lol Actually living this long has been a Blessing :score:

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  • 9 months later...
Guest bear rinehart

Hi I am new to the site and came here looking for fellow "late bloomers" :)

I am 38 years old have been on t since july and had chest correstion surgery on 9/11. I am curious about how long it is taking our age group see some of the side effect such as receding hairline or hairloss, body fat redistribution, voice changes etc.

I am looking forward to learning more about other experiences and sharing mine!

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Guest angels wings

Hello Bear :) Welcome to Laura's :) I see this is your first post :) you will find many others travelling similar paths . Glad you found us . There is an introduction forum where you can make a small intro of yourself there . This allows other members to welcome you also . Looking forward to getting to know you

Angel :)

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Guest aleon515

Hi,

I am definitely over 40 (I found this post in a google search, sometimes they won't let you revise it so I'm glad they did!). Actually I am way over. First I thought that I was genderqueer (I wondered if I was the only person my generation to use this word in a complete sentence), but the longer I was in this the more I understand I am ftm-- and not really atypical at that. I had no vocabulary or ideas to ask the right questions to figure this out. I think that's what the issue is. I recall incidents as early as 6 or 7.

Yes I find that our problems are different. If you want to google testosterone in someone over menopause, you can't really get an answer. Why, because it is commonly prescribed to ciswoman. How about top surgery? Can't find it. The support group actually has some guys over 40. I get along fine though with younger men but I find my problems and issues are a bit different.

Lots of my questions are medical. Also I have life experience that younger guys will not have had.

There are a few guys over 40 on youtube. But I am sure the inexperience with technology means many over 40 are not as familiar with the internet or computers. Anyway on youtube, look for a Doctor Jay 7 and Dweebleblo.

--Jay J

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  • Forum Moderator

I can definitely share the frustration over finding answers to anything for post menopausal FTMs. I came across an article by a leading FTM Dr once -wish I remembered his name-but he basically said because we tended to go black market and stealth or else end it all ( Men have statistically been more direct and more successful at suicide and that has taken it's toll but they can also hide better too -binding and beards go a long way for us.) there is no information out there about us. That every FTM he treats is in reality a guinea pig and it was unfair not to acknowledge that. They used to think we were only a tiny percentage of TSs and now are being seen as perhaps half. I think it is also easier for us to satisfy our needs in society than it is for the women. I took off hiking and fishing obsessively all my life- because at those times I could be all male and find relief from the pressure to try to be what I was not. And I wore jeans and shirts any time I was not working which didn't result in any questions or speculation.

The younger guys will never really know or understand how hopeless and impossible it once was for us I suspect. It was a different world. I knew I was male from my earliest memories-including a royal fit because I was made to wear a dress instead of a short pants type suit for my 3rd birthday party. I was lucky enough to find a psychologist 44 years ago who diagnosed me as having a woman with a man's brain. I didn't disclose to him either -I never disclosed to anyone ever-but the tests and long sessions made it clear to him. He said I was healthy and well adjusted and it was intrinsic to who I was but would make my life challenging and difficult. Bless him -he gave me a way to get through the years till at last the true nature of this condition became known and I faced what I am. Realized he had it backward. I am not a woman with a man's brain but a man who had a woman's body. I always lived a sort of dual life-dropping the female persona only when alone. I spent every possible moment alone because of that.

Deep down I suspect I am a better man for having to learn to live as a woman and it made my life much more rounded. It also stole a great deal from me- so many of the doors were closed to me as a woman back when I was trying to decide what to do with my life that I settled instead of going for what I needed. Another situation younger FTMs will not have faced.

I don't think there will be a lot of knowledge about post menopausal FTMs. So we'll just have to settle for doing the best we can to help our Drs and ourselves and be the guinea pigs.

At least we did get to this time when we could at last be free.

Johnny

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I wanted to drop in and say I really appreciate this post! The big age-related question for me has to do with hormones and cancer. My mother has an estrogen-sensitive post-menopause breast cancer, and I would love to know if oopherectomy and T would protect me, how high the risk is after reconstructive top surgery, which leaves some breast tissue but of course not enough to undergo the usual mammogram screenings, and how the two (top surgery and T) might interact.

I also will likely be pushing 40 by the time I transition, assuming I do (I'm still on the fence). If I was single, 20, and had no kids now, it would be a different analysis now than it was when I actually was that age and didn't know FTM transition was possible or what to make of myself.

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Guest aleon515

Thanks Johnny for your post. It doesn't exactly mirror my experience, but I can identify with lots of it.

Ravin, there are health advantages to T (bone health for instance, and there may be others-- breast cancer might be one). But there are health risks (high bp and cholesterol and liver cancer, I think). I know someone who had severe endrometriosis (not our age) who was almost instantly better on T.

Another thing, anybody know re: top surgery and age range.

I am probably the oldest guy here at 64 btw. We have a couple older guys in my ftm support group.

This is a great topic. They should make this a sticky note. I would really love a older trans forum (perhaps both ftm and mtf as there may be some similar topics).

--Jay J

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Nope not the oldest Jay J - I'm 65 :D

We are the two oldest FTMs I've been able to find. Never found any info on top surgery but am planning on scheduling it sometime this winter. I have Medicare now and it is covered from what I have read. Losing a lot of weight on T has pretty much shrunk my chest to smaller than it has been since I was 11 and will make surgery easier but I still want it gone.

Injectible T doesn't pose a liver cancer risk from everything I have read but can -and in my case did -raise blood pressure. Mine went from low to upper end normal. My cholesterol is low -considerably lower than before T. But losing 210 lbs may have a lot to do with that.

My Lupus has been much less intense and my Fibromyalgia has been dramatically less . There is a study going on right now using T to treat Fibro. A small preliminary study found it to be 85% effective, Far and away the most promising treatment for Fibro. Oddly enough my asthma has been better too.

In fact I just had the best medical checkup of my life-including my very fit and active 20s and 30s. They did a full blood panel too. T agrees with me. My only real complain is my hairline has receeded more than I expected though there is no baldness anywhere in my mother's family. I hope it is just the high hairlines in the men that do run in her side asserting itself.

Can't imagine life without T now.

Johnny

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Guest aleon515

Be interesting to know what is covered under medicare as that would be awesome. I had heard T was, but didn't know re: top surgery. (Sort of bodes well for the Affordable Care Act too?)

--Jay J

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From what I read - I have to look up the source and don't have time at the moment but it was an official site -TS became covered by Medicare officially when the AMA labeled it a medical necessity. The only reason SRS isn't right now for women is that the surgery is still labeled "experimental" . Which they are in the process of having changed but getting something from experimental to mainstream designation apparently takes from 3 to 5 years after the process is started. Luckily breast reduction-even as radical as FTM breast reduction never got labeled that way. Bottom surgery for us would likely be - since it involves so much risk for so little result I haven't researched it.

Johnny

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Guest aleon515

Thanks for the info Johnny! It might effect when I get this done (and the surgeon, but that's another story). I'm not interested in bottom surgery anyway.

Hey, Mike! Just looked at where it says you are 65. Hah hah a bunch of geezers. LOL. :)

--Jay J

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The blood pressure/cholesterol issue gives me pause. My dad has had several heart attacks, currently has a pacemaker, and both parents run to high cholesterol and blood pressure with age.

On the other hand, Dad has been a smoker since his teens and mom grew up in a house with heavy smokers. I've never smoked or lived in a house where anyone smokes indoors. Food for thought, though.

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Some Drs. even still believe the old thing about T being the cause of the higher incidence of heart related deaths for men but most Drs and scientists now disagree because as women move into lifestyles more traditionally male and have aged smoking more the numbers of women with heart related deaths is catching up. I have even heard that it may surpass men if this rate continues.

Also when discussing T with s conservative Dr I pointed out that E has it's share of health related concerns.. Cancer among them. But no hormones in the body is even worse. It's sort of a question of fuels in a way-both have their risks but one or the other is necessary. The bottom line for me is that my health is better than it has ever been and it isn't from a change in stress level because the stresses in my life are the worst of my life due to non trans issues and not in my mind because they are from a complete physical and blood work not just my perception. I have lost that 210 lbs but that was gained in the last 17 years-through most of my life I was very fit and active but still had issues from Lupus and Fibro and asthma that seem to have relapsed at least now.

Some Drs who treat FTM have noted that the feeling of being right at last and better functioning are hallmarks of being truly TS and male brained. Your system is at last getting what it was designed to have. So little research has been done on how many of us have chromosomal abnormalities because of the expense but oddly enough I have never heard of a TS who had a complete test done that did not have abnormalities. We just don't know right now. Frustrating but true and because of that treatment is really a shot in the dark I think

Johnny

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  • 1 month later...

Alex Six here. Changed my official name because some other guy came along and used my name, only with the number. :-) Most older FTMs on this thread are further along than me. I've been thinking I must be some kind of a coward. 49 now and I haven't had the guts even to tell people, though I wear mostly guys clothes now and with close friends I talk about things like the Gentlemen's Steampunk Emporium :-) I'm also quite short of money, so even seeing a therapist could be prohibitive. All I can do is try to be me. Does that mean I'm legitimately FTM or not? I honestly don't know.

One funny story: I'm a hat fiend. Panamas, fedoras, I love 'em. So I get this black pinstriped fedora and start wearing it around and my mother says accusingly, "That's a MAN'S hat!" as though I'd stolen it from some guy. She is 82 and very, very conventional. But everyone else, even strangers, stops me to admire it. When I dressed like a girl, my clothes were seldom admired. I just didn't get it right!

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There is nothing you have to do to be legitimately FTM. If you identify as a guy then you are. At least that's my take on it.

Some therapists-especially the online ones -can be very reasonable and others have sliding fees. Some are extremely afforable in areas with LGBT centers that have therapists and such. There are ways. Sometimes I put things off because I fear the answer will be no or beyond my reach only to discover that it was possible all along and the barriers were mostly in my head. Kind of like thinking Medicare didn't cover gender therapy or top surgery. It does. Everything but bottom surgery and I lost a lot of time by not finding out earlier.

Telling people is hard. No question. Especially if you are intensely private like I am. I share a lot here that I have never shared before and find it hard even here. There were times that knowing I had to disclose to a group or even individuals made me physically ill. But I just went ahead and made myself do it. Because I knew for a fact that the only power fear has is what you give it but each time you give in to fear the stronger it becomes till it can rule-and ruin-your life. I admit I see myself as brave. Not because I don't fear things but because I go ahead and do whatever needs done anyway. Of course you need to examine if your fear is based on real danger and act accoedingly. But by and large what we fear is not a real danger to us but only the unknown or uncomfortable.

Transitioning requires learning to step out of your comfort zone and there are times that is hard. And when you get really tired of it and need a break. How fast we go though and how we approach it -what way is best for us-is highly individual. We have to learn all we can but then chose our own path at our own pace.

Being FTM has nothing to do with what I do or don't do. It has everything to do with who I am. Fundamentally. How I see my self at the core.

But even then there is no requirement to be all one thing or another. Call yourself whatever you want and feel suits you best-just be yourself and you can work it out. A therapist can help you figure out who that self really is and what you need to do to maximize you life. They are a shortcut and a tool and worth the sacrifice but the answers they lead you to are all within rather than without.

Johnny

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  • 1 month later...

Thanks, JJ. What you say really helps. Maybe I am braver than I think. I guess, if I truly were a coward, I wouldn't be doing anything to be on the outside what I feel like on the inside. As it is, some friends are already beginning to guess or at least wonder. Two of 'em asked another friend whether I was trans and she said they'd have to ask me. :-) They picked the right person to ask too; she's the only one I have told.

I've been reading a lot of info about transitioning, particularly how it applies here in Australia. Looks like it takes a lo-ong time and there are many hurdles along the way. But I will stick with it. I don't feel that there actually is a choice.

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I'm only 20 but I just wanted to put in my two cents about blood pressure. It runs in my family too, not as severe as you said but I did develop high blood pressure after two years on t. I think having a history of it may have something to do with it but I went almost a year without seeing a doctor because of money so my t levels sky rocketed. My blood pressure is normal now and I've started exercising. I think more than the t causing it, we need to live healthy lifestyles and keep our doctor appointments. Don't do what I did. It could have been worse than what I actually went through. I was in the hospital for three days and I honestly think if I hadn't started being proactive again I could have had a heart attack or stroke.

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Alex Six here. Changed my official name because some other guy came along and used my name, only with the number. :-) Most older FTMs on this thread are further along than me. I've been thinking I must be some kind of a coward. 49 now and I haven't had the guts even to tell people, though I wear mostly guys clothes now and with close friends I talk about things like the Gentlemen's Steampunk Emporium :-) I'm also quite short of money, so even seeing a therapist could be prohibitive. All I can do is try to be me. Does that mean I'm legitimately FTM or not? I honestly don't know.

One funny story: I'm a hat fiend. Panamas, fedoras, I love 'em. So I get this black pinstriped fedora and start wearing it around and my mother says accusingly, "That's a MAN'S hat!" as though I'd stolen it from some guy. She is 82 and very, very conventional. But everyone else, even strangers, stops me to admire it. When I dressed like a girl, my clothes were seldom admired. I just didn't get it right!

Just say, " Yes it is, Mum"

Mike

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