Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

For Those Who Aren't Transitioning


JJ

Recommended Posts

It’s ok to go there. I have similar thoughts and experiences. All my relationships with women as a male failed, probably because even they knew that I was different and not being my true self. Now that I’m discovering myself again I don’t seek having a relationship with anyone yet but I can more honestly imagine myself with a good man in a committed relationship. I’ve always been more suited to that role even though I tried to deny it. I’m more emotional and intuitive, I enjoy domestic activities like cooking, and I’ve always been more submissive to a certain point than any of my peers. I get along better with women as friends rather than as partners. If I look back at all the subtle and not so subtle comments over the years that I’ve ignored it all makes more sense now. “You walk like a girl” so I worked hard to change that. “Your parts look glued on like your a girl”. “You’re acting like a girl, guys don’t care about if a partner is not paying attention to them”. “That’s a chick flick!” “You don’t watch sports?” “Only a woman would wear a shirt like that!” And so on. It’s easier to see now than it was at the time but it makes a lot of sense. I used to react to all this by crying alone and turning the hurt into a mask by learning masculinity. It was forced and people often saw through it after a while. Now I’m not trying to hide behind the mask anymore.

 

We all have different coping methods and some of them are destructive because they are not honest or healthy. Dressing and feeling like your true self is perfectly fine because it’s an honest expression. Even if you are not ready to show it to the world, it’s a step. It’s actually an escape to reality.

 

If it makes you feel safe and closer to love then by all means continue and enjoy being comfortable in your dress and in your dreams. 

Link to comment
  • Replies 98
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • JJ

    4

  • Tessa

    4

  • Jani

    3

  • Robin

    3

Top Posters In This Topic

Thank you. Tonight I told my bi sexual male friend at one time I had feelings for him. I had to say it. I told him I just want to be friends and he’s ok with that. He said he was flattered He told me he had an idea this was going on. I guess what attracted me to him is he listens and pays attention to me and has never judged me. I could of kept this effection secret. I don’t know what’s wrong with me? We will remain friends. I have 2 friends. My bi sexual one and another straight man. I can only reveal my secrets to my bi sexual male friend. I’m spinning in my head and it’s like I can’t stop! I just want someone to love me! Why can’t these feelings go away? Why can’t I just step back into manhood? I shaved my chest hair and shouldn’t have! Now it itches. I’m in such a mess!  I’ll be ok though. I’ve done this before. Once the hair grows back it will stop itching.  I’m just crazy Tessa inside trying to find my way out. Just venting it helps. 

 

Tessa

Link to comment

There’s no right or wrong way to express your feminine side. For years I struggled with who I was and flirted with feminine feelings only to lock them away for years because of externally induced shame. Since then I’ve grown to accept who I am and not suppress my feminine feelings. It’s liberating and I don’t care anymore if people figure it out. 

 

Don’t stress about whether or not you are ready to be or do certain things. Not beating yourself up may take some time. 

 

It’s a good idea to find a therapist to work on some of these thoughts and feelings about yourself and what your needs are. Even if it’s just someone who will listen and just go through it with you. It will help to sort everything out. 

Link to comment
Quote

I’m spinning in my head and it’s like I can’t stop! ... Why can’t these feelings go away? Why can’t I just step back into manhood? ... I’m just crazy Tessa inside trying to find my way out.

 

This is more or less what gender / gender dysphoria feels to me. It's quite overwhelming, but at some point you get used to the feeling. In my case it was strong enough to force me to give it some attention, and now that I'm actively dealing with it it's more relaxed. This community has helped me a lot to find my way in that direction.

 

Quote

I shaved my chest hair and shouldn’t have! Now it itches. I’m in such a mess!  I’ll be ok though. I’ve done this before. Once the hair grows back it will stop itching.

 

Well, the itching is just an indication that you might need to rethink your shaving technique. It's something that can be solved easily. The real question is does it make you feel more at ease with yourself?

 

When I first shaved my body hair (before I even realised I'm on the trans spectrum) I gave up on it pretty quickly mainly because it seemed so much fuss. But when gender dysphoria hit me like a hammer it was one of the first things I started doing and it made all the difference in the world. I gradually extended it to all body hair and now I keep shaving all body hair. Especially shaving the armpits turned out to be rather important, because it's very uncommon for men, so it's something that reminds me I'm not a man when I wake up in the morning. And being reminded of who you really are in a positive way like this feels amazing.

Link to comment

It’s not itching anymore. I put some butter cream on it. I might try shaving it again I don’t know? I shave my legs though with out any irritation. I haven’t done my armpits though. I also have a gotee. But I don’t like my face. I’m so torn between both sides. I want to be loved but I don’t feel anyone would want me. I’m not attractive as a man so I don’t think I would be attractive as a woman either. I’m sorry this is how I feel.  I revealed that I had feelings for my bi sexual male friend last night. But now I wish I wouldn’t have. We’re still friends but it’s just weird. I just posted a poem Fallen Rose. Let me know what you think of it? I think for now I’ll just stick with shaving my legs. 

 

Tessa

Link to comment

I have devoted most of my life to trying to make myself feel loved and valued.  So far, this massive effort has had the opposite effect.  I have constantly tried to please other people, and I feel guilty when I do things that are purely for my enjoyment.

 

I have realised that I must direct my energy into things that make me happy.  If I spend all of my time chasing the end of the rainbow, I will never succeed, and I will always feel unfulfilled.

 

Robin.

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...

I shave my entire body (except for the hair on top of my head & my eyebrows, of course) everyday. I use an electric shaver. It is a bit of a chore & it's not an absolutely perfect job. (My dream would be to have a body that is as smooth as a baby's.) But since I no longer work I have the time. And I have found that, over time, all of the time I spend on personal grooming (which is seriously more than most males would spend) has become something of a grounding technique for me helping to relieve my ever-present anxiety.

 

There may come a time when I simply can't do all  of this shaving anymore. But for as long as I can, I expect I will. I have tried to stop a couple of times. But I just couldn't tolerate the result. I also use body lotion daily. I use a powder-scented deodorant... and baby powder. To be honest I'm not sure if all of this is being driven by my gender dysphoria or my ABDL propensities. Probably it's both because the two have been intertwined for me for many decades. I will never be able to transition...too old... too mentally fragile... & too physically worn down. (Plus I have my wife to consider.) But doing these few grooming things does help me to feel at least a bit closer to that other person who is hidden deep inside. 

Link to comment
  • 4 months later...

Hey everyone! So, I have been thinking about posting this and in looking over the forums saw that the topic is kinda already here. So, I am one who is not able to transition, yet alone come out yet, but my heart's desire is to eventually do both. On YouTube you see other trans girls saying either that you are fine and valid if you never transition and others saying you cannot truly call yourself trans if you haven't begun or don't plan to transition because that's the a major part of being trans. I see both sides and respect them both, but it hurts a bit if I am honest, to think that I could be a fraud and just confused I guess if I never transition because by their reasoning that's part of what makes me a trans woman. I really do understand what they are saying, and I don't want to cause an issue here with potentially opposing sides, but what do you all think? To me, until very recently nobody in all human history medically transitioned because the technology simply wasn't available to do it. But all those trans individuals since the dawn of time were still trans nonetheless. So, I guess I have answered my own question, but I would still love to know what you think. I am so, so thankful for this website and for all of you. You are such a blessing to each one of us. ❤️

Link to comment

@Vanessa Michelle, I believe that anyone can be transgender if that reflects who they are. There are no "purity tests" so to speak. If someone  feels that their sex assigned at birth and their gender identity / expression are different - that's trans. Full stop. Transitioning medically, socially, or legally is never a prerequisite. Thinking of my own experience, I thought of myself as trans long before I ever came out to anyone, let alone started transitioning. As you said, there were trans people long before it was possible to transition in the ways it's possible to do today.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

Link to comment

Well... First off, my understanding has been the term transgender is more of an umbrella term that includes much more than simply those who are actively transitioning from their assigned gender at birth to their target gender. But, then, I'm certainly no expert when it comes to gender-related terminology. Personally, though, I would say an individual who is not actively transitioning in some way or other (or making plans to) could still legitimately refer to themselves as transgender.

 

As for myself, I'm not transitioning in any way. And, barring something unforeseen, I never will. Plus, in addition to life-long gender dysphoria, I also have a mental health history. (Which came first is something I'll just never know.) Anyway... in my case I've made a conscious choice to view my gender dysphoria as one component of a broader mental health problem rather than to view my mental health problems as outgrowths of my gender identity issues (if that makes sense.) So, as a result, I try to avoid referring to myself as transgender. Rather, I talk about my gender identity concerns & my gender dysphoria. But I try to refrain from referring to myself as transgender because I always have, & probably always will, lead a more-or-less average male life (probably less "average" than more)... not by choice but by the circumstances of my life both past and present as well as likely future. 

 

 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Overalls Bear said:

First off, my understanding has been the term transgender is more of an umbrella term that includes much more than simply those who are actively transitioning from their assigned gender at birth to their target gender.

 

+1 from a non-binary person

 

Astrid

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...
On 5/23/2011 at 2:46 PM, JJ said:

Today I came across an older post that said what so many here who are not transitioning seem to ultimately feel. That they don't fit here because they aren't transitioning or aren't binary FTM or MTF and I wanted to address it because we sometimes forget that there are those who are looking for other support as well.

First I want to say that even though much of our discussion is about transition and transsexual related that is because those are the people who speak up the most. They come seeking reassurance or sharing a triumph. And I am sorry that there are fewer people in the other trans categories posting but I promise without reservation that you are as welcome and valued here as anyone else. You will receive support as much as anyone else. Maybe we can't always understand exactly what you feel but we do understand the impact being any kind of trans has on your life. We understand the pain and confusion and the isolation. We care. We want you here.

Please don't hesitate to post just because what you have to say is not what most are saying. Or because you don't feel accepted here. You are and what you have to say is important. It may also help others who feel as you do speak up and seek help for their pain or share their feelings. We who are TS talk about what we feel -a lot sometimes -but we are just as happy to hear and discuss what you have to say too.

You are all my brothers and sisters of the heart. I am convinced that is so for the other members here as well

You are accepted, your voice is needed here and you DO belong!

Johnny

Thank you

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Yes this is correct! Johnny has been a stalwart member of this forum for many years.  He speaks the truth. 

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

I am transgender and came out in 2005. I didn't have surgery because I never had the desire. I also had a medical condition.  I seriously considered taking hormones but, after much research, decided against it. 

 

My spouse is supportive and I have many friends who support me. I have never been happier.  

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello @gennee! I love your new Avatar.  Its nice to hear from you again.

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I find myself in a closet of thoughts that I keep to myself. I have openly admitted to many that I am female. I told my workplace and had them change my name. I came out to my mom, stepdad, brothers, kids, and friends. I openly dressed as female in front of one of my friends. 
 

I am growing my hair long and I wear panties under men’s jeans and shirts. My girl clothes are limited to panties, some bras, and a few mini skirts. I have a favorite black nightgown I wear to bed. I do my nails clear and shave my legs. Inside I am woman. 
 

I since have changed my name back to my male name. However I feel it’s a lie but I’ll keep it that way for now. I have got a lot of support on this site. I also call a Trans line once in awhile provided by my work. 
 

I also have a virtual relationship with a player in a game. I’m his girl and we have fun talking. He tells me he loves me. I know it’s fake and we will never meet but it fills part of that empty void and allows me to bring out my feminine side completely! I can dress in different out fits, throw kisses at him, and we have a home together. 
 

I also am very creative. I created a movie star boyfriend. I’m his girl and he treats me special. I write romantic stories and post them on an app. 
 

My ex wife took advantage of my love and used me to get what she wanted. Then she threw me away. I’ve always given everything I have to people. I wait to be on the receiving side! In my fantasies and virtual relationship I get to be the receiver of love which is something I never got in my previous relationship. 
 

I don’t see myself taking hrt or surgery but I don’t judge the ones who do. For me it’s more learning how to love myself and receive love. I live alone, work at home, have a few friends, see kids once in awhile, haven’t dated in a long time, but hoping and that someone will be able to love me the way I am. I changed everything for her and gave her the world! 
 

I took care of 3 children and worked 2 jobs so she could get her nursing degree. Little did I know she was saving money during this time and was going to leave me. I thought we would grow old together. She took the money and kids and ran. I was forced in a way to file for divorce. I finally found them only to get a false protection order placed on me. She lied to my children and told them I abandoned them. Her lies were revealed but the damage done. 
 

Now my oldest refuses to see me. My others are teenagers and the lack of disrespect is sometimes almost to much to take. But I won’t leave them! They know about Tessa but I choose not to dress up in front of them. My middle is trans F+M. He is hurting so bad! My boy is always angry. Ex always cut me down and made me a worthless human being in front of them. That is how they treat me. It’s hard to love them sometimes. It’s really hard to love my ex but I don’t hate her. Now she has her 300k house, bran new vehicle, and children live with her. The kids want no part in this life with her but they don’t see me suitable either. I pay child support, one bedroom, struggle working 2 jobs. 
 

Long post and if you’ve read this far I thank you! Please respond! It makes me feel good when people respond to me. I can’t say I’m happy being alone and facing these things but I am happy being away from an abusive ex. I still dream of her and wonder why she turned on such a lovely soul that gave her everything she wanted. She is still single but in my heart we’re still together. I know she hurt me but when you truly love someone no matter how bad they treat you. You hang on to the good. 
 

Now in my 40’s I search for another love. I can’t truly say if that will be a woman or a guy. Maybe I’ll be alone but I will never let anyone treat me like trash again. I’m worth more than that! Your value is found in your heart not what you can give to someone. I hope to be more on the receiving end in the next relationship. 
 

All my love, 

 

Tessa

 

 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Tessa said:

I can’t say I’m happy being alone and facing these things but I am happy being away from an abusive ex. I still dream of her and wonder why she turned on such a lovely soul that gave her everything she wanted. She is still single but in my heart we’re still together. I know she hurt me but when you truly love someone no matter how bad they treat you. You hang on to the good. 

It is hard being alone.    I still have feelings for my own ex.   It's complicated.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm still in a 29 year relationship with the love of my life. We've weathered hardships and my transition together. I still love her with all my heart and she loves me back. I wish you all the best in finding your own special someone. You deserve it. We all do.

 

The important thing to remember is that you have to love yourself first. You can only love another as much as you love yourself. That's a hard lesson to learn, especially when you've been hurt before. Work on loving yourself. That special someone will come.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...
On ‎1‎/‎22‎/‎2019 at 9:56 AM, Robin said:

I have devoted most of my life to trying to make myself feel loved and valued.  So far, this massive effort has had the opposite effect.  I have constantly tried to please other people, and I feel guilty when I do things that are purely for my enjoyment.

 

 

@Robin I have been the same boat and over the past few month have decided that I needed to take care of  myself and get to really know Billie. I have been married 3 time the first divorced me and tried to keep my daughters from but we worked through that and now I have a great relationship with them. Number 2 passed away after 19 years of sometimes a rocky marriage, but my step daughter and I have still a great relation along with her 2 girls. Number 3 we were married nine years and her youngest daughter and her 3 boys lived with us for the last 5 years then the daughter got a job in California and they all moved including my soon to be ex wife, so on my way back to Texas from moving them to California I decided I needed to start taking care of myself.  I have started working with a gender therapist so we will see where this journey takes me, on whether I transition fully not at all or somewhere in between remains to be seen but I am good with what ever direction I go at age 64. I do know that I finally admitted that this beautiful girl resides in me and have accepted her as me and that has made me feel so much better. I also have discovered that I have tons of questions that I don't have answers to but that's ok. I have only come out to 3 people beside the therapist  2 girl friends that I used to work with and when we traveled together on business trips we always had so much fun and I always felt as though I was just one of the girls. When I told them they both said what took you so long and welcome to the club. They both knew I was trans. The third was a chance meeting of another trans lady who is the same age as me and we were put in touch with each other by my doctor so I could talk to someone also new into the medical part of transition and she and I hit it off right away and in just a few short weeks have become very close friends even though we live some 1200 miles apart. We talk at least 2 times a week. I am so glad I have found this site as it so comforting to be with so many great people and not feel so alone on this journey.

Billie.

Link to comment

Hi Billie,

 

I am delighted to hear that you have finally got the opportunity to explore your subconscious mind, and to discover ways to improve your quality of life.  This site provides an excellent environment in which to ask questions and to share your experiences.  You are certainly not alone.

 

Robin.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you for this topic.  I really needed to see this thread.  I finally accepted that I am transgender about a year ago after years of denying.  However, I have not transitioned and likely not going to do so.  I would very much love to start HRT and transition though.  Circumstances dictate that transitioning is not possible for me. 

 

One thing is I started taking finasteride a few months ago which means I have been pushing boundaries somewhat.  It is increasingly difficult to suppress my urge to start HRT.  It looks like my future is quite uncertain.  

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

 

10 hours ago, susannah said:

Thank you for this topic.  I really needed to see this thread.  I finally accepted that I am transgender about a year ago after years of denying.  However, I have not transitioned and likely not going to do so.  I would very much love to start HRT and transition though.  Circumstances dictate that transitioning is not possible for me. 

 

One thing is I started taking finasteride a few months ago which means I have been pushing boundaries somewhat.  It is increasingly difficult to suppress my urge to start HRT.  It looks like my future is quite uncertain.  

 

Many folks do decide to not transition Susanah but it is a pity when that is not because of their finding self acceptance.  I know i always worried about "hurting others".  Eventually after 63 years of doing my best to live the life i was "supposed" to lead i starting living the life where i could find peace with myself.  This is a life where i actually like that person in the mirror!   

We all have our own paths, timelines and ways of finding comfort.  Sharing on this site helped me look closely at where i was and moved me to seeing a therapist and acceptance of all of myself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

Link to comment
11 hours ago, susannah said:

I finally accepted that I am transgender about a year ago after years of denying.  However, I have not transitioned and likely not going to do so.  I would very much love to start HRT and transition though.

Hi Susanna!  It sounds like we are very much on the same timeline and goals.  Would love to start HRT but just can't yet, and transitioning more completely is a bit out of reach right now.
I have found ways to make myself feel comfortable where I am at right now, such as trying to dress as androgynous as possible, growing my hair, and finally getting rid of my lifelong facial hair that I hid behind.
I too just started Finasteride and besides hopefully curing my cis-male pattern baldness I am hoping I will be one of a "lucky few" to get some breast growth also ?

Sometime its the little things ...

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 115 Guests (See full list)

    • Susie
    • KathyLauren
    • Thea
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • April Marie
    • Karen Carey
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,013
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • April Marie
      What an amazing life you've shared with your wife. I can understand the trepidation you had at telling her at that point in your relationship but it certainly saved all of the guilt, the questioning and the secrecy that would have filled your lives had you not.   I'm on the other end of the spectrum having denied and buried my truth for decades and fast approaching 50 years of marriage when the dysphoria and depression finally came to critical mass and I unloaded it all on a New Year's Day morning. As you might imagine, it led to a lot of questions, of questioning everything, of anger and hurt on my wife's part. Guilt, embarrassment, fear...and anything else you can imagine on my part.   Thankfully, our love for each other has always been the foundation of our relationship and, ultimately, we both agreed that staying together was what we both wanted. It was a tough year but, now into the 2d since my coming out, we've hit our stride and are exploring this new norm in our life.   I do so love your blog.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Will be at my place
    • Vidanjali
      Congratulations on your new family member!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I thought I would try my version of this. Changes in bold.   I am Transgender.  Sometimes it is remote, sometimes close. Sometimes I am euphoric, sometimes depressed. It is something I cannot get away from and cannot welcome enough. I see some things both ways that neither men as men see or women as women see.  I can be gentle and compassionate and hard as nails. I was born with male genitals but a female heart   I have my heart.  Whatever it is. When I look at a female, I wish I looked like her  Depends on the woman.  When I look at a male, I wish I did not look like him   Ditto. I envy female movements, softness, behaviors, appearances, fashion...EVERYTHING Female Depends. Sometimes I get angry at them because women spend time and energy in ways men don't.  It is not necessarily bad.  I could do without the gossip. Not all women gossip.  Excessive focus on fashion is something I find annoying. And expensive. I tolerate all things male out of social obligation...not because I feel like a man or because it makes me happy....but because that's what I was forced to believe was my only choice....beginning in early childhood. Sometimes it is helpful to put on the Iron Man suit and act accordingly.  But I have seen some tough women. When I look at myself in the mirror in only bra and panties...I can see my nude female body...and it makes me smile and feel amazing and warm inside....yet sad because that is not my reality. I could go either way, mostly. Really.  In tests in the last two years technicians have gone really quiet when they see how little body and leg hair I have.  I looked at myself this morning.  Remove a few clues and a girl is standing there. When I look at myself in the mirror in only boxers...I can see my nude male body and it saddens me deeply and makes me feel sick and depressed...and at times...even ashamed....Because this IS my reality. At this point I am not going to do that. In the mood I am in I might break the mirror. My true gender does not influence my sexual interests or preferences...or change who I am....in any form or fashion. Gender identity is in no way connected to anything sexually related on any level.  Not sure I want to make that statement so categorically. Life as a male leaves me with a feeling that something is off...that something is missing...that something is not as it should have been.   Well put. The idea of having to continue living as a male...as someone I am not...for the rest of my life...even if its only part time...causes great sadness and anxiety within myself. I've got priorities beyond this that this must fit into. The idea of living as the girl I am and always have been on a full time basis...regardless of where I am, what I am doing or who I am around...brings me great joy, happiness and a sense of peace within myself.  Would be neat. Looking like and living as a girl makes me smile.   Would be neat.  There are downsides.  Looking like and living as a guy makes me sad.   I have had lots of practice accepting this. I am Transgender....I am a girl
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Good listener, respect them, and show sympathy/empathy, even just being there
    • Ashley0616
      Getting dog today he's potty trained
    • Sally Stone
      Think positively, Ashley.  I have no doubt you'll find your king or queen at some point.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob had the night off from teaching kara-tay and they planned to spend a lot of it at Cabaret.   Once in, Taylor waited for her man to park and looked around.  There was a sign "Mary, Paul and Peter LIVE tonight" and, sure enough, three microphones were standing in the open area.  A new hostess came up to her. "Are you alone?" "Oh, no.  He's coming." Taylor was led to a table. Bob was there in a minute and managed to get in there and seat her.  She smiled. "The act will be along in a few minutes. And Congratulations! I am SO EXCITED!!" Taylor responded to his look. "I got promoted." "To what?" "Head of Marketing." "You're kidding." "Nope.  It seems the Board finally woke up to the fact that the China cash cow may come to an end and they need to do something. Did you know that the VPs on up all get over a million dollars in compensation without really doing anything?" "No." "I am supposed to figure out how to re-energize over thirty acres of factory that have laid idle for forty years or more." "Why don't they do it?" She whispered,"the head of production is the son of the previous head of production. He has never produced anything."  She explained that everything was made in China and exported back to the US and sold under different brand names. "How am I going to find someone?" He smiled. "Congratulations. Sounds like a problem.  Hey, today we were talking about problems at our Philly plant.  One, it was built before World War 2. Second the city and state are tightening regulations and the tax structure is adverse.  Third, we get protestors every day, some of whom break into the factory.  People are talking about relocating." "We are forty miles from an interstate." "That is a plus.  Makes it harder for protestors to find us if we moved here." "You are really thinking that?" "I am, right now. I can't speak for the company.  I know there is a rail line." "Spur, actually, with several sidings.  The buildings are in good shape." "Do you have about five acres we could look at? How about if I take some pictures and send them off?" "Great.  And protestors would not be tolerated in Millville.  The factory area once upon a time was the main employer and people are very protective." Two weeks later she was in Philadelphia with Gibson and a few others.  The deal was signed and by end of summer ten acres, with an option on another ten, were being upgraded and equipment was coming in by rail. Not five, but ten.  She got a $20,000 bonus out of the blue.  The company was flush with Chinese cash that they didn't know what to do with. She was developing plans. But back to dinner.  "Did I tell you what they are paying me?" "No." She told him. "That is more than I am making." "You don't sound happy." "It takes some getting used to.  You are Management and Croesus combined." "Yeah. Is this a problem?" "No.  As I said, it takes some getting used to."  The musicians arrived and were introduced: three local teenagers in Peter Paul and Mary clothing and wigs like it was the 60s.  They began singing. "They are good," she said. "They are lip-synching." "They are good at lip-synching." They listened for a while. "Work is going to be intense for a while." "I'll bet." "I won't be able to talk to you about some of it." "I bet." They had a good evening.   The high point for Bob was that she let him put his hand on hers.  The high point for her was Bob did not seem threatened by her now being Management and making more than he did with a Masters. She didn't tell him she was likely to be in on the distribution of money the Chinese sent every year to keep them fat and happy.  But she had to finish up that report, so the evening ended early.  He drove her home, checked her apartment for people and again walked away hearing her lock the door three times.  She didn't say it, but he knew she was going to have a long talk with her therapist as well.   Her therapist was a night owl.  
    • Ashley0616
      envy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage obsolete : MALICE : an object of envious notice or feeling
    • MaeBe
      I sit back and think, am I this person? I definitely argue, but with the willingness to alter my opinion if I find that my information is lacking. So, no? I also don't go pointing fingers in faces like a crazed person, usually I am the one to argue with that kind of person; typically because they can't see past emotion and have little concern for actual facts. Sometimes it's sport that I do this (ENTP, baby!), but usually it comes from a place of trying to inform and shift opinion--or at least get them to actually obtain facts or get their facts from objective sources.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • MaeBe
      How exciting! Have a glorious evening!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...