Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

For Those Who Aren't Transitioning


Recommended Posts

It’s ok to go there. I have similar thoughts and experiences. All my relationships with women as a male failed, probably because even they knew that I was different and not being my true self. Now that I’m discovering myself again I don’t seek having a relationship with anyone yet but I can more honestly imagine myself with a good man in a committed relationship. I’ve always been more suited to that role even though I tried to deny it. I’m more emotional and intuitive, I enjoy domestic activities like cooking, and I’ve always been more submissive to a certain point than any of my peers. I get along better with women as friends rather than as partners. If I look back at all the subtle and not so subtle comments over the years that I’ve ignored it all makes more sense now. “You walk like a girl” so I worked hard to change that. “Your parts look glued on like your a girl”. “You’re acting like a girl, guys don’t care about if a partner is not paying attention to them”. “That’s a chick flick!” “You don’t watch sports?” “Only a woman would wear a shirt like that!” And so on. It’s easier to see now than it was at the time but it makes a lot of sense. I used to react to all this by crying alone and turning the hurt into a mask by learning masculinity. It was forced and people often saw through it after a while. Now I’m not trying to hide behind the mask anymore.


We all have different coping methods and some of them are destructive because they are not honest or healthy. Dressing and feeling like your true self is perfectly fine because it’s an honest expression. Even if you are not ready to show it to the world, it’s a step. It’s actually an escape to reality.


If it makes you feel safe and closer to love then by all means continue and enjoy being comfortable in your dress and in your dreams. 

Link to post
  • Replies 88
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • JJ


  • Tessa


  • tracy_j


Thank you. Tonight I told my bi sexual male friend at one time I had feelings for him. I had to say it. I told him I just want to be friends and he’s ok with that. He said he was flattered He told me he had an idea this was going on. I guess what attracted me to him is he listens and pays attention to me and has never judged me. I could of kept this effection secret. I don’t know what’s wrong with me? We will remain friends. I have 2 friends. My bi sexual one and another straight man. I can only reveal my secrets to my bi sexual male friend. I’m spinning in my head and it’s like I can’t stop! I just want someone to love me! Why can’t these feelings go away? Why can’t I just step back into manhood? I shaved my chest hair and shouldn’t have! Now it itches. I’m in such a mess!  I’ll be ok though. I’ve done this before. Once the hair grows back it will stop itching.  I’m just crazy Tessa inside trying to find my way out. Just venting it helps. 



Link to post

There’s no right or wrong way to express your feminine side. For years I struggled with who I was and flirted with feminine feelings only to lock them away for years because of externally induced shame. Since then I’ve grown to accept who I am and not suppress my feminine feelings. It’s liberating and I don’t care anymore if people figure it out. 


Don’t stress about whether or not you are ready to be or do certain things. Not beating yourself up may take some time. 


It’s a good idea to find a therapist to work on some of these thoughts and feelings about yourself and what your needs are. Even if it’s just someone who will listen and just go through it with you. It will help to sort everything out. 

Link to post

I’m spinning in my head and it’s like I can’t stop! ... Why can’t these feelings go away? Why can’t I just step back into manhood? ... I’m just crazy Tessa inside trying to find my way out.


This is more or less what gender / gender dysphoria feels to me. It's quite overwhelming, but at some point you get used to the feeling. In my case it was strong enough to force me to give it some attention, and now that I'm actively dealing with it it's more relaxed. This community has helped me a lot to find my way in that direction.



I shaved my chest hair and shouldn’t have! Now it itches. I’m in such a mess!  I’ll be ok though. I’ve done this before. Once the hair grows back it will stop itching.


Well, the itching is just an indication that you might need to rethink your shaving technique. It's something that can be solved easily. The real question is does it make you feel more at ease with yourself?


When I first shaved my body hair (before I even realised I'm on the trans spectrum) I gave up on it pretty quickly mainly because it seemed so much fuss. But when gender dysphoria hit me like a hammer it was one of the first things I started doing and it made all the difference in the world. I gradually extended it to all body hair and now I keep shaving all body hair. Especially shaving the armpits turned out to be rather important, because it's very uncommon for men, so it's something that reminds me I'm not a man when I wake up in the morning. And being reminded of who you really are in a positive way like this feels amazing.

Link to post

It’s not itching anymore. I put some butter cream on it. I might try shaving it again I don’t know? I shave my legs though with out any irritation. I haven’t done my armpits though. I also have a gotee. But I don’t like my face. I’m so torn between both sides. I want to be loved but I don’t feel anyone would want me. I’m not attractive as a man so I don’t think I would be attractive as a woman either. I’m sorry this is how I feel.  I revealed that I had feelings for my bi sexual male friend last night. But now I wish I wouldn’t have. We’re still friends but it’s just weird. I just posted a poem Fallen Rose. Let me know what you think of it? I think for now I’ll just stick with shaving my legs. 



Link to post

I have devoted most of my life to trying to make myself feel loved and valued.  So far, this massive effort has had the opposite effect.  I have constantly tried to please other people, and I feel guilty when I do things that are purely for my enjoyment.


I have realised that I must direct my energy into things that make me happy.  If I spend all of my time chasing the end of the rainbow, I will never succeed, and I will always feel unfulfilled.



Link to post
  • 1 year later...

I shave my entire body (except for the hair on top of my head & my eyebrows, of course) everyday. I use an electric shaver. It is a bit of a chore & it's not an absolutely perfect job. (My dream would be to have a body that is as smooth as a baby's.) But since I no longer work I have the time. And I have found that, over time, all of the time I spend on personal grooming (which is seriously more than most males would spend) has become something of a grounding technique for me helping to relieve my ever-present anxiety.


There may come a time when I simply can't do all  of this shaving anymore. But for as long as I can, I expect I will. I have tried to stop a couple of times. But I just couldn't tolerate the result. I also use body lotion daily. I use a powder-scented deodorant... and baby powder. To be honest I'm not sure if all of this is being driven by my gender dysphoria or my ABDL propensities. Probably it's both because the two have been intertwined for me for many decades. I will never be able to transition...too old... too mentally fragile... & too physically worn down. (Plus I have my wife to consider.) But doing these few grooming things does help me to feel at least a bit closer to that other person who is hidden deep inside. 

Link to post
  • 4 months later...
Vanessa Michelle

Hey everyone! So, I have been thinking about posting this and in looking over the forums saw that the topic is kinda already here. So, I am one who is not able to transition, yet alone come out yet, but my heart's desire is to eventually do both. On YouTube you see other trans girls saying either that you are fine and valid if you never transition and others saying you cannot truly call yourself trans if you haven't begun or don't plan to transition because that's the a major part of being trans. I see both sides and respect them both, but it hurts a bit if I am honest, to think that I could be a fraud and just confused I guess if I never transition because by their reasoning that's part of what makes me a trans woman. I really do understand what they are saying, and I don't want to cause an issue here with potentially opposing sides, but what do you all think? To me, until very recently nobody in all human history medically transitioned because the technology simply wasn't available to do it. But all those trans individuals since the dawn of time were still trans nonetheless. So, I guess I have answered my own question, but I would still love to know what you think. I am so, so thankful for this website and for all of you. You are such a blessing to each one of us. ❤️

Link to post

@Vanessa Michelle, I believe that anyone can be transgender if that reflects who they are. There are no "purity tests" so to speak. If someone  feels that their sex assigned at birth and their gender identity / expression are different - that's trans. Full stop. Transitioning medically, socially, or legally is never a prerequisite. Thinking of my own experience, I thought of myself as trans long before I ever came out to anyone, let alone started transitioning. As you said, there were trans people long before it was possible to transition in the ways it's possible to do today.




Link to post

Well... First off, my understanding has been the term transgender is more of an umbrella term that includes much more than simply those who are actively transitioning from their assigned gender at birth to their target gender. But, then, I'm certainly no expert when it comes to gender-related terminology. Personally, though, I would say an individual who is not actively transitioning in some way or other (or making plans to) could still legitimately refer to themselves as transgender.


As for myself, I'm not transitioning in any way. And, barring something unforeseen, I never will. Plus, in addition to life-long gender dysphoria, I also have a mental health history. (Which came first is something I'll just never know.) Anyway... in my case I've made a conscious choice to view my gender dysphoria as one component of a broader mental health problem rather than to view my mental health problems as outgrowths of my gender identity issues (if that makes sense.) So, as a result, I try to avoid referring to myself as transgender. Rather, I talk about my gender identity concerns & my gender dysphoria. But I try to refrain from referring to myself as transgender because I always have, & probably always will, lead a more-or-less average male life (probably less "average" than more)... not by choice but by the circumstances of my life both past and present as well as likely future. 



Link to post
1 hour ago, Overalls Bear said:

First off, my understanding has been the term transgender is more of an umbrella term that includes much more than simply those who are actively transitioning from their assigned gender at birth to their target gender.


+1 from a non-binary person



Link to post
  • 2 months later...
On 5/23/2011 at 2:46 PM, JJ said:

Today I came across an older post that said what so many here who are not transitioning seem to ultimately feel. That they don't fit here because they aren't transitioning or aren't binary FTM or MTF and I wanted to address it because we sometimes forget that there are those who are looking for other support as well.

First I want to say that even though much of our discussion is about transition and transsexual related that is because those are the people who speak up the most. They come seeking reassurance or sharing a triumph. And I am sorry that there are fewer people in the other trans categories posting but I promise without reservation that you are as welcome and valued here as anyone else. You will receive support as much as anyone else. Maybe we can't always understand exactly what you feel but we do understand the impact being any kind of trans has on your life. We understand the pain and confusion and the isolation. We care. We want you here.

Please don't hesitate to post just because what you have to say is not what most are saying. Or because you don't feel accepted here. You are and what you have to say is important. It may also help others who feel as you do speak up and seek help for their pain or share their feelings. We who are TS talk about what we feel -a lot sometimes -but we are just as happy to hear and discuss what you have to say too.

You are all my brothers and sisters of the heart. I am convinced that is so for the other members here as well

You are accepted, your voice is needed here and you DO belong!


Thank you

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

Yes this is correct! Johnny has been a stalwart member of this forum for many years.  He speaks the truth. 

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 36 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • Betty K
    • MomTGDaughter
    • Heather Nicole
    • Kris 2.0
    • Maid In Bedlam
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Trash Panda Dani
    Newest Member
    Trash Panda Dani
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. -Kandy
      (31 years old)
    2. Cecilia
      (60 years old)
    3. Grahamgraham
    4. Kiera
    5. Ulfra_Wolfe
      (36 years old)
  • Posts

    • Heather Nicole
      Awww!!! This is so raw and tender! ❤️   I'm sorry for the difficulties involved, but I'm glad that it sounds to be an overall positive outcome. Coming out can be a wild ride, no matter what the nature of the relationship. And the closer, the wilder!
    • Heather Nicole
      Huge congrats on taking this step, Holly!!! 🎉🎉🎉   I'll admit I have very little experience with this particular process (yet!), although I have looked into it for gender-unrelated reasons. FWIW, My impression is that name changes tend to be so routine (ex: marriage, dissociating from a bad father, forcing a preferred nickname like "Bob" instead of "Robert", etc...) that the whole judge thing is usually more of a formality. My (novice?) understanding is they mainly just want to prevent anyone from trying to make cheap, obvious attempts at dodging debts or warrants. If you're even bothering to apply to change your name from a masculine one to a feminine one, well, chances are you're a legit transgender person, because, well, how often do cis people try to put in an application like that?   And if you're still concerned, then consider this...   A certain cisgendered man, named Vincent Furnier, legally changed his first name to "Alice" all the way back in the 1970's (Just think how LGBT+ was perceived way back then). His new last name? "Cooper". https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice_Cooper   I absolutely understand your worry and apprehension. But girl, for what it's worth, I don't think you have need to worry. FWIW, I personally think a "no" is highly unlikely, and on the super-off-chance it were to occur, I have a hard time imagining that an appeal wouldn't overturn it.   Girl, You've got this! 💖     I love this story! 😄
    • KymmieL
      Warm weather, getting out the bike and just riding. working on the car or truck or something outside. Spring fashions, shorts, skirts, and dresses. actually being able to exercise is one thing too.   Kymmie
    • MisterJax
      Thank you! Try to stay warm  
    • Jandi
      Well, It does initiate some permanent changes.  So… For me it was an "are you really serious about this?" moment.
    • JMG
    • Linda Marie
      Well all my new to meet friends, I felt like starting something crazy so here goes... I'm a pessimist, I have always looked at the worst case scenario in any situation. How many times did being a pessimist work out or not work out for you?  Now not to be biased all passivists are more than welcomed to post your  side and your views, hmmmm   who will be first?                 
    • Betty K
      Hi Linda Marie, nice to meet you, and thank you for your inspiring story.     I just don't understand this at all. What is there to hate? The so-called deception? Or is it just straight-up transphobia? You don't need to answer these questions if they're too personal btw, I just feel the need to say them.   You are a brave woman. Thanks so much for sharing.
    • Betty K
      Great production on some of Drake's stuff, but I prefer Kendrick. This one never gets old.      
    • Betty K
      I think this will probably happen with us too. I can't imagine she'll disown me for it! And maybe it'll actually make it easier for us to be friends in a way. I hope so.
    • Linda Marie
      I'm dressed as I feel, smile on my face, 
    • Linda Marie
    • MelanieTamara
      Thank you so much for sharing that. "Accept the outcome".  That is incredibly wise. Oh, and welcome from a newbie as well.
    • Linda Marie
      Hi, and that is not a rude question, actually a very good and validated question. I will be brief  and to the point. I have 2 children, Both were in early to mid teens, my wife and I married 24 years at the time I came out. It went bad!! Not well, screaming, crying, saying I lied to them all this time. What saved our relationship was really just me. Everything I had done for them those first 24 years. It was not easy and didn't happen over night. Wife had to go to counseling to learn about my gender dysphoria. That helped tremendously.   My son never took it well. Still hates me to this day. Daughter is just fine with it. Wife still loves me. She even buys me Linda Stuff.  I have no advice to those just coming out except to accept the out come.  I expected the worse and was prepared for it, that also helped a lot.          
    • Willow
      Personally I like the starfish.  I hate jellyfish season.  Baby sea turtle hatchlings are really cute.   Hugs!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.


Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules


Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.


Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
  • Create New...