Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

"you're Not A crossdresser And You Will Never Be A Woman."


Guest Karo-chan

Recommended Posts

Guest Karo-chan

One of the most common verbal insults I get is people telling me I'm "fake". I've even gotten it from a couple trans people that have already transitioned(Which has hurt me a little bit more than hearing it from other people that have no idea what I'm going through). They have no idea what goes through my head, so why are they so quick to assume I'm not actually transgendered?

I haven't started hormones yet(Although I probably will in the next 5 months once I get settled in to my new place and start seeing a new therapist.), so I don't exactly look like a girl(Being really tall doesn't help either). Is there something they can see that I can't? Is it common for people to use "You're not a real crossdresser" as an insult? Or is it just me? I'd just chalk it up as bullying if it was a couple isolated incidents but I get it so often and from so many different groups of people(In real life, and on the internet) that it just feels like something is going on. It's wrecking havoc on my self confidence in my own judgment. I'm even worried there might be something wrong with my brain(Like a tumor) that's causing me to think I'm doing or saying one thing but actually saying or doing something entirely different. I'm so confused.

Link to post
Guest Evan/Evalyn

plz dont listen to them you are right they do not know what you are going through mentally physically but dont let it get to you

keep your head up and dont dwell on it youll be happier before you know it

Link to post
  • Forum Moderator

Idk. I've lived in placed where people think that there's a hierarchy of levels of trans. Drag Queens were at the bottom, then cross dressers and then ts'. I always thought it was kind of dumb to think oneself better than another person because of some subclass under transgender. Who cares? It's not as if a TS is a better or kinder person than a CD or a Queen. I think that it's just an immature way of people trying to feel better about themselves through the belittling of others. Perhaps they're doubting themselves and don't want to go down some ugly road alone and think it's better to drag somebody else along for the ride.

The real question is, Do you really care what those people think? And if you're going to transition it's really for you and not anybody else.

Who are they to judge you? They don't know how far you're going to go or who you'll be when you get there.

Link to post
Guest Karo-chan

Hi Karo-chan,

(Did the naughty word filter change your wording in an unexpected way? I think the word you were writing was something like T-girl, right?)

No, please don't let other people classify you! Only you know what's in your heart..

If you're going for HRT, that also means you're seeing a therapist. You and the therapist can work this out.

In the meantime, trust your instincts!

Love, Kat

Yup. That word filter. >_>;;

I just don't understand why everyone is using the same insult, in pretty much the same wording. I expected some bullying to go on(I've experienced it my whole life so I'm pretty use to it), but I didn't expect to be called "fake". First people bully me for being too feminine, now that I've come out of the closet they call me fake? I just don't understand.

Link to post
  • Admin
Carolyn Marie

Hon, I don't know who you're talking to IRL, or who your talking to on the Net, but it sounds like you're talking to all the wrong people. I can tell you one thing for sure, you won't hear any of that drivel around this web site, and in these forums. So if you need some folks to talk to, talk to us. We understand, we support you, and we care about you. Take that to the bank, OK?

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Link to post
Guest ~Brenda~

The transgender spectrum is infinite. There is no one way to express yourself.

Laura's is here for support for ALL transgendered people.

I am sorry for what you have experienced, but never believe anyone who calls you a "fake" ever.

You are not crazy, and you have never been a "fake". You deserve to be happy.

As you spend time here at Laura's, you will see how everyone helps everyone else.

Love

Brenda

Link to post
Guest JaniceW

What anyone says to you about you tells you much more about them than it ever will about you. They are the ones with the problem in needing to tell you who you are. Only you can answer that question, no one else.

Link to post
Guest (Lightsider)

One of the most common verbal insults I get is people telling me I'm "fake". I've even gotten it from a couple trans people that have already transitioned(Which has hurt me a little bit more than hearing it from other people that have no idea what I'm going through). They have no idea what goes through my head, so why are they so quick to assume I'm not actually transgendered?

I haven't started hormones yet(Although I probably will in the next 5 months once I get settled in to my new place and start seeing a new therapist.), so I don't exactly look like a girl(Being really tall doesn't help either). Is there something they can see that I can't? Is it common for people to use "You're not a real crossdresser" as an insult? Or is it just me? I'd just chalk it up as bullying if it was a couple isolated incidents but I get it so often and from so many different groups of people(In real life, and on the internet) that it just feels like something is going on. It's wrecking havoc on my self confidence in my own judgment. I'm even worried there might be something wrong with my brain(Like a tumor) that's causing me to think I'm doing or saying one thing but actually saying or doing something entirely different. I'm so confused.

Congrats, you have encountered the ELITE crossdresser. This bread of transsexual seeks to bolster their own egos at the expense of yours. You need to realize the source of the problem is not yours. It is theirs because they are not yet confident enough to stand on their own merits with out tearing some one else down.

I am sorry you have to deal with that sort of mentality. They are best ignored. Consider the source!!

Link to post
  • 3 months later...
Guest Kieran Conri

the only way you could ever be fake is if you change who you are because people bullied you into it. Some people won't accept you, and personally I think that's their loss. I'd rather have friends who are comfortable enough around me to be who they really are than people who act like they care and can't be trusted any day. Just be true to yourself, the world can stick it. ^_^

-Kieran Conri-

Link to post
  • Admin

In a long period of Cross Dressing, before I "got real" and admitted my transsexuality to myself, I found out that the more insecure you were about yourself, the louder you were in your criticism of others. Add alcohol or "recreational" drugs and it becomes a matter of serial character assassination for the person on the chemicals. Consider what is doing the talking, and it is not the "real" person doing the talking. There do seem to be "roles" that keep being acted, and snottiness goes with a lot of them. Be yourself, whatever people say. "Real Women" come in so many shapes and sizes that your body is not the main thing to being your real self, so ignore that garbage. Your real self is too much a true lady to be bothered by the guff others will give you, show it to them, and they will give up, and maybe one or two will change their tunes and become more like you.

Link to post
Guest Ney'ite

I have heard people say that when they sling comments like that, that is *all* they really have . . . nothing else in their arsenal. The fact remains only you know how you feel and NONE of us here can judge that. Ask those same people (if you even bother to talk to them again) if they could *prove* to you that they really have a tummy or a head ache. Since they cannot prove to you, does it make their tummy or head ache "fake?" Such stupid reasoning on their part.

And sadly some who are further along than you are, can be judgmental as well. Someone I know in my little life who is post-op is quite judgmental, especially towards those who are pre-op. She even told me that when I am gendered correctly, those people are "just trained to do that." o.O I won't steal your post and go into details, but after rattling off about 15 different mom and pop places including clients coming in at my work, it shut her up and she congratulated me. :-S

Just be true to yourself. Unless these people are going to walk in your shoes, they are nothing more than someone who is insecure about something and makes themselves feel better by bringing someone else down.

*hugs*

Link to post
Guest Lauren~

Hi girls,

I've been to different gathering that are comprised of Transgendered people. They have themselves told me that most all of them are cross-dressers there; only one or two trans-sexuals where in the bunch, including myself. It was in my opinion a very depressing event, I try not to hang around there anymore. I would prefer to go through transition myself.

Love

Melissa 67

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Angelgrlsue

I understand what you are going through Karo. When I first started my transition I saw a transgender woman that was willing to help me with clothes and such, was not living full time at that time and still in male mode, no HRT or anything, not even a therapist. I asked her how I looked after trying on some clothes and feeling good about myself. She blatantly said "your just a guy in a dress". Lol, I laugh about it now but when she said that I felt extremely hurt inside. Never saw her after that remark. These type of people you need to stay away from. Only you and you alone know who you are. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN Karo.

Love,

Susan

Link to post

Idk. I've lived in placed where people think that there's a hierarchy of levels of trans. Drag Queens were at the bottom, then cross dressers and then ts'.

There is no question that shame tends to affect many. As others have said, I feel some of this is created by the most insecure people, but I also feel there is a good amount of shame tossed in there. I've come accross more than a few who will be very dismissive of some saying things "well that's a fetish". So I ask, what is wrong with a fetish? Oh yeah, it can be a source of shame. Then I ask myself, is this person deciding that they are TS because it is somehow less to be ashamed of? After all, if one is really women inside, there is no shame fixing it right?

I also ask the question, why can't drag queen or crossdresser feel this is part of their identity? Why must it absolutely be a fetish? I am sure that is listed in some definition someplace, but I am just as sure DQ and CD often see it as more than just a fetish or might not even think of it as a fetish. That they have some part of them that is a woman. Just because they don't want to activly change their body, are they to be relegated to fetishdom?

And what if it is a fetish? What is wrong with a fetish? If one has the self esteem and hasn't loaded themsevles up with shame, it seems to me that it would be healthy to enjoy it.

If anything, it seems to me that those who are motivated to modify their bodies in significant ways are the ones that would be more disturbed.

As I see it, there are different people with very different needs and motivations. This doesn't make one superior and I don't buy into the attitude where some seem to play the game of being more serious and somehow better. Then tossing out the fetish thing to further smear others and therfore bolster their status.

In a long period of Cross Dressing, before I "got real" and admitted my transsexuality to myself

Not sure if the "got real" is your feeling or was intending to describe how some others may veiw it. Personally I feel, what makes one more real than another.

Link to post
  • Admin

I am transsexual, the CD for me, it turns out was a denial phase of that, but even there, my being CD was real in being part of that identified group for the time I was there. I am still very much in contact with CD's and do not regret my identification there at all. My phrase "got real" was a lighthearted snippy comment not a deep discussion of philosophy on the theory of reality either mine or others. Persifiledge at its worst.

Link to post
Guest VanessaDenise

The only things that I can think of is that (first) the people who are saying this to you are ignorant and uneducated; so please don't allow ignorance and the lack of an education get you down, if anything try to let it go in one ear and out the other and after your transformation is completely done you'll have the last laugh. (Second) I am shocked and appalled that any transsexual, whether man or woman, would say that to you being they know how rough and stressful it is for someone to be a transsexual in the society

Link to post
Guest VanessaDenise

Continued from prior post

....that we live in, where people are scared of what they don't know and will insult you and even take violent action against what they deem to be the way people should act and behave.

I truly believe that you can get through this without being in a state of depression, because if you become deeply depressed they will have won because they are making you depressed and interrupting your state of happiness.

As far as the post-transitioned transsexuals are concerned, if they (of all people) say anything remotely like that to you again politely ask them if they were given a hard time while transforming? And regardless of what they say, ask them why they are contributing to making your transitioning period even more stressful and emotionally difficult than it has to be. If you say that to a transsexual who has just insulted you during a critical part of your life, it might make them actually think about what they said to you and realize how much it hurt you and how much it hurt them years ago before their transformation was complete.

Finally, remember that misery loves company. When ignorant people see that you are happy because you are doing something that you have waited a very long time to do and it is making you happy and excited, they will do everything they can to make you as miserable as they are, because they are followers and tools and would never go outside of what they considerer to be societies norms to fulfill self happiness.

I hope this helped you out and allowed you to see the light at the end of the tunnel; if you start feeling down because of what some ignorant tool said to you remember how you will finally be the person that you were always intended to be in the next few years=:-)

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Carrie7676

This seems to and will always be a problem but I've learned it is how you handle it that matter the most, I've come to the conclusion that there are simple minded men out there, and what is wrong to them is wrong and there is NO changing that! having said that these Dino's are actually the minority but it is their boastfulness that amplify them to seem like it is a larger crowd, handle with class and grace and all will be well, but I can't help to think when I was a young TGirl how many in our community seem to also look down there noses to our varying stages of transition, Oh She is JUST a crossdresser, or OHH my does she need electrolysis, so on and so on, but this Pecking order will always seem to be there and yes I found myself being critical of other girls at times only to catch myself. All in all Girls keep your head up high and be proud of who you are.

oxoxoxo

Carrie

Link to post
  • 5 months later...

As hard as it is, do not take those horrible words to heart. You know who you are, they have no idea, you know that you are not a fake and don’t you ever let yourself be pulled down into believing that.

Maybe it’s because I’m new here but I’m so appalled and shocked that there are actually other trans people saying this to you, I never even imagined that could happen, my heart goes out to you.

I do understand the pain of someone accusing you of being fake, because I’ve admitted that I’ll never get surgery (I would never ever judge another person for getting it but personally I wouldn’t go under the knife) I’ve been told that means I’m not committed enough therefore just lying about myself. It was horrible, even if it was just coming from some ignorant strangers who knew nothing about me. Please stay strong, never let those cruel bullies get to you.

Link to post
Guest CindyLouCovington

This kind of thing is really depressing. How can we expect the general public to treat us with respect and understanding if we don't even treat each other the same way? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion,but it is not necessary to express it when it will hurt someone else's feelings.As Donald Meeks character in "Stagecoach" put it,"There is not enough KINDNESS in the world".

Link to post
  • 1 year later...
Guest Paulette B

Julia Serrano has a very deep and thorough analysis of excluding, hierarchical feelings and behavior in her current blog.

She's one of my favorite thinkers in teh trans world. This may not solve things for you, but it may help you understand where it's coming from and how better to think of it, if not handle it.

Link to post
  • 1 year later...
Guest Razilee

Thanks VickySVG!

"Your real self is too much a true lady to be bothered by the guff others will give you." is just what I needed to hear today, though you wrote it so long ago. I was told "You should know that you ain't no damn woman." I though of saying "I may have been designated male at birth, but I'm more of a lady than you are.", but being as lady-like as I am I kept silent and turned away. It helped a bit as I traveled further through town stopped at an intersection when the guy crossing the other way said "Cute!", then seeing the woman behind me. "Cuter! Way to go girls!"" At my age being called "cute" and "girl" doesn't come often. I'll try to remember that and not let the "guff" bother me.

Love,

Raz

Link to post
  • 1 year later...

Yeah I know and old post again but I haven't been around for a long while.

One of the reasons I founded Laura's Playground (2004) is that I had visited other sites and found a difference in the way different transgender groups treated each other. I never had the problem of being bullied on the boards because I fit in. For others though it was a different. New people. crossdressers, transgenderists, came there to ask simple questions finding absolutely no tolerance.. Then the conversation denigrated to name calling and sexual names like fetishist (Oh horrors). Did these protagonists think that they were so pure of heart that they sat at the right hand of Jesus himself? I left those now defunct sites and started my own and added one group a week that included Crossdressers. ALL were welcome. to ask questions and get help. I was told that this would fail. Now here we are in 2016 An we ALL support each other.

Out of all the ventures I have started in my long life this one was my most satisfying. Thank you all.

Laura.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 56 Guests (See full list)

    • Genny
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Drayse
    • Katharina
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,976
    • Total Posts
      669,718
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,950
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Tracie Jada
    Newest Member
    Tracie Jada
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. claire1000
      claire1000
      (70 years old)
    2. nikrs
      nikrs
  • Posts

    • Drayse
      Hi @Vanessa Michelle,   And I'm still not done! I've never been so impatient to get something done as this, but there are so many people I have to update and a mass mailing seems too impersonal. I'm sure you'll do it when you're ready to do it. No sooner, no later.   Cheers, Drayse
    • Drayse
      Hi @Carolyn Marie I appreciate that.   Cheers, Dryase
    • Drayse
      Hi and thanks @Bri2020   Cheers, Drayse  
    • Jamie68
      It's great that you have that kind of support with your coworkers. I don't think any of mine would have been that thoughtful.
    • Mmindy
      Small World Emily, my baby brother is a dispatcher and batch operator for Arnold Readymix. I hope things are going well for you. GirlMechanicsRock and being in the quarry/mining industry you really Rock.    Best wishes, stay positive, and safe   Mindy🐛🌈🦋
    • Vanessa Michelle
      Aww, @ElizabethStarthat would be so cool! I would have such a hard time waiting to get home to try them all on! Love it!! That was really sweet of her ❤️
    • Sally Stone
      Ann, I love your new boots and the coat, real nice!
    • ElizabethStar
      Congrats @2beBreanna!   I couldn't stop myself and took mine as soon as I got in the car. Why did I park so far away? Stupid street parking.   One of my friends at work gave a bag of clothes today. She came into my office area with it and immediately started  rummaging through it. Pulling stuff out and showing it to me. I think you'll like this...This'll look good on you. I was only slightly mortified this was happening. My office mates are guys and knew me before, made it kinda awkward. I got some nice stuff though and a dress. A sleeveless dress none-the-less. Of course I had to try it on when I got home (I tried it all on). It fits....really good. I just started going out in skirts and now a dress appears in my life. Just need an occasion to wear it. And the wife thing. I think she said no dresses but I'm not sure if that was no buying, wearing or just not in front of her. Oh well, life's a gamble.    
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @Chloé ReiYes!! Love the trans colors!! Those are also my fav colors coincidentally! ⚧️
    • VickySGV
      My basic relationship with them has not really changed.  I let all of them simply use my first name and I guess there are a few more legitimate hugs that are not "creepy hugs" like the males in my family are infamous for.  HRT has smoothed my temper out and I am not claiming dominance as I used to. My hobbies are still the same, because I had some "girl hobbies" in the past as well. My ex-wife is still my kids Mom and it is her right to have it, and she and my Daughter-in-Law's mother are the Grand kids Grandma's.  If the GK's refer to me it is as Grandparent and they leave it there, but they actually LIKE calling me by my first name.  We do have private "dad and grandpa" moments but even there, the big deal is I am a caring adult that holds them up and whom they can trust, and who gives them validity. 
    • Chloé Rei
      Gym outfit.
    • Vanessa Michelle
      That's a great question! I never thought of getting one of those! That would be really nice to have in addition to pajamas. 
    • 2beBreanna
      Thanks everyone.  It happened a lot faster than I thought it would.  I wish everyone would be able to start as easily.  To many hoops to jump through for many.    Gotta get to bed early tonight so I can wake up at 4 to shovel before work.  Where can I get a cozy flannel nighty.  Can't seem to find cute comfy pjs.
    • RhondaS
      We knew Joe Manchin (WV) would be a hard sell on this,  but then Krysten Sinema (AZ) says she wants to keep the filibuster and won't even consider changing her mind. 
    • Susan R
      @RobynNYC I have 6 actual grandchildren but 7 if you count a step granddaughter. I realize it’s not the same as your own child but in every instance these children whose ages were at the time 7 through 12 were completely open to the idea of me transitioning to a woman and effectively becoming Nanna Susan. Each of my daughters have 2 children of their own. Each daughter allowed the revelation of my transition to be handled differently. My oldest daughters children were told a few weeks later by my daughter and SIL using some age appropriate children’s books on the subject. The then 7 year old grandson cried (He thought everything was going to go away) but after I visited him as Susan, he became very attached...in a different way than before because of the gender change. My then 11 year old granddaughter and I now have the best possible relationship one could ask for.   My oldest daughter and her new hubby decided to use the same books for my then 7 and 12 year old grandsons and then they came over a month later for a BBQ to meet me as Susan. They weren’t shocked as they had been shown many pictures of me prior to meeting me for the first time.   My youngest daughter and her then fiancé allowed me to talk to my then 8 year old grandson and then 10 year old granddaughter. I spent an hour discussing it at their level and then had them ask me any questions they wanted. They had plenty but it was a nice bonding moment. I did this presenting as male. The next day I went to a park presenting as female with them and the were very happy.   The 7th step granddaughter who was 15 is very accepting and happens to be dating a FtM so it was never going to be an issue with her in any regard.   Over the past two years I have met several other children within my siblings family that had known me as my male persona and none of them have had any difficulty with my transition. In my experience, children at these age ranges seem to be very accepting for the most part.   My Best, Susan R🌷
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...