Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

"you're Not A crossdresser And You Will Never Be A Woman."


Guest Karo-chan

Recommended Posts

Guest Karo-chan

One of the most common verbal insults I get is people telling me I'm "fake". I've even gotten it from a couple trans people that have already transitioned(Which has hurt me a little bit more than hearing it from other people that have no idea what I'm going through). They have no idea what goes through my head, so why are they so quick to assume I'm not actually transgendered?

I haven't started hormones yet(Although I probably will in the next 5 months once I get settled in to my new place and start seeing a new therapist.), so I don't exactly look like a girl(Being really tall doesn't help either). Is there something they can see that I can't? Is it common for people to use "You're not a real crossdresser" as an insult? Or is it just me? I'd just chalk it up as bullying if it was a couple isolated incidents but I get it so often and from so many different groups of people(In real life, and on the internet) that it just feels like something is going on. It's wrecking havoc on my self confidence in my own judgment. I'm even worried there might be something wrong with my brain(Like a tumor) that's causing me to think I'm doing or saying one thing but actually saying or doing something entirely different. I'm so confused.

Link to comment
Guest Evan/Evalyn

plz dont listen to them you are right they do not know what you are going through mentally physically but dont let it get to you

keep your head up and dont dwell on it youll be happier before you know it

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Idk. I've lived in placed where people think that there's a hierarchy of levels of trans. Drag Queens were at the bottom, then cross dressers and then ts'. I always thought it was kind of dumb to think oneself better than another person because of some subclass under transgender. Who cares? It's not as if a TS is a better or kinder person than a CD or a Queen. I think that it's just an immature way of people trying to feel better about themselves through the belittling of others. Perhaps they're doubting themselves and don't want to go down some ugly road alone and think it's better to drag somebody else along for the ride.

The real question is, Do you really care what those people think? And if you're going to transition it's really for you and not anybody else.

Who are they to judge you? They don't know how far you're going to go or who you'll be when you get there.

Link to comment
Guest Karo-chan

Hi Karo-chan,

(Did the naughty word filter change your wording in an unexpected way? I think the word you were writing was something like T-girl, right?)

No, please don't let other people classify you! Only you know what's in your heart..

If you're going for HRT, that also means you're seeing a therapist. You and the therapist can work this out.

In the meantime, trust your instincts!

Love, Kat

Yup. That word filter. >_>;;

I just don't understand why everyone is using the same insult, in pretty much the same wording. I expected some bullying to go on(I've experienced it my whole life so I'm pretty use to it), but I didn't expect to be called "fake". First people bully me for being too feminine, now that I've come out of the closet they call me fake? I just don't understand.

Link to comment
  • Admin

Hon, I don't know who you're talking to IRL, or who your talking to on the Net, but it sounds like you're talking to all the wrong people. I can tell you one thing for sure, you won't hear any of that drivel around this web site, and in these forums. So if you need some folks to talk to, talk to us. We understand, we support you, and we care about you. Take that to the bank, OK?

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

The transgender spectrum is infinite. There is no one way to express yourself.

Laura's is here for support for ALL transgendered people.

I am sorry for what you have experienced, but never believe anyone who calls you a "fake" ever.

You are not crazy, and you have never been a "fake". You deserve to be happy.

As you spend time here at Laura's, you will see how everyone helps everyone else.

Love

Brenda

Link to comment
Guest JaniceW

What anyone says to you about you tells you much more about them than it ever will about you. They are the ones with the problem in needing to tell you who you are. Only you can answer that question, no one else.

Link to comment
Guest (Lightsider)

One of the most common verbal insults I get is people telling me I'm "fake". I've even gotten it from a couple trans people that have already transitioned(Which has hurt me a little bit more than hearing it from other people that have no idea what I'm going through). They have no idea what goes through my head, so why are they so quick to assume I'm not actually transgendered?

I haven't started hormones yet(Although I probably will in the next 5 months once I get settled in to my new place and start seeing a new therapist.), so I don't exactly look like a girl(Being really tall doesn't help either). Is there something they can see that I can't? Is it common for people to use "You're not a real crossdresser" as an insult? Or is it just me? I'd just chalk it up as bullying if it was a couple isolated incidents but I get it so often and from so many different groups of people(In real life, and on the internet) that it just feels like something is going on. It's wrecking havoc on my self confidence in my own judgment. I'm even worried there might be something wrong with my brain(Like a tumor) that's causing me to think I'm doing or saying one thing but actually saying or doing something entirely different. I'm so confused.

Congrats, you have encountered the ELITE crossdresser. This bread of transsexual seeks to bolster their own egos at the expense of yours. You need to realize the source of the problem is not yours. It is theirs because they are not yet confident enough to stand on their own merits with out tearing some one else down.

I am sorry you have to deal with that sort of mentality. They are best ignored. Consider the source!!

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...
Guest Kieran Conri

the only way you could ever be fake is if you change who you are because people bullied you into it. Some people won't accept you, and personally I think that's their loss. I'd rather have friends who are comfortable enough around me to be who they really are than people who act like they care and can't be trusted any day. Just be true to yourself, the world can stick it. ^_^

-Kieran Conri-

Link to comment
  • Admin

In a long period of Cross Dressing, before I "got real" and admitted my transsexuality to myself, I found out that the more insecure you were about yourself, the louder you were in your criticism of others. Add alcohol or "recreational" drugs and it becomes a matter of serial character assassination for the person on the chemicals. Consider what is doing the talking, and it is not the "real" person doing the talking. There do seem to be "roles" that keep being acted, and snottiness goes with a lot of them. Be yourself, whatever people say. "Real Women" come in so many shapes and sizes that your body is not the main thing to being your real self, so ignore that garbage. Your real self is too much a true lady to be bothered by the guff others will give you, show it to them, and they will give up, and maybe one or two will change their tunes and become more like you.

Link to comment
Guest Ney'ite

I have heard people say that when they sling comments like that, that is *all* they really have . . . nothing else in their arsenal. The fact remains only you know how you feel and NONE of us here can judge that. Ask those same people (if you even bother to talk to them again) if they could *prove* to you that they really have a tummy or a head ache. Since they cannot prove to you, does it make their tummy or head ache "fake?" Such stupid reasoning on their part.

And sadly some who are further along than you are, can be judgmental as well. Someone I know in my little life who is post-op is quite judgmental, especially towards those who are pre-op. She even told me that when I am gendered correctly, those people are "just trained to do that." o.O I won't steal your post and go into details, but after rattling off about 15 different mom and pop places including clients coming in at my work, it shut her up and she congratulated me. :-S

Just be true to yourself. Unless these people are going to walk in your shoes, they are nothing more than someone who is insecure about something and makes themselves feel better by bringing someone else down.

*hugs*

Link to comment
Guest Lauren~

Hi girls,

I've been to different gathering that are comprised of Transgendered people. They have themselves told me that most all of them are cross-dressers there; only one or two trans-sexuals where in the bunch, including myself. It was in my opinion a very depressing event, I try not to hang around there anymore. I would prefer to go through transition myself.

Love

Melissa 67

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Angelgrlsue

I understand what you are going through Karo. When I first started my transition I saw a transgender woman that was willing to help me with clothes and such, was not living full time at that time and still in male mode, no HRT or anything, not even a therapist. I asked her how I looked after trying on some clothes and feeling good about myself. She blatantly said "your just a guy in a dress". Lol, I laugh about it now but when she said that I felt extremely hurt inside. Never saw her after that remark. These type of people you need to stay away from. Only you and you alone know who you are. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN Karo.

Love,

Susan

Link to comment

Idk. I've lived in placed where people think that there's a hierarchy of levels of trans. Drag Queens were at the bottom, then cross dressers and then ts'.

There is no question that shame tends to affect many. As others have said, I feel some of this is created by the most insecure people, but I also feel there is a good amount of shame tossed in there. I've come accross more than a few who will be very dismissive of some saying things "well that's a fetish". So I ask, what is wrong with a fetish? Oh yeah, it can be a source of shame. Then I ask myself, is this person deciding that they are TS because it is somehow less to be ashamed of? After all, if one is really women inside, there is no shame fixing it right?

I also ask the question, why can't drag queen or crossdresser feel this is part of their identity? Why must it absolutely be a fetish? I am sure that is listed in some definition someplace, but I am just as sure DQ and CD often see it as more than just a fetish or might not even think of it as a fetish. That they have some part of them that is a woman. Just because they don't want to activly change their body, are they to be relegated to fetishdom?

And what if it is a fetish? What is wrong with a fetish? If one has the self esteem and hasn't loaded themsevles up with shame, it seems to me that it would be healthy to enjoy it.

If anything, it seems to me that those who are motivated to modify their bodies in significant ways are the ones that would be more disturbed.

As I see it, there are different people with very different needs and motivations. This doesn't make one superior and I don't buy into the attitude where some seem to play the game of being more serious and somehow better. Then tossing out the fetish thing to further smear others and therfore bolster their status.

In a long period of Cross Dressing, before I "got real" and admitted my transsexuality to myself

Not sure if the "got real" is your feeling or was intending to describe how some others may veiw it. Personally I feel, what makes one more real than another.

Link to comment
  • Admin

I am transsexual, the CD for me, it turns out was a denial phase of that, but even there, my being CD was real in being part of that identified group for the time I was there. I am still very much in contact with CD's and do not regret my identification there at all. My phrase "got real" was a lighthearted snippy comment not a deep discussion of philosophy on the theory of reality either mine or others. Persifiledge at its worst.

Link to comment
Guest VanessaDenise

The only things that I can think of is that (first) the people who are saying this to you are ignorant and uneducated; so please don't allow ignorance and the lack of an education get you down, if anything try to let it go in one ear and out the other and after your transformation is completely done you'll have the last laugh. (Second) I am shocked and appalled that any transsexual, whether man or woman, would say that to you being they know how rough and stressful it is for someone to be a transsexual in the society

Link to comment
Guest VanessaDenise

Continued from prior post

....that we live in, where people are scared of what they don't know and will insult you and even take violent action against what they deem to be the way people should act and behave.

I truly believe that you can get through this without being in a state of depression, because if you become deeply depressed they will have won because they are making you depressed and interrupting your state of happiness.

As far as the post-transitioned transsexuals are concerned, if they (of all people) say anything remotely like that to you again politely ask them if they were given a hard time while transforming? And regardless of what they say, ask them why they are contributing to making your transitioning period even more stressful and emotionally difficult than it has to be. If you say that to a transsexual who has just insulted you during a critical part of your life, it might make them actually think about what they said to you and realize how much it hurt you and how much it hurt them years ago before their transformation was complete.

Finally, remember that misery loves company. When ignorant people see that you are happy because you are doing something that you have waited a very long time to do and it is making you happy and excited, they will do everything they can to make you as miserable as they are, because they are followers and tools and would never go outside of what they considerer to be societies norms to fulfill self happiness.

I hope this helped you out and allowed you to see the light at the end of the tunnel; if you start feeling down because of what some ignorant tool said to you remember how you will finally be the person that you were always intended to be in the next few years=:-)

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Carrie7676

This seems to and will always be a problem but I've learned it is how you handle it that matter the most, I've come to the conclusion that there are simple minded men out there, and what is wrong to them is wrong and there is NO changing that! having said that these Dino's are actually the minority but it is their boastfulness that amplify them to seem like it is a larger crowd, handle with class and grace and all will be well, but I can't help to think when I was a young TGirl how many in our community seem to also look down there noses to our varying stages of transition, Oh She is JUST a crossdresser, or OHH my does she need electrolysis, so on and so on, but this Pecking order will always seem to be there and yes I found myself being critical of other girls at times only to catch myself. All in all Girls keep your head up high and be proud of who you are.

oxoxoxo

Carrie

Link to comment
  • 5 months later...

As hard as it is, do not take those horrible words to heart. You know who you are, they have no idea, you know that you are not a fake and don’t you ever let yourself be pulled down into believing that.

Maybe it’s because I’m new here but I’m so appalled and shocked that there are actually other trans people saying this to you, I never even imagined that could happen, my heart goes out to you.

I do understand the pain of someone accusing you of being fake, because I’ve admitted that I’ll never get surgery (I would never ever judge another person for getting it but personally I wouldn’t go under the knife) I’ve been told that means I’m not committed enough therefore just lying about myself. It was horrible, even if it was just coming from some ignorant strangers who knew nothing about me. Please stay strong, never let those cruel bullies get to you.

Link to comment
Guest CindyLouCovington

This kind of thing is really depressing. How can we expect the general public to treat us with respect and understanding if we don't even treat each other the same way? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion,but it is not necessary to express it when it will hurt someone else's feelings.As Donald Meeks character in "Stagecoach" put it,"There is not enough KINDNESS in the world".

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...
Guest Paulette B

Julia Serrano has a very deep and thorough analysis of excluding, hierarchical feelings and behavior in her current blog.

She's one of my favorite thinkers in teh trans world. This may not solve things for you, but it may help you understand where it's coming from and how better to think of it, if not handle it.

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...
Guest Razilee

Thanks VickySVG!

"Your real self is too much a true lady to be bothered by the guff others will give you." is just what I needed to hear today, though you wrote it so long ago. I was told "You should know that you ain't no damn woman." I though of saying "I may have been designated male at birth, but I'm more of a lady than you are.", but being as lady-like as I am I kept silent and turned away. It helped a bit as I traveled further through town stopped at an intersection when the guy crossing the other way said "Cute!", then seeing the woman behind me. "Cuter! Way to go girls!"" At my age being called "cute" and "girl" doesn't come often. I'll try to remember that and not let the "guff" bother me.

Love,

Raz

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...

Yeah I know and old post again but I haven't been around for a long while.

One of the reasons I founded Laura's Playground (2004) is that I had visited other sites and found a difference in the way different transgender groups treated each other. I never had the problem of being bullied on the boards because I fit in. For others though it was a different. New people. crossdressers, transgenderists, came there to ask simple questions finding absolutely no tolerance.. Then the conversation denigrated to name calling and sexual names like fetishist (Oh horrors). Did these protagonists think that they were so pure of heart that they sat at the right hand of Jesus himself? I left those now defunct sites and started my own and added one group a week that included Crossdressers. ALL were welcome. to ask questions and get help. I was told that this would fail. Now here we are in 2016 An we ALL support each other.

Out of all the ventures I have started in my long life this one was my most satisfying. Thank you all.

Laura.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 120 Guests (See full list)

    • MaybeRob
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Maddee
    • Pip
    • Susie
    • Mmindy
    • marysssia
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Thea
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.7k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,010
    • Most Online
      8,356

    newlyhatched
    Newest Member
    newlyhatched
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alik222
      Alik222
      (24 years old)
    2. AvaWill
      AvaWill
      (37 years old)
    3. Drewies
      Drewies
      (50 years old)
    4. JackJerryJohnTheTreeWorker
      JackJerryJohnTheTreeWorker
      (28 years old)
    5. jgram22
      jgram22
      (37 years old)
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      You are doing fine @Michelle_S Only thing you did not know was to put an  "@" and then choose their names from a drop down list, like I did with yours there, and the Forum Choice was fine as well. 
    • Michelle_S
      I'm not sure I am typing this is in the correct place.  My intent is to send separate replies to each of the people who said something to me.   Kay: You were my first.  (Wait a minute, that could be misunderstood!)  (Giggles) Mmindy: Thank you for the warm welcome. April: Thank you for the welcome, I am looking forward to getting to know this site and the people in it better. Heather: I am not sure what impact I could have made?  (Other than my running into one wall or another while trying to learn this site .... giggles).  Heather your Profile pic shows you with a guitar, you probably don't live near me, but if we are ever in the same area I do love to get together with another musician!   Charlize: Thank you for the welcome.  Hope to learn more some time.   Ashley: Thanx for the encouragement!  I really need plenty of that!  Hmm, my hobbies you ask... I enjoy some computer gaming and I am a musician.  I suppose my fascination with with clothes could be a hobby shared by a few here? Ashley, I see you have 3.7k posts!  Wow!  Are you threatened by me?  (This is my second post ... so I'm gaining on you! ... giggles) I should probably save my silliness till after I learn if I am even writing all this in the correct place or not!   Michelle
    • April Marie
      I needed some "retail therapy" today and picked up this skort and a skirt. I'm really feeling the need to wear some color after this winter season.    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      They put her in a room with soft walls, low lighting, even a soft floor, for observation.  The bed was fastened to the wall and the blankets and sheets on the bottom and far side could not be pulled out.  There was a built in pillow.  There was a stainless steel toilet with a tank on the other side of the wall and a stainless steel sink where you had to put your hand under to start it. Lukewarm water.  Soap dispenser with the tank on the other side of the wall. Small black half-globe in the middle of the ceiling.  Soft grey walls.  If this did not drive someone crazy, nothing would.  No clock.  Just the ventilation constantly humming and no outside noises, no window, no clue as to the time of day.  She had a hospital gown on and paper underwear furnished by the hospital, lest, she supposed, she find a way to kill herself with her regular underwear.  That would be a sad way to go. "Please put my gi in cold water. I don't want the blood to set," she said to the camera, but there was no response. Act normal, she told herself. You want out of here.  This was the low-stimulation therapy chamber, supposed to calm people down. She had read about it. Nothing to read, nothing to look at.  Finally she looked at the bands on her wrist.  The bright orange one said UNIT 304.  She closed her eyes and thought about the map of the hospital in the ER room.  It had all three floors.  ER on one, operating rooms and stuff on two, maternity and an unnamed area on 3.  It might as well say PSYCH WARD she figured. Or LOONEY BIN.  If she was here much longer she would go nuts. She looked at the other band, a white band with black lettering. Arial font.  Nicely spaced borders around everything.  Text above and the UPC code or whatever below.  She thought maybe she had time to crack the code and be able to figure out what it read. She read the text.  JONES TAYLOR A.  Correct. DOB.  No periods, just the letters.  04-03-2000. That was correct. Nice they kept the zeros so these things would be consistent. F.  She stared at that.  F.   The next line was MICHAELS A.  That was her doctor.  The F could only be gender.  He was some kind of a specialist in the field of sex and he had called her F.  Her drivers' license and medical insurance and Social Security card and birth certificate, even her Voter ID, had M.  She went over and over it.  There was no M anyway that would indicate gender. Only F. She had plenty to think about.  Lunch was a tasteless hamburger served by an expressionless somebody who obviously had orders not to talk.  She also got grapes, somehow rendered tasteless and chips and a plastic glass of lemonade.  When she was done the somebody took them and exited a door that she had not noticed.  She searched the wall but could not find any hint of where the door was.  Well, in the future she would be able to understand what it means to be in a psych ward.   Dinner was similar.  There was a breakfast, too, and sometime later the door opened and a nurse smiled and called her out to the hall.  There was Dr. Michaels. "I see no reason to keep you, so I am sending you home.  My notes have been sent to your therapist and she will be talking to you soon. If not, call her." "Thank you.  Oh, my gi." She was given scrubs to wear home and a bucket of cold water that they had been soaking her gi in. "You need to wait for discharge, miss."  Miss.  Here's proof. The other documents would be easy to change. She waited in a waiting room.  They gave her lunch at noon, and at 2:00 the discharge papers finally arrived. "I will need some way to get home." "He's downstairs in the lobby.  You can meet him there." "Great." ----------------------------------------------------- "What are we going to do about Marketing?"  this was the Chairman of the Board.  He had been asking this for years. This Saturday afternoon the Board had dropped their golf game in light of the sudden drop in sales.  This was not quite an emergency, but close. There was debate.  They finally agreed that since Gibson had been given something that they now considered a raw deal, and turned it into a cash cow for the company anyway, he deserved promotion.  They needed to ramp up Marketing  and Sales because the traditional products were market laggers now and there was pressure to open up the forty acres of industrial facilities they had closed when the jobs went to China.  They needed to find a way to create jobs. Gibson would be moved from Marketing to be the new Vice President of Marketing and Sales. A key job would be identifying new markets they could enter and expanding product appeal. "So who gets his job?" Discussion. Obviously it needed a college graduate.  There was only one in Marketing, this Taylor person.  Should they promote a transgender?  HR spoke up and said that since she was the only one in Marketing with a degree, it would be almost a fatal flaw not to promote her if they could.  Policy was to always promote from within if possible. She was beginning to work on her Master's. Point in her favor.  She brought fresh, young blood to the company. Another point.  Everyone liked her. Quick learner. Sharp. Emotionally stable.  Positive. They had confidence in her, even if she was new to the company, that she could handle the job.  When could HR have the paperwork ready?  Good. This would be announced first thing Monday morning. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bob found himself at a loss as to what to do with himself.  He made himself coffee with the new coffee maker and the new coffee, made a PBJ with the new bread, the new PB and the new jelly, and ate an apple, all at the new table.  It was almost like she was there.  He even did the dishes and put the clean ones in the dish rack and made his bed.   He threw himself into work that could have waited for Monday.  He worked on a financial projection and his personal budget and then went over to the hospital. No, he would not be allowed to see her.  She was fine. Don't worry.   He went for a walk this nice spring day.  He just happened to walk around the hospital, hoping she would be standing at a window somewhere. Nope.  He ate a TV dinner she had bought him and tinkered with his motorcycle and went to bed.   The next day he ate a breakfast that happened to be there from the stuff Taylor had bought, which made him miss her even more.  He went to the church they had visited Wednesday night, partly because he was curious, but mainly to sit next to the chair she had sat in Wednesday night, as if that would make her appear.   Worship was similar to Wednesday night and Brother Mike spoke.  Before he began he saw Bob and in surprise said, "Sir, I wanted to catch you Wednesday night but I didn't. Can  I ask you please to stay afterwards and come up here and talk to me?" That was fine with Bob.  They also had information no one in town had.   The sermon, altar call and closing song over, Bob made his way to the front. Brother Mike came over to him.  "Sir,I want to ask your forgiveness for want it must have seemed like to you Wednesday night.  And on behalf of my wife, for Tuesday. She had Taylor confused with someone else.  Will you forgive us?" Quite the start.  "Sure." "In 2015 I was the youth pastor at Hutton Church." [Hutton is a little village outside of Roosevelt, consisting of a church, half a dozen houses, a gas station and a Dollar General Store. The kids go to Roosevelt schools.] "Small world." "I remember there was a terrible assault on one of the youth at the high school, and there was a prayer campaign for that boy. He made a full recovery.  I recall a number of  news articles even though the family requested privacy.  I remember a Bob being mentioned as a close friend of the assaulted.  You strongly resemble him, and I am puzzled by your companion. She looks like the boy a lot.  That is why I kept looking in your direction.  Not in accusation." "She was him." "Really." "This is the same Taylor people are talking about - who changed from male to female?" "I think she was never a male, actually." "Really.  Well, I didn't build this church by accusing anyone or making anyone feel bad, and I think both those things happened with you and - Taylor.  I want you to know you are welcome here.  If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.  Did you know that over half this church came forward Wednesday night with sexual issues of one sort or another?  You are not alone. Excuse me, that is presumptuous, that you have such issues. I have no right to pry.  But thank you for coming back."   Not bad, Bob thought. Not bad at all.    A quick fast food lunch and he was at the hospital.  Was she being discharged? He was her ride, so they were willing to tell him. He could wait. And he did.        
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Was excited today,my new toolbox has been shipped out,Snap On dealer told me this.It took this long since it was ordered to get it.My other co workers and I were right about the new employee that started yesterday,He was fired this afternoon.Was on his phone again and boss caught him do it.Plus he did call me an offensive word,the C word my boss hates.I did report that to my boss.My boss believes in treating women right
    • Sally Stone
      ss,   I can't say that my image in the mirror has helped me understand why I am bi-gender.  I'm pretty certain the reason I identify as bi-gender  has to do with how I feel inside.  About mirrors though, I do clearly see my inner woman when I look at myself in the mirror.  
    • MaeBe
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The tornado called Taylor ripped through Bob's apartment. After a trip to a laundromat, two trips to grocery stores for cleaning supplies and what Taylor opined were Basic Staples, everything was scrubbed within an inch of its life.  A new dish  drainer with a new hand towel and dish cloth were by the side of the scrubbed out sink; motorcycle parts were in a box under the newly made bed.  Floor, shower, toilet, sink had been hit in the bathroom and new towels hung there the way Taylor liked them. "I don't recognize the place/" "So move out." Taylor was sitting on one of the new kitchen chairs.  There were four of them around the little wooden table.  In the middle was a flower arrangement.  Bob had made his last trip to the dumpster.  Not a pizza box remained. A row of card board boxes with books had been replaced by shelves full of neatly arranged books. "Look at this." "I am not going to do this all the time.  You clean your own place from now on. I am bushed." "Many thanks, babe." "No problem, Big Guy." "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about exercise.  Karate in particular."  He pronounced it ka-ra-tay. "I am a second Dan black belt and there is a certain obligation there to teach other people." "Kara-tay? I don't know." "A friend of mine runs a dojo here and needs my help. He talked to me already.  Tuesday and Thursday night and Saturday mornings." "Oh.  So you will be there then." She looked disappointed. "I'm hoping you will be there." "Sounds dangerous.  But I could use the exercise." "And self-defense would be good. It might help." "It might. Huh.  Saturday morning?" "8 AM I need to be there. Classes run until noon. I don't need to be there the whole time." "Is there an intro class or anything?" "Yes. 10 to 11." "How about if I try that."  She was not very enthusiastic.  Punches and kicks and stuff.   Saturday morning they arrived together.  She wanted to watch the Green Belt class that met then just to see what she was in for. Sensei Mark came to the front of the room, before the big American and Japanese flags. Between them was a picture.  "I am honored to introduce to you Sensei Bob.  He is a second Dan black belt.  He has actually beaten me in tournaments.  I have known him through tournaments.  You will listen to him as you listen to me.   Sensei Bob, take the class. The two sensei bowed to each other.  Sensei Bob pointed out that Sensei Mark had beaten him, as well. Taylor was sort of standing against the back wall, scrunched up, a mouse in her crisp new beltless gi.  Her t-shirt was off white underneath it and she was hoping no one would notice. "I am Sensei Mark. You are Taylor." "Yes, sensei!" she stood at attention and shouted it. He laughed.  "This is not Cobra Kai and we are not in a Karate Kind movie.  You do that here only between bows.  Bob tells me you are a complete beginner." "That is an understatement." "Here, let me fix your gi."  She had it on a little incorrectly.  She drew back. "What's the matter?" "I am pretty touchy." "Okay.  Untie the straps in front and tie them the other way, like mine." "I don't have a belt." "There. That is right. You will get a belt after three months and passing tests on kata, kumite and karate knowledge." "I don't know what that is." "And we touch a lot here.  Not romantically. You see how Sensei Bob is going around and adjusting people's stances and arm locations." "Yes, I see that." No enthusiasm. "You are Sensei Bob's girl, right?" "Yes.  What is important to him is important to me, so here I am."  He wished her well and told her to go see Margie, who handled registration at the little table. "Hi, I heard about you." Margie began. "What does that mean?" "It means we treat everyone here with respect.  That was the wrong way to start." "I'll say. Try again." "Good morning. How can I help you?" "I want to register for the beginner class." "You are Taylor, right?" "Right." "Sensei Bob paid for your lesson today." He would. She gave name, address, age, height, weight, and they came to gender. Margie asked it twice. "Put down female." "The only other choice is male." "Then that is it." "Earlier I was thinking about tournaments, which are big here. The rules are that boys fight boys and girls fight girls - there are Men's and Women's Divisions.  I know you look like a woman, but they go by the birth certificate." This was awkward.  Really awkward.  Down at the other end of the room they were moving in unison when Bob said HAI!, turning, punching, kicking, etc. "I don't plan to go to tournaments.  One step at a time, shall we?" "Okay.  And I meant it when I said respect.  We bow to each other.  You will see. As a sign of honoring other people." Margie bowed slightly, sitting down.  Taylor returned the bow and smiled. The class moved into sparring, breaking into twos and practicing moves against each other.  Bob was moving among the pairs, adjusting positions of hands, hips, feet.  Taylor was unsure about someone touching her like that, her hips particularly.    The green belt class ended as new students came in for the beginners' class. Down at the other end the brown belt class began.  The room was large enough you could do two classes at the same time.   The other beginners, nervous, lined up at Margie's table.  People got into gis, the men in their big area and only woman in the little restroom that was for them.   Sensei Mark greeted them and showed them where to stand: on the little x's on the floor. He explained the School Code.  They would recite it at the beginning of class and they needed to memorize it for the white belt test, at which time they would, of course, receive a white belt. He explained some terms.    They warmed up with some basic, easy stretches.   They learned a kata called Taikyoku Shodan, involving blocks, punches and some movements. This was not bad.   She was now paired off with Judy.  Things were going well and this was not too bad. Judy was sixty years old and had been told to exercise by her doctor.  Taylor said her boyfriend was teaching the other class, which was impressive, and he wanted her involved.   "You remember the gedan barai - downward block?"  They did. Everyone showed him and he went around and made sure everyone had it down. "And the lunge punch?"  They did. "Now we are going to put them together. One of you will punch and the other block it. Okay?"   Taylor squared off against Judy.  Her heart was pounding.  She practiced her gedan barai as Judy practiced her lower lunge punch.  Then they faced each other. "Okay, first partner, lunge punch.  Second partner, lower block.  Slowly.  Go!" Taylor saw the punch coming at her, but instead of blocking it her eyes welled up with tears and she dropped to the floor, weeping uncontrollably. "Oh God, Oh, God, Oh God, make it stop, make it stop" she shouted to parties unseen. Fetal position, rocking back and forth. Crying hysterically. "I didn't go near her," Judy said, bewildered. "Taylor?"  this was Sensei Bob.  Both classes had stopped and were looking at her. She kept crying. "I am here, "Bob told her, not touching.  "Oh Bob you need a wife who can be a real woman to you. I am making you into a monk or something." And she continued crying at full volume. "You need someone better than me, someone who can give you kids." Everyone could hear this.  They were turning away, trying to pretend they could not hear this. "I need to get her out of here and take her." Bob said, and he and Mark bowed to each other. He scooped her up and she bawled into his shoulder.  She clung to him.  First hug ever. Death grip, more like it. "Judy, would you get her things?" "I did nothing," Judy said, and moved towards the restroom, stunned.  "Nothing." "I know what she was wearing," Margie said, and got them. "I've got a gym bag. It 's red and it says Roosters on it. Can you get it? Mark got it.  He accompanied them to the car.  Taylor was non-stop crying deeply, clinging to him for dear life. Mark unlocked the car and together they managed to pry Taylor off of him, even though it took both of them to do it.  She was in the car seat and they managed to buckle her in it. "I am going to take you to your apartment," he said. "No. Emergency room," she said. "Maybe the psych ward."  He didn't doubt it. She calmed down in a few minutes on the way. "Well, that was embarrassing." "Everyone remembers their first day of karate class." "Bob, what I love about you is your sense of humor." "I love everything about you." "Even this?" "Yes. Even this." She managed to walk into the ER.  They were both still in gis. "Karate accident?" "No. I am Taylor and I am a nut. I wear a gi all the time. I make my boyfriend wear one, too." "She had a triggered event.  She's had some difficult times." "I see. Do you you know are bleeding?" "No."  Her crotch was wet with blood and the blood was seeping down both legs. She was wheeled away. "Sir, please wait here." He did.  He had no legal right to see her right now. After a while a nurse came out and said he could come on  back. There she was in a hospital gown.  "Seems like old times." "yeah.  We gotta stop meeting like this." The nurse buzzed around and left them. "They are running tests." "I bet they are." "I got an MRI. On a Saturday morning, too."  First ever. "You rate.  But why?" "They figure some of the old scar tissue - you know, from the- from the past - ripped open and they need to see what is going on." "We know what is going on,"said a doctor, stepping in. He looked at her. "I am Doctor Michaels.  They called me in.  I just happened to be in the building and they wanted me to see this and take the case.  My specialty is Disorders of Sexual Development. But what I am seeing is little in the way of disorder.  Look at this." They looked at the image. "This is a perfectly ordinary uterus." "Uterus?" "Yes, your uterus." "What?" "That is not all.  This is a cervix, and this is a vagina." "It's blocked up." "Yes.  It looks like you had surgery to do exactly that when you were an infant.  They used to do that." "This is me?" "You." "Really?" "I imagine this takes some getting used to. "Can it be undone?" "Absolutely. I mean, I cannot guarantee it, but it is more than likely. I would like to run some tests." "And the bleeding?" "It looks like the hormones you have been taking have kicked of a regular monthly cycle. Then you did a whole bunch of exercise.  Not surprising." "What?" "I want you to come to my office next week for follow-up.  Have you ever had a genetic test of any sort?" "No." "Well, your testes - one looks at first glance more like an ovary." "Ovary. Can I have kids?" "Too soon to tell.  You look happy." She did.  "Bob, you look stunned." "I am." "Given what happened earlier today we want to keep you overnight for observation.  I understand you are a trauma victim and something triggered it." "I got a punch thrown at me in kara-tay class, is all. I am a wimp." "Well, I will let you two talk for a minute and they will come and get you shortly.  No bad news here." "They are coming to take me away, hah-hah, they are coming to take me away," Taylor chanted. "Bob, I am not done with kara-tay.  I want to at least finish a first class. I mean, you paid for it and I want you to get your money's worth." "I think I got that." "Kiss me, you fool,"  she said, and he did, with energy.        
    • April Marie
      These arrived in yesterday's mail. I'm out working in the yard today so just old clothes. I'm looking forward to wearing this t-shirt dress when the weather warms up a bit more.  
    • missyjo
      Ashley I've known busty girls who wore b nice bras tl work n such then like a sift sports bra to lounge or sleep in hugs
    • missyjo
      your nails b hair came wonderful  congratulations  enjoy
    • Willow
      The one thing about this position, if you want more hours just wait and be flexible.  I’m now working until 7:30 pm instead of 4:30.  
    • Ashley0616
      I hope your head cold goes away soon! Sorry you have to cut grass with that.   Love the new t-shirt   I love that one.    What Jeep would you want to get? That is awesome about your wife getting better!
    • Ashley0616
      Welcome Mattie! I would recommend the first step is finding a gender therapist and see if you are or aren't. Then one of the biggest steps if you are do you want to start hormone replacement therapy. The decision should be thought long and hard. There are irreversible effects. Looking forward to your next post! Take care!
    • Ashley0616
      Congratulations on being able to pick up a cancellation! I hope to hear more updates about your transition. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...