Liz gets laser

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Okay so I'm thinking I should share my laser hair removal experience with the class.

I just had my first session of LHR with Karen Marlise Cowles over in Seminole FL. Wait, maybe it's Largo. It's one of those two. Eh you can find her through google.

My experience in a nut shell: IT HURT!

..mind you that's after the emla cream.

So the day started off like any other day. Actually no it didn't. I had been on the road and finally got home at 5am (that's eastern time). My LHR appointment is at noon. After unpacking and moving stuff from the truck, into the car, and into the house, I was one tired little princess. (I'm too young to be a queen, despite turning 36 yesterday) After doing some things around the house...see..some people have 'Honey-Do' lists...we have 'Lizzie-Do' lists. So yeah, after doing a couple things around the house it was about 10am so I hopped in the shower and enjoyed a shower that I didn't have to pay $12 for or get free with a minimum 50 gallon fuel purchase. Omg and my Axe dual-action loofah/scrubber. I could feel the dead skin scrubbing off my body in the shower, it was wonderful.

But I digress, around 11a I started putting on the EMLA cream. I didn't see the part about the dressing until we were in the car but I don't think it really mattered at this point. So I put it on and started rubbing it in. Wait, do I rub it in like lotion or apply it topically like liquid foundation? Well Karen said by the time she sees me, she should see white, so I'm guessing it's topically. Okay, we'll need to put more on then. Don't be stingy with the EMLA, Liz! Generous, Liz, generous. Be as generous with the cream as you are in tipping waitresses. (side note, I'm a good tipper, and I'm not talking canoes)

3 applications (note: not tubes, just applying it 3 times) and now thanks to being a little too generous, I can't feel my top lip. I can still feel some of my face though. Well, since mom's driving I'll put on a 4th coat when we're half way there. Oh another side note, I really wanted to put on some big sunglasses, a scarf and sit in the back seat, out of view from everyone but there's more leg room up front, not to mention the A/C vents. Alright, I'll deal with looking like I'm on the way to a clown audition today.

So we get to Karen's office and she's happy to see me. She looks at my face and is happy with the results. She then tells me to go ahead and wash the cream off which is kind of like trying to wash iodine off your skin. You can scrub and rub and soap and whatnot but it always feels like it's still on. Well anyway, I get the top layer of cream washed off and we go to "The Room" and I sit down on the chair. She gives me the ultra-hip red glasses to wear, while she puts on the green ones. How festive, I love Christmas! Wait, it's August. Nevermind.

We wait a few more minutes for the laser to get warmed up and charged up (Star Trek fans know this is never a good sign when you're about to enter battle and your lasers aren't ready). Karen turns my head to the side and begins to zap away.

Ow..ow..ow..omg that smell...ow..ow..wait that's the smell of my hairs!...ow..ow..this actually kinda hurts..ow..ow..ow..

..omg she's half way through the face..ow..ow..come on, Liz, be a trooper!..ow..ow..grit your teeth, girl..ow..muscle through the pain!

ow..ow...oh...meh..hmm..that part of the neck isn't that sensitive..oh..ow..ow..ok that part is..ow..ow..meh..okay no-pain area again..

Alright, we're done! Oh, wait, hold on. Close your eyes really tight. zap.. right between the eyebrows. since you're going for lady arches we don't want you to ever get a unibrow. (for the record, I never had nor ever intend to get a unibrow, but hey, a free shot of laser in an area I didn't pay for) Oh and before I forget, let's get that area right below your nose because it looks like a hard spot to get with the laser. zap..zap..zap..

..and done. Okay now sit here, I'm going to go get you an ice pack to put on your face. So she comes back with that blue gel ice pack thing that goes in the freezer. Omg it felt soooooo nice against my skin. My skin was red and hot and I probably could have cut a glacier in half with my cheek. So I sat there for what felt like forever just moving the ice pack around my face, cooling everything off and trying to cut down on the redness.

While I was busy installing a sunroof on an igloo with my face, Karen ran my payment and set me up for another appointment in 6 weeks. She told me the first session is on the lowest setting because of the hair density. As the sessions progress and there's less and less hairs, she will increase the intensity to really get those stubborn hairs. All I could think of was "That was the lowest setting?!" shortly followed later with "It's going to get worse from here?!"

Maybe next time I'll do a couple shots right before I go in.

Oh I meant tequila, not basketball.

The End.

p.s. ow.

[Guest Miss_Construe]

Lizzy,

Congratulations!!!

also, with less hair it hurts less. Or course the increase in power makes it hurt about the same.

Still, awesome

April

[Guest NatashaJade]

Like I said on FB, it's a walk in the park compared to electrolysis. I am nothing but happy I did a year and a half of laser first. It's interesting because my laser tech always used the little eye blockers they give you when you tan. They collected my tears fairly efficiently, not but as efficiently as the ones my electrologist uses.

Egad! All this hair removal is torture designed to test us.

Now for all you geeks in the house, to paraphrase Dune:

We Transwomen have a saying: God created hair removal to test the Commited. One cannot go against the word of God.

xoxo

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Dear Lizzie.......

10 years from now....you'll look back at all this and laugh......

But, for now......ow...

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Carolyn Marie]

Lizzie, I've said it before and I'll say it again; you really know how to tell a story! That was a hoot and a half, girl.

It actually does get easier, except for the upper lip, which for me never got one dang bit easier. But I always told the tech, give me "ludicrous speed" because I can take it.

It really is worth it, hon. Someday you're going to look at yourself in the mirror, run your fingers over your smooth face, and go, "Yeeaaaahhh!"

HUGs

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Maria_B]

Lizzy, you are a fantastic writer.

Hilarity comes down to an art, and girl, you da Van Gogh of the Hilarity world.

I'm glad you didn't shrivel up and die, oh, and that those hairs are gonna die.

Love ya.

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Lizzie:

You are The Bomb! How I LOVE your posts. Rock on!

Heck, now I'm SCARED to have laser treatments ... coming up in the autumn for me.

By the way, miss Florida sometimes! Oh, belatedly, Happy Birthday! Princess? You? Heck, yeah!

Peace Lacey

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Okay so it's been 3 days so I decided to shave.

Now even after shaving it doesn't even feel like I shaved.

How long is this stubbly feeling going to last before I'm back to my soft smooth skin again?

[Guest Sarah Michelle]

I missed this one but wanted to say Congrats to you Lizzie on starting laser on your face. It really does hurt but it is well worth it. I have mine done without any numbing cream. I tried the cream twice and really didn't notice any difference. Congrats again and keep the pain coming. LOL