Scared, Afraid, Disappointed, And Confused

[Guest Danielle4Life]

Hello again!

I proud to say that I came out last week to my parents as transgendered, but they reacted in a horrible way and they keep on saying it is "my choice." I am seriously considering MtF HRT, and I mean I am really wanting to do it. I scared that it will change who I am and, in a way, I love who I am except my current biological sex. Another reason I'm scared to do it is because I really want to have children of my own. I have already found the person who I really love (a woman), and she seeing me as a girl helps. But, if I go through with this, I fear I won't have the children. Can anyone tell me what happens to the male sexual organs when a TS girl goes through HRT? Btw, I am really trying hard not to do it and it causes me anxiety and depression. My inner self is trying to come out and it is who I am. I am also a deeply spiritual Christian, and I am scared that I will not go through this journey properly...

[Guest Keiichi-kun]

If you're afraid of not having children you can always freeze some of your sperm for later. There's also plenty of children out there wanting to be adopted but that's your choice.

As for changing, it takes time and before you start anything you have to find a gender therapist. Finding one will really help you figure this all out and will hopefully make your parents understand what you are going through.

[Guest CharliTo]

Well, there are sperm banks that will hold your sperm as long as you pay monthly...you might want to look into that. The only problem is that it costs well over $2000 and usually around $50? or so a month to keep it around... I tried to do it early this year before HRT and I didn't have luck in terms of fertility, but I hope it can be an option for you.

I also do love who I am except my current biological sex too...:3 I still do....if that helps... It's just that other people are telling me that I've brightened up whenever I hang out now, which is kinda neat.

Oh, and as far as your male parts...it'll shrink and you eventually get infertile...so ...you might want to keep that in mind. (especially if you have a girlfriend)

If you are unsure of things...the best you can sort things out, the better BEFORE you start HRT. Starting HRT won't necessarily drive all anxiety and depression away...definitely not a cure-it-all...so if you do go with it, just be prepared mentally, physically, and spiritually. Lots of people find having a gender therapist really great to help reassure who you are, and help you sort things out... I would totally recommend that.

It's a hard decision, so take your time too...but don't rely on something nice falling on your lap also. (Usually won't happen, or it's too good to be true in my own experiences...)

I wish you the best...we support you...just don't do anything illegal, hasty, or dangerous.

[Guest Kitten]

Hello again!

I proud to say that I came out last week to my parents as transgendered, but they reacted in a horrible way and they keep on saying it is "my choice." I am seriously considering MtF HRT, and I mean I am really wanting to do it. I scared that it will change who I am and, in a way, I love who I am except my current biological sex. Another reason I'm scared to do it is because I really want to have children of my own. I have already found the person who I really love (a woman), and she seeing me as a girl helps. But, if I go through with this, I fear I won't have the children. Can anyone tell me what happens to the male sexual organs when a TS girl goes through HRT? Btw, I am really trying hard not to do it and it causes me anxiety and depression. My inner self is trying to come out and it is who I am. I am also a deeply spiritual Christian, and I am scared that I will not go through this journey properly...

It'll change who you are. It'll change your mind a good bit, but none of it's bad. I think a lot more clearly now, I'm less rash and.. Uh.. Ignorantly headstrong than I used to be but it's still there. I'm more shy and timid now, a lot more.. Whereas before I was abrasive and straight forward.. Honestly, when you're changing the hormones in your body, you've got to expect some change. In the end, it's worth it.. I think, anyway.

I did it myself, I am doing it myself. I've never seen a doctor because I'm too poor, I've never gone to a gender specialist and I took no time to do the normal 'protocol' everyone else seems to do. I just one day started taking hormones that I got and did a 360. No one can tell the difference, I figure I'm probably one of the lucky ones, though. Despite how large I was, I did not have masculine features. Now that my body has shrunk so much I'm entirely different from what I was. Frankly, I like it.

I miss my physical strength some times, I really notice the limitations in my muscles now.. Especially being as I'm a Martial Artist, but.. I keep pushing, I keep learning. I adapt everything to what I am now. It works pretty well.

[Guest Rayne]

Hello again!

I proud to say that I came out last week to my parents as transgendered, but they reacted in a horrible way and they keep on saying it is "my choice." I am seriously considering MtF HRT, and I mean I am really wanting to do it. I scared that it will change who I am and, in a way, I love who I am except my current biological sex. Another reason I'm scared to do it is because I really want to have children of my own. I have already found the person who I really love (a woman), and she seeing me as a girl helps. But, if I go through with this, I fear I won't have the children. Can anyone tell me what happens to the male sexual organs when a TS girl goes through HRT? Btw, I am really trying hard not to do it and it causes me anxiety and depression. My inner self is trying to come out and it is who I am. I am also a deeply spiritual Christian, and I am scared that I will not go through this journey properly...

You can store some of your swimmers in a bank, that way you can have children later if you wish. Most importantly, get into therapy. I give everyone this advice and it's sound. It really helps to talk to someone that's objective. Besides, you're going to need letters of recommendation from them anyway if you want to go further, may as well get started on it.

Usually after 8-12 months on estrogen you become sterile. Your equipment doesn't work like it use to...it takes longer to get going.

Next, this is not a choice. If it was a choice for you, it was a choice for them. Ask them if they ever remember choosing to be straight. That usually settles the argument.

As for being a Christian, that is between you and God. I came to the conclusion that this is the way He created me. Fighting this lead to thoughts of suicide, so I had to accept it.

Rayne

[Guest Isobelle Fox]

Get therapy. Find someone to guide you through your feelings and help you with your decisions. Let someone help you understand your options. And above all, take your time and do what is right for you. It always seems to us that we have to act right now and get things taken care of as fast as possible, but in reality, the best progress is made steadily rather than quickly. Your happiness and your health are at stake, so you need to seek help and listen to your heart.

And it really isn't your choice to be this way. Understand that even if others won't, and never beat yourself up over it. There's nothing "wrong" with who you are. You can decide to try to deny or bury it, but a lot of us can speak from experience and tell you that in the long run that doesn't work. No matter what course you choose, its at least important to accept and understand your condition and learn to be a happy person anyway. There are plenty of equally legitimate ways to do that, and a counselor/ therapist can help you find them.

HRT will eventually make you infertile. Thats already been mentioned though, as well as ways to circumvent not having children. Sperm banks and adoption are certainly options.

I'm a Christian, too. Sometimes thats hard under these circumstances. But I figure God knows who I am better than I do. So, if I can't fool myself, I sure can't fool God, and I don't think thats what God would want anyway. The way I see it, its our duty to be not just ourselves, but our best selves. It took me most of my life to figure out who she is, but now I know and being anyone else would be untrue and a waste of the good heart I was given. But as Rayne said, its between you and God. So have a talk, but be ready to listen, and not with your fears, but with an open heart and spirit.

Anyway, I hope things work out for you. Stick around and let us know how things are going!