Food

[Guest Lauren~]

The only real enjoyment I get these days is through eating. I'm notice I'm gaining alot of weight, but I don't know, I can't help it, food is the only thing I look forward to.

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

So many people don't understand that comfort eating is as much of an eating disorder and as serious a problem as other eating disorders that are taken more seriously like anorexia. You've done well to notice and acknowledge that it's becoming a problem for you though Melissa. WTG for that. It's maybe the most important step in dealing with it.

The next important step is asking for help which you've also started by posting. Please consider seeking help from a therapist in finding other ways to cope and other ways to get those positive feelings.

Do you have other hobbies that you've enjoyed in the past that you could consider taking up again? Or maybe ones that you've always wanted to try? How much time do you spend doing simple self caring or pampering things? They could be as simple as a relaxing warm bath with your favourite music playing and nice scented candles lit or a girly evening relaxing alone or with a good friend...a good book, a nice movie, anything that will be a positive experience to practice getting good feelings from something without needing to turn to food to give you the comfort.

Gabe

[Guest Mia J]

Has this only started to be an issue? Our bodies still are in sync with nature. During the fall we instinctively not only eat more but we have a harder time loosing weight as our bodies prepare for the winter. I have had this issue every fall.

Mia

[VickySGV]

Mia has as point, and Gabe's is right on to what I was thinking. You do need to do some serious looking for things that have a chance to keep you from zeroing in on food as your only sense of happiness.

Strange as this will sound though, take a cooking class if you can find one locally, or check with a nutritionist with your families health plan if you have one. Cooking is a good hobby, and since food is best when it is shared with others, its great for taking care of some of your problem of what seems to be loneliness. Learning to cook gives you a different view of food too, and you will find that you can manage your nutrition much better.

[Sally]

Melissa,

Comfort eating is what most eating actually is - we very seldom actually wait to eat until we are hungry, we eat when someone has set as an arbitrary time for our lunch breaks when we are at work.

We eat when we are feeling sad, lonely, or depressed.

We eat when we are feeling guilty as a form of punishment as well as eating to celebrate when something good happens.

Identifying the triggers is the first step toward not eating when your body does not actually require food.

Sadly all of the comfort foods fall into the 'eat in very limited quantities' category.

Good luck - we are on a similar journey - finding a safe passage through the land of the 'all you can eat buffets' in the heart of the Chicken Fried Nation.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Melissa, I can relate. I am such a "Foodie" and have struggled with binge eating all of my life. Between 11-15, I had a serious problem with bulimia and exercise obsession. I wasn't able to get that completely under control until my early twenties. To keep things as balanced as possible, I avoid keeping unhealthful foods in my home. This includes, sugar, chocolate, butter, candy, ice cream, cheese ... basically anything that I can get crazy over board with. These foods are not completely forbidden, I just keep them out of the house. I try to keep delicious fresh, organic fruit in the house and other healthy treats that I am less likely to binge on ... if I do get carried away, it does less damage. Top quality fair trade green tea is a comfort as well ... it is an indulgence that I can feel good about and I seldom have more than two cups, but again if I get to out of control, I just max out my antioxidants that day. LOL. Not too dangerous. Definitely explore other outlets like exercise, artistic projects, quality time with friends, hot baths, anything that nurtures and NOURISHES you in a positive way.

[Michelle 2010]

Two points:

One, I think Juniper is spot on. I don't know about other countries but in the U.S. almost all processed easy to eat food is inexpensive, loaded with fat, salt, sugar, and easily processed carbs(flour). The major manufacturers of such foods are well aware that there is a biologically programmed response that is triggered by such foods. The response, probably based on evolution when humans ate as much as they could because they didn't know when they would eat again, is to eat MORE, once the response is triggered. The solution is not self control once the response is triggered, it is to avoid the trigger completely by eating basic wholesome fruits vegetables and protiens such as cheese and meat, including poultry. This approach took me from 265 pounds to 180 pounds. Each time I reintroduce sugar into my diet I find that I start wanting it t other times of day, not just as dessert, and my weight starts climbing. I eliminate the triggers, and the desire goes away and the weight returns to the new normal.

Second, if reason and logical diet patterns aren't within reach, it could be that food is used to fill "the hole in the soul", much like drugs and alcohol do for some of us. I attend AA meetings and that taught me a new way to fill that need or hole. There is also a program called OA or Overeaters Anonymous which is a twelve step program that functions exactly like AA in that we can learn to be a different person and fill the needs to binge drink or eat by doing different things and thus becoming a different person. It Is a loving and supporting group of people who are not selling products or schemes and make no money in the process. They extend the hand of friendship and understanding to everyone who reaches out. They have all been where many in this subforum are today. The only thing required for admittance is a desire to eat normally, get healthier, and it is important to have an open mind to a new way of looking at life and food. A quick search of the internet will provide information to anyone interested in dramatically changing their lives, a day at a time, and living a healthier and happier life. While I am not a member, I attended a couple meetings to support a friend and was very impressed with the people. They had an inner peace and honest desire to help others, much like the folks I respect in AA.

Best wishes

Michelle

[JJ]

You have been given wonderful advise by all those who have already answered. All I can do is tell you what flipped that switch for me and changed how I felt about food. My life had reached a stage where I couldn't go on and the only comforts I had were eating and reading. I could think of nothing better in life than a good book and a great meal combined. Health problems had confined me to bed for 2 years and I couldn't walk more than 30 ft or stand for more than a few moments. I promised myself I'd change my eating thousands of times-started almost each day on a diet that lasted anywhere from half an hour to four hours and as I ate I always then promised myself tomorrow, or Monday or after Christmas. I'm sure that drill is familiar to many.

I've said before that discovering I was trans changed my relationship with food but that isn't really it. I know exactly when it happened for me. I was depressed-as usual-and listening to a song that had a deep meaning for me for a long time but I never understood what. Suddenly I realized how much I blamed and hated myself for never being able to be normal. Never fitting in or being what I believed I should. For having to always live life one removed and observing rather than letting others in. And then I saw that it was not my fault. None of it. I said out loud to myself "It was not my fault". Not as an excuse but as a forgiveness. I forgave myself. And cried as I had not cried in decades. It was not the last time. But that forgiveness changed everything.

For me, underneath, eating wasn't as much about comfort as I had thought. It wasn't about stuffing feelings-there were elements of that but what it was really about was a slow and acceptable form of suicide. I was aware on some level that every bite was increasing my self loathing. I was punishing myself with food in the guise of pleasure.

I still like food. But not as much as I like me. Oddly enough I didn't go on a diet-I suspect my emotions were too raw for that-but neither did I binge and I lost close to 40 lbs in the next 6 months without any exercise-I was still immobile. Then I decided to transition and I have lost another 100lbs since mid January. I eat healthily and I like what I eat. I have one day a week when I eat anything I want in order to keep up my metabolism but find myself preferring the foods I eat every day instead. And I exercise. A lot for an old guy who couldn't walk till 2 months ago.

What I am saying in all of this is that eating for many of us is more complex than it seems on the surface and I really believe for many there is a strong element of self hatred and self destruction in it as well as the surface pleasure. WHen I lost my self-hatred and blame I lost met craving for food. And never missed it. A therapist can really help with that.

Till you can work it out exercise will really help keep the weight down. There is that terrrible trap where you gain to a point that exercise is miserable and you do less and less. I swam increasing distances and at increasing intensity for 4 months to rebuild my muscles because they would no longer support me on land. Now i hike. Each of us has something we enjoy doing.

I wish you all the luck in the world with changing your relationship with food. As I well know it is actually the worst companion we can have.

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest MeredithL]

Johnny

The worst companion we can have?

YOU BETCHA!

Meredith