Tired of Being Overweight

[Guest MeredithL]

Dear Ones

I am heavily overweight. Even at my height of 6'3" I am roughly 300 pounds over my suggested weight. I have come to the end of my rope in dealing with this. I cannot fit into most of my female clothes. Finding Male clothes so I can go to work is becoming nearly impossible. I can't even order uniforms from the uniform company. My supervisor is now getting on my case about it. My knees and ankles hurt all the time. I have to take a double dose of Ibuprofen just to be able to get through my work day.

I've tried diets and pills,support groups,therapy you name it I've done it. I've even given my money to someone and I still manage to overeat. I'm tired of it. I'm 39 years old. I am afraid that my health will start to deteriorate. I am also afraid that I will not be able to transition until I lose the weight.

I've looked into bariatric surgery but I'm afraid to do that. Going in and messing with my insides? I just can't do it.

I'm at a loss for what to do.

Meredith

[Guest Risu]

Meredith I struggle with this too. Unfortunately I don't think there are many suggestions we can give to answer your troubles, but know you have our love and support.

I am 6'3" also and being heavy really affects my abillity to pass or not pass, plus fat is a very hormonally active tissue and one of the byproducts it can produce is testosterone so less is better for MtFs.

For me, both 6 years ago and now, the only thing to work is weight watchers. I joined their online program, they have forums and community there to help, recipes, recipe builders that use ingredients you have on hand, and I can sign up as a female even though atm I live full time as a male but I am on HRT. Plus no weekly meetings and standing in line there. I can weigh myself first thing in the morning instead of having to starve until 6 at night or later.

Whatever you decide to do, dieting is not just a diet. Its not just something you do to lose weight and stop. It needs to become a more healthy lifestyle. You have to stick with it even when you're done and you reach your ideal weight.

Losing weight is hard. We have to eat to live and so we must face food multiple times a day. I completely understand your struggle and wish I could help more.

Are you seeing a therapist? Have you tried asking them about this? I am an emotional eatter. I am depressed a lot and food became comfort at around 7 or 8 years old. When I get stressed I want to eat. My problem is being "full" to me is being overly stuffed to the point where I am about to pop and when I don't feel like that after a meal I sometimes still feel hungry. Anyway, there is a lot of literature on this subject that may or may not help you. Maybe check with your library and definitely ask your therapist even though eating disorders may not be their specialty I am sure they have some experience with this.

I truly hope you will give tough love (self imposed) and dsicipline a chance before resorting to something like bariatric surgery. Even if you were to have it done it is still possible over time to stretch your stomach again and gain back all lost weight. The key to this is discipline. I see you're sick and tired of this, you want to look and feel better. Hard as it is the only thing someone really can do in this situation is buckle down and beresponsible for what and how much they eat. That is one thing you have absolute control over in your life and I think you're reaching a point where you're definitely ready just in need of guidance.

I stand by weight watchers. If you're responsible with it and stick to it, you can lose weight without excersing outside of work and after a week or so sticking to the plan, spreading out your meals you don't eve n have to be hungry. Dieting doesn't have to starving misery. But that's really all I can say. What works for me may not work for you but if you haven't tried it I highly reccomend it.

It won't be easy but it will be so worth it to lose weight healthily and without surgery. Transition takes time anyway, so why not diet and transition at the same time and when you're done with both, you'll be able to enjoy your new body.

I hope you can find something that will work for you soon, and no matter what keep posting here and we'll keep giving you support.

*hugs*

~Risu.

[Guest KayJo]

Meredith, weight control (obviously) can be dreadfully hard and there are no easy answers. The simplistic answer is - eat less, eat healthy foods, excercise a little every day. But you have to maintain those habits for a long time. I know from my own experience how easy it is to add pounds and how hard to lose them again. And often there is a psychological aspect to why we overeat.

So, i'd say, you need to try to get yourself in a positive place mentally first and accept that its a problem you CAN definitely solve.

Its possible for an adult to limit themselves to ~1800-2000 calories a day and not be starving. For ,me I found if I made myself eat 5 servings of fruit or fresh vegetables each day (which is what we are all "supposed to do") I filled up enough not to want so much of the good stuff (the tasty unhealthy foods). And for many people, working out on a treadmill or in a gym is a huge bore, but I found walking outside every day, even for half an hour (brisk walking mind you) is an easy way to force yourself to excercise without getting bored to tears.

I don't know if that's helpful, I hope it is. Good luck Meredith. Hang in there,

Kay

xx

[Guest DebbieS]

Hi Meredith

First of all I can understand how you feel. I used to have a weight problem purely because I just adhored food (and still do)! My wife and mother-in-law also have weight problems. One even had a whole chunk cut away and it's growing again.

You have obviously tried many things and feel frustrated. It is my experience in life (and I have lived long enough to have loads) that if you want something really bad enough, then you go and get it. I know you may feel angry at that somple somment and that it sounds trivialising, but it is true in it's simple form. Let me give you an example before you dismiss it. I was once in a sales organisation of 12 people. The head of the group who was a very successful person, used to meet with us individually, very regularly. In the entrance to the office was a display board showing who was succesfull that month. I was never on it. One day in our meeting he tried to understand why I was performing when I wanted to sooooo much. He was trying to find my 'hot buttons'...things that would drive me to succeed. Asked about posh cars and villas, I simple said that money had never driven me (unlike others who wanted Ferraris and such), but the thing that really bugged me was never having my picture on the display, and therefore not getting attention through being one of the best....a recognition thing. He simple said to me that he knew I really really wanted to achieve, but, looking me in the eye intensly asked me "but just HOW MUCH do you want to succeed?" He knew. He could read me. he knew that although I really wanted it, I did not want it bad enough to move heaven and hell. It's one of the things, if not the thing, that drives successul people. It was at that point that I understood about me and what I should be doing, or not doing. I left sales to work in more social roles.

I guess what I am saying to you is that I have no doubt you hate your size, and that you really want to do something about it. But, I have to ask you, by just how much?? Your determination will dictate whether you eat that pizza or have a salad. We choose these things !

I adhore food but I could not stand my size so much (particularly being on a trans journey), that I HAD to do something...and I am.

As it happens I have a spreadsheet with tracks (paths) on it to follow...a realistic one that will last forever. This will not be one of those fads that once achieved, is dumped. It's a change of lifestyle. Against advice I weigh myself every day and mark it up against a track on that spreadsheet. It is me against the graph and it will not win !!! If I have a social (more food) weekend, and put on a couple of pounds, then I battle harder the following week in order to get back on track.

If somebody could tell me how to attach the spreadsheet, then it could be another tool for you (although you will have to change the weight ranges). It may help.

Take care.

Debbie

[JJ]

While I can only really talk about what has made the difference for me and the lessons I have learned in losing over 140lbs this year at age 64 maybe some of it will help. I know how it feels to start each day with a promise that today will be the day I change. Or the next meal. Or Monday. Or the day after Christmas. And of course New Years. And fail over and over and over again.

You've probably heard this before but the real key is in your relationship to food. It's too simplistic to say when I decided to transition I found my key and yet it is true in it's way. I could never look like the man I was at that weight and shape. Truth be told I didn't think I even looked human anymore. And a physical injury and illness had put me in bed for 2 years so that I couldn't walk more than 30 feet anymore and couldn't stand without a walker. Last Christmas Wal-Mart was out of electric carts and none came in for the whole time my family did their main Christmas shopping. I missed it. Sitting on a bench hoping no one could see me cry. And I knew it was my last Christmas too. Yet that didn't trigger a diet or a change. Just the opposite really.

As far as I can say the day I completely committed to becoming what I had to be or die trying I started asking myself a simple question before I took each bite. "Do I really want that?" The answer was no. But that is simplistic too because I also had to forgive myself for all the other failures in my life from weight to not living up to potential. I really wasn't my fault till I knew what was wrong. And I actually became proud that I had survived at all. Almost all people my age and gender who have not transitioned are gone many believe. And gender had not been my only challenge. What mattered wasn't what had been but what I could still do and be.

The other important realization was that food was my only real connection as the real me with my body and the world. Food is gender neutral. And it won't let you down (Or so it seems -it is actually attacking rather than comforting with every excess bite). Food is a way to experience your body that as yourself. Sure you beat yourself up for eating but it's like the world has done that for everything with that pervasive sense of wrongness we suffer from anyway. I had to make a conscious decision to mentally move back in to my body and say-"This IS me. Now I need to fix it". Those realizations changed my relationship with food completely.

But that alone wasn't going to do it. I joined Livestrong.com so I could monitor exactly what I ate. I feel that is part of taking responsibility for your eating and for me is absolutely necessary. I had calorie books memorized from the years of fighting weight yet I would be way off if I kept it in my head. Going there every day kept me on track and reinforced my commitment every day. I found seasonings and foods I like. I found Quaker Chewy Granola Bars (90 calories but lots of fiber and begins to feel like a candy bar )at Sams that for me are a mainstay because I now swim 2 miles a day at very vigorous pace in summer or hike 3-4 hours a day (the swimming had to come first to rebuild muscle I had lost) after the swimming season is over and a 1,000 to 1,200 calorie a day nutrition level won't sustain that kind of exercise unless you eat something like a bar right before or in the case of hiking in the middle of the activity. I don't think most people will need anywhere near that level of exercise but I am 64, with the fatigue of Fibro and Lupus so I have to keep my metabolism up.

I make a large pot of chicken vegetable soup that I have every day. I change the recipe a little each time so it doesn't get too old. I eat a yogurt each day-it has become a real treat actually- to keep calcium up and because of all the flavors. I eat a grapefruit and a Dole fruit cup every day. The fruit cups are amazing frozen and I start the day with bacon, toast and a bar. Yup bacon. Need it to stabilize blood sugar. Of course all that stuff except the fruit cup and bacon are light. For supper I have a big salad-Sam's salad greens is is the only way I have the money to do that-with cherry tomatoes, peppers, onions, olives and fresh mushrooms along with whatever else I made that fits into the days goals. I make my dressing with vinegar, mustard and lots of sweetener (I like it though it sounds horrible)Often a Michelina's or Lean Gourmet or Banquet dinner. Have a rule that they have to have under 300 calories and 20g or less of fat. That gives me a chance to get a lot of variety without trying to cook all the time though I do cook.I found lean pork can be as low cal as chicken and better than beef. When I go fast food I go Taco Bell's light menu or Subway. Leave off the high cal mayo-they have a Ranch that is better and about 1/10th the calories. Those things work for me and my tastes. I feel full and am not deprived. You have to find what fills and satisfies you.

Very, very importantly I take one day a week-my eating day-when I eat anything I want with no guilt and no counting. Keeps me from cheating. I change the day around so it falls on celebration days. Or holidays. In nearly 11 months I haven't cheated. Not once. This isn't about giving up anything for me. It is about getting something. And it is working. At age 64. I can't express what it has meant in my life. It is a miracle really. And I WILL see this Christmas. Joyously. My heart is no longer having the problems it was and my body is getting stronger rather than shutting down. People who know me well though haven't seen me in a few months -like my next door neighbor of 7 years-even refuse to believe me when I tell them who I am. I have to convince them.

If I can do this others can. What works for me i just a guideline. I mention it because it may be something you like. You have to teak it and you'll hit plateaus even so because water too often replaces fat and the body will hold on to it. Water weighs more than fat. I went a month without losing anything at one point-and lost 15lbs in 2 days I just kept at it because i knew I was eating and exercising enough not to go into starvation mode so the weight had to come off. Biological fact. It did..

I have been on T for the last 7 of those 20 months. Which makes it harder and easier. Harder because T makes most people hungry. Me for sure. I learned to deal with it-also because the body tends to want to put on muscle rather than take off fat. But it doesn't have any choice at the right balance of nutrition and exercise. Since I had to completely rebuild atrophied muscles and muscle weighs more than fat my actual fat lots would exceed 145 lbs by quite a lot. Easier because muscle burns more calories than fat and it helped give strength back to my atrophied muscles. The Dr had thought it was hopeless. Love proving them wrong

And one last caveat-when it does start working there is that huge temptation to skip the eating day or take the calorie level down more, etc. Don't. You can go into starvation mode and shut you metabolism way down. You feel awful, and end up having to eat more but in starvation mode it will go straight to fat. Biological reality. Also it is agreed among nutritionists and the medical community that 1000-1200 calories a day is the bare minimum that can be safely eaten. My only argument with livestrong is the program lets you go below that and none of the other programs I know about will let you set a goal below 1000 calories a day. But livestrong is the easiest to use and has the largest database of foods.

Sorry this I so long. Kind of a big subject. I also taught nutrition for 15 years as a part of my job by the way. Wasn't so large then. There is a long story behind how that happened but it did. Now I'm taking care of it. You can too. You really can. Without the very dangerous surgery too. Find your key and the path that suits you. Make it a positive choice for something and not about denial.

If you want to PM me please feel free.

Hope this helps some..

Johnny

[Guest Breena]

Sorry Meredith I don't agree with all that advice. Its helpful but doesn't fit every one. Was does fit is whats your problem. What is causing you to over eat and eat wrong. Why are you using food as comfort. You don't answer this and don't fix it you won't or keep the weight off. CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I started at 12 yrs old amongst the heinous abuse I was receiving from both parents some 45 yrs ago and all on my own, this totally amazes my Psychologists.

2005 5 '7" at 325 I said enough, for the first time about my weight. I then and later just didn't gain any more weight. Granted I was totally buffed because of my occupation , wasn't to much wiggly fat. Yes you will get type 2 diabetes and high blood pressure and other obese symptoms. I never saw a therapist about my weight. I did see a nutritionist some 15 yrs prier but didn't help and I gained another 70 lbs. I did try redux some 15 yrs ago with my Dr and didn't work to well because I was still mad. I didn't fix what was wrong with me. It could be a combination of factors. Understand why you do and the triggers that cause you to fail. Only then you can forgive yourself, like in the book "Invisible Heroes" by Belleruth Naparstek , survivors of trauma and how they heal.

This Psychologist Dr uses guided imagery for coping and healing techniques and in one of those cd's that I have the Phase hits home only to hard. I know that in time I will be able to except my sorrow, release my pain and forgive myself. Sorry if this is not word for word but the concept is right. Until then you will be for the most part healed.

Now I have lost 115 lbs and exercise I am stuck and I need to work harder and got loss to attend to and the onset of symptoms of PTSD. ITS hard work but I will prevail to loss another 70 lbs more. I have a full mental plate to fix AGAIN to focus on myself. I can't lose 180 in a yr or two I am totally disabled but I find what works for me. I teach and retool my brain with some innovative techniques to cope and heal. Also you need to adopt a new life style as to not go backwards.

Breena.

[Guest Breena]

MISQUOTE From the cd is " More and more I know that a time is coming, when I will except my sorrow, release my anger and forgive myself".

Breena.

[JJ]

Realized that I left somethingout-I know -as long a that post was doesn't seem possible. But there are a couple of things really and one is very important. The important one is NO EXCUSES.

None. Zip. Zero. Ever.

Because if you find an excuse to eat one day you'll find more and more. As sure as the sun rises and sets once you give it it's inevitable that eventually it'll all be over. At least it's that way for me. Took a lot of experience to learn that one. Pretty well goes for anything you have to do in your life but with eating especially so. Not if my best friend wants to take me out to dinner at the best restaurant in the state (They will have a salad and a soup so I can go anyway) or if I am feeling a little under the weather or a neighbor drops by with a plate of cookies. Because that one excuse can end my dream and maybe eventually my life. Nothing is worth that. Nothing. When you know you won't give in no matter what then it is much, much easier.

And the second thing is if you do slip don't write the day off and binge. Wish I had a dollar for every time I did that in the bad old days. I have learned that if you are craving a donut till you can't focus properly on anything else then buy one, take a nibble and throw it in the trash. Then get on with your day. What! Throw it in the trash! Yes. I felt so guilty the first time I did that. I mean starving kids in Somalia may have been saved by that donut I wasted right? So why are they any better off if I eat it instead and feel bad and damage my body and self esteem? It's better off in the trash than on my hips. Nor did I waste the money if the bite satisfied my craving - I don't have any moral obligation to wolf down all of everything I buy when throwing it away is a better solution.

Find the key first as I said. Then find what satisfies you and keep scrupulous account and lastly never ever make exceptions or excuses. Believe it or not it gets easier. It does become a habit. Now I can take a nibble of a candy bar I crave and put it in a bag and save it for my eating day. Not even tempted anymore. But that takes awhile. Better to throw it away instead or it can call you like a siren song.

It is ridiculously simple and so very hard. But it is doable.

I'm living proof.

Johnny