Started Out Okay But Turned Into Somethin' I Needed To Get Out, Apparently.

[Guest amie]

Are you a girl like myself inside and grew up during the 80’s and did this period/decade lapse on or around your “heyday?” Allow me to start by sayin’ that overall this was a truly wonderful time to grow up (in terms of era) for a multitude of reasons many of which I’ll generously offer on a later date if asked. Anyhoo, I was born in 71 which had me graduating high school in 89, right? Well, early on as a child, pretty much as far back as my abbynormal brain can perform in memory, I desired to be a girl. I’m certain I’ve mentioned this before but what I may not have mentioned is that I also desired to be a very pretty girl. Growin’ up as a little one I was surrounded by them: My neighbor Carolyn (about 6 years older than I) whom I preferred to play with over all kids in the neighborhood, My cousin Tonya who was also very pretty and the foster kids my aunt took in; none of which could be reasonably rated anything less than cute on anyone’s scale. The youngest of these girls was five years older than me. I would often interact with several my own age or there about, a couple from down the street and others who were friends of the family. So, already this wantin’ to be a girl thing is something other than pleasant and very confusing. Remember watchin’ an older girl in your life then apply makeup, do her hair n’ that alike and feeling somewhat fascinated by the whole thing? One of the things that stands out from watching that particular activity is how all in the area respected her space. I wasn’t sure why at the time yet always thought it was rilly cool. I started dabbling with the clothes n’ makeup thing quite early. Not near as much with the makeup simply cause I sucked at the whole thing and still do with one of ‘em be it crème foundation. I would throw lipstick in there with the foundation but I’m actually quite good with that just hate the feel it brings along. Okeedokee, Let us fast-forward to where all the fun just intensifies supercrappidly, shall we? As if my situation weren’t tantalizing enough in that I’ve dreamt all this time I were a pretty girl, I also had begun to try n’ harden myself stemming much by influence (which often involved ridicule) from my too alpha, a-hole father and thinkin’ I should try n’ make this boy thing work theorizing at times that I was afflicted with some extremely rare form of possession I’ve heard no one ever speak of. Maybe I had a little demon girl inside of me and I should try to get rid of her? So the early to mid-80’s are here and this is THE worst time to be a transgendered girl who feels the way I do. The girls in school have begun to express themselves as young ladies and I’m hellajealous I’m not a physical member of this privileged group of people. This was like having part membership in some esteemed party with none of the benefits. In addition, I had to pretend I was interested in them sexually so as to get picked on a little less than what I already did. My natural mannerisms would too often bleed from me and I’d inadvertently pose as an easy target for the deriding from some unbeknownst, testosterone-poisoned boy. All the while I’m reluctantly tryin’ to devise a means to feel interest for them; force-fabricate expected social interaction with the opposite sex? Splendid! Let the [ i]good times roll.[/i] Anythehellhoo, this was a period in which most every girl it seemed be it in school, down the street, on Mtv, etc. made (AS IF I WASN’T ALREADY AWARE) bein’ a girl look to be where it’s at. Not only was a woman’s level of accepted expression at an all time historic high, it was also an era custom built for the pretty girl. If you were an attractive girl back in the late 80’s the fashion industry/clothing trends did everything but gently lift you from bed and dress you each morning. Keep in mind, I was not much above knee biting size when I begun to feel this way and slowly started realizing I would rather do those things. And now, well into puberty and rilly hatin’ every aspect I’m certain your all aware of, I hafta bare first-hand, comin’ atcha live from hell, witness to a girls age of zenith liberation. I place a great deal of emphasis on treatment as well and this only serves to make my situation a dual-turbo #ss-kickin’, right? So to help gift-wrap this whole nightmare I get to watch all the guys treat some of these girls like angelic royalty at God’s Daily Spoiled Lil’ Angel Prom/Homecoming Dance. Ahh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I’m sitting here lookin’ at this computer thinkin’ of chickening out but I hafta post this. One of you may be able to relate and if no don’t sweat it. I just wanna know that maybe I attempted to theraputacall myself out, so to speak and clear a path for suggestion and perhaps maybe even better still, make a total #ss of myself by posting and maybe see/derive something posi-constructive in that? Yu know, I realize now (actually have for a while to be honest) why I’ve always made effort to keep the whole dressing n’ doll-up sessions thingee to a minimum. It’s something I’m well in control of but can only express in private for fear of bein’ laughed at like I’ve already experienced. And it’s not only the expression through dress but being content with the appearance of your flesh, you realize? Here just recently, my boss had a lady guest in from out of town and was entertaining her in “All inclusive,” (or all insertive) I guess you could say? Anyway, I walked in the suite early one morning and apparently they thought I had gone for the night n’ day, right? Well, as I started back to my room she’s walking back to Justin’s room from the bathroom in her birthday suit and upon glance, simply covered her nipples with the ends of her fingers and giggled, “oops, oh my God” before moving through his door at the same pace when first seen. At that very moment had I a high caliber pistol in my hand I would’ve French kissed the muzzle and gave the bullet our first and last oral sex experience. I was so angry I could’ve eatin’ an I-beam and pooped out a crate of roofing nails. Gosh darned it! Why couldn’t the girl in my heart and mind be someone less coveting? Sometimes I feel I would have been far better off had I been born blind. At least this way, I’d only feel like poop and I wouldn’t hafta look at them. I know most every decent-looking girl I pass must think I’m some super-ultra super gay hero or something cause I instinctively nowadays turn my head in the other direction when passing. I’d rather not look at’em. The less I look, the less intense the envy. Okay Girls, I’m gonna get off here before I get on the whole God-hatin’ kick or somethin’. Maybe a rilly hot shower, a potent sleeping pill and a couple of nice n’ warm blankeez will do the trick. Thanks for reading, Ladies. Love n’ Peace B withyu’all.

[Guest Nekomata]

My childhood was in the 80's, so I can't really relate.

I understand. But remember there are probably some genetic girls out there that had the same desires as you, but they might have been born rather ordinary looking. We have to do the best with what we were given. Only a lucky few were dealt the perfect hand of cards, and if they were, they rarely realize it or take it for granted.

[Guest amie]

My childhood was in the 80's, so I can't really relate.

I understand. But remember there are probably some genetic girls out there that had the same desires as you, but they might have been born rather ordinary looking. We have to do the best with what we were given. Only a lucky few were dealt the perfect hand of cards, and if they were, they rarely realize it or take it for granted.

And those who abuse privelage deserve severe consequence. May they suffer greatly for their failure to recognize and take advantage of such.

[Guest silverpetals]

And those who abuse privelage deserve severe consequence. May they suffer greatly for their failure to recognize and take advantage of such.

no offense, but...what an extremely weird thing to say.

[Guest Rayne]

No need to explain, sis. I grew up in the 80's as well and it was a WONDERFUL time to be a girl!!!

Big hair, big clothes, bright make up, the fashions were great and it was really unique. I hate that I was a guy and missed out on it.

[Guest Sofiadragon]

I was born in '79 so I know how cool & also uncool things were back then I really wish that I had been born a girl also back then 'cause my sister was always wearing some pretty neat stuff back then.

[Guest julia_d]

I remember the 80's.. Boy George and all that crew breaking the taboos for the second time. I'm old enough to remember the mid 70's too.. when it was really a culture where you had to be brave and then keep your head down.

I didn't really like the 80's.. but that's probably more to do with where I was stuck living and the strikes and destruction of our whole way of life. I left school into a town which lost 60,000 jobs in 6 months with the collapse of the textile industry.. Not much to celebrate.

I have always been a bit of a "hippy chick" type so I didn't fit with the yuppies and the suits and all that style/image/success rubbish.. I'm a flower child and a bit of a revolutionary so I didn't like that Thatcherite conformist thing that was going on..

On balance I think the best decade I have experienced for clothes and styles is the one we are in right now.. where you can do pretty much what you want without too may comments because the "uniform" of the masses is yob.. and they just look conformist, manipulated and sad in their stripes and baggies.. hehehe.

For the last bit.. well she wasn't coy was she.. Wonder how much she took him for

[Guest amie]

no offense, but...what an extremely weird thing to say.

Extreme indeed, Dear. Extremely angry. Hell, I'll take extremely wierd as well. I'm by no means offended. It's my experience that the more "wierd" one is, the closer they are to that of a true individual. But no, I cannot stand to see abusive or neglect of privelage. It just burns me to a crisp. And why shouldn't one pay for urinating away a special gift like the one mentioned???