"I'm transgendered" reactions

[Guest klgerard]

I was fully aware when I came out to myself and realized that I would have to tell the world of who I really am that there would be the people that would accept me and those that did't, and every bit in between. You try not to assume that this person or that person will accept it, but you naturally make at least priliminary assumptions. I'm kind of bummed this morning after hearing back from one of my brothers. He lives in Switzerland and isn't the easiest person to get a hold of, so I sent him a lengthy email telling him most everything. I assumed of my two brothers he would be the most accepting, and along with my sister, two of my three siblings that would accept it best. It turns out that the other brother, the one that I thought might have the worst response had the best response and was the most supportive of the three, and the other brother will eventually accept, but will take considerable time on his part. You never can tell what people will think.

On a second note, it is understandable, yet saddening when everyone thinks you're just having a midlife crisis or it's just a phase. I guess it shows how well I hid and beat into submission these feelings I've had since I was young. I'm 32 now and finally coming out and saying this is who I want to be. I understand their reactions, just wish it were better. For me, I bottled this up for so long, that when I finnaly said "enough of this" and came out, the flood walls were opened wide. Growing up in such a conservative family, when the the thought of being trans was still unheard of I thought I was defective. Now, though some of the reactions I get are disheartening, don't care who knows, because I know who I am now and I want to make it clear to the world that we, the transgendered population are a natural part of society, doing this because we must if we ever want happiness.

Ellie

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Excellent point at the end about how we "transgendered population are a natural part of society, doing this because we must if we ever want happiness."

Strange. Your anticipated reactions from your brothers flip-flopped. You never know. All we can do is present ourselves as we truly are and hope for support. We never get real understanding though. It may be impossible for someone who is NOT gender dysphoric to understand us at all... I mean we can't accept our bodies? That's a bit impossible to them to comprehend.

Lizzy

[Guest CLAIRE100]

It's hard that when we grow up in large families we become so used to a type of unconditional love that we just come to exspect that love at all times, and then when we don't experience that love from family members when we most need it really hurts. I spent most of my 60 years of my life hiding the truth about myself from everyone around me, and only recently have I told anyone other than my therapist about my feelings, I told my aunt who was like a second mother to me, when I was finished she told me she really wasn't surprised, and she told me to do what I had to do and that she would support me any way she could. You have to be true to your own feelings, I wish I had at an earlier age, you have only one life to live , the best way to do that is to live it the way you want making yourself happy, and comfortable in your own skin and being true to yourself.

[Guest MiraJ]

I soooo agree with you Elizabeth. It is impossible for someone whos not in our boat to grasp all of that. They can try to understand and be supportive, yet they cant see what we see/feel. Which is totally understandable.

I do get surprising reactions from friends and family myself.

Huggs

Mira

[Guest Ney'ite]

This is so true that so many times, we are already second-guessing those in our lives who will be receptive, who will not, etc. And so many times it is just the opposite. There were a few at work who I just KNEW would have a problem. Reality? No one did, including the few I just knew would. Same with family - the one person I had NEVER suspected would have a problem with me, in fact, did. And this one person is mentally challenged on top of it, so I never suspected it would have bothered them. Now, over 2 years later, they are perfectly fine and come and visit for a few days and have a great time. You never know - you really don't.

Yes, I have heard the mid-life crisis thing, too. That and it has been suggested by well-meaning ones that what if instead I got injections of T rather than E? Maybe that would have helped? Lizzy had a good comment when she said:

...

It may be impossible for someone who is NOT gender dysphoric to understand us at all... I mean we can't accept our bodies? That's a bit impossible to them to comprehend.

...

[KathrynJulia]

This is an amazing thread with some incredible observations. It has only been in the last 20 years or so that medicine has caught up and is being used to change our lives for the better. Back to the 1950’s, 1960’s and 1970’s the technics to feminize us and allow us to live as women was in its infancy. Society and the medical community misunderstood us and labled us as disfunctional and sexual deviants. In the past twenty or so years, it is becoming more and more possible for those of us to come out of the shadows and live our lives like we have always dreamed of. By doing so, we’re going to be accepted by some people and maybe misunderstood by a few others. In another 20 to 30 years hopefully society will become educated and comfortable with our choice to live as our true selves and accept us as genuine. That we don’t have a choice in transitioning in order to be happy. I look back twenty years and there are so many amazing changes in our society. I see more acceptance of diversity and someday perhaps we will achieve complete acceptance of our community. I dreamed of transitioning for so many years and now it’s happening. I also dream of the day when people who misunderstand us, won’t use violence against us. But will just accept the fact we have the right to exist and be happy people without living in fear. Hugs everybody, we are arriving. We are pioneers. Kathryn

[MackenzieB]

This is so true that so many times, we are already second-guessing those in our lives who will be receptive, who will not, etc. And so many times it is just the opposite. There were a few at work who I just KNEW would have a problem. Reality? No one did, including the few I just knew would. Same with family - the one person I had NEVER suspected would have a problem with me, in fact, did. And this one person is mentally challenged on top of it, so I never suspected it would have bothered them. Now, over 2 years later, they are perfectly fine and come and visit for a few days and have a great time. You never know - you really don't.

Yes, I have heard the mid-life crisis thing, too. That and it has been suggested by well-meaning ones that what if instead I got injections of T rather than E? Maybe that would have helped? Lizzy had a good comment when she said:

...

It may be impossible for someone who is NOT gender dysphoric to understand us at all... I mean we can't accept our bodies? That's a bit impossible to them to comprehend.

...

That's exactly what happened to me when I "came out" to everybody. People at work who I thought would preach to me about my upcoming Eternal Damnation turned out to be the strongest supporters. I only lost one friend who I hadn't seen in about 15 years anyway. So no heart breaker there. Still haven't told my sister and I just may not. She's pretty much a hard core borne again thumper.