Public Vs Picture

[Ivy]

I just embrace my age.   I went through a lot to get here.

[Aggie1]

This is a fascinating thread spanning a decade! Love the way you describe the natural tendencies we have, the “lazy brain”, @VickySGV. Also the way we can see different things in people depending on the circumstances. I was thinking the other day of conversations where someone says “you have your mother’s eyes” to a boy or “your father’s chin” to a girl. It can make you look at someone through gender colored glasses. I remember my aunt who was rather masculine in her presentation, short hair, strutted rather than walked, repeatedly pointing out that I took after my mother’s side of the family. At the time it felt like I was being excluded from my birthright. Especially since I did not get along with my mother at all and enjoyed going on trips with my aunt whenever she visited. Interestingly enough, the first time I put on makeup and lipstick my reaction was, omg, I look like my mother! Now that I look back I realize there was much more going on than just a family resemblance. The secret female side of me was spilling out at a very early age and I worked hard to repress it. It would only get expressed in private where I was certain it was top secret special compartmented information.

 

Now that I’ve been on HRT for nine months and have come out to my immediate family and been accepted im enjoying the euphoric feeling that I get from estrogen flowing through my veins. Not sure if that’s what it actually does, but I can certainly feel something coursing through my body that feels good. I don’t know if I will ever “pass” in “stealth“ mode but the outward and the inward are aligning closer every day which is a wonderful feeling. I watch Jeopardy Amy and YouTube videos of Jackie Rabbit and the stories unfolding every day on this forum and I think maybe one day in the not too distant future…

 

For now, it’s enough!

[Abigail Eleanor]

I love this thread! Haven't had time to read all of it yet but thank you thank you thank you @VickySGV for starting it. It feels like a bit of pressure is off now that you've pointed out the concept of "lazy brain" and context. Lots to ponder. 

[Rianon]

Does anyone else have the same sort of phobia about photos that I do? I was as "weird" in the "old days" about photos of Boy-Me and Young-Adult-Male-Me as I have been in all the years since about Rianon-Me. Photos spook me; they always have. And ducking photos these days, with everyone walking around with their photo-ready smartphones, is challenging. It seems when I first joined this forum and was doing my profile – when I saw I had an opportunity to include a photo, I thought, "Uh-oh." What photo did I have I wouldn't mind attaching to my forum profile? None was the answer. LOL Then, at lunch with one of my oldest T friends, I brought up the question of photos. She said, "Oh, Rianon, surely you have one decent photo somewhere." So, I went home and looked. The only photo I could find (believe it or not) was in an archive issue of the old Tapestry magazine (1983). (Does anyone remember Tapestry?). I copied the photo and put it in a "safe" place far from prying eyes.  And there it will stay! 😁 –Rianon 

[VickySGV]

At one time I did have copies of Transgender Tapestry, but I no longer have them, they went to a good home in a TG archive.  Being part of the Trans performing arts groups I am, I can't avoid having pictures taken so separating the bad from the good is an impossible dream.  Be as private as you need to be on that.  If I have taken a picture of some person who asks me to delete them, that is fine with me.

[Rianon]

21 hours ago, VickySGV said:

Being part of the Trans performing arts groups I am, I can't avoid having pictures taken so separating the bad from the good is an impossible dream.

Hi, Vicky

I, too, have bundles of photos from my stage work –– well, I don't have them; others do. All I have is my one 8x10 resume photo. What astounds me is hearing from a long-distance friend calling to tell me she found my photo and an ancient play review mentioning me in some newspaper's online archive. Once you launch a photo –– or anything, for that matter –– into cyberspace, it's there for all time. LOL

Cheers!
Rianon

[Charlize]

Funny how time has changed my feelings about being me.

Earlier i was mostly concerned with passing.  it is still lovely when it works but at the same time I'm not terribly upset when i'm sired.  Sometimes i will correct folks but usually it slides off my (broad) back.

I have been working towards accepting the photos of me from the time before.  They do come up.   It was part of my life.  He wasn't such a bad dude just had so many secrets and fears.  I've got to love him and me as well, part of who i am.

Oddly it seems to help others to accept themselves.  This being trans is a process and i hope I'll never have to hide who i am again.  Stealth is lovely but not the end all of being myself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Rianon]

3 minutes ago, Charlize said:

I've got to love him and me as well, part of who i am.

That's a beautifully balanced way of seeing things, Charlize!

 

Rianon

[Ashley0616]

I'm really hoping I can pass as a woman when I finally come out. I know that I'll have to get a chocker to cover my Adam's apple. I can't wait till that is gone. I can somewhat hide it. I'm sitting at 6' 217 pounds so I might pass as a big girl. I'm saving up for my wardrobe and breasts and graff. It costs a lot but I'll get there eventually. Makeup seems to be an art so I hope I can succeed in that aspect.

[DeeDee]

@Ashley0616 Your biggest asset will be confidence. I spent so much time worrying about all these sorts of things, when I'm nervous my voice goes too high into falsetto which gives me away, but unless you draw attention to yourself most folks won't notice or care, very few people get paid enough to care that much about gatekeeping even if they don't like us.

I'm 5'7 and over 220lbs, I used some small fillets and a push up bra when I first started going out, but am now just using a normal padded/push up - my breasts are too small for someone my size, but a gaff isn't really needed unless you are wearing something super tight like a swimming costume. I will always need a wig, but all my friends know I'm bald and so seeing what new hair I've bought has become a part of the conversation with the girls the same way someone else getting their hair done does.

Just like with any woman, outside of personal safety, the only reason to get any of these things is to help with your self confidence - just smile and be yourself, it sounds like a cliché but it is just so true!

[gemmalouise]

Fantastic thread, I read some of you were almost scared to go out of the house before, and now looking at the avatars you are all looking great, and living the lives you are entitled to.  May I call that progress, I guess that's what it is. 

[LaurenA]

Surprisingly one of my favorite photos of myself is from an era where I was more male but dressing androgenous Ah the clues you realize long after they happened 😄.  Maybe after my FFS heals I'll post it as a before picture.