I have my start date for IDP

[Guest Emily Ray]

I met with the lead therapist for the Intensive Day Program and she gave me a start date of Wednesday next week if everything goes to plan. I am pretty sure I don't want to do this! Now that the day is finally set I am very anxious about the whole thing! I can think of a million reasons why this isn't necessary. And like any addict I want to restrict all the more knowing that I might have to give it up soon.

Huggs

Emily

[Carolyn Marie]

I wish you all the best, Emily. I hope the program offers what you really need.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Svenna]

You'll do great, Emily, I know it!

From one addict to another, I know letting go HURTS, but is is what we must do to be well...

You'll be fine, find something constructive to do to occupy yourself in the meantime, something positive for yourself or even better, for others...

This is just one more step towards being free to be the best Emily you can be. Embrace this CHANCE to CHANGE...okay?

Love ya! Svenna

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

It's really tough to let go of an addictive behaviour but I believe you can do it Emily. I hope the program helps you.

Gabe

[Svenna]

Emily,

How are you doing, sweetie?

Only a few more days to go, fingers crossed!

Love, Svenna

[Guest Emily Ray]

Well, just as I predicted I am restricting. Friday and Saturday I only ate about 700 calories each. While this isn't as bad as I can get it is not anywhere near where I am supposed to be headed.

Tomorrow I meet with the Doctor who will be following me during IDP weekly. I am quite sure that will go well, but I have some concerns with how the goal weight will be established. Since I have lost such a great deal of muscle mass over the past two months picking a simple historical weight may not be the right answer. I am also worried that if I point these realities out they will just dismiss them as "ED" thinking. I don't honestly think it is and if they can answer my concerns in a logical non-dismissive kind of way I will concider their opinions.

I am really worried that this can develope into some kind of power struggle like when the VA misdiagnosed me as Borderline. The more I resisted their "learned" opinion the more convinced they were that they were right. Which just further destroyed the theraputic relationship. The Goal Weight Range they are thinking of for me is 140-150 lbs. which is a BMI of 20-21 for me. I would be content if it was 137-145. Which is above the minimum BMI of 19 that all the research says is the key to good mental health and recovery from ED.

Huggs

Emily

[Svenna]

Hey, how about this?

Even if you disagree about the 'target weight', perhaps you CAN agree that gaining weight IS the right way to go?

So you would accept 137-145 lbs, though they want you at 140-150 lbs.?

Easy solution! Compromise and accept a weight in the overlapped range between 140-145 lbs. You win, they feel you are 'cooperating' and everybody is happy...

You are right to be concerned about being perceived as 'anti-treatment', but you have lived and learned from previous experiences. "Perception", unfortunately, DOES affect the care we receive, so be on your 'best behavior', for the best results...

You are a smart girl, Emily, you may not even realize how much better you sound these days, you really have a better handle on yourself. And you should know that you are a very likable person. I like you...

Of course, I ain't no professional anything, so take my opinion for whatever worth you may find in it...

I am very proud of your progress, nicely done!

Love, Svenna

[Guest Emily Ray]

Since as far as I know my present BMI is between 18.5 and 19 weight gain is not my biggest goal in IDP. I am much more interested in learning other coping methods and lowering my symptom use. Right now I am not able to do that on my own and I believe that after I start eating normally my weight will take care of itself. I don't know what that weight will be, but if it ends up between 138-142 I am not going to start freaking out.

I know that as I have lost weight some of the curves (ie-Breasts and Butt) have gotten smaller and I am not altogether happy with this development. Yet, I continue to restrict and that is the problem. I am restricting even when I know it is making me less attractive. Thus proving to me that though I have some body issues above the 140lbs range I don't have them below and I restrict for other reasons.

Getting to those reasons is where recovery lies for me and I don't want to get hung up on a target weight. Weight can still be used as a measurement of progress or decline and for its biological relationships with health.

Does that make sense

Huggs

Emily

[Guest angels wings]

Hello Emily

I have been reading ur posts I see u have alot ahead of u I want to wish you all the best and know we are here sending you big (((( hugs )))) filled with strength .

[Svenna]

Since as far as I know my present BMI is between 18.5 and 19 weight gain is not my biggest goal in IDP. I am much more interested in learning other coping methods and lowering my symptom use. Right now I am not able to do that on my own and I believe that after I start eating normally my weight will take care of itself. I don't know what that weight will be, but if it ends up between 138-142 I am not going to start freaking out.

I know that as I have lost weight some of the curves (ie-Breasts and Butt) have gotten smaller and I am not altogether happy with this development. Yet, I continue to restrict and that is the problem. I am restricting even when I know it is making me less attractive. Thus proving to me that though I have some body issues above the 140lbs range I don't have them below and I restrict for other reasons.

Getting to those reasons is where recovery lies for me and I don't want to get hung up on a target weight. Weight can still be used as a measurement of progress or decline and for its biological relationships with health.

Does that make sense

Huggs

Emily

Em,

Yes, ALL of that makes sense, yes indeedy!

You GO, girl!!

S