body disphoria

[Guest endlessummer]

Hi all,

I wasn't sure whether to post this in the transgender section: body disphoria - breasts... it's pretty bad right now, I just don't WANT them. And I'm curious if there's anyone here who has kind of worked on the disphoria and settles with "them". I don't know how this will go on, right now I can't imagine in any way that I would ever like them. But I can't imagine either I would go all the way and have mastectomy.

I feel bad and sick with it all...

Sorry if this has already been discussed.

[Guest angels wings]

Don't be sorry , even if it has been discussed this is your personal struggle . (((( hugs))))

I'm sure someone will answer this for u I have no advice just wanted to let u know we care

[KathrynJulia]

So true:

Body Disphoria is a legitament feeling. All of us feel it to different degrees. When I went through puberty, I had it so bad that I cut on myself and due to my own ignorance back then about my body, could have bled to death. I was just plain lucky and very stupid. It's pain that nevers goes away. You can learn to manage it, but are seldom happy just living with it. Please seek help with a mental health expert before considering the possibility of self harm. Also what breast tissue that you have developed is there and would require a mastectomy and possiblt could be removed through liposuction if on the small breasted side.. You need to talk with your doctor about treatment with hormones to prevent any further breast development. Take your disphoria seriously and talk to your doctor to see what treatment options are available to you. Good luck and please talk to someone. Kathryn

[JJ]

As an FTM the chest thing is my biggest source of stress. They really play havoc with my own self image and i struggle with it daily,

I have found a couple of things that may help. For health reasons I have to limit binding as much as possible and just can't bind at home. I have found that taping my nipples with band aides-as thousands did in the bra less 70s without any dire results-really helps. Band aides are made to stay on awhile and the less often you change them the less chance of irritation. I crisscross them. When you do change them be as gentle as possible with removal. I have hyper sensitive skin and I have been fine as long as I am very careful, Also different band aides have slightly different adhesives, The cheapest ones work best for me BTW. If one bothers you try a different brand or slightly different type. I have very prominent nipples and use what you think of as just the standard band aide.

Then I wear an athletic compression shirt under my shirt. Smooths things down a lot without the dangers of binding and the type of compression gynecomastia shirts -which are really just binders and can be dangerous -have. Underarmorr works best for me and I have several in all different styes. I use a sleeveless one under a mesh shirt for swimming for instance, They have the added advantage of wicking moisture and helping regulate body temperature so I wear one under my binder as well in summer. In winter I wear them over it because they really smooth any lines, You can find a wide variety of styles on ebay, Better prices too. Just be sure it is an athletic compression shirt-almost all athletes in all sports are wearing them now-and not a gynecomastia compression shirt,

Hope this helps some. Makes my life much more bearable.

[Guest endlessummer]

Thank you, JJ, Kathryn and angel wings for your answers!

Yes I have made a further search on compression-like bras and shirts... think I found one now on ebay. I don't want to bind, I couldn't stand anything so tight and it somehow scares me.

What's irritating me is that restricted feeling, you know, I just love loose light clothes and wearing no bra at all so nothing in the world would remind me of my ©breasts. But then every move does remind me and I get back to taking the less irritating feeling of wearing something that flattens everything. Well, I guess don't need to tell you.

I don't like this hiding at all, for me it's still hiding. I'm rather androgyne but this breast thing is a big issue, and I don't know, maybe it's going to change.

I'm glad you understand me!

Does anyone of you have problems with curved spine concerning this, too?

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

I'm coming from the other direction (male-to-whatever), BUT! as a young person whose been on feminizing hormones for over two years yet still presents as male, the little ta-tas I've developed cause a solid amount of feeling the need to cover up. I wouldn't call it embarrassment or shame it's just... okay, it's embarrassment and shame.

I have really big, puffy nipples (or small, hard, pointy nipples depending on the circumstances) which poke through everything. Honestly, I don't think they'd bug me so much if they sat atop actually substantial fatty tissue (I'd probably try harder to pass as female then), but those aren't the cards my body has dealt me. When I walk around the house on lazy days with nothing but a plain white undershirt, I have to hunch over for my parents' benefit or hold a pillow to my chest when I lie down.

Solution? I wear a sports bra sometimes, but then people can tell I'm wearing a bra. No one's comfortable asking about it, but I've noticed during a couple hugs some people have sort of rubbed my back as if they're thinking "is this a bra!?"

Then there's swimming. I've found the perfect androgynous swimming solution, though: unisex wet suit! Actually, this is the best time to show off my vaguely curvy yet still boyish, skinny body so actually that's when I have the least body image problems.

How have I come to terms with it? Well, since I sort of chose to have my problem, my answer might not totally work, but I think it's applicable either way. This is going to be such a bummer, but breasts should be the least a of a transgender person's body dysphoria. They're soft, fatty tissue that everyone has (just in varying degrees), they fluctuate in size regularly, and breast-related surgeries are the most common cosmetic surgeries. Conversely, bone structure is permanent. Skull-shaping surgeries are significantly nastier, both physically and financially, than breast-related ones, and nothing can change the size of an adult's hands or hips or the ribcage or the length of their arms or legs. And, while this one doesn't apply to physiologically females, it's noteworthy: short of some major changes in society and medicine, I will never get to be pregnant, which really bums me out. With all that in mind, who cares about breasts, right?

[Guest agfrommd]

okay, it's embarrassment and shame.

Jo,I present totally male, and haven't really done anything to change that (though I'm growing my nails), so I'm far from an expert.

But that's never stopped me before :^)

I suggest you work on your self-talk. Tell yourself things like:

* "There's nothing shameful about taking hormones. There's nothing shameful about having developed nipples. They're a part of me, and I'm wonderful, so they are wonderful too."

* "There's nothing shameful about being androgyne. I'm a beautiful person, so my androgyny is beautiful."

* "I'm me and I'm proud of everything about being me. Anyone who doesn't appreciate me is missing something terrific."

* "I will wear whatever clothes that are comfortable for me, because I deserve comfort. No decent person would have a problem with that."

* "Anyone curious about any thing about me may ask what they want. If the question is polite, I will answer it because I'm not ashamed. I'm proud of who I am and I will gladly talk about myself to anyone who is interested."

I'm a great fan of loving self-talk. It makes the difference between a burden and an opportunity.

[Guest Jo-I-Dunno]

I believe all those things whole-heartedly, but they're personal ideals. And one of my ideals is to not push my ideals on anyone else, so I guess I don't believe "Anyone who doesn't appreciate me is missing something terrific" and "No decent person would have a problem with that." Who am I to say I'm so great that everyone should appreciate me? So long as no one bothers me or hurts me, I don't care what they think. If anything, if someone's a major bigot, I just feel sorry for them.

The reason I hesitated to use words like "embarrassment" and "shame" is because of their negative connotation. I'm not at all embarrassed or ashamed of who I am (on the contrary, I constantly find myself thinking I'm above others and have to fight the urge to be cocky about it), and I don't think about it at all when I'm alone. But I am genuinely bothered by the idea of making someone else uncomfortable. Whether or not they're justified in being uncomfortable or aware of the fact that there's no real reason to be uncomfortable is irrelevant. We all know what it's like to look at somebody and find ourselves staring or consciously looking away; I don't want to make anyone feel that (unless it's because they find me attractive ). So don't worry; it has no effect on my self-confidence or self-worth. It's just for the benefit of others.

[Guest Alder]

I am genuinely bothered by the idea of making someone else uncomfortable.

I'm completely in love with this sentence.

[Guest aleon515]

Heck JJ knows more about this than I do, but let's just say that even very severe dysphoria is not uncommon in androgyne identified people.

It's a myth that it does not.

I personally do not think mine is so severe. But I don't like them either. I also have mild downstairs dysphoria.

I got a binder but am not used to it, to me it is VERY tight and I dislike tight clothes. The underarmour suggestion is good. I thought they made me look well more chesty, but they might work. I have seen some people using underarmour alone as a "binder". I have been wearing cotton undershirts (Champion I think). These are very comfortable and soft. They also hide your body in a way that's possible (depending on your size) only in the winter otherwise. Layering is good.

BTW, there are androgynes getting top surgery. Obviously it's a very serious "one way" ticket, so you have to give your self time on it. I personally doubt I would do this.

BTW, there are these swimsuit type tanks (they have a shelf bra built in a long top. They'd just look like a tank underneath. I think they would hide protruding proturbarances. They can be quite comfortable depending. Sometimes they are called camis with built in bras.

--Jay Jay

[Guest agfrommd]

I am genuinely bothered by the idea of making someone else uncomfortable. Whether or not they're justified in being uncomfortable or aware of the fact that there's no real reason to be uncomfortable is irrelevant. We all know what it's like to look at somebody and find ourselves staring or consciously looking away; I don't want to make anyone feel that (unless it's because they find me attractive ).

Jo, I think I'm in a similar place to you. I present almost completely male, and I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with that. I pretty much am male, but I want people to know about my female parts as well.

But I don't want people to be uncomfortable in my presence. That's why I'd never make an issue of pronouns. I don't want people to feel weird about how to refer to me. Unlike you, I think I also have a fear of being judged. I work in a profession where having the cooperation of my colleagues is important, which will be much harder to come by if they think I'm some kind of nut.

Don't know if you'd feel this way, but if someone were to ask me about something to do with my gender identity, I think I'd see that as a positive. That they're curious about me.

And I know if a friend or acquaintance came out to me about gender issues, I consider that a gift. I'd be flattered that he/she trusted me.

Thanks for posting, Jo. I love your attitude. Wish I were that considerate.

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Dear Endless Summer,

When I had breasts it helped me to build a muscular chest by developing my pectoral muscles. Push ups are great because you can do them anywhere and can add them to your routine even if you have no gym membership. If you cannot yet do push ups, you can adapt the exercise by putting you knees down or by doing the yoga posture"plank." I would do more push up on days that I was highly dysphoric. This helped because I felt very strong and capable and thus maintained the knowing that under the breasts was a chest that suited me. I was able to live with the breast and did not need to bind ( which I feel has some health risks, especially if done improperly or for too many hours) . I wore a good sports bra, ad a t-shirt and often a loose fitting "men's" button-down shirt. (Especially if I was feeling very dyshporic.) I choose clothing that I feel very comfortable in and this helps. I had a double mastectomy 6 months ago and I no longer have breasts (or nipples) the dyshporia is now 100% gone. I was most severely dysphoria regarding my nipples and for me, this is a wonderful freedom to have a muscular chest with no breast tissue. I often wear only a t-shirt and the shame I once felt is now replaced with an odd sense of pride. I love my body now as it suits me and meets my ideal of androgyny.

I hope that you also will grow comfortable in your body and that all options will be available to you as you decide what is right for you. I encourage you to sculpt the parts of your body that you can. If you desire more muscle, then, by all means, explore weight training. For me, it was a life saver and still provides a great source of enjoyment.

Hugs,

JB

[Guest Micha]

Late again. . . I do so love having so many people with varied and equally brilliant ideas to read from.

Dysphoria for me has been relatively mild. There are times when I see myself in a mirror and am absolutely horrified, but it's not really a constant thing. I've sort of resigned myself to my fate, as even if I wanted to do something about it, it's just not practical right now. Not really the best way to deal or cope, but life does move on for me. I'm not in a position to make significant changes to my body, but if I were, I would certainly look into it. You don't have to go to any radical extremes, such as surgery, if you're not comfortable with it, but if nothing else makes you feel better, then perhaps it would still be an option. Otherwise, I think JB just posted as I was typing, another point worth considering. There's other things you can do for yourself that don't require surgery or hormones.

As for me, I would welcome any "excuse" to be rid of my junk without having to go into the transgender, body dysphoria thing.

[Guest endlessummer]

Hi everybody

sorry I'm so late, my internet didn't work.. Thank you all for your nice words and advice. I'm going to give it another try with a sports bra... I don't like it when people see I'm wearing a bra, but in summer it's the only solution for me...

I'm definitely not ready for any radical step, but I still am very negative about the breasts. But I can imagine how building up muscles will kind of shape me for the better. I have never thought about this, because I'm usually very lazy about sports :-) But I'm going to try too!

I have like I said a kind of crooked spine from hunching over for 15 years so especially my throat looks llike I'm having an adam's apple because my laryngeal area kind of pops out... it's not looking pretty but I guess I can't change that now.

This forum is really cool, it's the first time people understand me.

[Guest aleon515]

Hi everybody

sorry I'm so late, my internet didn't work.. Thank you all for your nice words and advice. I'm going to give it another try with a sports bra... I don't like it when people see I'm wearing a bra, but in summer it's the only solution for me...

I'm definitely not ready for any radical step, but I still am very negative about the breasts. But I can imagine how building up muscles will kind of shape me for the better. I have never thought about this, because I'm usually very lazy about sports :-) But I'm going to try too!

I have like I said a kind of crooked spine from hunching over for 15 years so especially my throat looks llike I'm having an adam's apple because my laryngeal area kind of pops out... it's not looking pretty but I guess I can't change that now.

This forum is really cool, it's the first time people understand me.

Well I have no idea your size, but I have found that cotton tank top undershirts hide me pretty well. I don't think you can tell whether or not you are wearing a bra. (Not sure haven't asked. I can't tell.) They are loose. And I have been wearing them in 95 plus degrees.) Underarmour makes something called "heat wear" that some people like. They can hide you (or not). What's nice is you can have another layer this way without wearing jackets, vests, etc. (Though some people do like vests. They have an androgynous look and can be cool depending.)

I see you are in Germany (?). You might not have the identical brands but pretty sure you will be able to find tank top undershirts and perhaps underarmour as it is a big hiker item. You might look up Champion V neck women's tank top to see what I am talking about. Women works fine doesn't have any silly darts or anything.

Some people do build up muscle. Some types of exercise will naturally lower estrogen levels. It isn't a bad thing as it might help you otherwise. (That said I haven't done anything about this either. ) *

*I am not claiming any "gender change* via exercise thing here. Just normal exercise to build up muscle.

--Jay Jay

[Guest -Tori-]

You are not alone!

Although I do not particularly identify as transgender, I just wish I could get rid of my chest too!

I admit that I am still young to be making definate decisions, and although I hope for surgery one day, I guess over time I will have to see. Someday, I might even change my mind. At the moment, I stick to wearing a binder, which I have to say, although it is tight I find it very comfortable. I feel fortunate that my chest is almost non existant.

Give yourself time to think about what you want, and I am sure that eventually you will decide what kind of direction you want to take with this. Go at your own pace, and most importantly, dont feel pressurised into jumping into a decision straight away. Take as much time as you need

There are quite a few choices to choose from- knock yourself out!

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Rows can help the kyphosis ( rounding forward shoulders) ... again, if you don't have a gym pass, you can use a bench .. get a dumbbell and do Bent Over Rows, one arms at a time. You should be able to find a description of this exercise on-line. But building the rhomboid ( mid back) muscles will help. Good posture my also help the neck issue as well.

Try to imagine your body as you woudl like it to look. Weight training is like body sculpting .. little by little you can build a body that suits you better. Try to get into cardio too .. just 30 minutes, 3-5 times a week may help to lift your mood. ( it will also probably help to lift other things!!) Either way .. you are likely to feel ( and look) better by working out.

Hugs,

JB

[Guest MissLeyla]

Hi all,

I wasn't sure whether to post this in the transgender section: body disphoria - breasts... it's pretty bad right now, I just don't WANT them. And I'm curious if there's anyone here who has kind of worked on the disphoria and settles with "them". I don't know how this will go on, right now I can't imagine in any way that I would ever like them. But I can't imagine either I would go all the way and have mastectomy.

I feel bad and sick with it all...

Sorry if this has already been discussed.

I'll have them! He he

[Guest Tamar]

Hi all,

I wasn't sure whether to post this in the transgender section: body disphoria - breasts... it's pretty bad right now, I just don't WANT them. And I'm curious if there's anyone here who has kind of worked on the disphoria and settles with "them". I don't know how this will go on, right now I can't imagine in any way that I would ever like them. But I can't imagine either I would go all the way and have mastectomy.

I feel bad and sick with it all...

Sorry if this has already been discussed.

I'll have them! He he

Lol. Rock,paper,scissors you for them...

[Guest endlessummer]

one for each? ;-)

[Guest Tamar]

Lmao. Nah,Leyla can have them.

[Guest endlessummer]

@JB: Thanks again for your advice! It would certainly do me good to do more sport. Right now I'm only doing a once-a-week course of back gymnastics. But I'm afraid I will never have a healthy back because of my chest, I just don't straighten my chest because everybody would see the breasts that I hate. Even with this flattening sports bra I hate the bulges and so I always have this round posture. I hope doing exercise will help me anyway...

[Guest Asuri]

Hey endlessummer,

sometimes I have the same problem with my breasts! Luckily I have small breasts and most of the time they are no problems for me. But on boyish-days I felt uncomfortable when I look into the mirror. The breasts destroy my styling and feeling.

At the moment I try to train my body to reduce my breast and my weight. Hopefully this will work

[Guest endlessummer]

Hi Asuri,

summer is really nasty when you don't want breasts.... all those thin clothes...

I'm back to wearing a bra again. That tight (though flattening) sports bra was irritating and warm like hell, I couldn't stand it. But no bra is giving away everything even more. Most of the time I try to ignore the disphoric feeling, but soon as ANYbody is looking in the direction of my breasts or even staring at my face then to figure out if I'm woman or man it makes me mad.

[Guest Asuri]

Most of the time I try to ignore the disphoric feeling, but soon as ANYbody is looking in the direction of my breasts or even staring at my face then to figure out if I'm woman or man it makes me mad.

Yes, I know what you mean. I have the same problem in public and especially on the beach. One of my biggest issue is what to wear on the beach. In a bikini i feel uncomfortable (and I look to masculine), but a swimmpant is not an option because of my breasts . A combination of both (swimmpant and bra) is not really accepted from the society.

A dilemma