3 lbs in a week

[Guest Emily Ray]

My first full week out of treatment and I set a new low weight 125.8lbs. I don't know how I can ever expect to change this on my own. It will be at least 5 more weeks before I will be able to start another treatment program. That is potentially 15 more lbs and that scares the bejezus out of me! I didn't ask for this! I don't want to look like a stick! But, I am powerless. I have no fight left in me the ED rules with a free hand!

Huggs

Em

[Michelle 2010]

At some point organ issues and biochemical stuff can start happening. I don't know much about anorexia or other weight loss issues so I don't know when that starts happening; however, it may be prudent to make peace ih the service provider you were hooked up with, no? The dog issue won't make much difference if you don't last until the next therapy center is available.

There have been times in my life that my "values" and "principles", aka EGO, almost put me in an early grave.

Best wishes

Michelle

[Carolyn Marie]

I agree with Michelle. Is your dispute with and dislike of your former service provider worth you life, Emily? Please think about that.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Maria_B]

No, the ED is not in control. Yes, you can do this by yourself. No, it won't be easy.

Stop giving up before you even get there, girl. Where is that fire in your belly I've seen in so many other places, where is that drive and passion Emily is known for. It's not easy, no. Yes, it's hard, yes, it's difficult when you relapse and yes you may fail more than once. But giving up is never an option. You are strong.

Your life is worth so much more than disputes and fights. You do have it in you, I truly believe it. When there's no fight in you, remember that there is something WORTH holding on to, and thats you, Emily. You're WORTH fighting for. You're WORTH the effort.

[Guest Emily Ray]

I'm not going back because I can't! I can't leave the house without Chestnut! The last time I tried I had three panic attacks and disassociated once for a half hour. I can't do that every day. My relationship with Chestnut is the only thing positive in my life and the one day that I left her home for 9 hours while I went to treatment interfeared with our relationship for the next 36 hours. That was just one day, if I did it for five days a week for a month she would be super unhappy and that does me no good. I need her to be happy and healthy to keep me happy and healthy. We are a team! You take us both or I will find some other way to survive or suffer, but I won't leave her. If I could function well without her than I would not need her and it would be illegal for me to use her as a service dog.

Michelle, I would say that I am within five lbs of having those serious organ problems. My heart is already showing some signs of stress. My heartrate is tachycardic most of the time I'm standing, but when it goes lower than 60 I will need to be hospitalized. The situation is not good, but there is little I can do about it.

Maria, you have more confidence in me than I deserve. I have overcome many challenges in my life, but this is the worst that I have ever experienced. ED is as strong as me and he has enlisted my body to support his destruction of me.

Huggs

Emily