Eating As A Means To Escape Loneliness, Depression And Everything

[Sally]

I need to lose weight, not just for looks but also for my health and yet I find the harder I try the more I eat and the worst foods for me - it is purely self destructive and I know it but stopping is so hard.

I wanted so desperately to be seen and accepted for who I am and food was the only thing that filled the emptiness - food is gender neutral so I could eat what I wanted from large salads to a plate of ribs - food is seen as food not girl food or man food except in books like "Real Mean Don't Eat Quiche".

Look around at teenage girls drinking Smoothies and eating huge hamburgers - fast food is for everyone - the worse for you it is the more I want it.

My low self esteem, poor self image and general feelings of inadequacy which were instilled very early in life lead me to over eat - food was comforting and since no one ever 'saw me' what difference did it make how I looked.

Now I am living full time, trying to lose weight for multiple reasons and yet the harder I try the more I eat - I am supposed to be concentrating on eating more fruits and vegetables so I go up to ten meals in a row without either - it is a self destructive trait from early on and it is so hard to break.

Sometimes just knowing what it is does not supply the strength to correct it.

Any suggestions as to how to break this cycle and start a healthier eating one?

My therapist is working with me but we are having limited success so far - I do well for a week or so and then slide back for another couple of weeks.

Love ya,

Sally

[Drea]

Write down everything you eat and how much.

Find support group and structure to help find/maintain control.

[VickySGV]

The organization Over Eaters Anonymous might be an idea, both of my daughters go, not as often as they should, but they do go. I have found 4 meeting groups in New Orleans http://www.oa.org/membersgroups/find-a-meeting/. It is a 12 step organization, but it fulfills one of the worst issues of over eating, and that is the loneliness and trouble of controling it alone. The steps to becoming in control of your eating are not there to make you fail, they are there to give you a framework of control and interaction with other people who share many if not all of your challenges.

[Guest Misaka]

Hi, whenever I'm trying to break some habit, I always pick an action, no matter how random, and associate it in my brain with that thing, and my theory is that it'll become so smushed into your brain that it'll be just as good as the real thing, and make sure it takes a minute or two to give time for the feeling to pass, and preferably something fun, though I guess its probably not essential, just makes it less difficult. So like, I have like a horrific, horrific addiction to caffeine, (i've drunk almost nothing but caffinated drinks since I was about 5 years old, any time of day, no matter what) and i decided at one point I'd be all good and like, stop. So then every time I was craving caffine, I'd get up, no matter what, go for a wander around the room, then sit down, doodle 4 or 5 flowers on any piece of paper that was to hand, and carry on whatever I was doing. For me it kind of at least gave the craving time to pass, and gave you something else to think about, focus on, etcetc, and it meant that like, instead of breaking up whatever I was doing for caffine,it'd be breaking wahtever i was doing up for a wander around the room and a doodle. Unfortunately it does nothing to stop the agony of headaches brought on by caffine withdrawal, so those little health kicks usually only last a couple of days

With food, since it's vital that you actually eat, to stay alive and all, I'd also reccomend planning meals in advance, we always got taught to do that in my cookery class and it's really sound advice, I think. instead of just eating whatever is available (because fast food and takeout is always available), each weekend, make a little chart in excel or on a sheet of paper, whatever takes your fancy, with like, breakfast, lunch, dinner, or whatever meals you actually eat. Put in what you're going to eat in all of the boxes (preferably while you're not too hungry) and just do a little sanity check, like, does it LOOK healthy, etc. If not, switch some stuff out. Once you've done that, you need to make sure you have everything in stock to prepare those meals. So you work out what you need, then you go out and get it all so it's ready for the week. All the admin of it doesn't take that long really. Then you know exactly when you are eating and what you're going to be eating, you just have to stop the wantings in between. So pick your "thing" you're going to do instead of eat when you get food cravings, hungry, etc. Brushing your teeth is really good because toothpaste supresses your apetite, and it takes a few minutes, but you can't bring a toothbrush to work really so that gets difficult. Maybe pick some game like tetris on your phone and every time you think about eating when you havn't scheduled it, play one game of it, or every time you want food, drink a glass of water. Something like that maybe.

Also, be mindful of the difference between "healthy" and "slimming." I wouldn't encourage you to eat unhealthily, but be careful is foods like fruits that are paraded as being healthy. Freshly squeezed orangejuice has almost identical (43kcal per 100ml) weight-gain potential as full fat coca-cola (44kcal per 100ml) and the fact that the sugars in fruit are "healthier" than the processed sugar in coke doesn't change how fattening they are. The same applies to an awful lot of healthy food. At the end of the day, you want to get enough vit/minerals/etc as you need in as few calories as possible, and then after that, all you have to think about are how many calories is in a food, compared to how much it takes away your hunger, and for how long. Personally, when I'm trying to lose weight, healthy eating goes out the window. Yes, you can eat healthily and lose weight but it's very high maintainance, difficult, and usually requires you to do loads of exercise and stuff that I'm not too fond of. I just try to burn off as much as possible as quickly as possible, and then you just have to play whack-a-mole with the scales. Get down to a weight you want, and then start eating "healthy" but don't really deprive yourself, and just weigh yourself periodically. There are about 3500 calories in a pound of fat, so your weight physically cannot jump up by 5-6 pounds by surprise, unless you go on some kind of week long cake binge. So just keep weighing yourself and when you get more than a pound or two above your target weight, hammer the dieting again. I know people cry about yo-yo dieting and how it's stupid etc, but like, I find it a lot easier to do it that way than to perfectly manage your calories in vs calories out all the time and make sure you're doing enough exercise and always eating healthily etc. And that way you end up denying yourself nice things all the time, which sucks.

Also, when people come out with all that stuff about "oh you need to do it steadily etc, dont skip meals, your body goes into starvation mode etc and you just gain more weight" you can pretty much ignore. Again, it applys to people who are eating regularly, trying to maintain their current weight, doing regular exercise, eating normally in a pattern, etcetc. I always think "if that's true, then how come people suffering from anorexia lose weight instead of gain it?" It's just an equation. If you use more calories than you eat, you lose weight, if you eat more than you use, you gain weight. There are laws of physics that prevent you from gaining extra weight from a meal just becuase you didn't eat another meal some other time. And that's all the limited wisdom I have on this kind of stuff, I'm afraid : (

Good luck! And hopefully other people have come along to give you better, proper advice while I've been writing this.

[Guest Tania57]

Dear Sally,

1 Sleep...

2 increase how you burn calories ( exercise - make it part of your day - walk a bit more, use more stairs...?)

3 set goals / targets (manageable one)

4 Accept you will miss (some of) the targets - try not to have a go at yourself - it happens.

5 Really mark the ones you achieve - it also does happen

5a get some more good sleep

6 Reset your goals /targets (not every day though)

7 get a bit more sleep

8 keep doing that exercise

8a it increases that 'metabolism'

9 review what you are eating

10 plan what you are going to eat - try to stick to it

11 don't tell yourself off if (when - if you're like me) you miss a plan or target

12 maybe get a little added input from your own physician too on foods to help your plans - particularly if you're on medications

13 ...and still get some more good sleep

So sleep allied with nutritious/regular meals linked with the raising of your metabolism (with some more exercise (burning off those calories))

and accompanied with your plans...as well as trying not to tell yourself off before you get ...a good sleep....does help a lot and the weight begins to come off

You can do it Sally - just look at what you've already achieved elsewhere in your life!

Please note - You are a real success.

I'd like to know how you get on if you'd like to tell more in time, I'm interested and...it does actually work...so keep on going for it... you'll succeed.

Tania

[Carolyn Marie]

Sally, along with all the other wonderful suggestions, have you sought out a dietician? I don't know if you have any health insurance, but if you do then surely you can get a referral. That would be a big step in the right direction, especially if they had the demeanor of Attila the Hun.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest JennX]

I haven't had fast food in years. It's horrible for you and mostly full of calories, fat, and sodium.

Definitely try to eat more complex carbs, fish/chicken (not fried), fruits, and veggies. Stay away from red meat, dairy products, fried foods, and processed sugars (most soft drinks and any boxed/bottled fruit juices). Good grains like quinoa, amaranth, flax, and good sources of protein like fish, nuts, and beans are very important.

So basically, diet, exercise, and stay away from all fast-food places period. I'm a size 6 now... but I wasn't born this size. It takes hard work and effort.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I used to have a problem with french fries. I'd order a large and eat all of them with no regret. But, there came a time when I realized I don't need all that fat and calories. I should really cut back on my fry intake. So I'd still get the large fry at first but tell myself I can only eat half. Then a few weeks later I'd tell myself I can only eat a quarter (and no cheating and saying your quarter was on the bottom). Now I just have a couple hand fulls and I'm done.

The opposite is true for me with vegetables. It started becoming a guilt trip. Well, with main means that meant a trip to the salad bar. Hooray! So I'd always make sure to grab a few tomatoes, and some cucumber, maybe some broccoli and cauliflower and one slice of beet. Why beet? I dunno, I haven't had one in awhile. Then I remembered why I didn't eat beets but now I still grab one to remind myself why I don't like them. Weird, yes, but it's another vegetable I'm getting.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I wanted to add (stupid work getting in the way!) that you should mentally and actually tell yourself when you're making lunch or dinner that you should add one more vegetable to whatever you're having. Carrots are always good, or green beans. If you can't mix it in to what you're eating, have it on the side. If having them one way seems boring and a chore, look online for some recipies to prepare them a different way and try that. or make sure you always include a salad with dinner. Heck there have been times on the road when I've had a cheeseburger and added the soup and salad bar for $2.99.

Find some fat free or low-cal dressing and/or easy to make dips and snack on some raw veggies while watching tv or reading the forums.

[Guest AmazonD]

I happen to have a rather large garden so i grow my own veggies. (see my site in my signature) However, right now corn is abundant and so are onions and carrots and squash and green beans and radishes and potao's and tomato's and peppers etc etc ..

I dice at least 3 veggies into small pieces the size of a kernal of corn and steam them and add some butter and natural salt and its a great stapple that really fills and runs thru you and keeps your colon clean.

I also will steam maybe corn carrots and potato's and peppers hot and cold and squash and then add a egg after it steams for a few minutes. Then put it on a pita bread. I do use some oil to cook it and a cast iron pan to cook it on. Most other pans burn the food. Cast iron is great.

I also buy cabbage and dice a few leaves at a time to the bottom layer of veggies which it steams great and makes a good balance in a veggie mixture.

Cooking like this will keep you full and healthy and able to not gain weight.

Exercise will help you to lose extra weight. Thats easy with some walking etc etc.. The most important thing is cleaning the colon with lots of veggies every day so you can lower weight and clogged intestines and be able to pass food in a long stream verses clumps or drops..

ok good luck and make veggies your daily diet and once every couple of days dice in a little meat and i mean a little which will add some extra fats needed for health.

make sure you buy a cast iron pan with a pyrex lid to see the food.. an old griswold would be great too

keep it oiled and never use soap on it and after you rinse it out lay it upside down to drain water and keep it from rusting.

OH right now is the best time to buy tomato's .. romas.. and dice them and peppers and onions equal mixture and add some garlid and salt and cook it for just a few minutes until it gets hot then cool and refrigerate and ah ha you have salsa to put on your veggies and pita veggie meals..

[Guest AmazonD]

NOTE: Eating healthy is good for the mind as well as exercise