10 Months Clean In 6 Yrs. Courage For Those Struggling,

[Guest katie019]

so this is the first 10 months sober in 6 years....

it all started when was 13 the first drug i ever did was speed laced with ecstasy. i thought it was awsome. so i wanted to try more. from that point on i did everything i could get my hands on. it was all fine untill 2 weeks after my 15th birthday, i overdosed my 1st time. it was this plant, gimson seed or however you spell it. anyways i had to go to the hospital of course i was tripping hardcore but my heart could have blown. they had to put an IV in my arm and give me some sort of midicine i dont really remember, i was totally out of it. im licky i didnt go blind from this trip. some people have i guess. but when i recovered, on the way home my mom said i almost died.

two weeks after that i got kicked out, then continued doing drugs. somewhere down the road my timeline really messed up i think i was in 9th grade when i overdosed again....samething. it was actually quite weird cause thats the only time i took it ever again. at this point i was snorting ecstasy and what other speed i can get ahold of, and oxycotin, xanax, and other barbituates and benzo's(downers to put it simple).

then along this line i overdosed on speed. i took so much, and a lot of different types throughout the day.

anyways my body started shaking and in about what seemed to me, a few seconds, i started sweating and then i passed out cold. my friends took me to the hospital and i had to get my stomach pumped. i continued to do drugs as soon as i could.

the last time i overdosed was on new years. oh, that was a strange night, it started at 11pm, so i started off drinking, then my girlfriend at the time gave me some oxycotin i think i snorted 3 20's and plugged one. i really only snorted two or two and a half then put the rest of the third in my shot glass. me and my friend then continued to drink the rest of the half gallon i bought. really i drank more than him. he doesnt really like drinking. so my girlfriend gave me and my friend darvaset and purgaset throughout the night like, she had them stored up or something because i ate alot of them. so we went to a stake and shake resturant, i had a friend working that night. he hooked us up with som liquor that he bought so he could celebrate while working, he was the cook.lol. so we sat there drinking and getting free food, doing drugs. all night. we left at 4 am and went to a party. now this whole time i was messed out of my mind. still taking pills. at the party i guess i just passed out somehow, i dont really remember. i just know i woke up in the hospital and my friends were like you almost died....again. they told me what all happened, so i dicided i couldnt do this anymore.

but that was the funnest overdose i ever had.

what kept me hooked was the reality of non-reality. i enjoyed the feeling of living in a blurry lie. i could tell myself who and what i was and wasn't. and feeling that close to death all the time made me feel good. i loved being in the dark tunnel of drugs. i wanted to kiss death. i was obsessed. but i realized i had other things to do in my life after my 4th OD. im here for a reason. i know what it is now and i knew what it was when i was way younger. i guess i forgot somewhere along this path.

i wanted to lie to myself and tell myself i wasnt what i was. i thought i was a freak. but since ive been sober is when ive really accepted that im tg/ts, whatever. i am who i am, and im proud if it. all my friends know, my best friend is excited for me she wants to help me transition. i never thought things things would be so great after i got sober. occasionally i get the craving, but i look at what the universe has given to me and i remember my purpose or mission here in this life, and most importantly, who i am.

i may only be 19. but its what you pack into those years that count. you could be 19 and have had it gold all your life or you could be 19 and have had to live in an abusive house,raise a little brother when you were 10, get kicked out to be on your own by 15, survive 4 drug overdoses, and have gone to war in iraq(im there now). and be trans, just wanted to throw that in there.

to all the people out there who have drug issues, you can get clean. go to meetings, theyll say day by day. no, screw that go minute by minute.

you can do it. your still here for a reason, find it and pursue it. and take full responsibility for what you've done and admit your problem to yourself. and most importantly, forgive yourself.

to everyone who has just gotten into it or thinks they dont have a problem but in reality they do, i have on thing to say....its not worth it. i got lucky i lived, but i have two friends who weren't so lucky. just dont even go down that road.

and like always, thanks for reading. sorry if my grammar is messed up. im really cold (my roomate likes it freezing) so im typing fast.

please be safe and you all have my love. remember no-one is alone in this world. if it happened to you chances are its happened to someone else too. your not to be so lucky to be the individual out of nearly a billion or more people in this world. just keep your head up and stay positive.

may peace be with you all,

Katie

[Guest Evan_J]

YEEEEES!!! THATS what I'm talkin about "give it away" Katie. Testify. *is clapping

Day by day, minute by minute if you need to.

[Guest WhatAmILOL]

*Stands up, Applause, Crowd Goes Roaring...

Good Job Katie =]

[Guest raydub]

thank you for sharing.

love

Ray

[Sally]

Congratulations Katie!

I hope everyone who needs your maessage will read it and recognize their need!

Love ya and the strength that you are showing to all of us,

Sally,

[Guest Kelly Ann]

You're an inspiration Katie May your inner strength rub off on EVERYBODY you meet...hugs, Kelly Ann