Hiding MtF transition under HRT

[Guest JamieJamie]

I am hoping to start my HRT within the next few months and I have some concerns.

Until I've been on HRT for a while my body is very male looking so I am not comfortable dressing as female. Additionally my wife is supportive but still apprehensive so she is not comfortable with me presenting as a woman.

Once I've been on HRT for a while I suspect my shape will change to become much more of a female figure, however in order not to lose this relationship I need to be as discreet as possible during this transition period.

I know this might sound impractical to some and I'm sure to some the answer must seem simple, but keeping this relationship together (we have two young boys) is of absolute importance so I do wish to respect her wishes.

Any input would be much appreciated.

[Kyla666]

Right now i am 3months on HRT and now fully out. My Girlfriend/soon to be Wife.. Is fine with me dressing like a woman full time whenever i am read.

I don't think i'll go full time till about 1 year on HRT myself. And not till i have Laser done for sure.

I see no problem with waiting till your 100% ready and everyone is comfortable. There is no rush as everything takes time, Really i find it better to go slow and not go all out at day 1.

[Charlize]

I found that it was best to go slow with the wife. We saw some films together and she saw more and more how important this was to me and over time came to accept me. I have yet to start HRT and may not be able to but i've lived full time for almost 3 months now. I'm learning to accept what i've got as maybe as far as i'll get. It is enough to be honest with myself and others.

Hugs, Charlie

[Guest KimberlyF]

You can go as far and as fast as you need to go. I have known people who take a transition at all costs mentality and push their family aside, then when everything they could do physically is done, they find themselves isolated and try to claim their family back which is much more difficult.

Sometimes we lock on this idea that transitioning fully including HRT and SRS and FT is our goal. Our goal should be to find the spot where we are happy within ourselves and is the least invasive to our lives. If that means just HRT, so be it. If that means SRS without FT, so be it. If that means HRT and FT but no surgery, that's fine too. We are not doing this for anyone else. There are numerous people who have chosen all of the paths I've outlined.

If you can be happy within yourself, and still have your wife and family, wouldn't you do what you could even if it took a little longer?

And people have had surgery and been on HRT for years and still live and work as a man, so a few years of hormones is for sure not an issue.

[Guest KerryUK]

Kimberly, here in the UK things are very different.

You have to be living full time (anywhere between 3 months to a year) before you will be considered for hormones - this normally goes down really well if you blatantly look like a man (like I do). You have to be on hormones for anything from 1 to 2 years before you are considered for SRS. I first spoke to my GP in January and my first appointment with a GT won't be until at least the New Year (2013). So at the soonest - I am looking at around 18 months from the start before I even get a 'sniff' of hormones and probably 3 -4 years before the SRS I want to undertake to make me whole.

K x.

[Guest lostflower]

Hi Jamie I started HRT and expected to be coming out after a year or so I grew to a not bad AA nearly A cup in four months and decided that it was time to come out, you may change your plans after you have been on the girl pills for a while so discuss that with your wife too

[Guest KimberlyF]

Kimberly, here in the UK things are very different.

You have to be living full time (anywhere between 3 months to a year) before you will be considered for hormones - this normally goes down really well if you blatantly look like a man (like I do). You have to be on hormones for anything from 1 to 2 years before you are considered for SRS. I first spoke to my GP in January and my first appointment with a GT won't be until at least the New Year (2013). So at the soonest - I am looking at around 18 months from the start before I even get a 'sniff' of hormones and probably 3 -4 years before the SRS I want to undertake to make me whole.

K x.

I missed the boat on this one that the OP was from New Zealand.

Anyway, in the case you mentioned, that is following the national HC system, right? Don't some people pay OOP?

[MackenzieB]

There's no way to determine how fast, or even if, hrt will show results. I had planned to be on hrt for a year prior to coming out at work. Within 5 months I realized that guys were staring at my chest when they were talking with me. So I was only able to hide it for about 4 months or so. I had done hrt for a year in the past so I still had some breast growth from then. There's just no way to predict it.

[Guest Karen K]

Jaime,

While I did venture out from time to time, I was on HRT for almost a year and a half before moving into RLE. I am an older transitioner (50 y/o) and also my endo started me on a low dosage and gradually ramped up. The changes came slowly, but now I can't hide them, nor do I want to. Sure with a binder, a loose fitting shirt and a hair cut, I could pass as a guy again, but that wouldn't be me.

Christmas this year will be very different than last year. Uncle K___ is no more, it's now Aunt Laura Jane

Laura Jane

[Guest KerryUK]

Kimberley, sorry it's taken me a while to respond. In answer to your questions, yes I am going through the NHS process here in the UK and it can be laboriously slow. Some people choose to speed things up by going through the 'Private' option - that's if you can afford it of course. I'm choosing to spend what limited funds I have on things like laser hair removal (trying to get much of it done before too many 'greys' set in).

K x.

[Guest paulam]

Hi Jamie,

I too am early in my journey(just started HRT) and although I have a plan it's true to say that we really dont know how our bodies will react and this may well determine when you have to be out. I hope you have a good support network around you. A supportive partner is a godsend,

Love,

Paula

[Cyndee]

Everyone gave you good advice and good articulation of what to expect Jamie,

Here is my take. I am a maturing MTF at 53, I started HRT 14 months ago, first with low dosages, then gradually ramping up, to now I am doing estrogen injections along side androgen suppression, nothing like a second puberty.

The changes at my age have been slow to appear, this has given me lots of time to adjust socially and in my family setting. I can still appear male if I want to, the question really is do I want to ? To which the answer is no, it's more presenting male out of compassion for my wife in certain scenarios, and having to grow out my facial hair 2 days out of the week for electrolysis sessions, during this time, my face is not fit for public dispaly, and certainly don't want to be a "bearded lady". So during these times I dress down (jeans / T shirt).

Hugs

Cindy -

[Guest Paradox]

Tishirts get a little hard to do after awhile, but with careful clothes selection, you can pass as male for quite some time. Think oversize and bulky......

[Guest Deenah]

My plan was to wait till the first of the year,or even mid december before i came out to family and went full time. At the moment im not sure that's going to happen. Like some,hrt is working faster then planed for so i have to rethink alot. At the begining i figured that i was ok to wait till the new year,not to sure now...Point: Don't try to plan to exact for that big day,give yourself plenty of time.

[Guest Alex_Di]

Aren't chest binders harmful to the developing breasts?

[Guest Robin Winter]

Believe me, you can go as slow as you need to, even on feminizing hormones. Your chest is not going to explode overnight, it will all happen slowly enough for your family to adjust as it happens. I've been on hormones for almost exactly 18 months, and I'm still only presenting female at home, and honestly, even at home I'm still more like somewhere in the middle rather than all female. It's not what I want, I'd rather be done and all girl now, but my family is supporting me and they're adjusting. I can't ask for much more than that.