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By Charlize · Posted
It is certainly good news. Federal judges have been instrumental in civil rights for a long time. Pity that 45 got to appoint so many as McConnell had blocked so many nominations by the Obama administration. Hugs, Charlize -
By Charlize · Posted
Tiffany i remember feeling much the same. I only allowed myself to go out as myself when i was far away from my neighborhood. Perhaps that was good way to gain confidence but ti was difficult at best. When i did go to local gay bars it seemed quite safe. after all if someone knew me there....... why were they there? I kinda figured it was a mutual silence thing. I'm glad you have your wife there with you. Being with another woman makes it much easier. Most of all try to enjoy yourself! It was an amazing, if at times scary, journey for me. Hugs, Charlize -
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By EasyE · Posted
Will I wear a skirt tomorrow? I really want to, in public... Why are these urges so strong? -
By Alessia · Posted
The thing is I am still very anxious about telling anyone and what I would have to go through. I fear that I lose the love nad support of my brother and sisters and my mom and I fear to lose my closest dear friends. But I will tell it one friend now since i have now a bit more confidence. He is gay and is a big supporter of transrights. We talked about such things a lot and he is a very caring and empathetic person. That would propably my next step but I now want to go to a therapist in this matter and even contacted her already. -
By Charlize · Posted
Take several deep breaths and try to let go of anger. Big Hugs Charlize -
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By Charlize · Posted
Welcome dear. would you prefer Catpaws or Alessia? I remember when i first came here i was using a different name but in time i was named Charlize by my wife. Like you i wondered if i could ever live as myself. I had gender therapy and as i saw how this had always been me, hidden because of fear and shame, i saw that perhaps could grow to accept myself not what i was told i should be. The folks here helped. Like you i had drunk a great deal and came close to killing myself in the depths of alcohol use. Fortunately i went to AA and there i found the support and understanding that further helped to allow me to live as myself. I was 63 when i went full time. The last years have been perhaps the best in my life. You are certainly not alone. Hugs, Charlize -
By happyinvermont · Posted
Thanks got them and they are great 2 days of pain then no pain meds. -
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By Alessia · Posted
First thing my english is propably not very accurate so if you are confused what I wrote please let me know I try then to clarify my intentions. I am from germany, born as a male and 36 years old now, living a life of supression of my feelings and depressions since at least 2 decades. I always thought somehow I can fix it and live happy but no matter what therapy I choose or meds I took it did not help. I just refused to accept that my inner voice had something to say for years. The first time I remembering a deep wish of being a woman was in my teens but I always thought if I grow older I would be happy but I didnt. And so time passed on trying to eleminate every gesture or posture of any kind that looked feminine in the puplic, trying to be more masculine as I really was. In private I would sit like a girl lie in bed like a girl. And at one time a girlfriend of mine even said I dont like that you lie there like a girl. I was shocked since I thought I dont do it anymore or hid it very well. I would think of me that I won´t look necessarily very feminine with my clothing style I tend to just wear black and very big size to just cover all so I feel more comfortable with myself. I even have short hair at the moment and a beard but if I look in the mirror am I happy? Not really. Someday I discovered that I somehow envy my sisters for being female but as always I just put it away drunk a lot of alcohol. At the age of 18 my dad actually comitted suicide too what I also tried to surpress and worked and partied a couple of years very hard till I had a collapse and knew I have to do therapy again. Again the therapies didnt help me and I just thought to me its normal some people are like this they can never be happy its just my brain not meant for me. Dozens of attempts to get me in a happier state failed even if sometimes I could be happy and even felt good in my body but that never was long. Since like 4 years or so I created an alter ego of myself Alessia and I really loved it and ironically after a bit time I had a moment with my mom watching a tv show with some emotional scene and I actually could cry. A thing I surpressed for nearly 20 years. The last time I really cried was after the news that my father committed suicide. Back to my father it was not all good I hated him in my teens for how he treated me he even slapped me with a belt if I did something against his rules, but shortly before he did kill himself I already forgave him and said daddy for the first time since a long period I haven´t called him other than -censored-. So back to my alter ego she was giving me hope back. I could interact as women with other people and it felt amazing I could be how I felt Iam really am how I think I am. It is hard to describe. Of course I followed some trans stories and even talked about it with one of my best friends a couple of years ago and in between till today, but I never actually told him the truth about how I feel. I just did pretend I am an normal cis ally and like them, again I surpressed it. I dont know exactly why, because of fear anxiety or am I even allowed to be happy? This Year I was by an alternative therapiest and she accidently cleared my vision. Yes she admitted i had female traits in my face my tone but mostly my personality but she brush it off as just not sterotyped male and I was happy to go with it at first, but after another couple of session I stopped lying to myself and admitted this was not the whole truth. Now today I am obviously in a good mood or otherwise I wouldnt tell you about myself and I think I have been brave for finally coming out even if I am still considering just to endure it till my death. Maybe I can find a way to be happy propably not with alcohol anymore this demon is under control fortunately but I dont know I hope you can understand me a little bit. Thats all about me at first, I am glad I got here and have the chance to talk to you in a secure and safe place. -
By Willow · Posted
Good evening We lost a teen from our teen group over the weekend. Right now they are calling it an unintentional overdose. Regardless of if it was accidental or not, it is always sad to lose a child. I pray the family will remember him for the life he lived. It has become so terribly difficult for our transgender children. I know many who have lost their medical care. So many doctors who treated transgender teens are being forced to stop providing care. And I am aware of teens who don’t want to be forced to go through puberty as someone they know they aren’t. please, do something to try to stop the few that are forcing doctors and parents to stop helping our kids. We’ve been through this we know how difficult it is. Willow -
By missyjo · Posted
darlings, ain't nothing wrong with filling the closet n dresser n spending less,...gives us more room for something else..like pedicure or shoes or lunch hugs -
By DestinyPanda · Posted
Hey everyone, I am new here but wanna ask this question that's been on my mind alot lately and do want to know an answer. So I've been wondering lately if i am transgender being that I remember at an early age (before 10) I wished I would wakeup the next day and become a girl. Since the news on Caitlyn a few years ago I have always had the thoughts popup every so often as like "Am I trans?" It might be defined as a fleeting thought cause I usually do deny the question saying "I'm a guy.." But the question always have came back either weeks or months or maybe even a year or two later. It's just annoying when it comes cause I do wanna know really. I've been thinking about it more since a friend told me to explore why I have had the questions and have had memories of my past popup like again the thoughts of early age wanting something else, the thoughts of wishing I was a girl in high school, and the fact I usually only play as a girl in games due to them looking better than the guy option and just feels right to me. I can say that when it comes to my body that I would like changes like I have always been grossed out but not to uncomfortable with my body hair i just feel like it looks gross to the point it makes me look dirty and I prefer being smooth which makes me wish I never had the body hair in the first place. I have big muscular arms and muscular looking legs but don't feel really offended by them like not uncomfortable to much but do wish they weren't so big? I wish my arms and legs were more feminine and because of this I never wear short pants ever. As soon as I became a teen years ago I remember I stopped being comfortable with wearing shorts or even wanting to take my shirt off unless behind a closed door.. Just feels wrong to do that otherwise even if its in front of a parent or sibling. Not to mention that I feel awkward about how a certain body part functions at random.. It just feels gross.. Wrong.. and have wanted it to just stop.. or disappear.. I have a deep voice of course but I don't mind it, But at the same time.. If I do record my voice and play it back I just feel like it makes me sound sick.. I wouldn't mind having a higher more girly voice.. I've been treated by family and friends like I'm not supposed to be sensitive or emotional or even the fact I can't really lift.. I just feel like I am supposed to be an emotional person and be very sensitive as well as the type that shouldn't be doing the heavy lifting ever.. Its okay but does make me feel bad when I can't do it.. Does this sound very cisgender to you guys or am I more likely Transgender? I can say I would press the magic button to become a woman if it existed without any doubts in my mind about this. I have as well read about the affects that HRT Estrogen does to the body and I kinda want those.. I have told friends as well to call me 'girl' and 'she/her' to see if my feelings mean anything but I think i am overthinking it or just not used to it because when it happens I don't feel like they are talking about me or wanting to get my attention. It does leave a off feeling in my stomach when it happens but I have been called 'like a sister' and 'princess' by some and that made me burst out with a smile.. I have been worried to that this might be part of my Autism and might just be an obsession of mine (part of OCD) happening as well.. but these thoughts doesn't bug me to much. Only want to know if i am trans or not because.. I mean if i am a transgender woman or even a non-binary person who falls like not entirely male or female I can live with myself.. Other than that I can't tell you what it means to be a man really.. I feel comfortable with it most of the time.. But like other than certain 'characteristics' no I can't tell you what it means to be a man to me.. If i had to rate my feeling I could say not 100% male at all.. Has to be more closer to 60% or so. -
By Tiffany 838 · Posted
Ladies I am not sure if this is the place for this but it seems to fit. Kathy and Ashley your words hit home in so many ways. my question is, how do you know when it is time to step out into public as your true self? My wife and I have talked about going to a known LGBT bar, but we both share a fear of running into some one who would know me. This could possibly destroy a 30 year plus career, or not. Money is it would. Any advice?
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