Female to Male FTM Transsexual Transman Forums > I feel like I cant compete against cismen in some

[Guest LuceKeagan]

Just make sure it is legal to carry pepper spray and a stun gun of that voltage in the county you live in/shop in/go to school in because some counties in different states will fine you for carrying a weapon if its not legal to carry. Different counties may require you go to training classes also. Not saying you don't know this MrAwesome, just getting the info out there for anyone else who might not know that wants to carry also.

[Guest MrAwesome]

Just make sure it is legal to carry pepper spray and a stun gun of that voltage in the county you live in/shop in/go to school in because some counties in different states will fine you for carrying a weapon if its not legal to carry. Different counties may require you go to training classes also. Not saying you don't know this MrAwesome, just getting the info out there for anyone else who might not know that wants to carry also.

It's mostly legal if you're over 18. It's not generally considered a fire arm. Also I bought pepper spray that looks like a pen, you can only tell what it is if you take the cap off. My stun gun is small, it goes on your keychain. with its little case you can't even tell what it is. My advice would be to look up the laws in your state. And I know in PA they're banned in Philadelphia (rest of the state is fine, just not Philly) And don't pick something that is going to be obvious, that way if you're attacked you have some element of surprise. Plus you don't want to get harassed over it, it's kinda like being trans. If you don't draw attention to yourself, nobody's going to think anything of it. And if you can't use pepperspray/stun gun like I said, learn some martial arts, or take some self defence classes, pressure points, etc etc... There's also people that use a type of marker, it's called a sharkie. It's basically a permanent marker but you can use it to strike someone. Perfectly legal, because it's a marker, I heard of a woman, she had a stalker, and she struck the man in the hip and took him down. Never bothered her again.

[Guest LuceKeagan]

That woman sounds awesome MrAwesome. I still prefer my steel toed boots personally but that's just me. Some states also regulate things like stun guns by county AND cities....like Texas hah, so even if you're not in a city but you're in the county you can still get in trouble for it. Looking up the laws for your state only may not be enough. I think they're generally legal in most states, depending on voltage. Some places have a maximum allowed voltage.

Personally I prefer martial arts and self defense since you don't have to worry about things like the direction of the wind and having to pull out the stun gun from wherever its stowed. And by the way ever accidentally zap yourself with one? You'll only do it once I promise. =/

Jay: Let's just use an example here. What if after being with a girl for a year and things are getting serious you discover she also finds women attractive and has slept with them and other men before you? Would you dump this girl who is otherwise perfect for you just because she is bisexual? Keep in mind she is with you, loyal to you, loves you even, and hasn't cheated on you at all.

And saying that bisexuals should "choose" is exactly like saying gays, lesbians, and transexuals should "choose" to be straight or their birth gender. It is not a choice. Period. Personally I wish I was bisexual, but I'm simply not. We can't "choose" who we find attractive.

Also please, please refrain from using religion as an excuse. "It's because I'm Christian/pagan/Muslim/spiritual that I believe everyone else who does/is such and such that I find them disgusting." In the end it's just another cop-out and it helps no one. Not all people who share religions share beliefs. Not even all churches of the -same exact- religious beliefs teach the same things. Such as disgust for the LGBTQ community.

[Guest MrAwesome]

Right, pretty much the same thing I said luce... as far as pulling out the stun gun it's actually pretty effortless with the one I have. I keep my keys on my beltloop, and the little case it has just uses a piece of velcro. I can flip it open, pull the case off, simultaneously flipping off the safety and have my hand on the button in maybe a second. Hence why I picked it. I mean like I said there's a variety of options for protecting yourself, and it just depends on the person. Where they live, how old they are, what resources they have access to, their physical condition, etc etc.

[Guest Ebany]

I know plenty of Christians that find Gay and Bi persons perfectly acceptable. Your close-mindedness isn't dependent on you believing or not believing in whatever your chosen fairytale is. (and yes, before I get hate-mail, i'm including my own faith in there)

And jay, please read a passage of your bible: 1 Samuel 18: 1-4. It's the meeting of David and Jonathan and it's pretty much the same regardless of which brand you read from.

-Danny

[Guest Christian_the_FTM]

Only God can judge.... no one knows how he will, so who is any one mere mortal to say some one is wrong.. I mean unless it is on the ten commandments Moses brought down from the mountain. God also created all people, are you saying he makes mistakes while trying to preach? You are you, they are them. They have no right to judge you, but you have no right to judge them either. It's really quite hypocritical.....

[Guest MrAwesome]

I don't see why you have to resort to "god" in these debates. It's a bit of a cop-out, a reason to assert your opinions and feelings without actually presenting a decent argument to defend them. It's too easy to say "I believe this because I'm *insert religion here* " and people leave it at that. But then when you actually look for evidence or for a good solid reason, you fall short. Like when people try to argue that gays are gross or that the gays are harmful to children or that they all have HIV or that they shouldn't get married because it will de-value straight people marriage. "because the bible says so!!" Like when people try to argue that being transgender is wrong because your birth sex is "What god made you"...

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Im not closeminded im far from it thats my oppinion i feel like they should choose one atleast and its alot different being African American its way different, Its in the bible that being gay is wrong so is alot of other things because hell is real, Like i said though I have no problem with lgb people, Im not a judgemental person its how i was raised

[Guest Christian_the_FTM]

If you had to be the way you were raised I'd be in the kkk, my father is and wanted to take me to a rally at three. Also the African American card is getting too old.. most people who were slaves are dead now. Slave owners are dead. Honestly it is an insult to your own race to use it as a excuse for anything.

[Guest JazzySmurf]

I think this is where learning martial arts and/or self defense techniques can be extremely helpful. Many men who practice martial arts and/or were part of the military do it as a response to getting bullied earlier in life.

[Guest MrAwesome]

Im not closeminded im far from it thats my oppinion i feel like they should choose one atleast and its alot different being African American its way different, Its in the bible that being gay is wrong so is alot of other things because hell is real, Like i said though I have no problem with lgb people, Im not a judgemental person its how i was raised

That's the definiton of closed minded. And really "how you were raised"? That's a horrible excuse for believing/thinking anything. I mean really, there are people out there that are raised Jewish, Hindu, Atheist, Buddhist. Some people are raised by gay/lesbian parents some are raised by the KKK... How you are raised has no bearing on reality. And if you believed everything your family told you, you would still wait up for santa, or think the easter bunny was bringing you candy, or the tooth fairy brings you money when you put your teeth under your pillow. Your opinion has no more weight just because you say that's how you were raised. It just shows that you're not applying your own mind to come up with ideas and solve moral problems. That's the problem with a lot of people though, and that's why we have so many problems with acceptance. Because of people not applying their own minds to the issue. Because of people having pre-conceived notions about how the world is, and refusing to adapt as they gather more information.

[MaryEllen]

OK Folks. Chill out.

MaryEllen

[Guest MrAwesome]

If you had to be the way you were raised I'd be in the kkk, my father is and wanted to take me to a rally at three. Also the African American card is getting too old.. most people who were slaves are dead now. Slave owners are dead. Honestly it is an insult to your own race to use it as a excuse for anything.

I wish I had a like button...

[JJ]

Frankly I haven't gone back and read this whole thread but in regard to the original post I do have something to say.

Jay every post I see of yours is about what you can't do or have or be because you are trans. Are there no guys in your school who are also smaller than these bullies? What do they do? The problem is bullies and size and attitude -not being trans. it's an excuse. Just like he whole can never be prom king thing. Are you the only guy in your school who couldn't be prom king? If so it is vastly different than most schools where only one guy out of sometimes hundreds gets to be prom king. And I bet most of the guys who do make prom king have positive attitudes toward life and the challenges of life.

No one has a great life without making it so. Some are born with more than others. Some face different challenges but no matter how it may seem to you everyone faces challenges. I was in college during the Vietnam war and knew guys who went there. Many. Two in particular though have been a life lesson for me. Both were jocks very alike in looks and personality. Both popular nice guys and both lost legs within a few months of each other as many did in that war because of the hidden mines. One lost just above the knee and one just below. The guy who lost just above the knee decided he was not going to be a victim and was going to live his life to the fullest. He taught himself to ski again and became a ski instructor for other amputees while getting a degree in a field that would not be affected by his leg. He eventually married and had kids and a very good life last I knew. He asked no pity and gave himself none. Didn't wail about what he couldn't do or didn't have. Just got on with doing his best. The other guy with the slightly less debilitating loss was bitter and angry and felt sorry for himself. He never adjusted to a prosthesis and never got a job because he kept focusing on what he didn't have and how bad his life was. And it was. His attitude made it that way. People don't like people they pity and he eventually also had no friends left. I lost track of him many years ago but at the time he was sitting in a wheelchair in a VA home. Bitter and angry and miserable. And the only difference between him and the other guy was attitude. He was so busy feeling sorry for himself and how unfair life was to him that he could not live. The other guy decided to have a good life and he did. Simple as that.

If you read a lot here you will also see that those who end up happy and having successful transitions are those who refuse to focus on what they do not or can not have, who are not holding tight to anger or bitterness but getting on with making the best of their life. Nothing will ever be enough to make up for what we lost-transition or SRS or anything else if we focus on that loss and nothing will stop us having a good life if we make the choice to do the best we can with our lives. That is just a stone cold fact.

And as long as you see yourself as a victim of this condition you are going to send victim signals in countless ways you aren't even aware of. And the bullies of the world will be more than happy to take you up on it and victimize you. I promise. I am 5' 5" but I have backed down men double my weight and a foot taller. I never fight-I don't have to. Because I know I am strong and I am confidant and I am not a victim. It's amazing the effect that has. I don't bluster or act macho either. but I do stand my ground and look people in the eye. Works every time. Even living as a woman I had to do that when working with biker gangs or going alone into places the police only went in teams. It has to come from within.

It isn't going to get any better for you even when you are able to transition or whatever until you quit being a victim and start being a man who may have challenges but is still as much man as anyone else for all that. Until you focus on what you can make of your life-and that is very nearly limitless-instead of the few things you can't and blaming everything on being trans. Life is hard now with your family and all but hard does not have to mean bad. And it can change more than you believe when you do decide to quit being the victim and become the hero of your story instead.

Johnny

[Guest Jay Smooth]

This is not about being short its about testostrone level, And yes if you are not black you wouldnt understand because I know their are more white people who get accepted, Go on youtube and tell me how many black people you see when it comes to transguys, Know thats my oppinion yes i think its awkward that you could sleep with men a woman and the bible didnt say what I said it say homosexuality is an abomination period but im not gonna keep arguing on that its my oppinion

[Guest LuceKeagan]

Race has little to do with it Jay. I have strong Native American heritage and I don't use that as an excuse for no one understanding me. And I certainly don't use it as an excuse to hate "the white man" or anyone who is less in touch with nature, or downright wasteful. It's part of who I am but not who I am. Can you understand that? Sure being a minority stinks but we don't have to let it control who we are and how we react or what we believe in. We can either whine about it, stomp our feet, throw a tantrum about how unfair it is and lash out at people who are different from us or we can rise above and and treat all people with equal respect regardless of race, religion, gender, and sexuality. We all look the the same on the inside. (Mostly anyway.)

T levels also have very little to do with anything. There are many women out there, normal everyday women who can and will stomp a man into the ground if he threatens her, usually a man at least her size and a half again.

You have a right to your opinions but just remember that if you cling to them and continue to use race, religion, your hometown, and upbringing as excuses the only person you are hurting is you.

JJ (very nicely written and expressed as always JJ) and everyone here has tried to give you some very sound advice and offered opinions to try and help you see things from a different view than the one you currently have at home.

Being short actually can make you a target, especially if you are unsure of yourself, because what bully is going to try and attack someone twice their size or even the same size as them? Bullies feed on the weak and unsure because they know these people are the least likely to fight back.

My last piece of advice to you is to forget about blaming your situation and problems on being African American, transgendered, your hometown, and upbringing and learn to be Jay. Not Jay the African American transman. Just Jay. You may just find yourself happier and more confident if you focus on Jay and not on being African American, transgendered, or Christian. Those are -part- of what makes you you but they don't have to be who you are. If there was no such thing as race or religion who would you be? Now I'm not saying to give up your culture, in fact you may wise to investigate your heritage and see where it leads to, as far back as you can. Culture runs much deeper than skin color and religion.

Sure being "white" (I'm a "mutt") may seem easier from your side of the fence but guess what? It isn't. The grass always seems greener on the other side. The thing about being transgender is it can affect any race and it affects us the same.

On the matter of trans guys posting on YouTube have you ever stopped to think that the vast majority of transgendered people do not want to advertise their transgender status? Once you post anything on the Internet, pictures or videos especially, it is there -forever-. There is no undo or redo button, no delete, nor erase button that can remove every last trace of anything you put on the Internet.

Just because there are more "white" (I hate being classified as white personally because I am not truly white and many "whites" are not white, pale skinned people have vastly different cultures depending on where their families are from.) trans guys posting on YouTube than African American trans guys doesn't mean they aren't out there. They just more than likely do not want their personal and private business all over the Internet. Some people like to keep to themselves and be private, no matter their race.

The truth of the matter is no one really knows how many transgendered people there are in North America, let alone the World. And within our community no one knows for sure how many transmen there actually are. I've been seeing the race card being used a lot as an excuse, a weapon, or defense by transmen recently, locally, here, and other places online, and I wonder why? Why segregate an already small group of like individuals into even smaller groups? Our skin may be different but our experiences are similar.

[Guest sarah_uk]

Well for an example i remember when i was still in school I stayed after school for talent show rehearsals and and me and this guy were in the auditorium and for no reason he walks up and was like you wanna be a a <African American male> then fight me like a <African American male> and he pushed me down and i felt like i couldnt do anything because im weak compared to him and their were no teachers around,Not just in that situation but if i were to get with a really beautiful girl and someone tried to hit on her but in a disrespectful way knowing I was with her I wouldnt be able to do anything or if he put his hands on me then what i feel like i wouldnt be able to protect her, And thats also comman with stud lesbiand which means a black masculine lesbian, I feel like its more comman amongst African Americans though, But dont just say kick him in the testicles because thats what women do when they have no choice and no guys do that, I just feel like im the weaker vessle

Hi, I have not read the whole thread yet, so apologies if I am stating something that has already been said, or something said later negates what I am about to say.

But dont think for a second males dont kick in the nuts, I have been kicked in the testicles by another male, and it was agony, so its not just girls that do it.

But I would NOT recommend doing so, I would seriously just call the police and get the idiot done for assault.

[Guest leo]

I have to agree with jay about the being black thing it's not something you uanderstand unless your black but jay your so negative like what I was like at your age! Things will change and get better I'm living proof I'm on T now and top surgery in 4 weeks! Just gotta look at the brighter side of life!

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Well im not using race or religion as an excuse like leo said if your not black you wont understand i know,people from my school who are gay and that if their parents found out they would get their donkey wooped more people who happen to be white have came out at my school than black, And my school counsolar even said the African American culture has the biggest problem with that type of stuff, Im only sixteen and stuff is still gonna bother me because im still in school times have changed, And a woman is not suppose to fight a man because they dont have the strength to do so thats what I meant a teacher is not always gonna be around, Know Brandon which is my real male name is not always gonna have happy days certain stuff is still gonna bother him

[Guest LuceKeagan]

"And a woman is not suppose to fight a man because they dont have the strength to do so thats what I meant"

I find many things wrong with that comment Jay. It's very sexist for one thing and has no place in most of the modern world. Yes some women are "weaker" physically than men but that does not make them helpless. How do you explain women athletes? They aren't strong? Women martial artists? And do not say they use steroids to get stronger or any other media myths about women athletes that are circulating.

If a man attacks a woman is she just supposed to say "Hey I'm a woman. I'm not supposed to fight men. It's not my place to do so." ?

That would be very backwards and we'd have a lot fewer women surviving violent crimes. What of our sisters here on Laura's? Should they not fight back? Maybe you should ask them if they are unable to defend themselves after being on HRT and get a good perspective on women being weaker from people who have been forced to walk in the shoes of the wrong gender for much of their life. Or even ask some of our older brothers here on Laura's.

I know when I was presenting and living as a woman I was certainly not weak and from the sounds of it neither was JJ, who has much more experience in life than myself.

People should not fight people, regardless of gender.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Ok if their on steroids thats different, My comment was not sexist a woman cant fight a man shes the weaker vessle know she can kick him in the testicles but men have more power

[Guest Christian_the_FTM]

You know fighting at school is like instant suspension, and to many of those and you are expelled.. also I went to a high school with mostly African Americans, the girl's fights were more watched then the boys, also they happened just as much. And a lot of these girls could beat up the boys.

[Guest LuceKeagan]

Please reread my post carefully Jay I think you misread it.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Well I understand that, Its not good though

[Guest Christian_the_FTM]

Seriously? "Its not good?"

Like two guys fighting is good?

You need to learn priorities.

And stop being a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you believe this is how you will be treated

then that allows people to treat you that way.

All in all you can try to blame 'gender' 'sexuality' 'race' for anything

In reality though all you can blame is YOU.