Why couldn't you just stop at taking hormones?

[VickySGV]

My youngest brother is reasonably accepting, but is still having a self admitted tough time understanding WHY I went to the limit of SRS, He is icureably Cis although he does have a serious smoking problem. My need to go the full distance does still bother him as it came out in a talk we had last Sunday.

The backstory on this dialogue was his having to come over to my house to deliver a dozen boxes of family papers from our sister's estate. I have written about that in another forum which is fine to leave there. I had noticed that I was missing my Sunday AA/NA chat and had said so to him, but he and I had been discussing the family history of instability and he was bragging about his ability to quit alcohol on a wish, whereas my need in alcohol recovery was through a program which is working nicely, but which did not work for our mother who died 40 years ago from alcohol related liver disease. We had hit on the bar stool medical science on addiction of two totally lay people to the medical field in regard to the causes of addiction.

I had brought up the subject of my having come out as transsexual during an addiction medicine based therapy group, and what the coming out and subsequent HRT referral had done in regard to my addictive behaviors, which was a nearly total burial of those behaviors mentally and physically. It was when I mentioned that shortly after beginning HRT, the opening of my feelings and the light filling in dark places from my past, that my brother asked me "Well if it did all that and solved your addiction problems why didn't you just stop with taking those drugs? Why did you have need to go and cut yourself up like you did. With those drugs doing that and making you happier, why the need to do all the rest you have?" To his thinking it seems I have replaced one set of DIY drugs with medically prescribed ones.

OK, why couldn't I have left it at the hormones and used them in place of my former drugs of choice as he thinks I did?

I will admit that SRS for me was a gesture of non conformity that was terribly anti family from what my brother and I grew up with. You heard me, I admit it was selfish and self centered. Did the HRT cause my mind to become un-family? I have family members that have thought it. Our sister is not the only deceased member who would think that I did not have the team spirit for our family as it was. I do know though why my need at last came out as forcibly as it did, I had a need to complete my own and only my own life. I was not able to play a position on my family "team" one that I never tried out for and yet was booed when the position did not come through with a win.

The drugs (HRT) are not an never were the attempt to cover my true feelings, and if I am on female hormones why the hell NOT play the full game when you have been where I was? HRT may have some effect on my mind that my prior drugs of choice had numbed, but the whole experience is one of learning what will make your mind free and with your mind a physical and mental identity that is only you. This is not a temporary daily FIX as some might think, and I know the difference.

I am putting this here in Post Op because it deals with being post surgical, and still have questions and junk science thrown in my direction because I had the past I did.

I only have my own incomplete answer to why the HRT was not enough, mostly the answer is "Because" just Because!! For me it is right and for me it is the answer to who I am and will be in the years to come.

Why isn't the peace and fullness of HRT enough, and why do we have to change so drastically, and yet to our families not enough?

[Guest]

Hi Vicky,

I'm sorry about your brother. Males often have a gut reaction to the idea of "emasculation" - when they look at you, they unconsciously imagine the same happening to them and are instinctively repulsed. At least, that's what I read in faces when a man clocks me. It's often hard to get their understanding because it's an unconscious negative reaction that takes priority.

I had SRS because I had to. It was for me alone - my own peace of mind - and it was worth it. To explain that to someone who is happy with their gender and their genitalia is pretty difficult. I do feel more certain of myself now - 6 months post-op and so much at peace with my body. For me, it was the right thing, it was the necessary thing, and two therapists agreed with the medical necessity of the surgery.

I am glad that my family hasn't given me grief. But, I would be happy to point out that they're not the therapists who diagnose and treat, nor are they God incarnate. It wouldn't necessarily achieve understanding, but, hopefully would keep them quiet...

Best of luck!

Love, Megan

[Guest nomnomnom]

Why did you have to go so far? Because it's your own body, your own life. It's not selfish at all, in fact, you could day he's selfish for wanting you to remain as you were, for his benefit.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Vicky,

Sorry to hear that your brother is still questioning your decision to change your body.

I agree with Andrea, It's your body and your choice.

I always say 'It comes a time when you need to decide, what is more important, My Happiness or pleasing others"

He is not standing in your shoes and does not know what it feels like to live in the wrong body.

Hopefully, with time he will be more accepting.

Hugs,

Carla