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Post Op Questions


Guest Elizabeth K

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Guest Elizabeth K

:o I keeping with my policy of starting a new TOPIC every fifteen minutes - Suppose we had an opportunity to ask MTF post op person - one with six years experience in the real world as a real woman - questions?

What questions would we ask? ;)

Suppose there was a new member here that just joined, and her name was - oh, pulling a name out of a hat - say... Paticia? And we didn't want to wait for her to post 5 or more times to start a PM barrage... what would we want to know? :rolleyes:

Wouldn't we just hope she read this? Hope she might start replying right now, right here? Wouldn't we want that? :huh:

So I will start. :D

I am MTF and transitioning - but early - on just under three months HRT- getting excellant results (lucky I guess) and my therapist loves me. She calls SRS "frosting on the cake." I know I will take my transitioning to a point where I will just naturally need to have SRS as the next logical step. That is what I found by talking to other post op MTF people. What was that point for you and did your therapist feel the same?

Lizzy

As a note - this forum may be the least used at Laura's - so it needs a good set of topics to upgrade it, my opinion. I think even those who have not even gotten as far as finding out their identity can benefit from this section.

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I'm a long way from SRS, still waiting to start hormones, but that's a long sad story.

How did you select your surgeon and do you have any advice for those who are just starting to look around?

I'm asking this on behalf of those who might not think to ask because I'm wierd and had my surgeon selected before my therapist and long before coming to Laura's.

I'll think of other questions as we go along.

Love ya and thanks for coming to the aid of the confused, :unsure:

Sally

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Kia Ora,

WARNING... THIS IS A LONG ONE!

:rolleyes: Well, due to financial circumstances I was somewhat content with my pre op status, I was living in society as my affirmed gender - toilets and all-had been for four years... Surgery in any shape or form was not a major priority, my one and only desire was to live in society as my true gender and I had already achieved that, what was between my legs was of no major importance and for my eyes only [apart from the medical professionals that is]…

But one day I decided to look at having my penis and testicles ‘removed’, after all they were just hanging around with nothing to do-taking up space…One has to also take into account I’m a neo ‘asexual’ having no sexual interest whatsoever- plus four years of the HRT had already done it’s magic on my body ie, facial and body fat migration to all the right places so to speak-so just the ‘removal’ of unwanted ‘baggage’ was all I required and if this wasn’t possible I could have lived quite comfortably with that…

Well I first contacted Georgina Beyers whom at the time was a politician in the then governing Labour party, I offered to ‘exchange’ a kidney for penis and testicles removal, what could be so difficult in that-I would give another person a better quality of life in exchange for getting rid of some unwanted ‘foreign body’ parts…I guess for some people the thought of giving up a kidney sound quite abhorrent, but it was my genuine desire to do so, to kill to birds with one stone-we would both end up with a better quality of life…I should point out this was not out of desperation, it was a genuine desire to be of benefit to somebody…

Georgina was kind enough to pass my request on to the then minister of health who politely informed me that I would need to run my request by the ethics committee, but she didn’t think they would grant it…However in the last paragraph of her reply she mentioned a government funding programme and that I could ask my endocrinologist to apply for funding on my behalf for a ‘full’ genital reassignment surgical procedure…

Well to cut a very long story a bit shorter[but not much shorter]-my endo applied and all fell into place, I had to see the psycho surgical team who approve and perform the surgery, plus get independence psyche reports and a letter from my old counsellor and endo…The independent psyche report and the letters from my counsellor and endo sealed the deal…They were all in total agreement [as were the psycho-surgical team] surgery was the best course of action [it seemed Harry Benjamin wrote the standards according to me ;) ]-“Having surgery” as my old counsellor put it “ is a very healthy choice for >>>> my real name!”

:rolleyes: now to the actual surgery, well I had the more intrusive ‘colonvaginoplasty’ however I didn’t mind one bit, after all beggars can’t be chooser when it comes to a government hand out of $30,000 nz, plus that was the only type of surgery that the surgical team performed…There can be major complication with this type of surgery[sadly my friend is still having major problems -she too had her surgery in 2005, 6 months before me] more so than with the ‘run of the mill’ vaginoplasty, however I was one of the more fortunate ones, where all went well…

As you can tell no I didn’t select my surgeon nor the type of surgery - for me personally it just wasn’t an issue, surgery was surgery and in my case it was free…Truly the icing/frosting on the cake…Remember... Surgeons are only human and have good days and not so good days….

And what’s life like for me now, well to sum it up in one word ‘SWEET’… I’m happy and content just as I was before my surgery, however in saying that, surgery has taken a load of my groin/mind :D

BTW I’ve still got both my kidneys…

As for my experience living in the ‘real’ world. :rolleyes: I’ve been told that I live in ‘LaLa Land’…I guess for the most part it’s because I tend to live in the ‘present moment’ as much as possible…I flow through life in a calm relaxed state, fortunately not having to run society’s gender gauntlet …The only time when I got ‘funny’ looks and the odd weird comment was when I was in the androgynous stage - when I first started HRT…During that stage people didn't use any pronoun-because they just weren't too sure what I was :o

Our transitions will all be different and how we adapt and assimilate into main stream society again depend on the individual and their personal circumstances…I live as a female in society and society see me as such- - height wise-1.6 mtr[5ft 4ins]…weight - 60 kgs [132 pounds]… bone structure fine/thin boned - facial features -androgynous pre HRT and voice natural mid range female… Mother Nature was good to me… it’s just the luck of the draw…

May all your journeys be as smooth as mine- and if not may you find true contentment with being your 'true self'...

Metta Jendar :)

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I hoped that you would tell your story, Jendar.

I knew when this thread started that you had mentioned that you were post op and are so much better at expressing your feelings than most.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Leah1026
I am MTF and transitioning - but early - on just under three months HRT- getting excellant results (lucky I guess) and my therapist loves me. She calls SRS "frosting on the cake." I know I will take my transitioning to a point where I will just naturally need to have SRS as the next logical step. That is what I found by talking to other post op MTF people. What was that point for you and did your therapist feel the same?

Sorry I don't have any cute story little like Meta.

I knew before I even started therapy what my final destination would be.

That said SRS was the frosting on the cake. The most important step for me had happened 2 years previously, when I went full-time. No more having to be something I wasn't. I remember vividly my last day of work before flying off to San Francisco for FFS and starting full-time. My relief came in and I took of my old male lab coat and shoes and THREW THEM IN THE TRASH while saying "NEVER AGAIN". And I haven't looked back since. :)

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Thanks, Leah,

I'm glad that you came in, Jendar tells her stories in a relaxed method that helps some people to understand better, you come straight to the point and get it done.

Both approaches work.

We need as many view points as possible because this is the biggest single decision that any of us will ever make after we have first decided to transition.

I would even like to hear from some of the ladies who have fully transitioned but opted not to undergo the surgery, yes they are fully transitioned and living as women because they are, remember we have always said that what is between your legs doesn't determine your gender that's true for when transition is complete as well.

You are fully transitioned when you are satisfied that your mind and body match, some require the SRS others don't some require a lot of FFS to feel complete others live with what they have it is all individual choice - whatever makes you feel right.

Almost all of the men require some surgery to feel complete or even to pass for some, but that final one is where a lot of them feel OK without it.

I knew before I started where I wanted to go - 57 years of awkwardness will do that for you as I said before, I selected my surgeon before I talked to anybody about it at all - her office was my first outing to anyone, I sent an E-mail and pretty much had to tell them about myself to get any information.

Love ya,

Sally

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Kia Ora,

I forgot to mention a very important thing…’POST OP MAINTAINCE’ and the dreaded ‘dilation’…

For the first 3-6 months dilation takes up most of your waking hours- that is you tend to do things in between breaks from dilation….For me, I was told to dilate 3 times a day for the first 2-3 months then twice a day for a while then after a year[if one is non sexual] one only needs to do it once a week…However if you are ‘sexually’ intimate with a partner that is [once, twice or more aweek], then one only needs to dilate every now and again…

Dilation is a procedure that is meant to be done for the rest of ones life, however I know of a trans woman who stopped dilating a month after surgery she found it too painful/difficult…

I’ve hear some on this forum say I can’t wait to dilate :wacko: …I’m sure it will be a different story when they are ‘forced’ to dilate to keep their neo vaginal entrance open…However in saying all that, I’m non sexual and now dilate once a week, it’s an habit I’ve become use to, there’s no pain, just at times a little uncomfortable…I don’t look forward to it, I just don’t think about it…

PS...You trans guys should think yourselves lucky ;)

Metta Jendar :)

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Suppose there was a new member here that just joined, and her name was - oh, pulling a name out of a hat - say... Paticia? And we didn't want to wait for her to post 5 or more times to start a PM barrage... what would we want to know? :rolleyes:

Kia Ora Liz,

My apologies for jumping the gun and ratting off about my personal experiences...I've just been reading the blogs and came across 'Patrica's'....

Sorry for hogging the lime light...

I hope Patrica will post on this thread too...

Metta Jendar :)

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest N. Jane

I just joined Laura's ...... don't remember if i was here a long time ago or not LOL!

I started (illegal) HRT when I was in my teens and may have had some Intersex complications as well. I had surgery at 24 as soon as it became available (1974), and have lived my whole life as a woman. I am "out" to only a few but if there is anything you would like to ask, I am pretty open (online) - just don't ask my real name or where I live LOL!

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Guest Little Sara

I haven't had SRS yet, but also feel it would be icing on the cake. I still feel it would be necessary however.

I went full-time at the same time I received hormones, in spring 2006. I never looked back. I gave all my male clothes the following week, to my brothers or friends of theirs. I kept my mage robe and capes (pretty costly stuff anyways).

A few months later I was lucky enough to meet a FtM who wanted to give away his clothes. I gave him my most pricy cape (paid 160$) in exchange for just about all his girl clothes. This is how I figured my shoe size was around size 9 US women's (since that's the shoes he gave me). What's funny is although I was 24, and he was 15, and we were both very early in treatment (I had 2 months hormones, he had none at the time, though I directed him to ressources to start), I was actually smaller built than him, he just was shorter. So his clothes were even a bit large for me.

I've never gone back since I went full-time. And it was also pretty sudden. One day I presented as male (although a feminine one), the next I presented as female. Take note that I had quit my work a year prior so there would be no problem transitioning at work and only went to very few places including a place open on weekdays for 17-30 youth that was pretty understanding of the whole thing.

I only found work next in summer 2008 (after 26 months of hormones). I still work there now.

Though the pay isn't all that bad, I don't expect to make enough to finance surgery for a long time. Once that happens, I'll be happier, but I'm not going to work myself to death to make more money for it.

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Martin

If an FTM with a meta wants optimal results, he'll have to log at least as much time pumping as a an MTF spends dilating. Of course, pumping is optional - the penis won't vanish without it. However, if one wants size, there's a price to be paid. Also, MTF gential surgeries get better results in fewer stages for less money. It's also often the only surgery an MTF gets. As such, I think it's the woman who should count themselves lucky.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest fairly.loopy

Hmm, yaknow, I've sorta been floating through life seperate from the trans community. I'm trans, sure, but I pass just fune on HRT (that's a new phrase for me). No one has ever mistaken me for a guy. :) I've sort of been OK with my penis. I wouldn't mind having a vagina, and if I could get the government to foot the bill, I can't say I wouldn't consider it. ;) I have alot of fears about walking down that road. Loss of sensitivity being top of the charts-- next to dying on the table. :lol:

It's funny though; the first thing that crosses my mind about GCS/SRS isn't, "finally, I can be complete." Rather, "now it's not so bad if I forget to get my estrogen shot." :P I hadn't thought SRS/GCS over in some time.

I think facial feminisation is more a higher priority to me. I may pass as a woman all the time, but there are things about my brow and hair line that bother the hell out of me.

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  • 8 months later...
Guest Kaitlyn88

Is this in the US? I'm disabled ex Army in the United States. I've been looking if there was a way to get funding or a loan or insurance that would make it possible for me to afford SRS since it is very important for me to have done. I'm not ready to have it done yet because I need to do my RLT but I am worried about being able to find a way to pay for it. Besides it will probably take awhile to find a way if there is one anyways. I sure would trade a kidney for it also if it came down to it. If anyone has any information that might help with funding, I would be so thankful if you could let me know. Feel free to PM me if you read this awhile from now in case I stop checking this thread.

quote name='Jendar' date='Feb 24 2009, 12:19 AM' post='49476']

Kia Ora,

WARNING... THIS IS A LONG ONE!

:rolleyes: Well, due to financial circumstances I was somewhat content with my pre op status, I was living in society as my affirmed gender - toilets and all-had been for four years... Surgery in any shape or form was not a major priority, my one and only desire was to live in society as my true gender and I had already achieved that, what was between my legs was of no major importance and for my eyes only [apart from the medical professionals that is]…

But one day I decided to look at having my penis and testicles ‘removed’, after all they were just hanging around with nothing to do-taking up space…One has to also take into account I’m a neo ‘asexual’ having no sexual interest whatsoever- plus four years of the HRT had already done it’s magic on my body ie, facial and body fat migration to all the right places so to speak-so just the ‘removal’ of unwanted ‘baggage’ was all I required and if this wasn’t possible I could have lived quite comfortably with that…

Well I first contacted Georgina Beyers whom at the time was a politician in the then governing Labour party, I offered to ‘exchange’ a kidney for penis and testicles removal, what could be so difficult in that-I would give another person a better quality of life in exchange for getting rid of some unwanted ‘foreign body’ parts…I guess for some people the thought of giving up a kidney sound quite abhorrent, but it was my genuine desire to do so, to kill to birds with one stone-we would both end up with a better quality of life…I should point out this was not out of desperation, it was a genuine desire to be of benefit to somebody…

Georgina was kind enough to pass my request on to the then minister of health who politely informed me that I would need to run my request by the ethics committee, but she didn’t think they would grant it…However in the last paragraph of her reply she mentioned a government funding programme and that I could ask my endocrinologist to apply for funding on my behalf for a ‘full’ genital reassignment surgical procedure…

Well to cut a very long story a bit shorter[but not much shorter]-my endo applied and all fell into place, I had to see the psycho surgical team who approve and perform the surgery, plus get independence psyche reports and a letter from my old counsellor and endo…The independent psyche report and the letters from my counsellor and endo sealed the deal…They were all in total agreement [as were the psycho-surgical team] surgery was the best course of action [it seemed Harry Benjamin wrote the standards according to me ;) ]-“Having surgery” as my old counsellor put it “ is a very healthy choice for >>>> my real name!”

:rolleyes: now to the actual surgery, well I had the more intrusive ‘colonvaginoplasty’ however I didn’t mind one bit, after all beggars can’t be chooser when it comes to a government hand out of $30,000 nz, plus that was the only type of surgery that the surgical team performed…There can be major complication with this type of surgery[sadly my friend is still having major problems -she too had her surgery in 2005, 6 months before me] more so than with the ‘run of the mill’ vaginoplasty, however I was one of the more fortunate ones, where all went well…

As you can tell no I didn’t select my surgeon nor the type of surgery - for me personally it just wasn’t an issue, surgery was surgery and in my case it was free…Truly the icing/frosting on the cake…Remember... Surgeons are only human and have good days and not so good days….

And what’s life like for me now, well to sum it up in one word ‘SWEET’… I’m happy and content just as I was before my surgery, however in saying that, surgery has taken a load of my groin/mind :D

BTW I’ve still got both my kidneys…

As for my experience living in the ‘real’ world. :rolleyes: I’ve been told that I live in ‘LaLa Land’…I guess for the most part it’s because I tend to live in the ‘present moment’ as much as possible…I flow through life in a calm relaxed state, fortunately not having to run society’s gender gauntlet …The only time when I got ‘funny’ looks and the odd weird comment was when I was in the androgynous stage - when I first started HRT…During that stage people didn't use any pronoun-because they just weren't too sure what I was :o

Our transitions will all be different and how we adapt and assimilate into main stream society again depend on the individual and their personal circumstances…I live as a female in society and society see me as such- - height wise-1.6 mtr[5ft 4ins]…weight - 60 kgs [132 pounds]… bone structure fine/thin boned - facial features -androgynous pre HRT and voice natural mid range female… Mother Nature was good to me… it’s just the luck of the draw…

May all your journeys be as smooth as mine- and if not may you find true contentment with being your 'true self'...

Metta Jendar :)

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  • 1 year later...
Guest DésiréeG

after I began my transition in the mid 90s I started looking at surgeons in the US. The two names at the time were Dr. Meltzer and Dr. Schrang. The word I got was that Schrang was good for depth, a bit misygonistic and assumed all his patients were straight and would want sex with guys. Meltzer, was supposed to be better with sensations - i.e. he was the lesbian doctor while Schrang was the straight doctor. OK, that's way over simplified but was a large reason for me choosing Meltzer. Of course, it took me 8 years from first contact to actual surgery date, which was then postponed several times.

Then a weird thing happened. I met a woman from Sweden online and we fell in love and got married. She moved to the US but after 2 years of dealing with immigration she was no closer to becoming a citizen and we were out several thousand dollars in fees. After a particularly horrible mess coming back from a visit to her family in Sweden where she was not allowed back in the country, I got fed up and decided to move to Sweden instead (she was eventually allowed back in the US a few weeks later but I had already made up my mind).

While there were barely any fees or anything for me to be allowed to move, get a work and residence permit, actually moving to another continent is expensive. My saved surgery fund of $18,000 ended up going to a shipping company, storage facilities, plane tickets and other moving related expenses. Once more I had to postpone with Meltzer, but this time I just canceled. It would be a long time before I raised that cash again. On the plus side, surgery is free for Swedish citizens since it's covered by their universal health care. Upon arrival here, I contacted the local gender therapist and had him contact my therapist in the States so I wouldn't have to go through that whole process again. When we moved here, we were given a choice. We could remain a married couple, and they would consider me male, or we could be "registered partners" and I'd be considered female. I chose to be considered female, which made for some very interesting conversations with the gender board here since female paperwork and personal number (like a social security number but it's gender specific) doesn't come until after GRS and yet I had fmale everything but not surgery. I was basically approved for GRS as soon as I became a citizen so I would match my paperwork. I didn't get to choose my surgery or hospital but I was just happy to have the whole thing done and paid for.

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      Shameless plug for my "Taylor" story down in Stories You Write.  I am not Taylor and the experiences she goes through are not what has happened to me, but there is an emotional expression that I think is the best way to say some things that I don't know how to say otherwise.  I am not Bob, either.  But you might find out some things about me by reading it.  And I hope it is a good read and you enjoy it.  I am not done with it.  If you would like to comment on it, I would appreciate it.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Tuesday night.  They had a quick supper together at a fast food place.  Bob went off to teach karate and Taylor locked herself inside her apartment and worked on her hiring plan.   First the web site problem.  The two guys who ran it were self-taught and knew little.  It currently had three pages, the Home page, the About page and the Contact page,  She asked them to work with Karen in terms of redesigning it and she needed three designs to show Gibbs tomorrow.  The problem was three fold: the two guys and Karen.  Millville was a small town and all three were relatives of members of the Board.  Millville, Millvale. She was doing it.  People here called it either way, sometimes in the space of a few seconds.  She thought it was Millville.  All three had complained about the work, because the two boys regarded it as done and untouchable, even though they actually had not worked on it at all for months.  Like a number of people, they showed up and collected generous pay checks and did nothing.  She had looked at a number of websites and she had been told the company wanted one both internal and external customers could log into.  Her chief difficulty at the moment there was that there was very little content.  She decided to send the three complainers out tomorrow to take numerous pictures of the thirty acres  Or was it forty?  No one seemed to care. She cared, because she needed to get it right.  She debated outsourcing the website to a company, but first she needed something to outsource, and before then she needed to decide whether to keep these people.  She didn't need to mess with them.  So she decided to recommend they hire an experienced website developer with management skills. Would such a person come to Millville?  The schools were good, because the company had poured money into them, and the streets were well paved.  The company had bought all the abandoned houses and maintained them, hoping someday they would be filled again. Millville was crime-free.  People did not lock their doors. Neighborly. Very conservative, but in a good way.  Hard working, ethical, honest. Maybe the Chinese money was corrupting the town?  Not sure.  So she thought they would hire someone, even if it were a remote position.  She would rather have them here, but she would take what she would get.  That would move the website out of her hair. Secondly, she needed an effective presenter.  She could not do all these presentations herself.  She had natural talent but a lot could be passed on. She needed another Mary and another Brenda, or their understudies, effective hardworking people.   Bob. Was he okay with this?  He said she was Management.  Was that a problem?  And she was now earning a ridiculous salary, which she put down to company dysfunction more than anything she had done.  Was that a problem? She was not sure.  He was highly competitive and he had that male ego.  She did not.  A feeling of guilt rose.   Her therapist had brought up her feelings of guilt about not making Dad's expectations, never being the man Dad wanted her to be.  She never could, and this physical evidence backed that up.  What would the doctor say?  She thought about it, and that her therapist said she needed to find a sexual assault survivor's group more than a transgender group right now. Was there one here?  She thought about serving in a women's shelter.  There was one here, oddly enough connected to the church they had visited.  That F on her drivers' license would help.  She was waiting until after she talked to the doctor again to move on that stuff.   Was Bob really buying 160 acres near the old air strip on speculation?  Much of the land around Millville had been for sale for a long time.  That land was being offered at a dollar an acre, the owners having inherited it and now living out of state. Common knowledge.  They would take the first offer, and it had been for sale since the airstrip closed twenty years ago. Airstrip.  That would help.  Not tonight. Focus, girl, she told herself, and read over her notes to do so, which were making less sense the further down she went. It was eleven, and she gave up and went to bed.
    • violet r
      .my name is violet. I'm new here and thus is my first try at forums. I'm 45 and just recently having came to terms of who I really am. Thought a lot of self discovery since I stopped drinking. Drinking was my coping mechanism to hide a lot of thing. There were plenty of signs though the years. As I look back. That i hid inside. Now really sure what made all of this bubble to the surface at this time in my life.  Mabye it was waiting for me to be open minded and ready to accept that I am trans. I have a very unhealthy environment at home that is anti trans. I really don't know what else to say but hi. I hope everyone here will be accepting of me and me work through my journey of finding the real me. I know that since I accepted it I have been much happier than I can remember. Being to real me makes me happy. I hate having to hide this all the the time at home. I work retail management and have no idea if I could even stay in this business if I am to fully come out. Wow that was scary saying all that. It's a first for me
    • Ivy
      It is a lifesaver for a lot of us.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  What I do as a man is what a woman would do if she were a man.  There is just something feminine about the way I act as a man.  It's not that being a woman is actually better, or something to aspire to, but it is just that I am one, while not being one.   If beating my head bloody to get rid off this stupid dysphoria would fix it I would find the nearest wall, but I know that if I did that, when I woke up, it would still be there.   If I did not have this struggle I would be someone else and I would be less of a person than I am.  They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.   This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm sorry! :( Hopefully something better will come up
    • Ashley0616
      Thank you! Did great with the kids
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