body changes finding hard to handle

[Guest sally-jane]

hi i have accepted that im not 100% male in mind and body and have stop trying to hide the fact which is good im a lot happier the problem im having is i have also stopped blocking all of the feeling, all the sensation which i have block for a long time and i am also talking about natural hormonal feelings. i am having a hard time processing them all as they are coming all at the same time and i dont know how to stop them now and it seems im starting to lose my mind any advice would be handy as i am also having a hard time convincing my doctor

[Charlize]

All i can say is that your discomfort is similar to mine during my first tastes of honesty with myself. I didn't want to admit to myself that change was necessary and then when i did i had to convince others who were happy with the status quo. Time made change possible. Give yourself the gift of time as you move forward and it will be easier to find your path and perhaps it will not be as difficult. At the same time remember we are here to share and help as we can.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest chargrl1]

Not knowing what sort of feelings you are trying to process I guess I'm a little confused.

Not being 100% male can mean a lot of things also, and I don't want to push you to say something you aren't comfortable with or somethign that might be inappropriate. At the same time though that could have a lot of relevance to what you are trying to say.

I am trying not to be too direct about this and I"m not looking to give you advice, just trying to understand it better and maybe I could offer some ideas.

[Guest sally-jane]

the feeling and sensations im having are in places where there is nothing to have these sensations im having monthly cycle symptoms of a true female i know it sound strange it sounds strange to me but by what i have told my doctor and she has said im having them and im not even on hrt yet i know i have blocked alot of them away for a long time and over the pass 6 months i have started to unblock them and they are starting to overload my system and now ive been told i have a over a yr to see anyone at the gender clinch as thats where i have been told i will be tested to see if i am a intersex person i dont think i could handle it

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Sally Jane,

I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time processing your thoughts and feelings.

Also, that you have to wait a year to see the Gender Clinic.

Until you are accepted at the Clinic, I would recommend that you locate and join a Transgender Support Group so that you can be around others that have similar feelings as you.

I am listing a few that you may want to look into, because I do not know where in England you live.

Beaumont http://www.beaumontsociety.org.uk/

Mermaids. http://www.mermaidsuk.org.uk/

Northern Concord http://www.northernconcord.org.uk/

These are great places to meet Local friends and discuss your feelings.

I hope you feel better soon.

I wish you Success and Happiness on your Journey.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest xterra]

What is your age?

Do you have any children?

Are you on medication (hormonal?)

Do you recall any unussual event prior to having these pains?

Would you consider your genitalia to be "normal"?

Did you have any breast growth during puberty?

Do you remember being in hospital in early childhood?

My body is doing similar things. I do not have ambigous genitalia and I did not have any genetic testing done. Yet, I had some lower abdominal pains that returned every 28 days. First time it happened pain was terrible, Pain was bursting from two independent points, on the same level, on felt and right side of abdomen, below navel point and something very narrow, tube connecting these points. Pain was getting stronger with every minute. I went to the bathroom, but pain did not stop, it got even worse. I got up again from my bed and took Tylenol and only after that I was able to get some sleep. Next day I felt discomfort. Pains returned after 28 days, this time there was no stabbing pain, but they lasted about a week, my nipples were hurting too (like burning). These pains returned again 28 days later and they were much weaker than before. However I had single incidents of pain that lasted almost 24 hours and about 3.5 hours (my face started looking different and got alot of stares).

I have various changes that resemble those on HRT. My nipples are soft and responsive to touch, cold and arousal. My body hair is thinning. My facial hair grows slower. My skin is smoother. Fat desposits on my cheeks and my face shape is changing.

I went to see a doctors. First one told me, it's not pissible beacuse intersex is something that is diagnosed when a child is born (!) And she works in LBGT clinic administering HRT. She agreed to do USG but it did not show anything abnormal accorrding to her. I had a hard time getting a print out. Then she told me to see pychiatrist. On print out I found a sentence that "view was obscured and examination was difficult". Idn December I went to see a endocrinologist. He examined me and was surprised that I do not have any form of cancer or brain tumor. I do have some breast tissue and according to him these changes are result of very high level of prolactin. He did all the blood tests and found hormone levels to be within range and at the end offered viagra (Oh my goodness!) I told him about pains and he completely ignored them. He did not want to any testing. These are the type of people you going to have to deal with. To tell the truth I would rather not see any freaking doctor.

My T levels in March 2013 was 371, and in December 2013 was 411. It would seem that there should be no physical changes at all. They are on the low side, but according to doctors pretty normal for my age (48 years old)

I know you are looking for some answers. You lived your whole live thinking that your body is what you think it is, but in reality is not what is seems to be. That certainty of who you are biologically is gone. It's extremely difficult to deal with it. Our bodies supposed to be a boundry, but when that boundry disapears, there is confusion and fear. It takes time to adjust. There is no support group, talking to other people is almost impossible. You feel like you are completely alone,

It's really hard to tell exactly what is going on with you. But if you understand some basics it would help you deal with this issue.

From what you wrote, you are not on HRT and pains started spontaneously. That is very important. You see, female parts are incactive without hormones. Once estradiol is introduced, ovaries start working. And opposite is truth, when FTM's starts taking testosterone, they periods stop after couple months. The bleeding stops, only about 10% of them still feel some pain (no bleeding). Therefore we can conclude that ovaries activity and level of estradiol are strictly correlated. There were cases were people (MTF) found out they have female parts after they started HRT. After hormones reached certain level, bleeding started (anal bleeding) and that person found out she has uterus (USG test).

There were cases where person found out accidentally about ovaries

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/05/25/man-admitted-to-hospital-for-kidney-stone-discovers-hes-a-woman/

This case is liitle bit different and requires some explanation. Its is common believe that males and females are so different that their building blocks are like "triangle" (XY) and "oval" (XX). But nature is much more rational. Why build two different systems when it's more efficient to use one and differentiate it through some process. Therefore human gonads can be developed either to testes or ovaries. Same human organ, two diferent functions. The differentiation proces is regulated with hormones. They carry information, what to do. First step takes places around 7 week of human development, this is when human genitals are being developed. Next step is puberty. Nature is not perfect or nature is in constant flactuation, searching and adjusting. So we have situations, when development process is dissrupted and instead fully developed male or female genitals, you could have something in between. You could also have cross mixing, XX with male genitals or XY with female organs. There is whole range of possibilities and errors. In case of that person from article you have male and female organs developed independently from two different gonads. This is possible when two different embryos fuse together and create one human being. In this case we have male and female embryos. However there was a case of a woman gave a birth and blood test revealed that she is not a mother of her children! Children had genetic material from a father, but not from her. Further testing revealed that her uterus had different genetic material than other parts of her body. So in this cased we had two female embryos fused together.

This is very important because in this situation standard genetic testing is most likely not accurate. Different parts of a body have different genetic material.

It's hard to find out how many poeple were born this way since the beginning of XX century. Numbers range from 100 to 400. It's extremely rare and most of the clinics never even came across such a case.

Here is an interesting article about a subject

http://www.glowm.com/resources/glowm/cd/pages/v5/v5c084.html?SESSID=toljci9n6l3in4fe7h86fl0ah1

One more thing. Human hormonal system is regulated by part of our brain. Hormones called gonadotropins (LH and FSH) regulate production of sex hormones. In males LH is being released every hour and it regulates production of testosteron, in females LH and FSH fluctuate during menstual cycle. Each one of them dominates in different parts of that cycle. Again the same hormones and different functions. So basically, pains you are feeling are related to LH and FSH activity.

Feel free to asks questions.

[Guest sally-jane]

What is your age? 32

Do you have any children? no

Are you on medication (hormonal?) no

Do you recall any unussual event prior to having these pains?nope ive been having them since i was 18 but due to what i been through with bulling i blocked a lot of it out it was only when i came out that i was female that they came back like a tone of bricks

Would you consider your genitalia to be "normal"? in part the might be but its the scrotum i find odd it starts a inch from my tip and then goes all the way to my bum and when i get a erection it points down and is completely straight and then if i point it up its looks like i dont have a scrotum at all

Did you have any breast growth during puberty? yes i started having breast at 9yr old

Do you remember being in hospital in early childhood? not that i can remember

i have been told my t lvls are low but have been told they are border-ling of being very low and are still dropping i have hips i am also slimmer on one side of my body than the other i know that your body side are different i have less fat and muscle on one side of my body. My nipples are soft and responsive to touch, cold and arousal. i have Fat deposits on my cheeks, hips, thighs, and bum i have very little body hair at all i also have female pubic hair patten not male

i have a pear body shape which is odd for a male ie i have a 36in chest 38in waist 43in hip im a natural d cup already and they are not fully formed

[Guest xterra]

There are different medical conditions that you may fall in. It's hard to believe, but doctors seem to find explanation to everything that you may consider abnormal. Gynecomastia or low T is not a problem, everything is within range. They will however take you seriously if your hormonal levels are out of control, or your start bleeding etc otherwise they would insist that you are male.

Yous should find an endocrinologist and tell him about your pains. Most likely he will do some blood tests.

[Guest sally-jane]

i have been waiting for a endocrinologist appointment to come through from my doctor which i can happily say i have one now in 4 weeks time so ill let you all know how it went

[Guest chargrl1]

It's very difficult dealing with doctors who are not understanding of intersex issues. In the US I think it would be a good idea to see a therapist and get referal from them to a doctor who would take you seriously and not be on their own medical agenda. Unless you are wealthy and can order whatever you want like a fast food drive-thru.

Since you're in another country and have socialized medicine (which is what I can see coming in the US too the way that things are headed with obamacare) I know it is handled differently and you must be very much at their mercy.

Life can be stressful enough under normal circumstances, and these sorts of things greatly complicate what some of us have to cope with daily.