Outed

[Guest Dana_L]

There are a handful of people who have certain ideas about me, nothing good. Most of them I doubt have even heard the word transgender. In the past decade, I have had several incidents that started out as vandalism. Certain words spray painted on my home, and garage. I would come home from work to find slashed tires of my other car, broken windows. I associated those incidents to the slurs written in spray paint.

Almost two years ago now, I was shot at. I called 911, and it is on record. I still feel the same way now, but at the time I was scared to report as being what I believed it to be, someone trying to kill me for being transgender. I was walking along the public bike trail near my home. I walked there every day wearing clothing that I preferred, but would still be (I thought) accepted by the locals. I have long hair, and look feminine from a distance, I usually wear tights when I walk. That day I was shot at with a high powered rifle, I have no doubts. The officer who responded chalked it up as being just a turkey hunter. I know what it sounds like when a shot is aimed directly at you. Where the shot came from was a direct line of sight, pre-sighted area.

Before I was shot at, about three months before, I was yelled at by a driver who pulled over to the side of the road where I was walking to tell me that, in his words... "People like you are better off dead." I can only assume that the gunshot was deliberate as a means of intimidation, or worse. There have been three separate instances where I was called nasty names (not worth repeating) at my local grocery store by strangers. I know I have been outed in my community.

I did a little research about what I can do to protect myself short of barricading myself in my home until I can relocate. When I a, able to afford it, I will contact an attorney and see where I stand in regards to my rights, and reporting incidents. My biggest hurt from all of this was not being believed when I related my stories in a local support group, and other groups online. I was afraid to even talk about it. When I go for walks, I drive at least twenty miles to be somewhere I feel safe. I believe I have been stalked before. I just have a little can of mace, while many others I can't identify have plenty of guns, bullets, hate, and spare time.

I used to have frequent panic attacks. In the past three months I have had any problems, but that doesn't mean I feel safe. I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining, or feeling sorry for myself, I'm just a little frustrated. I have a plan to get myself somewhere I can live my life, but it's going to take time. I have hope for the future, but I am getting very hard with what I live with day to day.

[Guest Mickey]

Dana sweety, you have every right to complain. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this kind of stuff. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I do hope you can get to a safe place soon.

[VickySGV]

I see that you live in a very low tolerance state as it is, and I for one believe that your near miss on the bullet thing was real and what you say it was. As for the folks at your support meeting, I am afraid that if they are not "directly in the line of fire" that they are acting pretty normally.

My personal thought for you, since you say you cannot afford a private attorney would be to contact either the Transgender Law Center in Oakland, Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund, or Lambda Legal organization which all do very good work legal work on Trans* issues usually for a nominal or sliding scale fee basis or even pro-bono, I was the victim of anti Trans* threats a couple of times, but never an honest to gosh assault to date.

[Guest LesleyAnne]

Dana,

there's a saying " You can educate ignorance, but you can only fix stupid with a 2X4".

You are dealing with stupid! The only fix is a 2X4, and you can't fix it all in Idaho.

You can't expect much from a potato!

My advice is no matter how hard it is you must get out NOW!

This kind of low life believe they are doing god's work by sending you to the devil, so as far as they are concerned they are doing nothing wrong, and ultimately the law will forgive them (as evidenced by the idiot officer that didn't want to investigate a near shooting fatality, and passed it off as a turkey hunter mishap) which is what they truly believe... again what do you expect from stupid.

I fear for you, and please get real proactive on getting the help that's out there, both legal, and financial to get the "H" out of crazy town.

Do Not become another transgender statistic. Please!

Love,

LesleyAnne

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Dana,

You have told me that story elsewhere.

I am very sorry that it happened to you.

These were strangers that tried to hurt you, my own family did things to me to kill me.

As Vicky has stated, You do not need to hire an attorney,

"Transgender Law Center in Oakland, Transgender Legal Defense and Education Fund, or Lambda Legal organization which all do very good work legal work on Trans* issues usually for a nominal or sliding scale fee basis or even pro-bono,

I am very fortunate to live in New York State, which is very accepting of me.

Sadly, the Public treated me better than my own family which wanted me DEAD.

Again, you are among supportive friends here, and if you need to talk, feel free

I wish you Success and Happiness in your Journey.

Hugs

Carla_Davis

[Charlize]

I'm so sorry you are having to suffer this kind of harassment. It may well be time to leave as others have suggested. Idaho is somehow a different nation rather than a different state. I'm sure it is beautiful there and it is your home but please be careful. Hopefully the plan you mentioned will work and you can find a place to live in the peace you deserve. Life , liberty and the pursuit of happiness is what we all should have as well as the simple freedom to be ourselves. Feel free to rant whenever you wish. It can help to know that others do understand.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Dana_L]

Hello

I'm new to computers, I see I can reply here. I'm very grateful to have been referred to this site from a friend. I'm just starting to do many things, and being connected to the "outside" is new and wonderful. Thank you to everyone for replying, and the kind words you have given. I kind of let loose with all stress with my writing, I was holding a lot in for a long time. A little afraid to talk about it, but not saying anything is not good, worse than the fears of relating some of my experiences. I thought about being silent lately, trying to ignore what had happened, and what might happen. It's a very dark place to be. Thank you Carla for referring me here, this feels like a very accepting space.

Day to day, and with each little thing that brings me peace helps a lot. My mom accepts me, I'm her caregiver which keeps me in North Idaho. She is open to a possible move, but it will take planning, and I am more concerned for her well being which is also tied to mine, and that why I think a move will be best for both of us. Talking about those things I did is very hard for me, I was a little bit stressed when I wrote the post. I'm very careful day to day, and things seem to be calming down a bit, even though I know it just seems that way. I think I gave up hope at one point on a different social media when I related parts of my story in support groups, some people said I was being confused, and trying to get attention. Where I live is hard to relate to some. I didn't want to say anything anymore, or be criticized. I also didn't know much about other outlets. It just fills me with a sense of hope and belonging when I meet someone who understands, others who are going through the same. It slows down that frantic feeling.

I'm always careful, and I will keep in touch here. Thank you

[Guest LizMarie]

Idaho is a Mecca for really radical right wing extremist Christians. One such pastor called for families across the US to move to Idaho to create a right wing Christian state ruled by the bible. So you're in a rough spot. I've heard Boise is a little better than the rest of the state, probably due to Hewlett Packard being there and being more gender inclusive (HRC 100 rating for 2014). I do hope you find someplace better to relocate.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Dana,

I am happy that you feel very comfortable in your new "home".

Even though we enjoy receiving thanks, that is what Support Groups do

We Support each other.

Being transgender can often lead to social isolation and/or depression.

You will no longer be "Isolated" any more, either because of being transgender or where you live.

You have many friends here.

When the LGBT Center of NYC saved my life from Suicide, I kept constantly thanking them, and trying to "pay them back".

Their words to me were "The best thanks you can give us is being alive and living Happy."

That same advice applies to you.

They changed my life forever, and I will never forget that they treated me better than my own family that wanted me dead.

As I have told you in a previous message, things that helped me relieve some of my stress was talking, writing, and expressing how I feel..

Feel free to write about how you feel, you are in a supportive environment here.

Reminder: This is a Moderated Website,"all" messages are approved by the Moderators BEFORE they are posted.

You will "Never" be treated badly like you were on the other site.

That was the reason that I referred you to Laura's Playground..

Take one day at a time, and enjoy it to the fullest.

Please do be active here, and keep in touch

I wish you Success and Happiness in your Journey

(((((Hugs))))

"Your Friend"

Carla

[Charlize]

I was in a group last night and the topic was gratitude. One of the other members mentioned being grateful to live in NJ. I related your story of life in Idaho as i affirmed my gratitude for a more accepting environment. Glad your here. At least at this site we are all accepted as ourselves.

Hugs,

Charlize