The Out And About Time Warp --

[VickySGV]

I have been full time for over 3 years and 4 months now and have had few if any problems since I began dressing 24/7. When I have been out of the house, or have had people at the house, I have been wearing full day make-up during the day, and strengthening it a bit for night wear, or even going full glam that way. That is, up until last week!!

At the three year mark, even people who knew me "back then" as him, and there are or must be many since I went full time in full public view, have now come to see Vicky, whatever <pronoun> is, and not my former presentation. We talk, and by now any strangeness has warn off, and some places now have employees who had not been hired before, so memories of the male presentation have been put in the past. Passing or not, it is daily life.

Last Monday in the wee small hours of the clock, something happened though and my 3 AM still-dark- outside-face became almost instantly dry and red and itchy as hell with red splotches visible when 6 AM sunshine let me see them in sunlight. It was ugly and somewhat grotesque, and I took it and the rest of my body, which had my boobs up involved in the carnage to my HMO's urgent care office. I was a mess, and ended up with a medication that I truly hate to take. I also had instructions NOT TO USE MAKE-UP for at least a week but was allowed to use moisturizer (which I buy at the Dermatology clinic anyway). What's a Trans* girl to do if she can't wear make-up??

By now it seems pretty much anything she can do with full make-up.

Tomorrow I can go back to using make up but not having it on has had no effect on how people have recognized me or treated me. One or two who are very wonderful to me did think I was not looking like I felt well, and I did explain the lack of cosmetic to them, and got hugs or at least "poor girl" responses. I have not completed electrolysis or laser (in spite of being post-op) and luckily my beard has never had serious shadow, and by now may be white, but I could shave last week and did. I had no problems using women's restrooms sans make-up, and no one screamed man-in-dress at me or gave me an "evil eye". I feel like a total failure that I did not upset someone badly, but it did not happen, so what ever did happen? I just went out in public as me without make-up and no one gave a damn.

I am so glad to be off the medicine I was on, and while my skin is still dry, it is a more even color again, so it must have done something. I survived and am now just grumpy that even I did not realize how little the make-up had to do with daily life.

I guess too, people no longer recognize or remember "him" and do not compare me to him anymore.

[Guest]

That's good to hear, I have no desire to wear makeup on a daily basis so it's nice to have a firsthand account of everything going smoothly without. Congrats.

[tracy_j]

I am glad you are somewhat better! Who would worry too much about makeup after a shock like that.

I must admit that it would bother me as, with my artistic streak, I love to play with makeup and like the pampering as well!

No being on hormones it would be a problem for me but I would no doubt get by somehow.

I think your last sentace says it all

Tracy

[Guest Edu]

As far as passing is concerned, I think make up it's quite overrated.

It can help, of course, and on some cases it may even feel "mandatory". Just to put an example, I do need some cover or I get an obvious shadow. But recently I've found out that the shadow doesn't always prevent me from passing.

Don't get me wrong, I like make-up and I enjoy wearing it, but it's no longer a "daily chore" but instead something I treat myself with on special occasions.

[Charlize]

A sweet story of simply being ourselves. I'm fortunate to have no beard shadow. My hair was a light red at it's darkest and now is white. If i shave every day it just doesn't show at all and if i forget(and i do now) it doesn't show for another day unless the sun hits it. I don't have to use a foundation but i do try to do my eyebrows daily or it looks now as if i don't have any. I do enjoy mascara and shadow and a bit of powder etc etc etc but not on a daily basis. I am glad i did do it daily for a year or so as it now is second nature. I'm sure the goats don't mind if i don't get done up for chore time. My wife does tell me if i forget my eyebrows. She is wearing a bit more makeup now because i think she may feel guilty or outdone.( don't tell her that i said that)

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Mickey]

Your story Vicky, kinda makes me glad that I've not really had the money to buy make up or the lighting needed to properly apply it. The most I've worn is some lipstick that's just a little darker pink than my lips. I do usually keep my finger nails painted and looking pretty. My ears are pierced and my hair is past my shoulders. Other than that I do nothing to try and "pass", I just act natural and I get mamm'd more and more. Until I speak. I've thought a lot about just learning American Sign Language and keeping my mouth shut in public.

[Guest Edu]

Other than that I do nothing to try and "pass", I just act natural and I get mamm'd more and more.

Then keep it up! Confidence is the #1 component to passing. Looks (and thus make-up) help. Voice can also help. And many other factors. But at the end, if you got the confidence, you got at least half of the job done.

[Carolyn Marie]

Vicky, I'm glad to hear that you're feeling, and looking, much better. Taking a few steps out onto the plank can be nerve wracking, but surviving it can be game changing. You have a new-found confidence in yourself, and that is a great thing.

I know that I have become over reliant on makeup, too. Perhaps I need to take a walk on the wild side and do without, just to see what happens.

On the other hand.....

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Cyndee]

Just chiming in here, Glad to hear things are clearing up and your feeling better Vicky.

I like make up, it's just not an everyday thing for me. I go out without it and get called "ma'am, her" just being myself, so I know I don't "need it", it's attitude, voice, clothes, more than anything like Edu says above, and yes HRT does it's magic. Real life matters, and greeting people with a smile, I am accepted for me, for who I am, my sex / expressed gender matters less and less, in fact I enjoy the fact I am not worrying about it and just live.

My electrolysis is almost done, however the right foundation can do wonders !

Was out today for exercise, no make up, and nice lady starts a conversation with me from her window (it's like sunny out here), she wants to join me out there, we exchanged names and as we parted she said "have great day girl" that was nice, another new ally in the neighborhood...

Cyndi -

[VickySGV]

Smiles vs gloom on the face. Self care vs self neglect. Confidence vs fear. Listening vs being an opinionated loudmouth (alpha male wannabe). All of that is a sign of being an authentic self and being at peace in your environment.

Intellectually, not hard!! Emotionally and ideally its a biscuit!!

[Charlize]

Would that be a hard tack biscuit? Has been for me.

Hugs,

Charlize