Baby step? Opinion on this exchange with SO

[CasualDiane]

So I'm chatting with my wife from work, and I mention that I'm going to be getting new undies, tighter to show off my behind better.

She approves, and sends me a link to andrewchristian.com, a popular homosexual underwear shop.

It's exactly the opposite of anything I want to see, and she seems to know it. "I wish i could see your face right now", she says.

She goes on to say "It's like Victoria's Secret equivalent for guys, if you can get past the soft core porn".

I say "Ack".

She says "That's what I feel like at VS".

Sensing an opportunity, I say "I would rather shop at VS than that place".

She says "You want to shop at VS? I guess if you're into that".

I say, "not exactly, but if I had to pick one, it wouldn't be Andrews. They both seem like overpriced places to shop. I would rather go to amazon for one stop shopping".

she says, "ok, Caitlyn"

And after that I changed the subject.

So in my interpretation is that that is at the ver least a tacit admission that shes probably going to be ok with stuff she doesnt have to see...

but the Caitlyn comment bothers me...

I think the fog is forcing me to take these kinds of risks.

[CiCi_73]

Hi Diane,

I watched my wife very carefully during the media storm surrounding Jenner. She was interested but not in the circus freakshow kind of way, and her comment was "everyone deserves to be happy." I took that as acceptance of TG/TS but knew also that it's easy to be accepting until it happens to you. She has always been open minded, but having gay / lesbian friends (which she does) was still not enough once it became personal. So yeah, I'd say continue to tread carefully. Her responses seem like she'd be okay with it, but it really is very hard to tell what someone's reaction will be when things get real.

Good luck, though. I know the secrecy is hard. As hard and as devastating as it was for me to come out, the secrecy was worse.

Hugs,

Courtney

[Guest ErIca W]

Maybe you should ask her " what if I am into that"?

Could always say you were asking hypothetically if she goes too negative. Could lead to a good conversation.

I'd still recommend in person rather than by email.

[Charlize]

In my experience there was a line. You are getting close to crossing it. If you plan to disclose your desires to your wife then perhaps that is an opening but i seriously doubt it is an open door. It is your decision how to proceed and what panties to wear but don't feel it will not affect your relationship. She may or may not accept your desires but it will also put doubt in her mind.

There came a point in my life that "the fog" as you described it became an imperative. Tread gently and with kindness and understanding of her perceptions and fears if you continue.

Hugs,

Charlize

[CasualDiane]

Well! It was an interesting night to say the least.

After that conversation yesterday, I kind of expected something to happen that evening, i just wasn't sure what direction it would go.

We settled down for sexytime again and she immediately asked me about my legs again, and i knew this time I was not going to just concede. I had to tell her how i really feel. Honestly, the conversation was kind of a blur...

I remember her saying things like:

"But not even my gay friends shave their legs"

"so?"

"But Caitlyn's wife said she was shaving long before, and even after he didn't need to so for the sports"

"Irrelevant, I am not Jenner. I'm not even in the same situation. I don't want to be a woman, I just like how it feels"

"But I just can't compete with that. my hair grows back almost instantly, and you naturally have almost none, and here you are removing what little you have"

"I'm sorry I was made that way, but I am in no way trying to compete with you. I just like the way it feels"

"But I feel like I'm in bed with a woman, and I'm not a lesbian"

"I'm sorry I've put you in this position, and caused the feelings you're having. I just really dislike the hair on my legs, probably as much as you do. I'm sorry if I'm not what you hoped for"

She mentioned something about masculinity/being a guy, but she realized that that was a bad line of reasoning when I started to say that I was sorry I wasn't fitting into her version of masculine. She caught herself being upset over something she normally is not, but obviously things are different when it's personal as CiCi mentioned above.

When she was done, I made a point to validate all of her feelings and mentioned she absolutely has the right to feel that way. Then I started about my feelings:

"I'm afraid you will love me less because of this... that you find me repulsive."

And this is where the conversation seems to lighten, with her saying that she absolutely doesn't find me repulsive, and she still loves me even those there's this one thing she doesn't like. She mentioned that I probably don't like 100% of everything about here either, and that that's ok.

And then I proceeded to reward her with multiple Os. It might not be a turn on for her, but it doesn't seem to be a turn off either.

I believe I have won a battle of sorts, and one that even some out-of-the-closet folks have lost before.

Of course, this has all been completely outside the scope of the "Dressing" topics. I feel I'm going to have to let her get used to this new situation before doing anything else. I'm going to purchased some androgynous undies, put the few panties I have away for awhile... I just can't lie to her. I figure that sometime in the next 6-12 months the topic will come up again, and it will be more clothing related. Hell, I suspect she will even bring it up. I keep buying ridiculous length "socks", and she's not stupid.

She's been trying to get me to go to her favorite gay club for awhile, and I think there's opportunity in that. Maybe the rest of this will be downhill?

Anyhow, I feel freaking amazing and I thank all of you for your kind words and suggestions. I've been on that roller coaster for a bit and I really appreciate being able to post my thoughts somewhere. I don't feel alone anymore.

I'll keep you posted.

[Bobbidoux]

You are very brave Diane. This whole Jenner thing has caused a lot of husband/ wife discussions., no doubt. They have all been one -sided in my household, with my wife roundly condemning Caitlyn, and not hesitating to opine on the moral decline, " how can this be", "I just don't get it " , etc. needless to say, I have taken the role of seemingly disinterested listener. I was hoping in my heart to hear some half way accepting comments and some empathy and understanding. Unfortunately transgenderism seems still too non mainstream for so many people. I wish you well and will say a prayer for you!

Bobbi Elizabeth