Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

transtweaker


JJ BLOSSOM

Recommended Posts

Hi I'm JJ, 25 years old, MTF & meth addict going on 7 yrs now...eeveryone is free to comment on this not that it will get.me to change I've done jail time probation counseling rehab & I yet still i always find myself with.the pipe in my fingers again I stayed clean for 3 months so I could see my therapist to get on my hormones & that's the longest in 7 years I've went...don't get me wrong is not that I planned on using Meth again after I got what I needed (believe me I've said I'm done so many times & I believe myself).I'll throw my bags scale pipes bongs away & truly intend to not look back but I get going about my life refusing to look for it & it litterally always comes & flops right in my lap & i go on a binge for anywhere from a week to months of just constant non stop use I've lost all my friends not because they know I'm trans but I'm a different person than I used to be but cryatal Meth keeps me company, stealing the hottest clothing & attire from stores, spending all night tweaking out on my makeup infrot of the mirror & when I was still experimenting try in to decide if I was cross dresser or Trans, meth made it possible for me to work all day then dress up all night I know I've already caused considerable amounts of damage to my health & body with my drug use trying to drown.my feelings living in denial refusing to accept that I really want to be a woman.day to day life for me is uphill seems like between my addiction, depression, anxiety I'm always thinking about my surgery wishin it was going down sooner & loneliness not having friends or family to talk to because no one understands how it feels to be Trans unless you're Trans as well that's why I'm telling you who read this add me as a friend if you want I need your support you're my people &.I'm proud to be transcended & excited for the beautiful woman I am to become! Please let me hear your thoughts & feedback maybe Sone of you have or are struggling with addition too

Link to comment
  • Admin

It was not Crystal for me, but Alcohol which was my attempt to kill myself. I had seen my mother die from Alcoholic Liver syndrome and while I knew she suffered with it, my suffering from GD made what she went through seem the less evil. I was hurting that badly.

This was my first post here on the subject of my addiction, and if you search the Addiction forums, you can read plenty of my stories of how my life has progressed, and there are quite a few of them. I am now at 6 years and 9 months sober, I am post transition, and post op.

http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=33881

This was my post last October on my "Birthday" and there are others in between. http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=64115

Today I am the moderator over in Chat for an AA/NA/ <whatever>A chat on Sunday evenings at 9PM eastern time where you or any Trans* addict that want to can come for online action toward recovery. You are not alone, and there is hope. When you get 5 posts here you can use our Personal Messenger feature here, and I do have others on the forum who PM me from time to time about their fights with addiction, and we do talk the same language. IRL, I do have Trans* friends who are recovering tweakers and who are also Co-dependents from families where addiction was the rule and the terror. Welcome to the Playground, I am some others will be very glad to take part with you "on the road to happy destiny" as Bill W. puts it in the Promises of AA.

PS-this post also can be a fun and relevant read-- Enjoy ---http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=63903

Edited by VickySGV
added PS in lieu of second post
Link to comment

Wow..Jody Ann, Vickie.....I sincerely thank you for not only your great input advice & insight but also & just as meaningful thank you for your support & friendliness it really set the mood & I'm starting off in the right state

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

Hello JJ,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. We're here to help in any way we can so don't be afraid to ask questions. :)

MaryEllen

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome JJ. There a many of us that have experience with addictions. I hope you can join us on a Sunday. I used a good bit of meth but managed to leave that behind after an almost fatal injection. Alcohol became my drug of choice by the end.

Sobriety has helped me to come to grips with my gender issues.

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment

I really appreciate all of you!!! This is The close knit sisterhood I've only dreamed of... I amongst friend's & I can be me & be honest..Im open to attend the online NA.... I'll be honest tho I attended AS & NA while in a luxury rehab center 30 day in patient for $45,000.00...& I still managed to be right back in this mess I'm juggling thru jobs I'm in a bad spot from any angle yyou look at it.my& yet I'm sitting here doing my nails...& smokin tweak.letting my troubled mind worrying about fixin everything

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I thought i would share this with you JJ.

458.gif
July 28

"AA may or may not get me to heaven, but it surely got me out of hell."

"Something Revolutionary," Nairobi, Kenya, April 1998
AA Around the World: Adventures in Recovery

I'm no longer in hell thanks to AA. As far as i know this living as myself in some kind of peace is as close to heaven as i'll get. If so it's certainly good enough.

Join us here and if you are interested there are also trans. AA Skype meetings several times a week that i attend and enjoy with my brothers and sister around the world.

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment

Ive known quite a few people who will tell you they owe there lives to NA CA AA when everything.else had failed this simple program & thouroughly working the 12 steps they were finally equipped with the tools needed to take back there lives. I agree... there's no doubt in my mind that if i wouldve kept callin my sponsor goin to meetings & kept workin on my 12 steps I would be in a much different place instead I got on the plane to head home from rehab & I.drank on the plane ride home I got home & didn't even look into where the meetings in my area we're held but I thought hell I don't need there cult to stay clean, afterall I was so happy with my life after 23 yrs of self loathing confusion pain isolation & silence I was finally on my way transitioning all it took was running into an old buddy that I'd sokf a lot of dope with & that relapse never let me walk away from it

Link to comment
  • Admin

In one of my AA groups, we have a guy who recently got a 30 day chip, his 5th chip in the year I have been in this meeting, he did get one ninety day in there too, but he keeps trying anyway, and is welcomed back each time with open arms. I am the chip person for another meeting as well, where I have given several welcome chips, even to people who had more time than I have had this time. I speak relapse, because I have been there over stupid Gender Dysphoria. Nothing else I am going to say!!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

There are those who call them selves"first time winners". I am one of them but i also have come to realize that i never tried to quit simply because i knew i was powerless and had crossed the line into the pit. I have friends who went to rehab and then went back out several times as well as some who went straight to a meeting when they got out and are sober today. I never got to rehab. I managed to drive to a meeting even though the alcohol, that never left my system by then, created hallucinations that made driving difficult at best. I just gave up and let myself be helped by the hands that were reaching out to help me.

I will never forget when i was early to a meeting , making coffee and setting up for a 9:00Pm meeting at 8:00. A young g woman came in fresh from rehab. I had just started transition and felt awkward but we talked as i made coffee and set up the literature. She was my first female sponsee and i'm glad to say she hasn't done drugs or alcohol for over 4 years now despite going through some very rough times.

We all have different paths and so much depends on who we bump into. Keep trying until you have some buddies you don't smoke dope with. I have found much more in sobriety than being sober.

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment

I really appreciate all of you!!! This is The close knit sisterhood I've only dreamed of... I amongst friend's & I can be me & be honest..Im open to attend the online NA.... I'll be honest tho I attended AS & NA while in a luxury rehab center 30 day in patient for $45,000.00...& I still managed to be right back in this mess I'm juggling thru jobs I'm in a bad spot from any angle yyou look at it.my& yet I'm sitting here doing my nails...& smokin tweak.letting my troubled mind worrying about fixin everything

That close knit sisterhood will expand exponentially if you walk through the open doors! It's not a cult, or a brain washing, it's a brain cleansing and an open door to a new way of life.

Back in my meth days, I was not one of those that could do a little bit every day. I slammed a ton, staying awake four to seven days at a time. I would collapse and reemerged three days later. I ODed but never died. Sux the life away quickly.

Forgive me for being preachy. I buy the nicest name brand fashions that I could never afford new from thrift stores. Jacking from stores has a sorry future. When we transition our life choices get much more limited. A sheet longer than your arm will destine you to a poverty far worse than mine.

Let's do the math; all the money you spend for your ticket on the flying express would pay for your complete transition. They are very slow to bring you HRT and surgery in the pen. At your age, I'm sure you are super hot, stay on that and at thirty five or forty you will probably look like a bag lady! Change your playgrounds and change your playmates, get your hiney to a meeting now!

I'm not your conscience, I'm not your mother, I'm not your sponsor, I can't make you do anything. I'm also not your enemy! I'm the blunt old witch with the bad news and a crystal globe that I bought with the same bad choices. I have all the worn out tattered T-shirt dresses to prove it. I am trying to be a loving friend, a sister in transition and recovery, I apologize if my tart love is not sugar coated. Hug. JodyAnn

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
Guest clearleeraines

I thought i would share this with you JJ.

458.gif
July 28

"AA may or may not get me to heaven, but it surely got me out of hell."

"Something Revolutionary," Nairobi, Kenya, April 1998

AA Around the World: Adventures in Recovery

I'm no longer in hell thanks to AA. As far as i know this living as myself in some kind of peace is as close to heaven as i'll get. If so it's certainly good enough.

Join us here and if you are interested there are also trans. AA Skype meetings several times a week that i attend and enjoy with my brothers and sister around the world.

Hugs,

Charlize

I LOVE IT! JULY 28TH IS MY BELLYBUTTON BDAY. Mine was Crown Royal & dilaudid/opana/black tar heroin. I have two sons, there mother is dead due to meth @33 yrs used bout 6 to 7 years. However the pychosis was permenent before that. meth causes permenent phychological problems eventually, I will pray for you. If you want to ever live your dreams, GO TO TREATMENT AGAIN! THIS TIME TELL THEM EVERYTHING, THEN FOLLOW SUGGESTION. Or die. I was 9.75 yrs cleansober n/a a/a never told anyone bout anything! ur as sick as ur secrets they say. I relapsed for 5 yrs "stuck" wanted out/back "stuck" homeless,jails,finally prison.

Funny thing about prision, they the other hommies on the yard will find you out gay,trans,pedophile,junkie,whatever so.... depending what yard you land in ect. Anyway you don't wanna know. I am sober/clean nonsmoker "yeah" that one was a freebie. Today I am on parole for two more yrs, My p.o. knows what time it is I.E. i am trans/androgyne I found a dr who put me on hrt a year ago my hair is shoulder length and beautyful I AM LIVING MY DREAM TODAY. I pay nothing for my dr or hrt or dentist i have a perfect smile now my junkie was missing eye teeth on the top "PRETTY" NOT!. i FEEL GUILTY I HAVE IT SO GOOD TODAY . Clear

for more information on this and more life enhancing free gifts, visit AA.ORG or NA.ORG today to find the closest help near you, remember it's free and confedential get yours today!

Link to comment

first up a big hug my name is kim and am dieing that said I will help u any way I can but u have to be true to yourself too if u are ready to get off the merry go round u need to move to a town that don't know u. I tell u am dieing because life to short y know what to do u just have to make up your mind which u want more? I love to be your friend but my time short so I help as long as possible it your call

Link to comment
Guest clearleeraines

I wish more than anything else, I could say the one thing that would bring that "moment of clarity" to you, the power to change. We change or we get changed, The universe WILL have her way with you like it or not. Getting changed hurts like hell, IF you survive!. "When the pain it takes to remain the same, is greater than the pain it takes to change, we change. IF we survive. When I got out of prison jan14 this year and went back to my N/A homegroup after 5+ years out, 21 peaple had died, all but two had relapse, those two were suicide & cancer caused by meth. When you factor in trans death rate and addiction death rate Whew! its over 50%. I have survivers guilt/ptsd, That is something you never want to have. I am 54 yrs old I have paid a inhumane price. I pray OUR words reach your heart, I pray you be given a gift, A gift so many of us have paid dearly for . There is a BETTER way.

TRUST AND BELIEVE

Your fallen angel, Clear

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hi JJ,

I am a fellow tweaker in Recovery I have 11 month clean. I haven't used as long as you I used for 10 months I went to using daily in a matter of weeks. I'm married, have a son, I'm a professional and I almost lost it all. I have once chance. I got into using when meeting some new trans friends for sex (yes I cheated many times during this time when I was using). I thought that it allowed me to be who I was, it gave me a voice, I could finally talk and have confidence. At one point in time I thought that I was on top of the world, I owned my own business, had a family, had money, and was high. Little did I realize that it was taking bigger and bigger chunks out of my life, out of who I was as person, changing me and my principles and letting me violate all my principles that I believe in and how I was taught. I met someone who I hold dear when I was using and she helped me find a part of my trans self but she still uses and I won't let that jeopardize my sobriety because of my profession I get UA'ed 4-5 times a month and that does help, but believe me when I say that I think about using every day, but I play the tape forward. I used to get the cravings with the sweaty palms but very rarely anymore but the thought of using still pops in my head and I think about everything that it did for me and the bad things, I have to recall all of it all the risk I put myself in, the fear sometimes of buy crap in dangerous situation, the sexual risk I put myself in, and one of the hardest now I'm working on is the had intercourse up twisted thinking that I developed when using. Its like it really turned me into something that I didn't believe in and now I have to screw my head back on right, but at the same time I'm a very sexually open person like I like to be tied up, or whipped but learning how to not associate those activities with these weird thoughts that I created when using. That is where I am at now.

Rachel

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 110 Guests (See full list)

    • Petra Jane
    • Betty K
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • VickySGV
    • Timi
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
    • Mmindy
      Good catch… I took care of it.
    • Sally Stone
      I'm tired of the two-party system.  It has degraded to a system where there are only two diametrically opposed views, neither of which supports me.  I have conservative views regarding big government and government spending but I have very liberal views when it comes to protecting the rights of individuals.  And just elections of the past, I am stuck with two choices, neither of which I support. With only two parties, each with agendas that are off the left and right scales, I am not adequately represented.    Finally, I'm okay with party affiliated politicians running for office using their party views, but once elected to office, they are obligated to support the entire electorate not just the electorate members that voted for them.  Plain and simple, our government system is broken and dysfunctional.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.     
    • Sally Stone
      Thanks Mae.  She was an amazing friend and I grew to love her like a sister.
    • Sally Stone
      I did Ashley.  Non-rev travel was one of the major factors for taking the job.  At the time, US Airways had the best non-rev policy in the industry.  It cost $10 to fly coach and $25 to fly first class.  We flew first class whenever there were seats available.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You should have a moderator fix what you meant to write as "birth certificate".  Ooops.   I've gone over that verse and am wholly and completely dissatisfied with the SBC exegesis of it, so much so that it was one of the things that helped me break out of a mindset of guit.  Sometime I may strut by stuff as a Hebraist and show what it really means.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found this   — 450 — Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise Goal #1: Protecting Life, Conscience, and Bodily Integrity. The Secretary should pursue a robust agenda to protect the fundamental right to life, protect con- science rights, and uphold bodily integrity rooted in biological realities, not ideology. From the moment of conception, every human being possesses inherent dignity and worth, and our humanity does not depend on our age, stage of development, race, or abilities. The Secretary must ensure that all HHS programs and activities are rooted in a deep respect for innocent human life from day one until natural death: Abortion and euthanasia are not health care. A robust respect for the sacred rights of conscience, both at HHS and among gov- ernments and institutions funded by it, increases choices for patients and program beneficiaries and furthers pluralism and tolerance. The Secretary must protect Americans’ civil rights by ensuring that HHS programs and activities follow the letter and spirit of religious freedom and conscience-protection laws. Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike. The next Secretary must ensure that HHS programs protect children’s minds and bodies and that HHS programs respect parents’ basic right to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children.   https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-14.pdf   First, that is not much, if that is all that is of concern.  Secondly, I have seen all sorts of anti-Trump slander, including the Steele dossier and the lawfare he is now undergoing, to be cynical of any criticism against him, and indirectly this document.    He deserves some of what he is getting, but not all.  Thirdly, I bolded one statement of concern.   I don't think gender identity is subjective.  "Radical actors" is name calling, and there is a lot of that going around.  Maybe I am not seeing everything of concern or reading this right, but i would discuss with the author of this document concerning this.
    • Willow
      Good evening   well I finally finished reading my textbook.  Yeah.  But I still have a lot more to go for the class.     My endocrinologist always asks me about lactation.  And yes I have had some very small amounts of leakage but not on any regular basis.  I figure I blocked the discharge Duce when I pierced my nipples with scare tissue.  But who knows.  I also get asked about mammograms.  I e had my first or baseline and this fall I will need to schedule my second.   As someone in the midst of studying the Old Testament, I can say that I haven’t found any mention of pending damnation for being transgender or intersex.  The closest it comes is a verse that says men should not wear women’s clothing.  Now I don’t know each and everyone’s particulars, but I know I meet the medical definition of female gender, and even in Ohio, a State that until recently refused to allow birth certificates to be changed, I meet the criteria.  Therefore I can only conclude I am not a man wearing women’s clothing.  But there is a somewhat different scholarly explanation of that law that it should not be taken as literally as the haters want.  Mostly men should not pretend to be women to ex ape from their enemies. Or tried to hide from God.     willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Well, the left wing has been doing that.    I read a few things while trying to find out what the problem is and liked what I read.  But I am a conservative.    Is there something specific in there that is of concern?  Does it promise somewhere to erase trans folk? That would be problematic.
    • Ivy
      It's a plan to basically completely take over the government by the right wing.
    • Ivy
      I'm actually in Asheville tonight.  Some of the people in the support group invited me for dinner after the meeting.  We're going to get together again tomorrow again. It's been nice, 4 trans women and 1 trans man, together ar a restaurant.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found https://www.project2025.org/policy/   I will have to read it.  I have not.  What is of concern?   The link provided earlier goes back to this forum.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...